Quickies

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=3 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="04300640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Elephant" ><B>Welcome To My Den</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT><B>    |  </B><B>  </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome To My Den"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me"><U><B>About Me</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Search Site"><U><B>Search Site</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Interests"><U><B>My Interests</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id130.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Software"><U><B>My Software</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Jokes"><U><B>Jokes</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id347.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id177.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" Guest Book"><U><B> Guest Book</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id149.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Column"><U><B>My Column</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id116.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Diary"><U><B>Diary</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U><B>Contact Me</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=140 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blondes"><U><B>Blondes</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id120.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bars"><U><B>Bars</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id119.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Children"><U><B>Children</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lawyers"><U><B>Lawyers</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id117.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ethnic"><U><B>Ethnic</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Oddballs"><U><B>Oddballs</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Medical"><U><B>Medical</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Quickies</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id118.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck"><U><B>Redneck</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id121.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Genie"><U><B>Genie</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id55.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Seniors"><U><B>Seniors</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id126.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage"><U><B>Marriage</B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="1c654483.gif"> <div> <I>Quickies</I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>We are born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>I wonder what type of bird Humpty Dumpty would have been?</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>If ignorance is bliss then you must be orgasmic.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? No? Neither have I.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up your floppy disks?</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>90% of all statistics are made up.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>He who laughs last is slow on the uptake.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disc?</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consciousness, that annoying time between naps.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>All generalizations are false, including this one.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>You are depriving some poor village of it's idiot.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>All men are animals, some just make better pets.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>I used to have a handle on life but it broke.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>I took an IQ test...and the results were negative.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Where there's a will...I want to be in it.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Be nice to your kids, they will be picking out your nursing home.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <div> <I><B>Warning Labels: What they should say : On Alcohol:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>WARNING:</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>                     </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=25 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id57_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Quickies"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>                                                                   </B><A HREF="id57_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Quickies"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> </td> </tr></table></body>