TALLTEXIAN's FUNNYBONE#2

<BODY BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="72500803.gif" LINK="#0000FF" ALINK="#8002BF" VLINK="#0000FF"> <bR> <div> <I><B>TALLTEXIAN's FUNNYBONE#2</B></I></div> <div> <I><B> <img src="HTMLobj-1836/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="300" height="16">  </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jack, who was very</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>interested in making a pound where he could. So he often would thin</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>got away with this for some time.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>job on one of their biggest churches. Jack put in a painting bid and</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>planks, and buying the paint and...yes, I am sorry to say, thinning</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>it down with the turpentine.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Well, Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>the lawn.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Now, Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgement from the</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me!</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>What should I do?"</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"Repaint......and thin no more."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>  </B></I></div> <div> <I><B> <img src="HTMLobj-1830/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="500" height="16">  </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A man walked into an emergency room with two black</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Naturally, the doctor asked him what had happened.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"Well, it's like this," explained the man, "I was having a</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>into a pasture of cows. Well, we went to look for it, and</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>when I lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"And..." pried the doctor.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"Well, that's when I made my mistake... I lifted the cow's</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>tail and yelled to the misses, 'This one here looks like</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>yours!'"</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B> <img src="HTMLobj-1831/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="500" height="16">  </B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>a surgeon. Th</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>e surgeon said: "You are in luck! I am an expert </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours." So Sam came </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>back in four hours and the surgeon said: "I got done faster </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>than I expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>to the pub and saw John throwing darts. A few weeks later, </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>surgeon. The surgeon said: "Legs are a little tougher - come </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>said: "I finished early - John is down at the soccer field." </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>goals. A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said: </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours." So </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I am </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>sorry, John died." Sam said: "I understand - heads are </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>tough." The surgeon said: "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>John suffocated in that plastic bag!"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B> <img src="HTMLobj-1955/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="500" height="16">  </B></I></div> <div> <I><B> <embed src="HTMLobj-1833/south_chicago.mid" autostart="true" loop="true" hidden="true">   <script language="JavaScript">  </script>  </B></I></div> <div> <I><B> <HTML><FONT COLOR="FFFAFA*" SIZE=4 PTSIZE=12 FACE=" Amaze Bold" LANG="0"><B><BR> <form method="post" action="http://www.listbot.com/cgi-bin/subscriber"><BR> <table border=0><tr><td colspan=2><BR> Join our mailing list!<BR> Enter your email address below,<BR> then click the 'Join List' button:<BR> </td></tr><tr><td><BR> <input type=text name="e_mail"><BR> <input type=hidden name="list_id" value="TALLTEXIAN's Sites"><BR> <input type=hidden name="Act" value="subscribe_list"><BR> </td><td><BR> <input type=image src="http://www.listbot.com/subscribe_button.gif" border=0 width=88 height=31 alt="Click here to join TALLTEXIAN's mailing list!"><BR> </td></tr><tr><td colspan=2><BR> </FONT><FONT SIZE=1 PTSIZE=6 FAMILY="SANSSERIF" FACE="arial" LANG="0"><A HREF="http://www.listbot.com/">Powered by ListBot</A></FONT><FONT COLOR="#FFFF00" SIZE=3 PTSIZE=10><BR> </td></tr></table><BR> </form><BR> <BR> </B></HTML>  </B></I></div> <div> <A HREF="http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?118475.1 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://go.MailBits.com/Tell.asp?118475.1"><U><I><B><IMG SRC="654d43c0.gif" border=0 width="468" height="60" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></I></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="talltexian_s__index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANS WEBSITE INDEX"><U><I><B><U>TALLTEXIAN'S WEBSITE INDEX</U></B></I></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TALLTEXIANS SOUTHFORTY"><U><I><B><U>Home Page</U></B></I></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" TALLTEXIANs FUNNYBONE 1"><U><I><B><U>Previous Page</U></B></I></U></A></div> <bR> <div>             </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1837/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="65" height="128">  Website By </U></B></I><I><B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-1838/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="65" height="128">  </U></B></I></div> <div> <I><B><U>The Colonel</U></B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://GO.MAILBITS.COM/TRIVIA.ASP?118475.1 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://GO.MAILBITS.COM/TRIVIA.ASP?118475"><U><I><B><U><IMG SRC="653e4100.gif" border=0 width="484" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B></I></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://aff.mailbits.com/info/earn.asp?118475 " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://aff.mailbits.com/info/earn.asp?11"><U><I><B><U><IMG SRC="655581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B></I></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54_cf.htm" TITLE="TALLTEXIANs FUNNYBONE2"><U><I><B><U>Back to Top</U></B></I></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>  <SCRIPT language=JavaScript src="http://counter.mycomputer.com/get_counter.html?u=TALLTEXIAN1&c=16"> </SCRIPT> <NOSCRIPT> <a href="http://counter.mycomputer.com/"><img alt="Counter" src="http://counter.mycomputer.com/c.count?u=TALLTEXIAN1&c=16" border=0></a> </NOSCRIPT>   </B></div> </BODY>