141 "Restore Us to Sanity" Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have any idea how irrational they are, or, seeing their irrationality, can bear to face it. For example, some will be willing to term themselves "problem drinkers," but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill. They are abettet in this blindness by a world which does not understand the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism. "Sanity" is defined as "soundness of mind". Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyzing his destructive behavior, whether the destruction fell on the dining-room furniture or his own moral fiber, can claim "soundness of mind" for himself. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 32-33 142 God-Given Instincts Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, there would be no society. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. << << << >> >> >> We tried to shape a sane ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test: Was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 42 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 69 143 A.A.'s School of Life Within A.A., I suppose, we shall always quarrel a good bit. Mostly, I think, about how to do the greatest good for the greatest number of drunks. We shall have our childish spats and snits over small questions of money management and who is going to run our groups for the next six months. Any bunch of growing children (and that is what we are) would hardly be in character if they did less. These are the growing pains of infancy, and we actually thrive on them. Surmounting such problems, in A.A.'s rather rugged school of life, is a healthy exercise. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 233 144 Blind Trust? "Most surely, there can be no trust where there is no love, nor can be real love where distrust holds malign sway. "But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation. "However, this inventory needs to be taken in a spirit of understanding and love. Nothing can so much bias our judgment as the negative emotions of suspicion, jealousy, or anger. "Having vested our confidence in another person, we ought to let him know of our full support. Because of this, more often than not he will respond magnificently, and far beyond our first expectations." LETTER, 1966 145 To Take Responsibility Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure. But every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparingsurvey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake. << << << >> >> >> The readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. TWELVE AND TWELVE 1. P. 77 2. P. 87 146 "Do as I Do . . ." Perhaps more often than we think, we make no contact at depth with alcoholics who are suffering the dilemma of no faith. Certainly none are more sensitive to spiritual cocksureness, pride, and aggression than they are. I'm sure this is something we too often forget. In A.A.'s first years, I all but ruined the whole undertaking with this sort of unconscious arrogance. God as I understood Him had to be for everybody. Sometimes my aggression was subtle and sometimes it was crude. But either way it was damaging -- perhaps fatally so -- to numbers of nonbelievers. Of course this sort of thing isn't confined to Twelfth Step work. It is very apt to leak out into our relations with everybody. Even now, I catch myself chanting that same old barrier-building refrain: "Do as I do, believe as I do -- or else!" GRAPEVINE, APRIL 1961 147 A.A. -- the Lodestar We can be grateful for every agency or method that tries to solve the problem of alcoholism -- whether of medicine, religion, education, or research. We can be open-minded toward all such efforts and we can be sympathetic when the ill-advised ones fail. We can remember that A.A. itself ran for years on "trial and error." As individuals, we can and should work with those that promise success -- even a little success. << << << >> >> >> Every one of the pioneers in the total field of alcoholism will generously say that had it not been for the living proof of recovery in A.A., they could not have gone on. A.A. was the lodestar of hope and help that kept them at it. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1958 3. LETTER, 1957 148 More than Comfort When I am feeling depressed, I repeat to myself statements such as these: "Pain is the touchstone of progress." . . . "Fear no evil." . . . "This, too, will pass." . . . "This experience can be turned to benefit." These fragments of prayer bring far more than mere comfort. They keep me on the track of right acceptance; they break up my compulsive themes of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride; and sometimes they endow me with the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962 149 Guide to a Better Way Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the Steps require. But we saw that the program really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. << << << >> >> >> Implicit throughout A.A.'s Traditions is the confession that our Fellowship has its sins. We admit that we have character defects as a society and that these defects threaten us continually. Our Traditions are a guide to better ways of working and living, and they are to group survival and harmony what A.A.'s Twelve Steps are to each member's sobriety and peace of mind. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 25 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 96 150 No Boundaries Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, of width or height or depth. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. But its object is always the same: to improve our conscious contact with God, with His grace, wisdom, and love. And let's always remember that meditation is in reality intensly practical. One of its first fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we understand Him. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 101-102 151 Start by Forgiving The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. Triumphantly we seize upon his slightest misbehavior as the perfect excusefor minimizing or forgetting our own. Right here we need to fetch ourselves up sharply. Let's remember that alcoholics are not only ones bedeviled by sick emotions. In many instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers, people whose woes we have increased. If we are about to ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start out by forgiving them, one and all? TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 78 152 Miraculous Power Deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that Power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. << << << >> >> >> "Faith may often be given through inspired teaching or a convincing personal example of its fruits. It may sometimes be had through reason. For instance, many clergymen believe that St. Thomas Auinas actually proved God's existence by sheer logic. But what can one do when all these channels fail? This was my own grievous dilemma. "It was only when I came fully to believe I was powerless over alcohol, only when I appealed to a God who just might exist, that I experienced a spiritual awakening. This freedom-giving experience came first, and then faith followed afterward -- a gift indeed!" 