Oddballs

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=3 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="04300640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Elephant" ><B>Welcome To My Den</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT><B>    |  </B><B>  </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome To My Den"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me"><U><B>About Me</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Search Site"><U><B>Search Site</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Interests"><U><B>My Interests</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id130.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Software"><U><B>My Software</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Jokes"><U><B>Jokes</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id347.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id177.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" Guest Book"><U><B> Guest Book</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id149.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Column"><U><B>My Column</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id116.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Diary"><U><B>Diary</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U><B>Contact Me</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=140 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blondes"><U><B>Blondes</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id120.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bars"><U><B>Bars</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id119.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Children"><U><B>Children</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lawyers"><U><B>Lawyers</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id117.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ethnic"><U><B>Ethnic</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Oddballs</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Medical"><U><B>Medical</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id57.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Quickies"><U><B>Quickies</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id118.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck"><U><B>Redneck</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id121.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Genie"><U><B>Genie</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id55.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Seniors"><U><B>Seniors</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id126.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage"><U><B>Marriage</B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="1c654483.gif"> <div> <I>Oddballs</I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The second engineer nodded approvingly. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                     </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>It was just after Christmas when the local brass band met for a rehearsal. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>They were just about  to start playing when the bass player shouted "Hey everyone... I got a 50 piece jigsaw for Christmas". </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>A distinct lack of interest ran through the band and nothing more was said. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Three days later at the next rehearsal the band was just about to start playing when the same bass player shouted.... "I finished that jigsaw... it only took me three days to do. Don't you think that's really good?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>At this conductor interrupted saying "come on.... couldn't you have completed it any quicker. It was only 50 pieces". </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>To which the bass replied "what do you mean? I thought that was really quick as it says 3-5 years on the box".</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                     </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>*************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>Th</B></I><I><B>ere were two buddies, one with</B></I><I><B> a Doberman and the other with a Chihuahua.  The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The buddy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The bouncer says, "A Doberman?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The man at the door says, "Come on in."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so  he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                   </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B> ****************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>hitch-hiking hippie. Suddenly, an oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment and the passenger cabin was boiling with smoke.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The cockpit door opened and the pilot burst into the cabin. 'Gentlemen,' he began, 'I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!' With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. 'Gentlemen,' he said, 'I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!' </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes and hurtled through the door out into the night.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Bill Gates rose and said, 'Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute too.' He grabbed one, and out he jumped.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. 'My son,' he said, 'I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.' The hippie smiled slowly and said, 'Hey, don't worry Pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack!'</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                            </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>****************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>          </B></I></div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=25 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id54_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Oddballs"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>                                                                   </B><A HREF="id54_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Oddballs"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> </td> </tr></table></body>