TALLTEXIAN's FUNNYBONE #1

<BODY BGCOLOR="#0000FF" TEXT="#080000" background="6a47cdb3.gif" LINK="#FFCC99" ALINK="#009D74" VLINK="#FF9966"> <bR> <div> <B> TALLTEXIAN's FUNNYBONE #1</B></div> <div> <B> <img src="HTMLobj-1826/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="171" height="163">  </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC33" FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" > <img src="HTMLobj-1822/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="99" height="269">    <img src="HTMLobj-1825/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="144" height="163">  </FONT></div> <bR> <div> It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a </div> <div> cap and gown, posed with his father.</div> <div>  </div> <div> "Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around </div> <div> your dad's shoulder."</div> <div>  </div> <div> The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put </div> <div> his hand on my wallet?"</div> <bR> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-1815/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </div> <bR> <div> Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, a</div> <div> father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.</div> <bR> <div> The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or</div> <div> so, I think."</div> <bR> <div> "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally</div> <div> coming up with an inexpensive evening."</div> <bR> <div> "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,</div> <div> but that was all the money she had."</div> <bR> <div>  <embed src="HTMLobj-1823/chickendance_1_.mid" autostart="true" loop="true" hidden="true">    <script language="JavaScript">  </script>  </div> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-1816/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </div> <bR> <bR> <div> Mental Disease of the Month Club</div> <bR> <div> "Announcement: the mental-disease-of-the-month club is being </div> <div> disbanded immediately. The reasons being: </div> <bR> <div> 1.During dipsomania month, the club party spent 10 times its </div> <div> budget on refreshments.</div> <div>          </div> <div> 2.During kleptomania month, all of the club furnishings were </div> <div> removed, and (as aforementioned) the budget was already spent </div> <div> and gone.</div> <div>          </div> <div> 3.During megalomania month, the club organization broke down </div> <div> due to having sixteen claimants to being Club President, etc.</div> <div>          </div> <div> 4.During multiple personality month, our club roster roughly </div> <div> tripled in size with no increase in dues.</div> <div>          </div> <div> 5.During paranoia month, the inflated roster dropped to zero </div> <div> as each member changed his or her mailing address and left no </div> <div> forwarding address for the club. </div> <bR> <div> You members were obviously out to ruin us; it's all clear now. </div> <div> It took all our remaining personal savings to track you all </div> <div> down. Therefore, here is your last installment: clinical </div> <div> depression. Have a nice day." </div> <bR> <div>  </div> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-1817/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </div> <div>  </div> <div>  "Witty Modern Proverbs"</div> <div>  </div> <div>     Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.</div> <div>  </div> <div>     Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way,</div> <div>  if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away -- and barefoot.</div> <div>  </div> <div>     A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.</div> <div>  </div> <div>     My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.</div> <div>  </div> <div>     For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.</div> <div>  </div> <div>     Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it.</div> <div>  </div> <div>     No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.</div> <bR> <bR> <div>   <img src="HTMLobj-1818/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </div> <bR> <div> WARNING: FEMALE DRIVER</div> <bR> <div> Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my</div> <div> left and there was a woman in a red Mustang doing 85 miles per</div> <div> hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her</div> <div> eyeliner!</div> <bR> <div> I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was</div> <div> halfway over in my lane. It scared me so badly I dropped my</div> <div> electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell</div> <div> phone!</div> <bR> <div>   </div> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-1819/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </div> <bR> <bR> <div> WARNING: MALE DRIVER</div> <bR> <div> A fellow driving a new-car transport across the Nevada desert one</div> <div> dark night suddenly lost the lights on his truck.   He knew he</div> <div> had to have light to see his way even if the road did roll out</div> <div> endlessly in front of him for miles and miles.  