81 "Selfish?" "I can see why you are disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, `A.A. is a selfish program.' The word `selfish' ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others. Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits. "What do these speakers mean? Well, any theologian will tell you that the salvation of his own soul is the highest vocation that a man can have. Without salvation -- however we may define this -- he will have little or nothing. For us if A.A., there is even more urgency. "If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost, right in the here and now. We are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol. Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first-- a right and necessary kind of self-concern." LETTER, 1966 82 Trouble Becomes an Asset "I think that this particular General Service Conference holdspromise and has been filled with progress -- because it has had trouble. And it has converted that trouble into an asset, into some growth, and into a great promise. "A.A. was born out of trouble, one of the most serious kinds of trouble that can befall an individual, the trouble attendant upon this dark and fatal malady of alcoholism. Every single one of us approached A.A. in trouble, in impossible trouble, in hopeless trouble. And that is why we came. "If this Conference was ruffled, if individuals were deeply disturbed -- I say, `This is fine.' What parliament, what republic, what democracy has not been disturbed? Friction of opposing viewpoints is the very modus operandi on which they proceed. Then what should we be afraid of?" TALK, P. 1958 83 We Cannot Live Alone All of A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires; they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than the Fifth. Scarcely any Step is more necessary to long time sobriety and peace of mind. A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggrevate them. If Step Four has revealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not remember, then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them. << << << >> >> >> We cannot wholly rely on friends to solve all our difficulties. A good adviser will never do all our thinking for us. He knows that each final choice must be ours. He will therefore help to eliminate fear, expediency, and self-deception, so enabling us to make choices which are loving, wise, and honest. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 55 2. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 84 Benefits of Responsibilty "Happily, A.A.'s per capita expenses are very low. For us to fail to meet them would be to evade a responsibility beneficial for us. "Most alcoholics have said they had no troubles that money would not cure. We are a group that, when drinking, always held out a hand for funds. So when we commence to pay our own service bills, this is a healthy change." << << << >> >> >> "Because of drinking, my friend Henry had lost a high-salaried job. There remained a fine house -- with abudget three times his reduced earnings. "He could have rented the house for enough to carry it. But no! Henry said he knew that God wanted him to live there, and He would see that the costs were paid. So Henry went on running up bills andglowing with faith. Not surprisingly, his creditors finally took over the place. Henry can laugh about it now, having learned that God more often helps those who are willing to help themselves." 1. LETTER, 1960 2. LETTER, 1966 85 Life Is Not a Dead End When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which he had hitherto denied himself. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 106-107 86 Room for Improvement We have come to believe that A.A.'s recovery Steps and Traditions represent the approximate truths which we need for our particular purpose. The more we practice them, the more we like them. So there is little doubt that A.A. principles will continue to be advocated in the form they stand now. If our basis are so firmly fixed as all this, then what is there left to change or to improve? The answer will immediately occur to us. While we need not alter our truths, we can surely improve their application to ourselves, to A.A. as a whole, and to our relation with the world around us. We can constantly step up the practice of "these principles in all our affairs." GRAPEVINE, FEBRUARY 1961 87 Keystone of the Arch Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. << << << >> >> >> We had to quit playing God. It didn't work. We decided that hereafter, in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He would be the Principal; we, His agents. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphal arch through which we passed to freedom. