Cassandra - Script v0.4

@ 16Mar99

[Transcribed and narrated by Raz from the original episode by Doug Naylor, no copyright infringement or toe-stepping intended. Comments, criticisms and corrections welcomed at the usual addy. Thanks.]

Raz, DTLK, 1996-99 16Mar99
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] RED DWARF - SERIES 8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] EPISODE 4 -- CASSANDRA [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] Version 0.4 16 March, 1999 Raz / raz@mushroom.demon.co.uk http://www.mushroom.demon.co.uk [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [Enter LISTER] [Enter HOLLY] LISTER Have you figured a way to get us out of here yet, Holl? HOLLY I have, actually, Dave. I've devoted all my runtime to looking for a loophole in the prison regs, and I think I've come up with something that means that you can serve your entire two year sentence in just fourteen weeks. LISTER Oh brilliant, what've I got to do? [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY Become a dog. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER A dog? [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY According to my data banks, dog years are seven times shorter than human years. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY As a plan you can't fault it on it's mathematics. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER No, but maybe you can fault it on the fact that I'm not a dog! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY Yeah, but according to a twentieth century newspaper called the National Enquirer, the operation's quite straightforward. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY A 'Roverostomy' they call it. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY There's a photograph here of a bloke who had it done. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER That's a dog! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY See how convincing it is? Even you're fooled! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER Become a dog? That is, without doubt, the stupidest, crappyest, most pathetic plan you've come up with all week. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] HOLLY Give me a chance - it's only Monday. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [Exit HOLLY] [Enter RIMMER] RIMMER What happened to my life? Career, prospects, friends, I had everything and I threw it all away. It's a tragedy. LISTER What are you on about? You had none of that stuff. RIMMER You're right, I had none of that stuff. I had absolutely nothing and I threw it all away. It's an even bigger tragedy! LISTER Look, we're only gonna get through this by being positive, by being... what's that word women tennis players always used to reckon was so important..? Begins with 'C'... RIMMER 'Cunnilingus'? LISTER 'Centred'. By being centred. Focussed. It's only two years; what, with good behaviour it'll probably only be eighteen months. Remember when you were first born, then you were eighteen months? The time just flashed past! RIMMER It flashed past because you had two breasts big as your head at your beck and call day and night! Give me that now and I wouldn't be whinging. [Enter GUARD] LISTER What's this? GUARD Canary outfits and first meeting information. [Exit GUARD] LISTER I volunteered for the Canaries. LISTER Some bloke came round the machine shop so I signed up. RIMMER The Canaries? LISTER Yeah, y'know, a bit of close-part harmony, and you should see the list of privileges you get; unbelievable. RIMMER You don't know what the Canaries are do you? LISTER Of course I do, a singing group, acappella... /You are the sunshine of my life, ooo-ooh, that's why I'll always be around/ They're nothing to do with singing, are they? Holly lied to me, didn't he? Oh hey, he was taking the smeg. RIMMER Oh Listy! Listy, Listy, Listy! LISTER Well go on then, what've I signed up for? RIMMER In the nineteenth century, when miners went down a pit, they'd lower a canary down first in a little cage - LISTER What, and make them do some mining? They were sick in the nineteenth century, weren't they, eh? I mean, how much coal can a little canary get? RIMMER - And if the atmosphere was noxious, as it frequently