Seniors

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=3 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="04300640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Elephant" ><B>Welcome To My Den</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT><B>    |  </B><B>  </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome To My Den"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me"><U><B>About Me</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Search Site"><U><B>Search Site</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Interests"><U><B>My Interests</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id130.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Software"><U><B>My Software</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Jokes"><U><B>Jokes</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id347.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id177.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" Guest Book"><U><B> Guest Book</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id149.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Column"><U><B>My Column</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id116.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Diary"><U><B>Diary</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U><B>Contact Me</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=140 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blondes"><U><B>Blondes</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id120.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bars"><U><B>Bars</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id119.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Children"><U><B>Children</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lawyers"><U><B>Lawyers</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id117.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ethnic"><U><B>Ethnic</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Oddballs"><U><B>Oddballs</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Medical"><U><B>Medical</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id57.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Quickies"><U><B>Quickies</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id118.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck"><U><B>Redneck</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id121.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Genie"><U><B>Genie</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Seniors</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id126.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage"><U><B>Marriage</B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="1c654483.gif"> <div> <I>Seniors</I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A grandson went up to his grandpa and said, </B></I><I><B>'Grandpa, can you talk like a frog?'</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>'No, why?' </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>'Just wondering.' </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A few minutes later the granddaughter came up and said, 'Grandpa, can you talk like a frog?'</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>'No. Why do you kids keep asking me if I can talk like a frog?' </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>'Because Dad said, 'When grandpa croaks, we can go to Disneyland.''</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>          </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>***********************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad, I can't even see my coffee," replied another. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," claimed another. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Then there was a short moment of silence ... </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"Well, it’s not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>An elderly couple pulled into a gas station and the attendant ran up to the car saying "Fill 'er up sir?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The elderly gentleman said "Sure, son."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>His wife, who was hard of hearing, leaned over to her husband and questioned. "What did he saaay?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The old man replied. "He says he's gonna fill up the car with gas!"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The wife leans back and nods approvingly.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>When the attendant comes to the car window again he asks, "Can I wash that windscreen for you?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The old man replies "Certainly, I'd like that."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The old woman leans over to her husband and asks "What did he saaaaY?</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The old man gets close to her ear and explains that the attendant is going to wash the windscreen. She leans back in approval.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>When the attendant finishes the windscreen he comes round to the old man and says "I see by your license plate that you are from Texas. I was in the military in Texas.....worst sex I ever had was in Texas!"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The old woman leans over again asking "What did he saaaay?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Her husband turns to her and says "He thinks he knows ya !!!"</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old and wheelchair bound.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passivly hold Bill's  p*n*s and they would watch the TV together for an hour or so.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>It wasn't much but it was all they had. One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead but then she saw him happily wheeling his chair about the grounds.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>She confronted him and said, "Where were you these past couple of nights?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>He replied, "If you must know, I was with another woman."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Bastard!" she cried. "What were you doing?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"We do the exact same thing that you and I do," he replied.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Is she prettier or younger than I am?" she asked.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Nope, she looks the same and she is 98 years old."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Bill smiled and said, "Parkinson's disease."</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><I><B> </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=25 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id55_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Seniors"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>                                                                   </B><A HREF="id55_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Seniors"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> </td> </tr></table></body>