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 1. P. 48 2. P. 62 88 Will Power and Choice "We A.A.'s know the futility of trying to break the drinking obsession by will power alone. However, we do know that it takes great willingness to adopt A.A.'s Twelve Steps as a way of life that can restore us to sanity. "No matter how grievious the alcohol obsession, we happily find that other vital choices still be made. For example, we can choose to admitthat we are personally powerless over alcohol; that dependence upon a `Higher Power' is a necessity, even if this be simply dependence upon an A.A. group. Then we can choose to try for a life of honesty and humility, of selfless service to our fellows and to `God as we understand Him.' "As we continue to make these choices and so move toward these high aspirations, our sanity returns and the compulsion to drink vanishes." LETTER, 1966 89 Review the Day When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? We must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflections, for that would diminish our usefulness to ourselves and to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 86 90 To Watch Loneliness Vanish Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, and dared not draw near others, or wewere noisy good fellows constantly craving attention and companionship, but rarely getting it. There was always that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor understand. That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. But even Bacchus betrayed us; we were finally struck down and left in terrified isolation. << << << >> >> >> Life takes on new meaning in A.A. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends -- this is an experience not to be missed. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 57 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 89 91 Courage and Prudence When fear persisted, we knew it for what it was, and we became able to handle it. We began to see each adversity as a God-given opportunity to develop the kind of courage which is born of humility, rather than of bravado. << << << >> >> >> Prudence is a workable middle ground, a channel of clear sailing between the obstacles of fear on the one side and of recklessness on the other. Prudence in practice creates a definite climate, the only climate in which harmony, effectiveness, and consistent spiritual progress can be achieved. << << << >> >> >> "Prudence is rational concern without worry." 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1962 2. TWELVE CONCEPTS, P. 65 3. TALK, 1966 92 Walking Toward Serenity "When I was tired and couldn't concentrate, I used to fall back on an affirmation toward life that took the form of simple walking and deep breathing. I sometimes told myself that I couldn't do even this -- that I was to weak. But I learned that this was the point at which I could not give in without becoming still more depressed. "So I would set myself a small stint. I would determine to walk a quarter of a mile. And I would concentrate by counting my breathing -- say, six steps to each slow inhalation and four to each exhalation. Having done the quarter-mile, I found that I could go on, maybe a half-mile more. Then another half-mile, and maybe another. "This was encouraging. The false sense of physical weakness would leave me (this feeling being so characteristic of depressions). The walking and especially the breathing were powerful affirmations toward life and living and away from failure and death. The counting represented a minimum discipline in concentration, to get some rest from the wear and tear of fear and guilt." LETTER, 1960 93 Atmosphere of Grace Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God's reality, the nourishment of His strenth, and the atmosphere of His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of A.A. life confirm this ageless truth. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 97-98 94 ". . . In All Our Affairs "The chief purpose of A.A. is sobriety. We all realize that without sobriety we have nothing. "However, it is possible to expand this simple aim into a great deal of nonsense, so far as the individual member is concerned. Sometimes we hear him say, in effect, `Sobriety is my sole responsibility. After all, I'm a pretty fine chap, expect for my drinking. Give me sobriety, and I've got it made!' "As long as our friend clings to this comfortable alibi, he will make so little progress with his real life problems and responsibilities that he stands in a fair way to get drunk again. This is why A.A.'s Twelfth Step urges that we `practice these principles in all our affairs.' We are not living just to be sober; we are living to learn, to serve, and to love." LETTER, 1966 95 Spiritual Kindetgarten "We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to a better effect. Each man's theology has to be his own quest, his own affair." << << << >> >> >> When the Big Book was planned, some members thought that it ought to be Christian in doctrinal sense. Others had no objection to the use of the word "God", but wanted to avoid doctrinal issues. Spirituality, yes. Religion, no. Still others wanted a psychological book, to lure the alcoholic in. Once in, he could take God or leave Him alone as he wished. To the rest of us this was shocking, but happily we listened. Our group conscience was at work to construct the most acceptable and effective book possible. Every voice was playing its appointed part. Our atheists and agnostics widened our gateway so that all who suffer might pass through, regardless of their belief or lack of belief. 