295 Praying Rightly We thought we had been deeply serious about religious practices. However, upon honest praisal we found that we had been most superficial. Or sometimes, going to extremes, we had wallowed in emotionalism and had also mistaken this for true religious feeling. In both cases, we had been asking something for nothing. We had not prayed rightly. We hadalways said, "Grant me my wishes," instead of "Thy will be done." The love of God and man we understood not at all. Therefore we remained self-deceived, and so incapable of receiving enough grace to restore us to sanity. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 32 296 Daily Inventory Often, as we review each day, only the closest scrutinity will reveal what our true motives were. There are cases where our ancient enemy rationalization has stepped in and has justified conduct which was really wrong. The temptation here is to imagine that we had good motives and reasons when we really hadn't. We "condstructively criticized" someone who needed it, when our real motive was to win a useless argument. Or, the person concerned not being present, we thought we were helping others to understand him, when in actuality our true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down. We hurt those we loved because they needed to be "taught a lesson", but we really wanted to punish. We were depressed and complained we felt bad, when in fact we were mainly asking for sympathy and attention. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 94 297 A Vision of the Whole "Though many of us have had to struggle for sobriety, never yet has this Fellowship had to struggle for lost unity. Consequently, we sometimes take this one great gift for granted. We forget that, should we lose our unity, the millions of alcoholics who still `do not know' might never get a chance." << << << >> >> >> "We used to be skeptical about large A.A. gatherings like conventions, thinking they might prove too exhibitionistic. But, on balance, their benefit is huge. While each A.A.'s interest should center principally in those about him and upon his own group, it is both necessary and desrirable that we all get a larger vision of the whole. "The General Service Conference in New York also produces this effect upon those who attend. It is a vision-stretching process." 1. LETTER, 1949 2. LETTER, 1956 298 A Mighty Beginning Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed rewards as he triesto help his brother alcoholic, the one who is even blinder than he. This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that through the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether or not his brother has yet received anything. His own character may still be gravely defective, but he somehow knows that God has enabled him to make a mighty beginning, and he senses that he stands at the edge of new mysteries, joys, and experiences of which he had never before dreamed. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 109-110 299 Anonymity and Sobriety As the A.A. groups multiplied, so did anonymity problems. Enthusiastic over the spectacular recovery of a brother alcoholic, we'd sometimes discuss those intimate and harrowing aspects of his case meant for his sponsor's ear alone. The aggrieved victim would then rightly declare that his trust had been broken. When stories get into circulation outside of A.A., the loss of confidence in our anonymity promise was severe. It frequently turned people from us. Clearly, every A.A. member's name -- and story, too -- had to be confidential, if he wished. << << << >> >> >> We now fully realize that 100 per cent personal anonymity before the public is just as vital to the life of A.A. as 100 per cent sobriety is to the life of each and every member. This is not the counsel of fear; it is the prudent voice of long experience. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 185 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 293 300 People of Faith We who have traveled a path through agnosticism or atheism beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. People of faith have a rational idea of what life is all about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices, when we might have seen that many spiritually-minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness that we should have sought ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 49 301 To Rebuild Security In our behavior respecting financial and emotional security, fear, greed, possessiveness, and pride have too often done their worst. Surveying his business or employment record, almost any alcoholic can ask questions like these: In addition tomy drinking problem, what character defects contributed to my financial instability? Did fear and inferiority about my fitness for my job destroy my confidence and fill me with conflict? Or did I overvalue myself and play the big shot? Businesswomen in A.A. will find that these questions often apply to them, too, and the alcoholic housewife can also make the family financially insecure. Indeed, all alcoholics need to crossexamine themselves ruthlessly to determine how their own personality defects have demolished their security. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 51-52 302 Comradeship in Peril We A.A.'s are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having sharing in a common peril -- relapse into alcoholism -- continues to be an important element in the powerful cement which binds us of A.A. together. << << << >> >> >> Our first woman alcoholic had been a patient of Dr. Harry Tiebout's, and he had handed her a prepublication manuscript copy of the Big Book. The first reading made her rebellious, but the second convinced. Presently she came to a meeting held in our living room, and from there she returned to the sanitarium carrying this classic message to a fellow patient: "We aren't alone any more." 