201 Unlimited Choice Any number of alcoholics are bedeviled by the dire conviction that if ever they go nearA.A. they will be pressured to conform to some particular brand of faith or theology. They just don't realize that faith is never an imperative for A.A. memberships; that sobriety can be achieved with an easily acceptable minimum of it, and that our concepts of a Higher Power and God -- as we understand Him -- afford everyone a nearly unlimited choice of spiritual belief and action. << << << >> >> >> In talking to a prospect, stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles. 1. GRAPEVINE, APRIL 1961 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 93 202 The Hour of Decision "Not all large decisions can be well made by simply listing the pros and cons of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the voice of intuition. If, in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic. "If after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation, logic and intuition maywell agree upon a right course. "But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear. Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience." LETTER, 1966 203 True Tolerance Gradually we began to be able to accept the other fellow's sins as well as his virtues. We coined the potent and meaningful expression "Let us always love the best in others -- and never fear their worst." << << << >> >> >> Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. When this happens, we approach true tolerance and we see what real love for our fellows actually means. 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1962 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 92 204 The Building of Character Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due to us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins. If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation. That is something we are supposed to be willing to work toward ourselves. He asks only that we try as best we know how to make progress in the building of character. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 65 205 Virtue and Self-Deception I used to take comfort from an exaggerated belief in my own honesty. My New England kinfolk had taught me the sanctity of all business commitments and contracts, saying, "A man's word is his bond." After this rigorous conditioning, business honesty always came easy; I never flim-flammed anyone. However, this small fragment of readily won virtue did produce some interesting liabilities. I never failed to whip up a fine contempt for those of my fellow Wall Streeters who were prone to shortchange their customers. This was arrogant enough, but the ensuing self-deception proved even worse. My prized business honesty was presently converted into a comfortable cloak under which I could hide the many serious flaws that beset other departments of my life. Being certain of this one virtue, it was easy to conclude that I had them all. For years on end, this prevented me from taking a good look at myself. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 206 Praying for Others While prayingsincerely, we still may fall into temptation. We form ideas as to what we think God's will is for other people. We say to ourselves, "This one ought to be cured of his fatal malady" or "That one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain," and we pray for these specific things. Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God's will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.'s experience that particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 104 207 The Fellowship's Future "It seems proved that A.A. can stand on its own feet anywhere and under any conditions. It has outgrown any dependence it might once have had upon the personalities or efforts of a few of the older members like me. New, able, and vigorous people keep coming to the surface, turning up where they are needed. Besides, A.A. has reached enough spiritual maturity to know that its final dependence is upon God." << << << >> >> >> Clearly, our first duty to A.A.'s future is to maintain in full strength what we now have. Only the most vigilant caretaking can assure this. Never should we be lulled into complacent self-satisfaction by the wide acclaim and success that are everywhere ours. This is the subtle temptation which could render us stagnant today, perchance disintegrate us tomorrow. We have always rallied to meet and transcend failure and crisis. Problems have been our stimulants. How well, though, shall we be able to meet the problems of success? 1. LETTER, 1940 2. A.A. TODAY, P. 106 208 Reason -- a Bridge to Faith We were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn't duck the issue. Some of us had already walked along the bridge of reason toward the desired shore of faith, where friendly hands had stretched out in welcome. We were grateful that reason had brought us so far. But, somehow, we couldn't quite step ashore. Perhaps we had been relying too heavily on Reason that last mile, and we did not like to lose our support. Yet without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the god of reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 53-54 209 Never the Same Again It was discovered that when one alcoholic had planted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady, that person could never be the same again. Following every spree, he would say to himself, "Maybe those A.A.'s were right." After a few such experiences, often before the onset of extreme difficulties, he would return to us convinced. << << << >> >> >> In the first years, those of us who sobered up in A.A. had been grim and utterly hopeless cases. But then we began to have success with milder alcoholics and even some potential alcoholics. Younger folks appeared. Lots of people turned up who still had jobs, homes, health, and even good social standing. Of course, it was necessary for these newcomers to hit bottom emotionally. But they did not have to hit every possible bottom in order to admit that they were licked. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 23-24 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 199 210 Out of Bondage At Step Three, many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that transcendence over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this Step, making sure we were ready. Then we could commence to abandon ourselves utterly to Him. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 63 211 Reaching for Humility We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. << << << >> >> >> "We first reach for a little humility, knowing that we shall perish of alcoholism if we do not. After a time, though we may still rebel somewhat, we commence to practice humility because this is the right thing to do. Then comes the day when, finally freed in large degree from rebellion, we practice humility because we deeply want it as a way of life." 