was, guess what the canary did. LISTER Complained to the foreman? RIMMER It died, Listy. The canary's job was to go into the most dangerous, unpleasant and smeggy situations and see if it could stay alive. Then they'd know if it was safe to send in the important people. LISTER Oh, I'm gonna kill him! RIMMER How come you've never heard of the Canaries? They've got recruitment posters all over the men's bogs! How come you've not seen them? LISTER When I'm in the men's toilets in prison, Rimmer, I tend not to look around, y'know what I'm saying? It's like playing golf: I concentrate on my grip, keep my eye on the ball and try not to veer off to the side! RIMMER "The Canaries"... You know what they say it's supposed to stand for? "Convicts Army Nearly All Retarded In-bred Evil Sheep shaggers"! They haven't got an X chromosome to share between them! LISTER Smeg! It gets worse as well. RIMMER Worse! Go on. LISTER I've signed you up, too. I forged your signature, I thought I was doing you a favour. RIMMER Me! Why?! LISTER I've signed us all up. Kryten, Kris, everyone! RIMMER No way! No way! No way am I becoming a Canary! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] GOVENOR It's a great honour for floor thirteen, for today we are visited by Captain Hollister, who has a special assignment. KILL CRAZY At last, some action! I've been going mental all this time, cooped up, not killing nothing. Yes! WARDEN KNOT Kill Crazy, shut up, you punk! HOLLISTER Okay, listen up. We've located a ship, the SSS Silverburg, buried at the bottom of an ocean moon. A remote probe has come back with no signs of a crew, no bodily remains, no skeletons, zip. We want you guys to go on board and, ah, find out why. RIMMER A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four: KRYTEN, KOCHANSKI, LISTER, CAT /You are the sunshine of my life, ooo-ooh, that's why I'll always be around/ - HOLLISTER Rimmer! RIMMER Sorry, sir, we seem to have wandered into the wrong hobby group, we'll leave immediately. Go! GOVENOR Rimmer! You're here, and this is where you'll stay, now get on with it. RIMMER Yes, sir, thank you, sir. You heard what the warden said, he wants us to get on with it. From the top! KRYTEN, KOCHANSKI, LISTER, CAT /You are the sunshine of my life/ - HOLLISTER Rimmer! RIMMER Sorry, sir, when you said get on with it I thought you meant - GOVENOR Shut up! You're a Canary, man! A member of the toughest convict army this side of Pluto. I've seen custard factories that aren't as yellow as you are! Start behaving like a man. RIMMER A man, sir, yes, of course, sir, a man... a man, perhaps if you could remind me, sir, it will all come back? GOVENOR Continue, Captain. HOLLISTER It's inconceivable a ship like this could be sent out without a crew, so whatever devoured the crew, bones and all, might still be there, so... be careful. KILL CRAZY Let's go kill something!! *YES*!! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] KILL CRAZY I hope its got, like, big teeth and claws and, like, loads of heads. Yeah! *Great*! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] KILL CRAZY Here we go! At last! *Yeah*!!! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER Okay, stay together, keep 'em peeled. RIMMER What's that! KRYTEN What? Where? RIMMER It's moving, shaking from side to side like a leaf! KRYTEN I think that's your shadow sir. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [Enter KOCHANSKI] KOCHANSKI Located the mainframe, maybe it can tell us something. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] COMPUTER Good evening, Arnold. I've been looking forward to your arrival so very much. RIMMER How do you know my name? COMPUTER My name is Cassandra. I am a computer with the ability to predict the future with an accuracy rating of 100%. Bless you. RIMMER 'Bless you'? What do you mean 'bless you'? [RIMMER abruptly sneezes] CASSANDRA You need a tissue, Kris has one in her left-hand pocket. She says "would you like this?"; you say "thanks". KOCHANSKI Would you like this? RIMMER Thanks. CASSANDRA "Extraordinary". KRYTEN Extraordinary. CASSANDRA "The questions we can ask, it can tell us our future". KOCHANSKI The questions we can ask, it can tell us our future. CASSANDRA "But how does it work? The future's