111 Surveying the Past We should make an accurate and really exhaustive surveyof our past life as it has affected other people. In many instances we shall find that, though the harm done to others has not been great, we have nevertheless done ourselves considerable injury. Then, too, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciouness, very deep, sometimes quite forgotten. Therefore, we should try hard to recall and review those past events which originally induced these conflicts and which continue to give our emotions violent twists, thus discoloring our personalities and altering our lives for the worse. << << << >> >> >> "We reacted more strongly to frustration than normal people. By reliving these episodes and discussing them in strict confidence with somebody else, we can reduce their size and therfore their potency in the unconscious." 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 79-80 2. LETTER, 1957 112 Complete Security? Upon entering A.A., the spectacle of years of waste threw us into panic. Financial importance was no longer our principal aim; we now clamored for material secutity. Even when we re-established in our business, terrible fears often continued to haunt us. This made us misers and penny-pinchers all over again. Complete financial security we must have -- or else. We forgot that most alcoholics in A.A. have an earning power considerably above average; we forgot the immense good will of our brother A.A.'s who were only too eager to help us to better jobs when we deserved them; we forgot the actual or potential financial insecurity of every human being in the world. And, worst of all, we forgot God. In money matters we had faith only in ourselves, and not too much of that. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 120-121 113 To Be Fair-Minded Too often, I think, we have deprecated and even derided projects of our friends in the field of alcoholism just because we do not always see eye to eye with them. We should very seriously ask ourselves how many alcoholics have gone on drinking simply because we have failed to cooperate in good spirit with these many agencies -- whether they be good, bad, or indifferent. No alcoholic should go mad or die merely because he did not come straight to A.A. at the beginning. << << << >> >> >> Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. This carries a top-priority rating. When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. 1. GRAPEVINE, JULY 1965 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 91 114 No Personal Power "At first, the remedy for my personal difficulties seemed so obvious that I could not imagine any alcoholic turning the proposition down were it properly presented to him. Believing so firmly that Christ can do anything, I had the unconscious conceit to suppose that He would do everything through me -- right thenand in the manner I chose. After six long months, I had to admit that not a soul had surely laid hold of the Master -- not excepting myself. "This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over whichI had no personal power -- that if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, so I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God." LETTER, 1940 115 Essence of Growth Let us never fear needed change. Certainly we have to discriminate between changes for worse and changes for better. But once a need becomes clearly apparent in an individual, in a group, or in A.A. as a whole, it has long since been found out that we cannot stand still and look the other way. The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibilty this entails. GRAPEVINE, JULY 1965 116 Each Man's Vision "Beyond a Higher Power, as each of us may vision Him, A.A. must never, as a society, enter the field of dogma or theology. We can never become a religion in that sense, lest we kill our usefulness by getting bogged down in theological contention." << << << >> >> >> "The really amazing fact about A.A. is that all religions see in our program a resemblance to themselves. For example, Catholic theologians declare our Twelth Step to be in exact accord with their Ignatian Exercises for Retreat, and, though our book reeks of sin, sickness, and death, the Christian Science Monitor has often praised it editorially. "Now, looking through Quaker eyes, you, too, see us favorably. What happy circumstances, these!" 1. LETTER, 1954 2. LETTER, 1950 117 The Sense of Belonging Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 105 118 Prelude to the Program Few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have "hit bottom", for practicing A.A.'s Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. The average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospect -- unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. << << << >> >> >> We know that the newcomer has to "hit bottom"; otherwise, not much can happen. Because we are drunks who understand him, we can use at depth the nutcracker of the-obsession-plus-the-allergy as a tool of such power that it can shatter his ego. Only thus can he be convinced that on his own unaided resources he has little or no chance. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 24 2. A.A. TODAY, P. 8 119 On The Broad Highway "I now realize that my former prejudice against clergymen was blind and wrong. They have kept alive through the centuries a faith which might have been extinguished entirely. They pointed out the road to me, but I did not even look up, I was so full of prejudice and self-concern. "When I did open my eyes, it was because I had to. And the man who showed me the truth was a fellow sufferer and a layman. Through him, I saw at last, and I stepped from the abyss to solid ground, knowing at once that my feet were on the broad highway ifI chose to walk." LETTER, 1940 120 Word of Mouth "In my view, there isn't the slightest objection to groups who wish to remain strictly anonymous, or to people who think they would not like their membership in A.A. known at all. That is their business, and this is a very natural reaction. "However, most people find that anonymity to this degree is not necessary, or even desirable. Once one is fairly sober, and sure of this, there seems no reason for failing to talk about A.A. membership in the right places. This has a tendency to bring inother people. Word