Alright, thy demon, listen up!
	Feel my backlash.. my pain.. my sorrow! And it's your fault!
You, who have sent all the pain my way!
	My only chance at happiness, gone.. your fault! So prepare to
suffer!
	Burn, fire! Burn with RAGE!
	By the fire and power of MARS, vanquish the pain, the horror,
the crying..
	Oh, please, stop the crying..

*

The Fire Within
Part 1
A Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon story by Amy Lawson/Kixxycatt
lawsg@sk.sympatico.ca


Note - Hi again! This story takes place a while after Deadly Relams
and is the third story in my personal little saga. The web page this
can be found on should be up now or soon, and will be located as
http://www.fortunecity.com/millenium/lala/59/fics.htm or a simalar
file name. The main site is, as always, at
http://www.fortunecity.com/millenium/lala/59/smoon.htm

This time I decided to take a new character to work with, Sailormars.
I'm not sure, but this storyline may have a darker side.. The
character has much different writing oppurtunities than, say, Chibi
Usa.

This story goes back to the writing approach of Crying Moon, with Rei
as the narriator and a few scenes of what she thinks, and not says,
for the entire part. Deadly Relams had no narriaton by the characters
themselves; there was no 'I'.

For some of this, this is the future Rei talking, not the present day
Rei. Hey, that rhymes! ^-^ The events she is describing happen in
the present, and occur as long flashbacks.
*

	It's been so many years since it's happened But the firey pain
doesn't burn out. And that's what hurts.. and it hurts so much.
	I can't really go to anyone, what good would it do? They don't
know about it, and were's suppossed to. know very much anyway. How can
I tell them the whole truth? And I'm afraid their ears might turn away
after my story. They'd be discusted with me, even Serenity. What can I
do? I can't forget and can't tell anyone.
	It's breaking my heart more and more as the days go by, as
oppossed to less. I'm crying through the passing days and nothing can
cease the tears. I'm buring inside, and I can't stop the flames. I'm
suppossed to control fire but I can't in this case.
	Friends like Jupiter have noticed my behavior but they're
scared to ask about it. I have a very dominating position, I suppose.
An 'untouchable' over the years. Even the outer protectors seem a
little bit awed by my presence, lately. They don't know what to do
about me. And they ignore me, it seems like they are giving up on
me. Their teamate. Their friend. I am alone, for eternity.
	Sure, maybe it's that they think I should be alone. Nobody
thinks that anymore! I'm not a baka idiot like some other people I
know. But I shouldn't be whining about that. It's my own fault. I
wouldn't admit my sins. But how could I? They wouldn't understand. Not
in a million years. It's destiny's way of tormenting me to take the
chance. Well, I took that chance, I wish I hadn't. Should I had known
what the results would be I would have never, never taken it. Never.
	I have my memories. That's all I have. I have nothing else in
this world left to live for. I'm dying and I don't care. I don't
care at all. Let me die, let me perish, and nobody will care. They
don't care, I don't care, the world doesn't care and I'm all alone.
	Yeah, philosiphers will argue that when the worst happens (like
this), your memories will bring back the happiness and the pain will
go away.
	If that's the case..
	Why do I want to die?

*
(Tokyo)

	"Hey, Rei-chan, look! Everything in the store is 60% off at the
Osa-P!" exclaimes Minako, pulling on my sleeve. "Let's go check it
out, ne?"
	"Well, are you sure? Last time they had a sale this big it was
a trap, right, Usagi?" I sighed reluctantly.
	"Naah, that was like, a long time ago, and besides, THAT sale
was 90% off. Let's go!" Usagi exclaimes, grabbing her wallet out of
her pink coat. "We gotta hurry 'fore everythings gone!"
	"Yeah! Shopping!" Makoto pickes up her bags and started to race
over to the Osa-P. But I'm feeling a little reluctant today.. and I
don't really know why.
	'I just don't understand. I feel so bored with all of this. It's
just not fun..' "You guys go ahead. I'm going back to the temple." I
mutter quietly.
	"Aw, Rei? Why?" Usagi asks me. "Don't you want to have some fun
with the girls?"
	"I've had my fun already, Usagi, I'm tierd!" I yell, with a tad
more anger in my voice than what was intended. Usagi steps back, a bit
alarmed.
	"Let's go, Usagi." Ami whisperes, and the four girls go silently
over to the sale. Away from me.. They're giving up that easily..
	I don't get it. I'm always so loud.. What is it with me? Am I
some monster or something? I just don't seem to fit in with them
anymore. Even Makoto is scared of me now..
	"Penny for your thoughts?" I hear a gruff voice behind me and
turn around. There is a man, and he looks like he's 33 or something
like that.
	"Get lost." I mutter.
	"What's wrong? Your friends dump you for some sale?" he grins,
revealing he's been here longer than I suspected.
	"You've been spying on me!" I accuse, and fire is probably
poaring out my ears.
	"Whoa, don't jump to conclusions on me here!" he exclaimed. "I
was just passing by, and besides.. what do you care?" he flashes me
his excellent smile again, so very, very, very handsome.. how can I
be mad at him?
	"You're right.. but I've heard better pick-up lines that THAT."
I grin. He starts to laugh, and it's really turning me on. He's just
so.. so.. perfect. Tough, cool, and a major dream.
	"Well, how about this. You come over to my apartment for a
little bit, or," he paused, and flashed me another smile, "I drag you
to come shopping for food with me. Your choice."
	"I.." 'should really be getting home,' I think, but I suddenly
don't want to. "..could really like doing something like that."
	"Okay, then, Re? Is that your name?" I suddenly remembered we
didn't yet know each other's names.
	"Rei.. Hino Rei. Yours?" I ask, suddenly really wanting to know.
He was just so, so.. intriguing.
	"Wouldn't you like to know."