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 55 2. LETTER, 1966 153 Without Anger Suppose A.A. falls under sharp public attack or heavy ridicule, having little or no justification in fact. Our best defense in these situations would be no defense whatever -- namely, complete silence at the public level. If in good humor we let unreasonable critics alone, they are apt to subside the more quickly. If their attacks persist and it is plain that they are misinformed, it may be wise to communicate with them privately in a temperate and informative way. If, however, a given criticism of A.A. is partly or wholly justified, it may be well to acknowledge this privately to the critics, together with our thanks. But under no conditions should we exhibit anger or any punitive intent. << << << >> >> >> What we must recognize is that we exult in some of our defects. Self-righteous anger can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actuallytake satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us; it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. 1. TWELVE CONCEPTS, P. 74 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 66-67 154 Relapses -- and the Group An early fear was that of slips or relapses. At first nearly every alcoholic we approached began to slip, if indeed he sobered up at all. Others would stay dry six months or maybe a year and then take a skid. This was always a genuine catastrophe. We would all look at each other and say, "Who next?" Today, though slips are a very serious difficulty, as a group we take them in stride. Fear has evaporated. Alcohol always threatens the individual, but we know that it cannot destroy the common welfare. << << << >> >> >> "It does not seem to pay to argue with `slippers' about the proper method of getting dry. After all, why should people who are drinking tell people who are dry how it should be done? "Just kid the boys along -- ask them if they are having fun. If they are too noisy or troublesome, amiably keep out of their way." 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 97 2. LETTER, 1942 155 Built by the One and the Many We give thanks to our Heavenly Father, who, through so many friends and through so many means and channels, has allowed us to construct this wonderful edifice of the spirit in which we are now dwelling -- this cathedral whose foundations already rest upon the corners of the earth. On its great floor we have inscribed our Twelve Steps of recovery. On the side walls, the buttresses of the A.A. Traditions have been set in place to contain us in unity for as long as God may will it so. Eager hearts and hands have lifted the spire of our cathedral into its place. That spire bears the name of Service. May it ever point straight upward toward God. << << << >> >> >> "It's not only to the few that we owe the remarkable developments in our unity and in our ability to carry A.A.'s message everywhere. It is to the many; indeed, it is to the labors of all of us that we owe these prime blessings." 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 234 2. TALK, 1959 156 Perception of Humility An improved perception of humility starts a revolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come straight out of painful ego-puncturing. Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems. Escape via the bottle was always our solution. Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. << << << >> >> >> To those who have made progress in A.A., humility amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. TWELVE AND TWELVE 1. PP. 74-75 2. P. 58 157 Imagination Can Be Constructive We recall, a little ruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination as it tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in that sort of thinking, didn't we? And, though sober nowadays, don't we often try to do much the same thing? Perhaps our trouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps the real trouble was our almost total inability to point imagination toward the right objectives. There's nothing the matter with truly constructive imagination; all sound achievements rests upon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first visions a plan for it. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 100 158 Tolerance in Practice "We found that the principles of tolerance and love had to be emphasized in actual practice. We can never say (or insinuate) to anyone that he must agree to our formula or be excommunicated. The atheist may stand up in an A.A. meeting still denying the Deity, yet reporting how vastely he has been changed in attitude and outlook. Much experience tells us he will presently change his mind about God, but nobody tells him he must do so. "In order to carry the principle of inclusiveness and tolerance still further, we make no religious requirement of anyone. All people having an alcoholic problem who wish to get rid of it and so make a happy adjustment with the circumstances of their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is needed. But we do not demand even this. "In such an atmosphere the orthodox, the unorthodox, and the unbeliever mix happily and usefully together. An opportunity for spiritual growth is open to all." LETTER, 1940 159 Between the Extremes "The real question is whether we can learn anything from our experiences upon which we may grow and help others to grow in the likeness and image of God. "We know that if we rebel against doing that which is reasonably possible for us, then we will be penalized. And we will be equally penalized if we presume in ourselves a perfection that simply is not there. "Apparently, the course of relative humility and progress will have to lie somewhere between these extremes. In our slow progress away from rebellion, true perfection is doubtless several millennia away." LETTER, 1959 160 The Rationalizers and the Self-Effacing We alcoholics are the biggest rationalizers in the world. Fortified with the excuse that we are doing great things for A.A., we can, through broken anonymity, resume our old and disastrous pursuit of personal power and prestige, public honors, and money -- the same implacable urges that, when frustrated, once caused us to drink. << << << >> >> >> Dr. Bob was essentially a far more humble person than I, and anonymity came rather easily to him. When it was sure that he was mortally afflicted, some of his friends suggested that there should be a monument erected in honor of him and his wife, Anne -- befitting a founder and his lady. Telling me about this, Dr. Bob grinned broadly and said, "God bless 'em. They mean well. But let's you and me get buried just likeother folks." In the Akron cementery where Dr. Bob and Anne lie, the simple stone says not a word about A.A. This final example of self-effacement is of more permanent worth