of mouth is one of our most important communications. "So we should criticize neither the people who wish to remain silent, nor even the people who wish to talk too much about belonging to A.A., provided they do not so at the public level and thus compromise our whole Society." LETTER, 1962 121 We are Not Fighting We have ceased fighting anything or anyone -- even alcohol. For by this time sanity has returned. We can now react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We see that this new attitude toward liquor is really a gift of God. That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That how we react -- so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 84-85 122 Defects and Repairs No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can he turn his will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? A beginning, even the smallest, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find we can always open it some more. Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment we again pick up the key of willingness. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 35 123 The New A.A. and His Family When alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations may develop which work against marriage partnership and compatible union. If the man is affected, the wife must become the head of the house, often the breadwinner. As matters get worse, the husband becomes a sick and irresponsible child who needs to be looked after and extricated from endless scrapes and impasses. Very gradually, usually without any realization of the fact, the wife is forced to become the mother of an erring boy, and the alcoholic alternately loves and hates her maternal care. Under the influence of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, these situations are often set right. << << << >> >> >> Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. The others must be convinced of his new status beyond the shadow of a doubt. Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 117-118 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 135 124 Freedom to Choose Looking back, we see that our freedom to choose badly was not, after all, a very real freedom. When we chose because we "must", this was not a free choice, either. But it got us started in the right direction. When we chose because we "ought to", we were really doing better. This time we were earning some freedom, making ourselves ready for more. But when, now and then, we could gladly make right choices without rebellion, hold-out, or conflict, then we had our first view of what perfect freedom under God's will could be like. GRAPEVINE, MAY 1960 125 Look Beyond the Horizon My workshop stands on a hill back of our home. Looking over the valley, I see the village community house where our local group meets. Beyond the circle of my horizon lies the whole world of A.A. << << << >> >> >> The unity of A.A. is the most cherished quality our Society has. Our lives, the lives of all to come, depend squarely upon it. Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat; our world arteries would no longer carry the life-giving grace of God. 1. A.A. TODAY, P. 7 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 129 126 "Admitted to God . . ." Provided you hold back nothing in taking the Fifth Step, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain sunsides, a healing tranquillity takes its place. And when humility and serenity are so combined, something else of great moment is apt to occur. Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheist, tells us that it was during this stage of Step Five that he first actually felt the presence of God. And even those who already had faith often become conscious of God as they never were before. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 62 127 Persistence in Prayer We often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that might help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first many of us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysteriousskill of clergymen, from which we may hope to get a secondhand benefit. << << << >> >> >> In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances. TWELVE AND TWELVE 1. P. 96 2. P. 104 128 Back to Work It is possible for us to use the alleged dishonesty of other people as a plausible excuse for not meeting our own obligations. Once, some prejudiced friends exhorted me never to go back to Wall Street. They were sure that the rampant materialism and double-dealing down there would stunt my spiritual growth. Because this sounded so high-minded, I continued to stay away from the only business that I knew. When, finally, my household went broke, I realized I hadn't been able to face the prospect of going back to work. So I returned to Wall Street, and I have ever since been glad that I did. I needed to rediscover that there are many fine people in New York's financial district. Then, too, I needed the experience of staying sober in the very surroundings where alcohol had cut me down. A Wall Street business trip to Akron, Ohio, first brought me face to face with Dr. Bob. So the birth of A.A. hinged on my effort to meet my bread-and-butter responsibilities. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 129 The Way of Strength We need not apologize to anyone for depending upon the Creator. We have good reason to disbelieve those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. For us, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that men of faith seldom lack courage. They trust their God. So we never apologize for our belief in Him. Instead, we try to let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 68 130 Our Problem Centers in the Mind We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, he usually reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, in both the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 22-23 131 Obstacles in Our Path We live in a world riddled with envy. To a greater or lesser degree, everybody is infected with it. From this defect we must surely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else why would we consume so much time wishing for what we have not, rather than working for it, or angrily looking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjusting to the fact, and accepting