"Noah's Ark, Y2k"

<BODY BGCOLOR="#339933" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="629009f2ddwnbx.gif" LINK="#FFCC99" ALINK="#009D74" VLINK="#FF9966"> <bR> <div> <B>"Noah's Ark, Y2k"</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="621c8af0.gif" border=0 width="200" height="175" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>It is the year 2000 and Noah lives in the  United States. The</B></div> <div> <B> Lord speaks to Noah and says, "In one year, I am going to make it</B></div> <div> <B> rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.</B></div> <div> <B> But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind</B></div> <div> <B> of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build</B></div> <div> <B> an Ark."</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="62ab22c0.gif" border=0 width="434" height="44" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B> In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for</B></div> <div> <B> an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to</B></div> <div> <B> build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete  the Ark</B></div> <div> <B> and bring everything aboard in one year."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the</B></div> <div> <B> earth, and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The  Lord</B></div> <div> <B> saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1596/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </B></div> <div> <B> "Noah," He shouted,  "where is the Ark?"</B></div> <div> <B> "Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but</B></div> <div> <B> there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit  for</B></div> <div> <B> construction, and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to  hire</B></div> <div> <B>an</B></div> <div> <B> engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight</B></div> <div> <B> with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and</B></div> <div> <B> floatation devices.</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1597/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="300" height="25">  </B></div> <div> <B> Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning</B></div> <div> <B> ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a</B></div> <div> <B> variance from the city  planning commission. I had problems getting enough</B></div> <div> <B> wood for the Ark, because  there was a ban on cutting trees to protect</B></div> <div> <B> the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S.Forest Service that I</B></div> <div> <B> needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service</B></div> <div> <B>won't let</B></div> <div> <B> me catch any owls. So, no owls.</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1598/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="92" height="48">  </B></div> <div> <B> The carpenters formed a union and went  out on strike. I had to</B></div> <div> <B> negotiate a settlement with the National  Labor Union. Now I have</B></div> <div> <B> 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started</B></div> <div> <B> rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights</B></div> <div> <B> group. They objected  to me only taking two of each kind aboard.</B></div> <div> <B> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that  I</B></div> <div> <B> could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact</B></div> <div> <B> statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very</B></div> <div> <B> kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct</B></div> <div> <B> of the Creator of the universe.</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1599/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="502" height="60">  </B></div> <div> <B> Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed</B></div> <div> <B> new flood plan. I sent them a globe.  Right now, I am trying to</B></div> <div> <B> resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity</B></div> <div> <B> Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking</B></div> <div> <B> godless, unbelieving people aboard!</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1601/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="135" height="129">  </B></div> <div> <B> The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the</B></div> <div> <B> Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid  paying taxes.</B></div> <div> <B> I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of</B></div> <div> <B> use tax and failed to register the Ark as   "recreational water</B></div> <div> <B> craft.</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1602/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="32" height="32">  </B></div> <div> <B> Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against</B></div> <div> <B> further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding</B></div> <div> <B> the earth, it is a</B></div> <div> <B> religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't</B></div> <div> <B> think I</B></div> <div> <B> can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> The sky began to clear, the sun began to  shine, and the seas</B></div> <div> <B> began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.  Noah  looked up</B></div> <div> <B> hopefully.</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1609/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="105" height="98">  </B></div> <div> <B> "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"</B></div> <div> <B> "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government</B></div> <div> <B> already has."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1591/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="180" height="72">  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1610/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="244" height="206">  </U></B></div> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1611/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="149" height="261">  </U></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://GO.MAILBITS.COM/TRIVIA.ASP?118475.1 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://GO.MAILBITS.COM/TRIVIA.ASP?118475"><U><B><U><IMG SRC="653e4100.gif" border=0 width="484" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Click on Banner</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?118475.1 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?118475.1"><U><B><U><IMG SRC="654d43c0.gif" border=0 width="468" height="60" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1842/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANS SOUTHFORTY"><U><B><U>Home Page</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1843/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="talltexian_s__index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANS WEBSITE INDEX"><U><B><U>TALLTEXIAN'S WEBSITE INDEX</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1844/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When Tomorrow Starts Without Me"><U><B><U>Previous Page</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1845/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" TALLTEXIANs FUNNYBONE 1"><U><B><U>Next Page</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1846/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/barnsbury/1200/id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/ba"><U><B><U>"A Good Woman"</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1721/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" TALLTEXIANs FUNNYBONE 1"><U><B><U> TALLTEXIAN's FUNNYBONE #1</U></B></U></A><B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1720/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1607/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="13" height="13">  </U></B><A HREF="id52_cf.htm" TITLE="Noahs Ark, Y2k"><U><B><U>Back to Top</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1570/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="65" height="128">  </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Amaze" ><B>Website By</B></FONT><B> <img src="HTMLobj-1571/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="65" height="128">  </B></div> <div> <B>The Colonel</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <embed src="HTMLobj-1590/sugarplumfairy_1_.mid" autostart="true" loop="true" hidden="true">    <script language="JavaScript">  </script>  </B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1614/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="116" height="53">  </B></div> <div> <B> </B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FFCC33" FACE="Loki Cola" >  <SCRIPT language=JavaScript src="http://counter.mycomputer.com/get_counter.html?u=TALLTEXIAN1&c=16"> </SCRIPT> <NOSCRIPT> <a href="http://counter.mycomputer.com/"><img alt="Counter" src="http://counter.mycomputer.com/c.count?u=TALLTEXIAN1&c=16" border=0></a> </NOSCRIPT>   </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://aff.mailbits.com/info/earn.asp?118475 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://aff.mailbits.com/info/earn.asp?11"><U><B><IMG SRC="655581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <B> <HTML><FONT COLOR="#ff0080" SIZE=4 PTSIZE=12 FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" LANG="0"><B><I><a href="http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/stat?id=jSLMrPUEK48&offerid=16601&subid=0"><IMG alt="" border=0 src="http://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id=jSLMrPUEK48&bids=16601&gridnum=-1&catid=-1&subid=0"></a> </B></I></HTML>  </B></div> <div> <B>.</B></div> </BODY>