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 75 2. LETTER, 1966 212 Faith and Action Your prospect's religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case, he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. Admit that he probably knows more about religion than you do, but remind him that, however deep his faith and knowledge, these qualities could not have served him well, or he would not be asking your help. << << << >> >> >> Dr. Bob did not need me for his spiritual instruction. He had already had more of that than I. What he did need, when we first met, was the deflation at depth and the understanding that only one drunk can give to another. What I needed was the humility of self-forgetfulness and the kinship with another human being of my own kind. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 93 2. A.A. TODAY, P. 10 213 Complete the Housecleaning Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves shoddy facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling experience of the Fifth Step, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 72-73 214 Only Try In my teens, I had to be an athlete because I was not an athlete. I had to be a musician because I could not carry a tune. I had to be the president of my class in boarding school. I had to be first in everything because in my perverse heart I felt myself the least of God's creatures. I could not accept my deep sense of inferiority, and so I strove to become captain of the baseball team, and I did learn to play the fiddle. Lead I must -- or else. This was the "all or nothing" kind of demand that later did me in. << << << >> >> >> "I'm glad you are going to try that new job. But make sure that you are only going to `try'. If you approach the project in the attitude that `I must succeed, I must not fail, I cannot fail,' then you guarantee a drinking relapse. But if you look at the venture as a constructive experiment only, then all should go well." 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 53 2. LETTER, 1958 215 Constructive Workouts There are those in A.A. whom we call "destructive" critics. They power-drive, they are "politickers," theymake accusation to gain their ends -- all for the good of A.A., of course! But we have learned that these folks need not be really destructive. We ought to listen carefully to what they say. Sometimes they are telling the whole truth; at other times, a little truth. If we are within their range, the whole truth, the half truth, or no truth at all can prove equally unpleasant to us. If they have got the whole truth, or even little truth, then we had better thank them and get on withour respective inventories, admitting we were wrong. If they are talking nonsense, we can ignoreit, or else try to persuade them. Failing this, we can be sorry they are too sick to listen, and we can try to forget the whole business. There are few better means of self-survey and of developing patience than the workouts these usually well-meaning but erratic members so often afford us. TWELVE CONCEPTS, P. 43 216 After the "Honeymoon" "For most of us, the first years of A.A. are something like a honeymoon. There is a new and potent reason to stay alive, joyful activity aplenty. For a time, we are diverted from the main life problems. That is all to the good. "But when the honeymoon has worn off, we are obliged to take our lumps, like other people. This is where the testing starts. Maybe the group has pushed us onto the side lines. Maybe difficulties have intensified at home, or in the world outside. Then theold behavior patterns reappear. How well we recognize and deal with them reveals the extent of our progress." << << << >> >> >> The wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. 1. LETTER, 1954 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 88 217 Hope Born from Hopelessness Letter to Dr. Carl Jung: "Most conversion experiences, whatever their variety, do have a common denominator of ego collapse at depth. The individual faces an impossible dilemma. "In my case the dilemma had been created by my compulsive drinking, and the deep feeling of hopelessness had been vastly deepened by my doctor. It was deepened still more by my alcoholic friend when he acquainted me with your verdict of hopelessness respecting Rowland H. <note: the following is "The Message" !!!> "In the wake of my spiritual experience there came a vision of a society of alcoholics. If each sufferer were to carry the news of the scientifc hopelessness of alcoholism to each new prospect, he might be able to lay every newcomer wide open to a transforming spiritual experience. This concept proved to be the foundation of such success as A.A. has since achieved." GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1963 218 Happy -- When We're Free For most normal folks, drinking means release from care, boredom and worry. It means joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking delusion that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure. << << << >> >> >> We are sure God would like us to be happy, joyous, and free. Hence, we cannot subscribe to the belief that this life necessarily has to be a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it became clear that most of the time we had madeour own misery. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 1. P. 151 2. P. 133 219 Willing to Believe Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they might mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which had seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth. But if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conceptions of God, however limited they were. Weneeded to ask ourselves but one short question: "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he ison his way. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 47 220 In Partnership As we made spiritual progress, it became clear that, if we ever were to feel emotionally secure, we would have to put our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have to develop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhood with all those around us. We saw that we would need to give constantly of ourselves without demand for repayment. When we persistently did this, we gradually found that people were attracted to us as never before. And even if they failed us, we could be understanding and not too seriously affected. << << << >> >> >> The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitionsand desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.'s entire Fellowship. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 115-116 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 287-288 221 God Will Not Desert Us "Word comes to me that you are making a magnificent stand in adversity -- this adversity being the state of your health. It gives me a chance to express my gratitude for your recovery in A.A. and especially for the demonstration of its principles you are now so inspringly giving to us all. "You will be glad to know that A.A.'s have an almost unfailing record in this respect. This, I think, is because we are so aware that God will not desert us when the chips are down; indeed, He did not when we were drinking. And so it should be with the remainder of life. "Certainly, He does not plan to save us from all troubles and adversity. Nor, in the end, does He save us from so-called death -- since this is but an openingof a door into a new life, where we shall dwell among His many mansions. Touching these things I know you have a most confident faith." LETTER, 1966 222 Who Is to Blame? At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved. We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 67 223 One Fellowship -- Many Faiths As a society we must never become so vain as to suppose that we are authors and inventors of a new religion. We will humbly reflect that every one of A.A.'s principles has been borrowed from ancient sources. << << << >> >> >> A minister in Thailand wrote, "We took A.A.'s Twelve Steps to the largest Buddhist monastry in this province, and the head priest said, `Why,these Steps are fine! For us Buddhists, it might be slightly more acceptable if you had inserted the word `good' in your Steps instead of `God'. Nevertehless, you say that it is God as you understand Him, and that must certainly include the good. Yes, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will surely be accepted by Buddhists around here.'" << << << >> >> >> St. Louis oldtimers recall how Father Edward Dowling helped start their group; it turned out to be largely Protestant, but this fazed him not a bit. A.A. COMES OF AGE 1. P. 231 2. P. 81 3. P. 37 224 Leadership in A.A. No society can function well without able leadership at all its levels, and A.A. can be no exception. But we A.A.'s sometimes cherish the thought that we can do without much personal leadership at all. We are apt to warp the traditional idea of "principles before personalities" around to such a point that there would be no "personality" in leadership whatever. This would imply rather faceless robots trying to please everybody. A leader in A.A. service is a man (or woman) who can personally put principles, plans, and policies into such dedicated and effective action that the rest of us naturally want to back him up and help him with his job. When a leader powerdrives us badly, we rebel; but when he too meekly becomes an order-taker and he exercises no judgement of his own -- well, he really isn't a leader at all. TWELVE CONCEPTS, PP. 41, 42 225 The Answer in the Mirror While drinking, we were certain that our intelligence, backed by will power,could rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world around us. This brave philosophy, wherein each man played God, sounded good in the speaking, but it still had to meet the acid test: How well did it actually work? One good look in the mirror was answer enough. << << << >> >> >> My spiritual awakening was electrically sudden and absolutely convincing. At once, I became a part -- if only a tiny part -- of a cosmos that was ruled by justice and love in the person of God. No matter what had been the consequences of my own willfulness and ignorance, or those of my fellow travelers on earth, this was still the truth. Such was the new and positive assurance, and this has never left me. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 37 2. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1962 226 Humility for the Fellowship, Too We of A.A. sometimes brag of the virtues of our Fellowship. Let us remember that few of these are actually earned virtues. We were forced into them, to begin with, by the cruel lash of alcoholism. We finally adopted them, not because we wished to, but because we had to. Then, as time confirmed the seeming rightness of our basic principles, we began to conform because it was right to do so. Some of us, notably myself, conformed even then with reluctance. But at last we came to a point where we stood willing to conform gladly to the principles which experience, under the grace of God, had taught us. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 224 227 Is Sobriety Enough? The alcoholic is like a tornado rearing his way throughthe lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, "Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?" << << << >> >> >> We ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have "harmed" other people. What kinds of "harm" do people to one another, anyway? To define the word "harm" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to those about us. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 82 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 80 228 The Beginning of True Kinship When we reached A.A., and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand, the sense of belonging was tremendously exciting. We thought the isolation problem had been solved. But we soon discovered that, while we weren't alone any more in a social sense, we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apartness. Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we still didn't belong. Step Five was the answer. It was the beginning of true kinship with man and God. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 57 229 Day of Homecoming "As sobriety means long life and happiness for the individual, so does unity mean exactly the same thing to our Society as a whole. Unified we live; disunited we shall perish." << << << >> >> >> "We must think deeply of all those sick ones still to come to A.A. As they try to make their return to faith and to life, we want them to find everything in A.A. that we have found, and yet more, if that be possible. No care, no vigilance, no effort to preserve A.A.'s constant effectiveness and spiritual strength will ever be too great to hold us in full readiness for the day of their homecoming." 1. LETTER, 1949 2. TALK, 1959 230 Love Everybody? Not many people can truthfully assert that they love everybody. Most of us must admit that we have loved but a few; that we have been quite indifferent to the many. As for the remainder -- well, we have really disliked or hated them. We A.A.'s find we need something much better than this in order to keep our balance. The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody at all, has to be abandoned, if only a little at a time. We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had formerly shown none. With those we dislike we can at least begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way at times to understand and help them. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 92-93