So, he hopped up</div> <div> to the new car directly over his cab and turned on the lights in</div> <div> that vehicle.  This gave him light to see to drive.  He saw the</div> <div> lights of another vehicle coming toward him some miles away, and</div> <div> watched as it came closer and closer.  As it neared him, it</div> <div> suddenly veered off the roadway,  into the ditch.  The trucker</div> <div> stopped to give aid, and a very drunk man dragged himself out of</div> <div> the car in the gully.  The trucker asked him, "Fellow, what in</div> <div> the world happened?  There's no one else on the road, and the</div> <div> road is straight as a string for miles!"   The drunk sloshily</div> <div> answered, "Buddy, if it was as wide as it was tall, there's no</div> <div> way I could get around it!"</div> <bR> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-1820/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="400" height="30">  </div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="talltexian_s__index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANS WEBSITE INDEX"><U><B><U>TALLTEXIAN'S WEBSITE INDEX</U></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANS SOUTHFORTY"><U><B><U>Home Page</U></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Noahs Ark, Y2k"><U><B><U>Previous Page</U></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANs FUNNYBONE2"><U><B><U>Next Page</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div>  <HTML><FONT COLOR="#ff0080" SIZE=4 PTSIZE=12 FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" LANG="0"><B><I>Recommended: <a href="http://go.mailbits.com/Trivia.asp?118475.1">Secrets Revealed!</a></B></I></HTML>  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Click on banners</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?118475.1 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?118475.1"><U><IMG SRC="660581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A>                             <A HREF="http://aff.mailbits.com/info/earn.asp?118475 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://aff.mailbits.com/info/earn.asp?11"><U><IMG SRC="655581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://GO.MAILBITS.COM/TRIVIA.ASP?118475.1 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://GO.MAILBITS.COM/TRIVIA.ASP?118475"><U><IMG SRC="653e4100.gif" border=0 width="484" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <bR> <div>  <HTML><FONT COLOR="#ff6347" SIZE=4 PTSIZE=12 FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" LANG="0"><B><BR> <form method="post" action="http://www.listbot.com/cgi-bin/subscriber"><BR> <table border=0><tr><td colspan=2><BR> Join our mailing list!<BR> Enter your email address below,<BR> then click the 'Join List' button:<BR> </td></tr><tr><td><BR> <input type=text name="e_mail"><BR> <input type=hidden name="list_id" value="TALLTEXIANsSites"><BR> <input type=hidden name="Act" value="subscribe_list"><BR> </td><td><BR> <input type=image src="http://www.listbot.com/subscribe_button.gif" border=0 width=88 height=31 alt="Click here to join TALLTEXIAN's mailing list!"><BR> </td></tr><tr><td colspan=2><BR> </FONT><FONT SIZE=1 PTSIZE=6 FAMILY="SANSSERIF" FACE="arial" LANG="0"><A HREF="http://www.listbot.com/">Powered by ListBot</A></FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff6347" SIZE=3 PTSIZE=10><BR> </td></tr></table><BR> </form><BR> <BR> </B></HTML>  </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-1706/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="65" height="128">  <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FFCC33" FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" ><B>Website by </B></FONT> <img src="HTMLobj-1707/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="65" height="128">                     </div> <div>  </div> <div> <B>The Colonel</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <HTML><FONT COLOR="#ff0080" SIZE=4 PTSIZE=12 FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" LANG="0"><B><I><a href="http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id=jSLMrPUEK48&offerid=17212.10000023&type=4&subid=0"><IMG alt="Pro Sports Memorabilia" border=0 src="http://www.prosportsmemorabilia.com/images/banner105x55.gif"></a><IMG border=0 width=1 height=1 src="http://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id=jSLMrPUEK48&bids=17212.10000023&type=4&subid=0"></B></I></HTML>    <HTML><FONT COLOR="#ff0080" SIZE=4 PTSIZE=12 FACE="CAC Krazy Legs Bold" LANG="0"><B><I><a href="http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/stat?id=jSLMrPUEK48&offerid=7089.9&subid=0&type=4"><IMG border=0 alt="Banner 9" src="http://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id=jSLMrPUEK48&bids=7089.9&subid=0&type=4"></a></B></I></HTML>  </div> <bR> <div> <B>   </B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FFCC33" FACE="Loki Cola" >  <SCRIPT language=JavaScript src="http://counter.mycomputer.com/get_counter.html?u=TALLTEXIAN1&c=16"> </SCRIPT> <NOSCRIPT> <a href="http://counter.mycomputer.com/"><img alt="Counter" src="http://counter.mycomputer.com/c.count?u=TALLTEXIAN1&c=16" border=0></a> </NOSCRIPT>   </FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>.</B></div> </BODY>