171 Dividends and Mysteries "The A.A. preoccupation with sobriety is sometimes misunderstood. To some, this single virtue appears to be the sole dividend of our Fellowship. We are thought to be dried-up drunks who otherwise have changed little, or not at all, for the better. Such a surmise widely misses the truth. We know that permanent sobriety can be attained only by a most revolutionary change in the life and outlook of the individual -- by a spiritual awakening that can banish the desire to drink." << << << >> >> >> "You are asking yourself, as all of us must: `Who am I?' ... `Where am I?' ... `Whence do I go?' The process of enlightenment is usually slow. But, in the end, our seeking always brings a finding. These great mysteries are, after all, enshrined in complete simplicity. The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development." 1. LETTER, 1966 2. LETTER, 1955 172 This Matter of Honesty "Only God can fully know what absolute honesty is. Therefore, each of us has to conceive what this great ideal may be -- to the best of our ability. "Fallible as we all are, and will be in this life, it would be presumption to suppose that we could ever really achieve absolute honesty. The best way we can do is to strive for a better quality of honesty. "Sometimes we need to place love ahead of indiscriminate `factual honesty'. We cannot, under the guise of `perfect honesty', cruelly and unnecessarily hurt others. Always one must ask, `What is the best and most loving thing I can do?'" LETTER, 1966 173 Roots of Reality We started upon a personal inventory, Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock in trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We had to take stock honestly. << << << >> >> >> "Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselevs. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 64 2. LETTER, 1949 174 Constructive Forces Mine was exactly the kind of deep-seated block we so often see today in new people who say they are atheistic or agnostic. Their will to disbelieve is so powerful tha apparently they prefer a date with the undertaker to an open-minded and experimental quest for God. Happily for me, and for most of my kind who have since come along in A.A., the constructive forces brought to bear in our Fellowship have nearly always overcome this colossal obstinacy. Beaten into complete defeat by alcohol, confronted by the living proof of release, and surrounded by those who can speak to us from the heart, we have finally surrendered. And then, paradoxically, we have found ourselves in a new dimension, the real world of spirit and faith. Enough willingness, enough open-mindedness -- and there it is! A.A. TODAY, P. 9 175 Aspects of Tolerance All kinds of people have found their way into A.A. Not too long ago, I sat talking in my office with a member who bears the title Countess. That same night, I went to an A.A. meeting. It was winter, and there was a mild-looking little gent taking the coats. I said, "Who's that?" And somebody answered, "Oh, he's been around for a long time. Everybody likes him. He used to be one of Al Capone's mob." That's how universal A.A. is today. << << << >> >> >> We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith canbe acquired. All of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator, with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 102 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 28 176 Domination and Demand The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. << << << >> >> >> My dependency meant demand -- a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 53 2. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1958 177 Money -- Before and After In our drinking time, we acted as if the money supply were inexhaustible, though between binges we'd sometimes go to the other extreme and become miserly. Without realizing it, we were just accumulating funds for the next spree. Money was the symbol of pleasure and self-importance. As our drinking became worse, money was only an urgent requirement which could supply us with the next drink and the temporary comfort of oblivion it brought. << << << >> >> >> Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well-being always follows spiritual progress; it never precedes. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 120 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 127 178 Down to Earth Those of us who have spent much time in the world of spiritual make-believe have eventually seen the childishness of it. This dream world has been replaced by a great sense of purpose, accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives. We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 130 179 Coping with Anger Few people have been more victimized by resentment than have we alcoholics. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. These "dry benders" often led straight to the bottle. << << << >> >> >> Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism, furious power-driven argument, sulking, and silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. We can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic. TWELVE AND TWELVE 1. P. 90 2. P. 91 180 Community Problem The answer to the problem of alcoholism seems to be in education -- education in schoolrooms, in medical colleges, among clergymen and employers, in families, and in the public at large. From cradle to grave, the drunk and the potential alcoholic will have to be completely surrounded by a true and deep understanding and by a continuous barrage of information. This means factual education, properly presented. Heretofore, much of this education has attacked the immorality of drinking rather than the illness of alcoholism. Now who is going to do all this education? Obviously, it is both a community job and a job for specialists. Individually, we A.A.'s can help, but A.A. as such cannot, and should not, get directly into this field. Therefore, we must rely on other agencies, on outside friends and their willingness to supply great amounts of money and effort. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1958 181 Imaginary Perfection When we early A.A.'s got our first glimmer of how spiritually prideful we could be, we coined this expression: "Don't try to be a saint by Thursday!" That oldtime admonition may look like another of those handy alibis that can excuse us from trying for our best. Yet a closer view reveals just the contrary. This is our A.A. way of warning against pride-blindness, and the imaginary perfections that we do not possess. << << << >> >> >> Only Step One, where we made the 100 per cent admission that we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection. The remaining eleven Steps state perfect ideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the measuring sticks by which we estimate our progress. 1. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 68 182 The Reality of Spiritual Experiences "Perhaps you raise the question of hallucination versus the divine imagery of a genuine spiritual experience. I doubt if anyone has authoritatively defined what an hallucination really is. However, it is certain that all recipients of spiritual experiences declare for their reality. The best evidence of that reality is in the subsequent fruits. Those who receive these gifts of grace are very much changed people, almost invariably for the better. This can scarcely be said of those who hallucinate. "Some might think me presumptuous when I say that my own experience is real. Nevertheless, I can surely report that in my own life and in the lives of countless others, the fruits of that experience have been real, and the benefactions beyond reckoning." TALK 1960 183 A Viewer-with-Alarm "I went through several fruitless years in a state called `viewing with alarm for the good of the movement'. I thought it was up to me to be always `correcting conditions'. Seldom had anybody been able to tell me what I ought to do, and nobody had ever succeeded in effectively telling me what I must do. I had to learn the hard way out of my own experience. "When setting out to `check' others, I found myself often motivated by fear of what they were doing, self-righteousness, and even downright intolerance. Consequently, I seldom succeeded in correcting anything. I just raised barriers of resentment thatcut off any suggestion, example, understanding, or love." << << << >> >> >> "A.A.'s often say, `Our leaders do not drive by mandate; they lead by example.' If we would favorable affect others, we ourselves need to practice what we preach -- and forget the `preaching,' too. The quiet good example speaks for itself." 1. LETTER, 1945 2. LETTER, 1966 184 Meeting Adversity "Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. Ifyou will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down. "We A.A.'s have had no better teacher than Old Man Adversity, except in those cases where we refuse to let him teach us." << << << >> >> >> "Now and then all of us fall under heavy criticism. When we are angered and hurt, it's difficult not to retaliate in kind. Yet we can restrain ourselves and then probe ourselves, asking whether our critics were really right. If so, we can admit our defects to them. This usually clears the air for mutual understanding. "Suppose our critics are being unfair. Then we can try to calm persuasion. If they continue to rant, it is still possible for us -- in our hearts -- to forgive them. Maybe a sense of humour can be our saving grace -- thus we can both forgive and forget." 1. LETTER, 1958 2. LETTER, 1966 185 Boomerang When I was ten, I was tall and gawky, and smaller kids could push me around in quarrels. I remember being very depressed for a year ormore, and then I began to develop a fierce resolve to win. One day, my grandfather came along with a book about Australia and told me, "This book says that nobody but an Australian bushman knows how to make and throw the boomerang." "Here's my chance," I thought. "I will be the first man in America to make and throw a boomerang." Well, any kid could have had a notion like that. It might have lasted two days or two weeks. But mine was a power drive that kept on for six months, till Imade a boomerang that swung around the church yard in front of the house and almost hit my grandfather in the head when it came back. Emotionally, I had begun the fashioning of another sort of boomerang, one that almost killed me later on. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 53 186 "The Only Requirement . . ." In Tradition Three, A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, "You are an A.A. member if you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keep you out. No matter how grave your emotional complications -- even your crimes-- we don't want to keep you out. We just want to be sure that you get the same chance for sobriety that we've had." << << << >> >> >> We do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. We wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 139 2. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1946 187 Talk or Action? In making amends, it is seldom wise to approach an individual, who still smarts from our injustice to him, and announce that we have gone religious. This might be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? If we do this, we may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message. But the man who hears our amends is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right a wrong. He is going to be more interested in a demonstration of good will than in our talk of spiritual discoveries. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 77 188 To Survive Trials In our belief, any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes wholly to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. Release from alcohol, and not flight from it, is our answer. << << << >> >> >> "Faith without works is dead." And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic fails to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he cannot survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he does not work, he will surely drink again, and if he drinks, he will surely die. Then faith will be dead indeed. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 1. P. 101 2. PP. 14-15 189 Experimenters We agnostics liked A.A. all right, and were quick to say that it had done miracles. But we recoiled from meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientist who refused to perform a certain experiment lest it prove his pet theory wrong. When we finally did experiment, and unexpected results followed, we felt different; in fact, we knew different; and so we were sold on meditation and prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to anybody who tries. It has been well said that "Almost theonly scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough." TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 97 190 The A.A. Way in the Home* Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them, explaining A.A.'s concept of alcoholism and its treatment. If they accept this and also apply our principles to their problems, there is a much better chance that the head of the family will recover. And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable. << << << >> >> >> Unless a new member's family readily expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles, we think he ought not to urge them. They will change in time. His better behavior will usually convince them far more than his words. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 1. P. 97 2. P. 83 * Today, the initiation of the A.A. way of life in the home is the central purpose of the Al-Anon Family Groups, of which there are (as of 1978) about 15,300 throughout the world. These are composed of wives, husbands, and relatives of alcoholics. In restoring families to the good life, Al-Anon's success has been enormous. 