not 'appened yet". LISTER ...I'm not gonna say that. CASSANDRA I never said you would. LISTER But how *does* it work? The future's not 'appened yet. CASSANDRA Although you do. LISTER Smeg. RIMMER Let's ask her a question about the future. A biggie... LISTER Okay, Cassandra, do we ever get back to Earth? Has the human race survived? CAT Do I ever find my singing tie-pin? KOCHANSKI Do we want to know all this stuff about the future? I mean, do we want to know, for example, how and when we die? RIMMER Kris is right. Something like that could mess your life up forever. Cassandra, I have a question. CASSANDRA I know, Arnold, because I know the rest of this conversation. Arnold So, what's the answer? CASSANDRA He chokes to death, aged one-hundred and eighty-one, trying to remove a bra with his teeth. LISTER What was the question? RIMMER I just asked how you died. LISTER You what? I didn't want to know that! Who's bra? CAT A hundred and eighty-one? Probably your own! LISTER Come on, no. Taking a bra off with m' teeth, aged one-hundred and eighty-one. That's a hell of a sexy way to go! KRYTEN So long as the teeth are in your mouth at the time, sir. LISTER I'm really screwed up, now. I never wanted to know that; know how I die. It's completely spoiled the surprise! CASSANDRA Kryten, this is where you share your theory with your crew-mates. KRYTEN I have a theory, everyone. The Silverburg didn't crash, did it, Cassandra? The ship was sent here by the Space Corps. on auto-pilot to get rid of you; to abandon you at the bottom of a lunar sea, in the depths of Deep Space. CAT That's brilliant, bud! How'd you work that out? KRYTEN I read it on this mission directive, here. LISTER So, there was no dead bodies on board because the ship didn't have a crew. KRYTEN A computer that unerringly predicts the future - CASSANDRA - "Is a dangerous thing indeed"... KRYTEN Is a dangerous... er, yes, precisely. RIMMER We, um, should be making tracks. CASSANDRA I'm afraid that that's not going to happen. The bulkhead's just given away and we're shipping water at a thousand gallons a second. All the Canaries will be dead within one hour, except for Rimmer - RIMMER Yes! CASSANDRA - Who will be dead in 20 minutes. Only Lister, Kryten, the Cat and Kochanski survive. LISTER What happens to Rimmer? CASSANDRA He has a heart attack, brought on by the stress of knowing he's going to die, and collapses; collapses during a conversation with me in nineteen minutes and thirty-one seconds. RIMMER I don't believe you, I simply don't believe you. CASSANDRA We shall see, or rather, you shall see; I have already seen... KOCHANSKI All the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end! CAT Mine too, but not just the ones on the back of my neck; it's one up, all up! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER Well, it's not the first time we've been in a situation like this, is it? CAT Hell no, we've drunk coffee thousands of times. We're veterans. LISTER Future echoes, remember? CAT Future echoes, oh right! KOCHANSKI What was that? LISTER Well, we learnt that if the future's already decided... you can't change it... RIMMER Yeah, but what do you know? Your a chicken soup machine repairman, not Hank Handsome, Space Adventurer. Don't get ideas above your station, and your station is Git Central. LISTER Hey, I've been surviving in space five - six years. When it comes to weirdy, paradoxy space stuff, I've bought the t-shirt. KRYTEN He bought it and I ironed it for him. LISTER Exactly. RIMMER So, you're saying the future's the future and, like your underpants, the chances of change are remote? Well, I'm sorry, I don't accept it. LISTER Hey, I'm not happy about it, man. CAT None of us are. You dying is the last think we want, especially me. Hell, I'd probably have to help dig the hole. RIMMER Right, so to summarise: six years of space adventuring, six years of experience and knowledge has led you to the conclusion that I'm totally stuffed? KRYTEN Mister Rimmer has a point, sir. Your greater knowledge is making you pessimistic, while his ignorance and almost doe-like naivety is keeping his mind receptive to a possible solution. LISTER Shut your stupid, flat head, you. KOCHANSKI So, you're saying, when you don't know enough... to *know* that you don't know enough, there's no fear holding you back? You can achieve things which people with more brains can't? KRYTEN Precisely. KOCHANSKI He's got the 'power of ignorance'... KRYTEN And with ignorance that he's got, that makes him one of the most powerful men that's ever lived! Harness your stupidity, sir; employ your witlessness, use your empty-headed, simplistic moron-mind and find a solution. RIMMER Okay! I've got an idea. Kryten, replay out meeting with Cassandra in your CPU and tell me if, at any point, anyone ever called me 'Rimmer'. LISTER What? KRYTEN At no point throughout the meeting did anyone refer to you as 'Rimmer'. In fact, we barely looked you. RIMMER That's just what I thought! Cassandra said "Rimmer dies", but it doesn't necessarily follow that that means me! LISTER Who does it mean then, your dad? RIMMER Look, Cassandra doesn't know the future, she sees pictures of it. She could have seen some other guy die of a heart attack; someone she's been told is *called* Rimmer. KOCHANSKI He's right. RIMMER All I have to do is find someone I can introduce to Cassandra as 'Rimmer', and it'll be them that stiffs out and not me! KRYTEN Such lowlife conniving; its impossible not to be impressed! What I wouldn't give to have your weasel gene, sir! [RIMMER beams intently at CAT] CAT Now wait a minute! [Enter WARDEN KNOT] KRYTEN Oh look, here's Mister Knot. KNOT You made this area secure? RIMMER Yes, sir, Mister Knot, sir. Coffee, sir? KNOT I've been asked by the Captain to inspect the mainframe, where is it? [RIMMER, in passing a cup of coffee to KNOT, feigns a trip and throws it over the man's jacket] KNOT You idiot! What the hell do you think you're doing? RIMMER Please, have my jacket, I insist! Then I shall lead you to Cassandra. RIMMER There we are, sir, a perfect fit, sir. KNOT Lead the way, Rimmer. RIMMER Don't call me 'Rimmer'! KNOT That's your name... RIMMER Yes, but 'Rimmer' - it's so full of nobility and quiet courage; call me 'arsewipe' or 'fishbreath', but not 'Rimmer', sir, never 'Rimmer', sir. KNOT Okay, arsewipe, whatever you say. Now where's the mainframe! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] CASSANDRA Hello Arnold, bang on time. RIMMER I've brought you a visitor, Cassandra. Do you know his name? CASSANDRA Yes, I do. Not - RIMMER What? CASSANDRA Not - RIMMER 'Knot'?? CASSANDRA Let me finish! Not that it matters what his name is, I mean, our relationship doesn't last very long. KNOT I understand you have the ability to predict - CASSANDRA - the future, yes, I do. KNOT A hundred percent reli - CASSANDRA - able, yes. KNOT What happens to me; do i get back to Earth? CASSANDRA No, you die in about four seconds' time of a heart attack after hearing the news that you're going to die of a heart attack. KNOT You filthy ly -- Ack! CASSANDRA Poor Rimmer. RIMMER Yes, poor old 'Rimmer'. KNOT My name is not - RIMMER Your name is not *what*? KNOT Knot! not... Knot... RIMMER Is he dead now? CASSANDRA I'm afraid so. RIMMER Yes! CASSANDRA He died of a massive coronary, just as I prophesied. RIMMER Yes! CASSANDRA You seem inordinately happy, Arnold, but why? You're going to die too. RIMMER But you said - I just... I'm gonna die too? CASSANDRA I already told you: Rimmer dies of a heart attack, and then you and all the other Canaries die too; all except Lister, Kryten, Kochanski and the Cat. I've seen it. RIMMER That's as well as maybe, but have you seen this? [RIMMER flips his middle finger to CASSANDRA] [Exit RIMMER] CASSANDRA Yes... I'm afraid I have... [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] RIMMER You were right, there's nothing I can do. KRYTEN According to Cassandra, our future is decided and we four survive. Therefore, while we're here, we cannot die. Regard: [KRYTEN draws his weapon, places the barrel to his temple and pulls the trigger. The chamber clicks empty. He points to and fires at KOCHANSKI, LISTER and CAT in turn, and each time the chambers are empty. He levels the gun at RIMMER's head] KRYTEN Duck sir! [KRYTEN fires, and a bullet richochet's off the wall behind him. The bullet pings its way up and down the metal corridar in which they stand, its noise first growing quieter, then steadily louder] KRYTEN Duck again, sir! [RIMMER