1. LETTER, 1954 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 162, 163, 167 96 When Defects Are Less than Deadly Practically everybody wishes to be rid of his most glaring and destructive handicaps. No one wants to be so proud that he is scorned as a braggart, nor so greedy that he is labeled a thief. No one wants to be angry enough to murder, lustful enough to rape, gluttonous enough to ruin his health. No one wants to be agonized by chronic envy or paralyzed by sloth. Of course, most human beings don't suffer these defects at these rock-bottom levels, and we who have escaped such extremes are apt to congratulate ourselves. Yet can we? After all, hasn't it been self-interest that has enabled most of us to escape? Not much spiritual effort is involved in avoiding excesses which will bring us punishment anyway. But when we face up to the less violent aspects of these very same defects, where do we stand then? TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 66 97 Self-Respect Through Sacrifice At the beginning we sacrificed alcohol. We had to, or it would have killed us. But we couldn't get rid of alcohol unless we made other sacrifices. We had to toss self-justification, self-pity, and anger right out the window. We had to quit the crazy contest for personal prestige and big bank balances. We had to take personal responsibility for our sorry slate and quit blaming others for it. Were these sacrifices? Yes, they were. To gain enough humility and self-respect to stay alive at all, we had to give up what had really been our dearest possesions -- our ambition and our illegitimate pride. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 287 98 Anger -- Personal and Group Enemy "As the book `Alcoholics Anonymous' puts it, `Resentment is the Number One offender'. It is a primary cause of relapses into drinking. How well we of A.A. know that for us `to drink is eventually to go mad or die'. "Much the same penalty overhangs every A.A. group. Given enough anger, both unity and purpose are lost. Given still more `righteous' indignation, the group can disintegrate; it can actually die. This is why we avoid controversy. This is why we prescribe no punishments for any misbehavior, no matter how grievous. Indeed, no alcoholic can be deprived of his membership for any reason whatever. "Punishment never heals. Only love can heal." LETTER, 1966 99 The "Slipper" Needs Understanding "Slips can often be charged to rebellion; some of us are more rebellious than others. Slips may be due to the illusion that one can be `cured' of alcoholism. Slips can also be charged to carelessness and complacency. Many of us fail to ride out these periods sober. Things go fine for two or three years -- then the member is seen no more. Some of us suffer extreme guilt because of vices or practices that we can't or won't let go of. Too little self-forgiveness and too little prayer -- well, this combination adds up to slips. "Then some of us are far more alcohol-damaged than others. Still others encounter a series of calamities and cannot seem to find the spiritual resources to meet them. There are those of us who are physically ill. Others are subject to more or less continuous exhaustion,anxiety, and depression. These conditions often play a part in slips -- sometimes they are utterly controlling." TALK, 1960 100 The Forgotten Mountain When I was a child, I acquired some of the traits that had a lot to do with my insatiable craving for alcohol. I was brought up in a little town in Vermont, under the shadow of Mount Aeolus. An early recollection is that of looking up at this vast and mysterious mountain, wondering what it meant and whether I could ever climb that high. But I was presently distraced by my aunt who, as a fourth-birthday present, made me a plate of fudge. For the next thirty-five years I pursued the fudge of life and quite forgot about the mountain. << << << >> >> >> When self-indulgence is less than ruinous, we have a milder word for it. We call it "taking our comfort." 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 52-53 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 67 101 "The Spiritual Angle" How often do we sit in A.A. meetings and hear the speaker declare, "But I haven't yet got the spiritual angle." Prior to this statement, he has described a miracle of transformation which has occurred in him -- not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it. It is apparent to everyone else present that he has received a great gift, and that this gift is all out of proportion to anything that may be expected from simple A.A. participation. So we in the audience smile and say to ourselves, "Well, that guy is just reeking with the spiritual angle -- except that he doesn't seem to know it yet!" GRAPEVINE, JULY 1962 102 Healing Talk When we consult an A.A. friend, we should not be reluctant to remind him of our need for full privacy. Intimate communication is normally so free and easy among us that an A.A. adviser may sometimes forget when we expect him to remain silent. The protective sanctity of this most healing of human relations ought never be violated. Such privileged communications have priceless advantages. We find in them the perfect opportunity to be as honest as we know how to be. We do not have to think of the possibility of damage to other people, nor need we fear ridicule or condemnation. Here,too, we have the best possible chance of spotting self-deception. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 103 Principles Before Expediency Most of us thought good character was desirable. Obviously, good character was something one needed to get on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a proper display of honesty and morality, we'd stand a better chance of getting what we really wanted. But whenever we had to choose between character and comfort, character-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what we thought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character-building as something desirable initself. We never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living. << << << >> >> >> How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result, and so into easy, happy, and good living, is the problem of life itself. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 71-72 2. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1958 104 Our New Employer We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 63 105 Move Ahead To spend too much time on any one alcoholic is to deny some otheran opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half-dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance. << << << >> >> >> "Our chief responsibility to the newcomer is an adequate presentation of the program. If he does nothing or argues, we do nothing but maintain our own sobriety. If he starts to move ahead, even a little, with an open mind, we then break our necks to help in every way we can." 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 96 2. LETTER, 1942 106 "Perfect" Humility For myself, I try to seek out the truest definition of humility that I can. This will not be the perfect definition, because I shall always be imperfect. At this writing, I would choose one like this: "Absolute humility would consist of a state of complete freedom from myself, freedom from all the claims that my defects of character now lay so heavily upon me. Perfect humility would be a full willingness, in all times and places, to find and to do the will of God." When I mediate upon such vision, I need not be dismayed because I shall never attain it, nor need I swell with presumption that one of these days its virtues shall be mine. I only need to dwell on the vision itself, letting it grow and ever more fill my heart. This done, I can compare it with my last-taken personal inventory. Then I get a sane and healthy idea of where I stand on the highway to humility. I see that my journey toward God has scarce begun. As I thus get down to my right size and stature, my self-concern and importance become amusing. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961 107 Two Kinds of Pride The prideful righteousness of "good people" may often be just as destructive as the glaring sins of those who are supposedly not so good. << << << >> >> >> We loved to shout the damaging fact that millions of the "good men of religion" were still killing one another off in the name of God. This all meant, of course, that we had substituted negative for positive thinking. After we came to A.A., we had to recognize that this trait had been an ego-feeding proposition. In belaboring the sins of some religious people, we could feel superior to all of them. Moreover, we could avoid looking at some of our own shortcomings. Self-righteousness, the very thing that we had contemptuously condemned in others, was our own besetting evil. This phony form of respectability was our undoing, so far as faith was concerned. But finally, driven to A.A., we learned better. 1. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 30 108 Learn in Quiet In 1941, a news clipping was called to our attention by a New York member. In an obituary notice from a local paper, there appeared these words: "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Never had we seen so much A.A. in so few words. With amazing speed the Serenity Prayer came into general use. << << << >> >> >> In meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietly with the thoughts or prayers of spiritually centered people who understand, so that we may experience and learn. This is the state of being that so often discovers and deepens a conscious contact with God. 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 196 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 100-101 109 Freedom Through Acceptance We admitted we couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources, and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a Higher Power (if only our A.A. group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to accept these facts fully, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. For most of us, this pair of acceptances had required a lot of exertion to achieve. Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with sheer will power; it came instead as the result of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we began to be free. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962 110 Trouble: Constructive or Destructive? "There was a time when we ignored trouble, hoping it would go away. Or, in fear and in depression, we ran from it, but found it was still with us. Often, full of unreason, bitterness, and blame, we fought back. These mistaken attitudes, powered by alcohol, guaranteed our destruction, unless they were altered. "Then came A.A. Here we learned that trouble was really a fact of life for everybody -- a fact that had to be understood and dealt with. Surprisingly, we found that our troubles could, under God's grace, be converted into unimagined blessings. "Indeed, that was the essence of A.A. itself: trouble accepted, trouble squarely faced with calm courage, trouble lessened and often transcended. This was the A.A. story, and we became a part of it. Such demonstration became our stock in trade for the next sufferer." LETTER, 1966