to A.A. than any amount of public attention or any great monument. A.A. COMES OF AGE 1. PP. 292-293 2. PP. 136-137 161 Whose Inventory? We do not relate intimate experiences of another member unless we are sure he would approve. We find it better, when possible, to stick to our own stories. A man may criticize or laugh at himself and it will affect others favorably, but criticism or ridicule aimed at someone else often produces the contrary effect. << << << >> >> >> A continous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, of course, in all times and places have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 125 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 88 162 "Lets Keep It Simple" "We need to distinguish sharply between spiritual simplicity and functional simplicity. "When we say that A.A. advocates no theological propositon except God as we understand Him, we geatly simplify A.A. life by avoiding conflict and exclusiveness. "But when we get into questions of action by groups, by areas, and by A.A. as a whole, we find that we must to some extent organize to carry the message -- or else face chaos. And chaos is not simplicity." << << << >> >> >> I learned that the temporary or seeming good can often be the deadly enemy of the permanent best. When it comes to survival for A.A., nothing short of our best will be good enough. 1. LETTER, 1966 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 294 163 Release and Joy Who can render an account of all the miseries that once were ours, and who can estimate the release and joy that the later years have brought to us? Who can possibly tell the vast consequences of what God's work through A.A. has already set in motion? And who can penetrate the deeper mystery of our wholesale deliverance from slavery, a bondage to a most hopeless and fatal obsession which for centuries possesed the minds and bodies od men and women like ourselves? << << << >> >> >> We think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have helped others to recover. What greater cause could there be for rejoycing thanthis? 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 44-45 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 132 164 A Saving Principle The practice of admitting one's defects to another person is, of course, very ancient. It has been validated in every century, and it characterizes the lives of all spiritually centered and truly religious people. But today religion is by no means the sole advocate of this saving principle. Psychiatrists and psychologists point out the deep need every human being has for practical insight and knowledge of his own personality flaws and for a discussion of them withan understanding and trustworthy person. So far as alcoholics are concerned, A.A. would go even further. Most of us would declare that without a fearless admission of our defects to another human being, we could not stay sober. It seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive obsessions until we are willing to try this. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 56-57 165 "Success" in Twelfth-Stepping "We now see that in twelth-stepping the immediate results are not so important. Some people start out working with others and have immediate success. They are likely to get crocky. Those of us who are not so successful at first get depressed. "As a matter of fact, the successful worker differs from the unsuccessful only in being lucky about his prospects. He simply hits newcomers who are ready and able to stop at once. Given the same prospects, the seemingly unsuccessful person would have produced almost the same results. You have to work ona lot of newcomers before the law of averages commences to assert itself." << << << >> >> >> All true communication must be founded on mutual need. We saw that each sponsor would have to admit humbly his own needs as clearly as those of his prospect. 1. LETTER, 1942 2. A.A. TODAY, P. 10 166 Fear No Evil Though we of A.A. find ourselves living in a world characterized by destructive fears as never before in history, we see great areas of faith, and tremendous aspirations toward justice and brotherhood. Yet no prophet can presume to say whether the world outcome will be blazing destruction or the beginning, under God's intention, of the brightest era yet known to mankind. I am sure we A.A.'s will comprehend this scene. In microcosm, we have experienced this identical state of terrifying uncertainty, each in his own life. In no sense pridefully, we can say that we do not fear the world outcome, whichever course it may take. This is because we have been enabled to deeply feel and say, "We shall fearno evil -- Thy will, not ours, be done." 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1962 167 Progress Rather than Perfection On studying the Twelve Steps, many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. << << << >> >> >> "We recovered alcoholics are not so much brothers in virtue as we are brothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them." 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 60 2. LETTER, 1946 168 Accepting God's Gifts "Though many theologians hold the sudden spiritual experiences amount to a special distinction, if not a divine appointment of some sort, I question this view. Every human being, no matter what his attributes for good or evil, is a part of the divine spiritual economy. Therefore, each of us has his place, and I cannot see that God intends to exalt one over another. "So it is necessary for all of us to accept whatever positive gifts we receive with a deep humility, always bearing in mind that our negative attitudes were first necessary as a means of reducing us to such a state that we would be ready for a gift of the positive ones via the conversion experience. Your own alcoholism and the immense deflation that finally resulted are indeed the foundationupon which your spiritual experiences rests." LETTER, 1964 169 Learning Never Ends "My experience as an oldtimer has to some degree paralleled your own and that of many others. We all find that the time comes when we are not allowed to manage and conduct the functional affairs of groups, areas, or, in my case, A.A. as a whole. In the end we can only be worth as much as our spiritual example has justified. To that extent, we become useful symbols -- and that's just about it." << << << >> >> >> "I have become a pupil of the A.A. movement rather than the teacher I once thought I was." 1. LETTER, 1964 2. LETTER, 1949 170 Whose Will? We have seen A.A.'s ask with much earnestness and faith for God's explicit guidance on matters ranging all the wayfrom a shattering domestic or financial crisis to a minor personal fault, like tardiness. A man who tries to run his life rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions, he instantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his will into all sorts of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance that he is acting under God's specific direction. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 103-104