does so, just in time for the bullet to finally shatter against the wall behind him] KRYTEN Just as i thought. CAT So, in other words, if I... [CAT gingerly plucks a large fire axe from the wall, and cracks LISTER sharply across the back of the head with its long wooden handle] LISTER What was that for!? CAT You can't die! LISTER Yeah, but I can still feel pain, you smegger! CAT Oh, yeah... KRYTEN So how about this: we use our 'powers of invulnerability', which will last until we return to Red Dwarf, and surround Mister Rimmer, escort him up to the Obs. deck, and into the diving bell? [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] LISTER The diving bell! We've made it! [Breaking their huddle, they realise that RIMMER has disappeared] KOCHANSKI Where did he go?? [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [Re-tracing their steps, LISTER happens across a hatch in the floor, through which RIMMER can be seen on the floor below, nursing a sprained ankle] LISTER Yo! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] CAT Hear that? KRYTEN Water LISTER Kris, take cover, the water's coming! CAT Quick , the diving bell! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] KOCHANSKI Great, everything's above us is flooded, and now we're back down in the bowels again with Cassandra RIMMER It's coming true. My death! It's all coming true. [Exit RIMMER] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [Enter RIMMER] CASSANDRA You tried to cheat the future and failed, as I knew you would. RIMMER So what happens now? How... How do I die? CASSANDRA Lister catches you making love to Kochanski and shoots you through the head with a harpoon gun. [RIMMER stares at CASSANDRA incredulously] RIMMER Can you just double-check that? CASSANDRA I've seen it, it's what happens. In the old laundry room. RIMMER So let me just repeat what I think you're saying... Arnold, that's *me*, and Kochanski, that's *the woman* - the really attractive one you saw earlier; me and her were in bed, giving it rizz, when Lister, that's the short, dumpy one with the stupid haircut, walks in and shoots me through the head while I'm making love with Kochanski? CASSANDRA That is what is going to happen. RIMMER Fantastic!! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] KOCHANSKI I can't believe what you're telling me..! RIMMER I can scarcely believe it myself. I mean, obviously, you're incredibly attrative; I never thought you'd look at me twice! KOCHANSKI Neither did I! RIMMER But, apparently, were gonna make love. Unbe-smegging-lieviable or what? It's not warm in here, fancy a wee nip? KOCHANSKI No, no, no, no. But, why would I want to sleep with *you*? I mean, it doesn't make any sense. RIMMER Maybe you get blind drunk? KOCHANSKI Well that doesn't excuse my other four senses! RIMMER Right, barely an hour to go, shall we get started? I mean, let's face it, you can't change the future. Sadly. KOCHANSKI But, you said, you could... RIMMER Yeah, I've changed my mind now. [RIMMER fiddles with a pipe and tap on the wall, intending to top up his drink] KOCHANSKI Look, are you sure you wouldn't like to play the opera game, instead? RIMMER Kris, it's what Cassandra saw. You can't cheat fate. KOCHANSKI Well, you just watch me, because there's no way on earth that I'm climbing out of these clothes, and clambering into that bed. [As RIMMER finally turns on his tap, the other end of the ancient pipe, close by KOCHANSKI, suddenly ruptures, spraying torrents of water and drenching her from head to toe. RIMMER fumbles with the tap and manages to stop the flood] KOCHANSKI My clothes are soaking! RIMMER Why don't you take them off, and dry them on the heater? KOCHANSKI It's coming true, it's all coming true... RIMMER It's coming true, it's all coming true! [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] KILL CRAZY Uurrrhhhhhhh CAT Bud, you can't go back there! LISTER Cassandra said Kris survives, and the only way that's gonna happen is if someone goes back in and saves her. Chuck'us the harpoon gun, will you. [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] KOCHANSKI I'm not sure about this. This is the first time I've ever been seduced by predeterminism theory. RIMMER One hour exactly... [RIMMER puckers up and