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 17 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 18 303 Loving Advisers Had I not been blessed with wise and loving advisers, I might have cracked up long ago. A doctor once saved me from death by alcoholism because he obliged me to face up to the deadlines of that malady. Another doctor, a psychiatrist, later on helped me save my sanity because he led me to ferret out some of my deep-lying defects. From a clergyman I acquired the truthful principles by which we A.A.'s now try to live. But these precious friends did far more thansupply me with their professional skills. I learned that I could go to them with any problem whatever. Their wisdom and their integrity were mine for the asking. Many of my dearest A.A. friends have stood with me in exactly this same relation. Oftentimes they could help where others could not, simply because they were A.A.'s. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 304 Single Purpose There are those who predict that A.A. may well become a new spearhead for a spiritual awakening throughout the world. When our friends say these things, they are both generous and sincere. But we of A.A. must reflect that such a tribute and such a prophecy could well prove to be a heady drink for most of us -- that is, if we really came to believe this to be the real purpose of A.A., andif we commenced to behave accordingly. Our Society, therefore, will prudently cleave to its single purpose: the carrying of the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 232 305 From the Taproot The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered. << << << >> >> >> Every newcomer is told, and soon realizes for himself, that his humble admission of powerlessness over alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzing grip. So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But this is the barest beginning. To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as somethingto be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time. A whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse all at once. TWELVE AND TWELVE 1. PP. 21-22 2. PP. 72-73 306 Is Happiness the Goal? "I don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge? "In my view, we of this world are pupils in a great school of life. It is intended that we try to grow, and that we try to help our fellow travelers to grow in the kind of love that makes no demands. In short, we try to move toward the image and likenessof God as we understand Him. "When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it." LETTER, 1950 307 Circle and Triangle Above us, at the International Convention at St. Louis in 1955, floated a banner on which was inscribed the then new symbol for A.A., a circle enclosing a triangle. The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity, and Service. It is perhaps no accident that priests and seers of antiquity regarded this symbol as a means of warding off spirits of evil. << << << >> >> >> When, in 1955, we oldtimers turned over our Three Legacies to the whole movement, nostalgia for the old days blended with gratitude for the great day in which I was now living. No more would it be necessary for me to act for, decide for, or protect A.A. For a moment, I dreaded the coming change. But this mood quickly passed. The conscience of A.A. as moved by the guidance of God could be depended upon to insure A.A.'s future. Clearly my job henceforth was to let go and let God. A.A. COMES OF AGE 1. P. 139 2. PP. 46, 48 308 A Way Out of Depression "During acute depression, avoid trying to set your whole life in order all at once. If you take on assignments so heavy that you are sure to fail in them at the moment, then you are allowing yourself to be tricked by your unconscious. Thus you will continue to make sure of your failure, and when it comes you will have another alibi for still more retreat into depression. "In short, the `all or nothing' attitude is a most destructive one. It is best to begin with whatever the irreducible minimums of activity are. Then work for an enlargement of these -- day by day. Don't be disconcerted by setbacks -- just start over." LETTER, P. 1960 309 Spiritual Axiom It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about "justifiable" anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? And shouldn't we be properly angry with self-righteous folks? For us of A.A. these adventures in anger are sometimes very dangerous. We have found that even justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 90 310 Learning Trust Our entire A.A. program rests upon the principle of mutual trust. We trust God, we trust A.A., and we trust each other. Therefore, we trust our leaders in world service. The "Right of Decision" that we offer them is not only the practical means by which they may act and lead effectively, but it is also the symbol of our implicit confidence. << << << >> >> >> If you arrive at A.A. with no religious convictions, you can, if you wish, make A.A. itself or even your A.A. group your "Higher Power". Here's a large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they are certainly a power greater than you. Even this minimum of faith will be enough. Many members who have crossed the treshold just this way will tell you that, once across, their faith broadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obsession, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talk of God. 1. TWELVE CONCEPTS, P. 19 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 27-28 311 Telling the Worst Though the variations were many, my main theme was always "How godawful I am!" Just as I often exaggerated my modest attainments by pride, soI exaggerated my defects through guilt. I would race about, confessing all (and a great deal more) to whoever would listen. Believe it or not, I took this widespread exposure of my sins to be great humility on my part, and considered it a great spiritualasset and consolation! But later on I realized at depth that the great harms I had done others were not truly regretted. These episodes were merely the basis for storytelling and exhibitionism. With this realization came the beginning of a certain amount of humility. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961 312 Tolerance Keeps Us Sober "Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way. "Experience shows that few alcoholics will long stay away from a group because they don't like the way it is run. Most return and adjust themselves to whatever conditions they must. Some go to a different group, or form a new one. "In other words, once an alcoholic fully realizes that he cannot get well alone, he will soemhow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others. It has been that way from the beginning of A.A. and probably always will be so." LETTER, 1943 313 In the Sunlight at Last When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me, I didn't like the idea. So my friend Ebby made what then seemed a novel suggestion. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?" That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. << << << >> >> >> It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P.12 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P.45 314 High and Low When our membership was small, we dealt with "low-bottom cases" only. Many less desperate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because they could not make the admission of their hopelessness. In the following years, this changed. Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. How could people such as these take the First Step? By going back in our own drinking histories, we showed them that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 23 315 Greater than Ourselves If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the power needed for change wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power: That was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live -- and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP.44-45 316 Our Protective Mantle Almost every newspaper reporter who covers A.A. complains, at first, of the difficulty of writing his story without names. But he quickly forgets this difficulty when he realizes that here is a group of people who care nothing for acclaim. Probably this is the first time in his life he has ever reported on an organization that wants no personalized publicity. Cynic though he may be, this obvious sincerity quickly transforms him into a friend of A.A. << << << >> >> >> Moved by the spirit of anonymity, we try to give up our natural desires for personal distinction as A.A. members, both among fellow alcoholics and before the general public. As we lay aside these very human aspirations, we believe that each of us takes part in the weaving of a protective mantle which covers our whole Society and under which we may grow and work in unity. 1. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1946 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 187 317 Vision Beyond Today Vision is, I think, the ability to make good estimates, both for the immediate and for the more distant future. Some might feel this sort of striving to be heresy against "One day at a time." But that valuable principle really refers to our mental and emotional lives and means chiefly that we are not foolishly to repine over the past nor wishfully to daydream about the future. As individuals and as a fellowship, we shall surely suffer if we cast the whole job of planning for tomorrow onto a fatuous idea of providence. God's real providence has endowed us human beings with a considerable capability for foresight, and He evidently expects us to use it. Of course, we shall often miscalculate the future in whole or in part, but that is better than to refuse to think at all. TWELVE CONCEPTS, P. 43 318 Forgiveness Through the vital Fifth Step, we began to get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter what we had thought or done. Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that allround forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 57-58 319 Two Authorities Many people wonder how A.A. can function under a seeming anarchy. Other societies have to have law and force and sanction and punishment, administered by authorized people. Happily for us, we found that we need no human authorities which are far more effective. One is benign, the other malign. There is God, our Father, who very simply says, "I am waiting for you to do my will." The other authority is named John Barlicorn, and he says, "You had better do God's will or I will kill you." << << << >> >> >> The A.A. Traditions are neither rules, regulations, nor laws. We obey them willingly because we want to. Perhaps the secret of their power lies in the fact that these life-giving communications spring out of living experience and are rooted in love. 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 105 2. A.A. TODAY, P. 11 320 Running the Whole Show Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show and is forever trying to arrange the lights, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be useful? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if only he manages well? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 60-61 321 Results of Prayer As the doubter tries the process of prayer, he should begin to add up the results. If he persists, he will almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He will acquire a quiet courage, the kind that isn't tension-ridden. He can look at "failure" and "success" for what these really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction, instead of his destruction. He will feel freer and saner. The idea that he may have been hypnotizing himself by autosuggestion will become laughable. His sense of purpose and of direction will increase. His anxieties will commence to fade. His physical health will be likely to improve. Wonderful and unaccountable things will start to happen. Twisted relations in his family and on the outside will improve surprisingly. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1958 322 Easy Does It -- but Do It Procrastination is really sloth in five syllables. << << << >> >> >> "My observation is that some people can get by with a certain amount of postponement, but few can live with outright rebellion." << << << >> >> >> "We have succeeded in confronting many a problem drinker with that awful alternative, `This we A.A.'s do, or we die.' Once this much is firmly in his mind, more drinking only turns the coil tighter. "As many an alcoholic has said, `I came to the place where it was either into A.A. or out the window. So here I am!'" 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 67 2. LETTER, 1952 3. LETTER, 1950