191 The Beginning of Humility "There are few absolute inherent in the Twelve Steps. Most Steps are open to interpretation, based on the experience and outlook of the individual. "Consequently, the individual is free to start the Steps at whatever point he can, or will. God, as we understand Him, may be defined as a `Power greater...' or the Higher Power. For thousands of members, the A.A. group itself has been a `Higher Power' in the beginning. This acknowledgment is easy to make if a newcomer knows that most of the members are sober and he isn't. "His admission is the beginning of humility -- at least the newcomer is willing to disclaim that he himself is God. That's all the start he needs. If, following this achievement, he will relax and practice as many of the Steps as he can, he is sure to grow spiritually." LETTER, 1966 192 Carrying the Message The wonderful energy the Twelfth Step releases, by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs, is the payoff, the magnificent reality of A.A. << << << >> >> >> Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 109 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS P. 95 193 The Spiritual Alibi Our first attempts at inventories are apt to prove very unrealistic. I used to be a champ at unrealistic self-appraisal. On certain occasions, I wanted to look only at the part of my life which seemed good. Then I would greatly exaggerate whatever virtues I supposed I had attained. Next I would congratulate myself on the grand job I was doing in A.A. Naturally this generated a terrible hankering for still more "accomplishments," and still more approval. I was falling straight back into the pattern of my drinking days. Here were the same old goals -- power, fame, and applause. Besides, I had the best alibi known -- the spiritual alibi. The fact that I really did have a spiritual objective made this utter nonsense seem perfectly right. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961 194 The Obsession and the Answer The idea is somehow, some day, he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. << << << >> >> >> Alcoholism, not cancer, was my illness, but what was the difference? Was not alcoholism also a consumer of body and mind? Alcoholism took longer to do its killing, but the result was the same. So, I decided, if there was a great Physician who could cure the alcoholic sickness, I had better seek Him at once. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 30 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 61 195 The Language of the Heart Why, at this particular point in history, has God chosen to communicate His healing grace to so many of us? Every aspect of this global unfoldment can be related to a single crucial word. The word is "communication". There has been a lifesaving communication among ourselves, with the world around us, and with God. >From the beginning, communication in A.A. has been no ordinary transmission of helpful ideas and attitudes. Because our common means of deliverance are effective for ourselves only when constantly carried to others, our channels of contact have always charged with the language of the heart. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 7-8 196 Antidote for Fear When our failings generate fear, we then have soul-sickness. This sickness, in turn, generates still more character defects. Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat, drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fearing we shall never have enough. And, with genuine alarm at the prospect at work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrastinate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam. These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build. << << << >> >> >> As faith grows, so does inner security. The vast underlying fear of nothingness commences to subside. We of A.A. find that our basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 49 2. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1962 197 Where Rationalizing Leads "You know what our genius for rationalization is. If, to ourselves, we fully justify one slip, then our rationalizing propensities are almost sure to justify another one, perhaps with a different set of excuses. But one justification leads to another and presently we are back on the bottle full-time." << << << >> >> >> Experience shows, all too often, that even the "controlled" pill-taker may get out of control. The same crazy rationalizations that once characterized his drinking begin to blight his existence. He thinks that if pills can cure insomnia so may they cure his worry. Our friends the doctors are seldom directly to blame for the dire results we so often experience. It is much too easy for alcoholics to buy these dangerous drugs, and once possessed of them the drinker is often likely to use them without any judgement whatever. 1. LETTER 1959 2. GRAPEVINE, NOVEMBER 1945 198 Tell the Public? "A.A.'s of worldly prominence sometimes say, `If I tell the public that I am in Alcoholics Anonymous, then that will bring in many others.' Thus they express the belief that our anonymity Tradition is wrong -- at least for them. "They forget that, during their drinking days, prestige and the achievement of worldly ambition were their principal aims. They do not realize that, by breaking anonymity, they are unconsciously pursuing those old and perilous illusions once more. They forget that the keeping of one's anonymity often means a sacrifice of one's desire for power, prestige, and money. They do not see that if these strivings became general in A.A., the course of our whole history would be changed; that we would be sowing the seeds of our own destruction as a society. "Yet I can happily report that while many of us are tempted -- and I have been one -- few of us in America actually break our anonymity at the public-media level." LETTER, 1958 199 Arrogance and Its Opposite A very tough-minded prospect was taken to his first A.A. meeting, where two speakers (or maybe lecturers) themed their talks on "God as I understand Him." Their attitude oozed arrogance. In fact, the final speaker got far overboard on his personal theological convictions. Both were repeating my performance of years before. Implicit in everything they said was the same idea: "Folks, listen to us. We have the only true brand of A.A. -- and you'd better get it!" The new prospect said he'd had it -- and he had. His sponsor protested that this wasn't real A.A. But it was to late; nobody could touch him after that. << << << >> >> >> I see "humility for today" as a safe and secure stance midway between violent emotional extremes. It is a quiet place where I can keep enough perspective and enough balance to take my next small step up the clearly marked road that points toward eternal values. GRAPEVINE 1. APRIL, 1961 2. JUNE, 1961 200 Source of Strength When World War II broke out, our A.A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They had even fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'s safe at home did. They were just as capable of endurance and valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on the Salerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power worked. Far from being a weakness, this dependence was their chief source of strength. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 38-39