it? << << << >> >> >> Each of us would like to live at peace with himself and with his fellows. We would like to be assured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. We have seen that character defects based upon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles that block our path toward these objectives. We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God. TWELVE AND TWELVE 1. P. 67 2. P. 76 132 Spot-Checking A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of disturbancescan be of very great help in quieting stormy emotions. Today's spot check finds its chief application to situations which arise in each day's march. The consideration of long-standing difficulties had better be postponed, when possible, to times deliberately set aside for that purpose. The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups and downs, especially those where people or new events throw us off balance and tempt us to make mistakes. TWELVE AND TWELVE PP. 90-91 133 "Privileged People" I saw that I had been living too much alone, too much aloof from my fellows, and too deaf to that voice within. Instead of seeing myself as a simple agent bearing the message of experience, I had thought of myself as a founder of A.A. How much better it would have been had I felt gratitude rather than self-satisfaction -- gratitude that I had once suffered the pains of alcoholism, gratitude that a miracle of recovery had been worked upon me from above, gratitude for the privilege of serving my fellow alcoholics, and gratitude for those fraternal ties which bound me ever closer to them in a comradeship such as few societies of men have ever known. Truly did a clergyman say to me, "Your misfortune has become your good fortune. You A.A.'s are a privileged people." GRAPEVINE, JULY 1946 134 The Individual's Rights We believe there isn't a fellowship on earth which devotes more care to its individual members; surely there is none which more jealously guards the individual's right to think, talk, and act as he wishes. No A.A. can compel another to do anything; nobody can be punished or expelled. Our Twelve Steps to recovery are suggestions; the Twelve Traditions which guarantee A.A.'s unity contain not a single "Don't." They repeatedly say, "We ought..." but never "You must!" << << << >> >> >> "Though it is traditional that our Fellowship may not coerce anyone, let us not suppose even for an instant that we are not under constraint. Indeed, we are under enormous coercion -- the kind that comes in bottles. Our formertyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him. "Therefore, freedom from alcohol is the great `must' that has to be achieved, else we go mad or die." 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 129 2. LETTER, 1966 135 Victory in Defeat Convinced I never could belong, and vowing I'd never settle for any second-rate status, I felt I simply had to dominate in everything I chose to do: work or play. As this attractive formula for the good life began to succeed, according to my then specifications of success, I became deliriously happy. But when an undertaking occasionally did fail, I was filled with resentment and depression that could be cured only by the next triumph. Very early, therfore, I came to value everything in terms of victory or defeat -- "all or nothing." The only satisfaction I knew was to win. << << << >> >> >> Only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built. 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1962 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 21 136 Giving Up Defects Looking at those defects we are unwilling to give up, we ought to erase the hard and fast lines that we have drawn. Perhaps in some cases we shall say, "This I cannot give up yet...." But we should not say to ourselves, "This O will never give up!" The moment we say, "No, never!" our minds close against the grace of God. Such rebellion my be fatal. Instead, we should abandon limited objectives and begin to move towards God's will for us. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 68-69 137 Beyond Agnosticism We of agnostic temperament found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God. << << << >> >> >> "Many people soberly assure me that man has no better place in the universe than that of another competing organism, fighting its way through life only to perish the end. Hearing this, I feel that I still prefer to cling to the so-called illusion of religion, which in my own experience has meaningfully told me something very different." 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 46 2. LETTER, 1946 138 Two Roads for the Oldtimer The founders of many groups ultimately divide into two classes known in A.A. slang as "elder statesmen" and "bleeding deacons." The elder statesmen sees the wisdom of the group's decision to run itself and holds no resentment over his reduced status. His judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound; he is willing to sit quietly on the side lines patiently awaiting developments. The bleeding deacon is just as surely convinced that the group cannot get along without him. He constantly connives for re-election to office and continues to be consumed with self-pity. Nearly every oldtimer in our Society has gone through this process in some degree. Happily, most of them survive and live to become elder statesmen. They become the real and permanent leadership of A.A. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 135 139 Basis of All Humility For just so long as we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence, for just that long was a working faith in a Higher Power impossible. This was true even when we believed that God existed. We could actually have earnest religious beliefs which remained barren because we were still trying to play God ourselves. As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 72 140 Defects and Repairs More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it. << << << >> >> >> Guilt is really the reserve side of the coin of pride. Guilt aims at self-destruction, and pride aims at the destruction of others. << << << >> >> >> "The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits." 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 73 2. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961 3. LETTER, 1957