*

(Crystal Tokyo)

	Maybe I made the right choice. Maybe I didn't. But I can't stop
the pain. Maybe someday, all of a sudden, I just won't care.
	It doesn't help to think about it. I don't care what everyone
else says. They aren't the fiery soilder of mars, now are they? No.
	But I am, and I hate the past. Past is past, this is now, but
my head doesn't really think so. Nooo, it just keeps on blabbing and
blabbing and blabbing something about this or that or whatever. And
most likely, _him_. Oh, yes, how I miss him. But I guess destiny
will play you the right cards, and then you have to fold. That's all
you can do, no questions asked. That's what happened here, and it
just doesn't change.
	Maybe I could alter the past by going back in time.. yes, that's
what I'd do. But who knows, I might die or something along those
lines. I guess having him here would be like a bull in a china shop,
or whatever that age-old expression is. It just wouldn't work.
	But I do know that if he was here, I would gladly play the part
of the matador, should he remain the bull. And I wouldn't care what
Serenity would think. What her prissy little daughter would think.
What her husband (and that's a pretty nice body, that Endymion) thinks
(though I would gladly take him back into MY arms at any given
notice). 'Cause I'm the 'bad girl' around here now, and I'd use that
to my advantage if I could. But why? No reason to anymore.
	Stupid sailor senshi. I'd rather be with HIM.

*

(Tokyo)

	"Rei! Yoo-hoo! Rei!" Not that voice again..
	"Huh.. oh, konwashia, grandpa.." I moan. "Too.. early."
	"How late you were up last night?" grandpa asks.. as usual.
"Any hentai details? Huh huh huh?"
	"NO, grandpa, I'm not like YOU." I snap.
	"And what do you mean by THAT, young lady?!" he demands.
	"Oh, nothing." I sigh. Just then, my phone rights. "Shoo,
gramps." he leaves, and then I answer the phone. "Hello?"
	"Hello, Rei." It's him.. I don't even know his name, but my
heart skips a beat. I don't know why, but I just have to be with him.
Have to see him. Have to get to KNOW him.
	"Oh.. hi!" I exclaim, a bit too eagerly.
	"Happy to see me?" he laughs. "How about you come down to Crown
in about 2 hours, okay?" his voice is very whispery over the phone,
very mysterious.
	"Okay. See you then, I'd better get ready.."
	"You do that. See you." there's a clicking noise and then the
dial tone. I cradle the reciever for a momment then place it back on
the hook. Suddenly, I realized something. It's Ami-chan's birthday
today! I can't just blow it off for some guy, can I?
	I thought for a momment. It was a question.
	Can I dump my friend for a guy I don't know his name of, met
him yesterday, and he's very.. well, a lot like me?
	Ami, or the guy.
	Ami, or the guy.
	Ami.. I'll be bored hanging with my so-called friends at a
boring social affair. And we'll play spin the bottle with the three
lights. Yawn, yawn, snore, snore..
	OR, I'll have the time of my life, AGAIN, hanging out with him,
telling him about gramps, how annoying Usagi gets, some little secerts
I won't tell my friends. For some reason, I trust him completely. I
won't tell him I'm sailormars, though.. yet. Maybe after a week. He's
so cool. He's 30, he's a dreamboat, he doesn't have a job, he has
money. What else do I need?!
	"Sorry, Ami-chan, I'll make it up to you some other time." I
finally decide, and start getting dressed when the phone rings..
AGAIN.
	"Hello?" I ask.
	"Rei? It's Makoto. You know Ami's surprise party?"
	"Yeah?" I cringe. I was hoping they'd overlook my disapperence
or something.
	"Well, it starts in half and hour. You'll be there, right?"
	"Uh, right." I lie. I don't even want to GO. So I won't.
	"We're going to have some special surprises. Can you do a fire
reading to see if they'll be okay, or something, 'cause what if she
doesn't like the party or something?"
	"She WILL, Makoto, TRUST me. Taiki's coming, what more does
she want?" I smirk.
	"Okay, see you there!" Makoto says goodbye, and hangs up. I
sigh and finish getting dressed, then dash out the door. If I want to
be early for our date, I gotta go now!

*

..CONTINUED