waggles his lips in KOCHANSKI's direction] [Enter LISTER] RIMMER Oh bloody, buggering hell! Tonight must be the night they put the clocks forward! LISTER I've got it! RIMMER That's more than I did. LISTER I've worked it all out. RIMMER I never get any breaks, ever! Twenty seconds later you could've been on top and I could've used you as a human shield. KOCHANSKI I must have been mad, what the hell was I thinking? I felt sorry for you! LISTER Look, will you shut up and listen to me? KOCHANSKI No! *Why* aren't you mad that I'm in bed with him? LISTER 'Cos i know *why* you're in bed with him. and I also know that i don't kill him KOCHANSKI Aw, but Cassandra promised... LISTER Cassandra made that up to force you two together. So that you'd feel sorry for him, and hopefully end up sleeping with him. RIMMER So why did she say she saw it happen? LISTER To try and *make* it happen. KOCHANSKI But why? LISTER To try and punish me. RIMMER Punish you? Why? LISTER 'Cos Cassandra knows, and has always known, how she dies. She's trying to make me suffer now for something that I'm destined to do in the future... RIMMER You kill her, don't you? That's why she hates you. Because she knows you're going got kill her. LISTER That's what this whole thing was about. Kryten figured it out. RIMMER Kryten figured it out, did he? Good old Kryten. But did he really have to figure it out quite so damn fast? Would it have killed him to take thirty minutes longer? Ten minutes even? Two would have done. LISTER I'm gonna take care of the rest of it now. I'll, erm, see you two lovebirds later... [Exit LISTER] RIMMER Look, thanks for being with me tonight. I can't think of anyone I'd rather share my final hour with than you, and I really mean that. I'm not all bad, in fact, sometimes I'm quite sweet and sensitive... KOCHANSKI Bye. RIMMER By the way? KOCHANSKI Mm-hm? [RIMMER picks up KOCHANSKI's black knickers from the bed and dangles them in the air, grinning hugely] RIMMER Is it okay if I keep these? [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--] [LISTER sets down the glass the brought with him from the laundry room] LISTER If the future's all worked out - horoscopes, all that stuff - it means we're not responsible for anything we do. It means we're just actors saying lines in a script written by someone else. I don't wanna believe that. I wanna believe I'm in charge of my own life, my own destiny; so I'm not gonna kill you, Cassandra. I'm out of here. [LISTER turns to leave] CASSANDRA But you do kill me, I've seen it. LISTER Tomorrow's a new day. A fresh page in a book that's not been written yet. What happens in the future is up to me, not some 'predetermined destiny' smeg. I'll see you, kid-eh. [As LISTER turns away from CASSANDRA again, he takes out his gum and sticks it on the wall beside the hatchway before walking out. Almost immediately, the gum falls off the wall, landing on an articulated-arm lamp. The lamp eases slowly downwards under the fractional extra weight, coming to rest on a button. The button, in turn, supplies power to a desk fan, which spins up and begins to oscillate. The flow of air blows the gum off the lamp-arm, flicking it through the air in front of LISTER's startled face and depositing it neatly in the glass that LISTER brought with him. The gum's inertia pushes the glass off the narrow shelt on which it sat, spilling the contents over a wall panel. The liquid drips down into a socket, where a thick cable connects to the wall, and sparks begin to crackle from the connection. Sparks, accompanied by angry electrical pops, work their way along the cabling towards a bank of components, and things go from bad to worse when the whole console goes up in small explosion. CASSANDRA tilts her head and stares at LISTER in admirably subdued annoyance, before the entire colum that housed her projection system detonates in spectactular fashion. LISTER surveys his handiwork with a pained expression] LISTER Smeg. Smeg... [--------------------------- END OF "CASSANDRA" --------------------xx:xx--] [Transcribed and narrated by Raz from the original episode by Doug Naylor; no copyright infringement or toe-stepping intended. Comments, criticisms and corrections welcomed at "raz@mushroom.demon.co.uk" Thanks.]