231 Privileged to Communicate Everyone must agree that we A.A.'s are unbelievably fortunate people; fortunate that we have suffered so much;fortunate that we can know, understand, and love each other so supremely well. These attributes and virtues are scarcely of the earned variety. Indeed, most of us are well aware that these are rare gifts which have their true origin in our kinship born of a common suffering and a common deliverance by the grace of God. Thereby we are privileged to communicate with each other to a degree and in a manner not very often surpassed among our nonalcoholic friends in the world around us. << << << >> >> >> "I used to be ashamed of my condition and so didn't talk about it. But nowadays I freely confess I am a depressive, and this has attracted other depressives to me. Working with them has helped a great deal."° 1. GRAPEVINE, OCTOBER 1959 2. LETTER, 1954 ° Bill would like to say that he has had no depression since 1955. 232 The Value of Human Will Many newcomers, having experienced little but constant deflation, feel a growing conviction that human will is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded, sometimes rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a headlong assault powered only by the individual's will. However, there are certain things which the individual alone can do. All by himself, and in the light of his own circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of willingness. When he acqires willingness, he is the only one who can then make the decisionto exert himself along spiritual lines. Trying to do this is actually an act of his own will. It is a right use of this faculty. Indeed, all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps require our sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 40 233 Everyday Living The A.A. emphasis on personal inventory is heavy because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has become a habit, it will prove so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and often hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. At length, our inventories become a necessity of everyday living, rather than something unusual or set apart. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 89-90 234 Freed Prisoners Letter to a prison group: "Every A.A. has been, in a sense, a prisoner. Each of us has walled himself out of society; each has known social stigma. The lot of you folks has been even more difficult: In your case, society has also built a wall around you.But there isn't any really essential difference, a fact that practically all A.A.'s now know. "Therefore, when you members come into the world of A.A. on the outside, you can be sure that no one will care a fig that you have done time. What you are trying to be -- not what you were -- is all that counts with us." << << << >> >> >> "Mental and emotional difficulties are sometimes very hard to take while we are trying to maintain sobriety. Yet we do see, in the long run, that transcendence over such problems is the real test of the A.A. way of living. Adversity gives us more opportunity to grow than does comfort or success." 1. LETTER, 1949 2. LETTER, 1964 235 Looking for Lost Faith Any number of A.A.'s can say, "We were diverted from our childhood faith. As material success began to come, we felt we were winning at the game of life. This was exhilarating, and it made us happy. "Why should we be bothered with theological abstractions and religious duties, or with the state of our souls, here or hereafter? The will to win should carry us through. "But then alcohol began have its way with us. Finally, when all our score cards read `zero,' and we saw that one more strike would put us out of the game forever, we had to look for our lost faith. It was in A.A. that we rediscovered it." TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 28-29 236 Perfection -- Only the Objective There can be no absolute humility for us humans. At best, we can merely glimpse the meaning and splendor of such a perfect ideal. Only God himself canmanifest in the absolute; we human beings must needs live and grow in the domain of the relative. So we seek progress in humility for today. << << << >> >> >> Few of us can quickly or easily become ready even to look at spiritual and moral perfection; we want to settle for only as much development as may get us by in life, according, of course, to our various and sundry ideas of what will get us by. Mistakenly, we strive for a self-determined objective, rather than for the perfect objective which is of God. 1. GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 68 237 No Orders Issued Neither the A.A. General Service Conference, its Board of Trustees, nor the humblest group committee can issue a single directive to an A.A. member and make it stick, let alone mete out any punishment. We've tried this lots of times, but utter failure isalways the result. Groups have sometimes tried to expel members, but the banished have come back to sit in the meeting place, saying, "This is life for us; you can't keep us out." Committees have instructed many an A.A. to stop working a chronic backslider, only to be told: "How I do my Twelfth Step work is my business. Who are you to judge?" This doesn't mean that an A.A. won't take good advice or suggestions from more experienced members. He simply objects to taking orders. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 173 238 Maudlin Martyrdom "Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. "The remedy? Well, let's have a hard look at ourselves, and a still harder one at A.A.'s Twelve Steps to recovery. When we see how many of our fellow A.A.'s have used the Steps to transcend great pain and adversity, we shall be inspired to try these life-giving principles for ourselves." LETTER, 1966 239 When and How to Give Men who cry for money and shelter as a condition of their sobriety, are on the wrong track. Yet we sometimes do provide a new prospect with these very things -- when it becomes clear that he is willing to place his recovery first. It is not whether we shall give that is the question, but when and how we give. Whenever we put our work on a material plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon alms rather than upon a Higher Power and the A.A. group. He continues to insist that he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: that, job or no job, wife or no wife, we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 98 240 Hard on Ourselves, Considerate of Others We cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have no right to save our own skin at their expense. Such damaging parts of our story we tell to someone elsewho will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourselves, but always considerate of others. << << << >> >> >> Good judgment will suggest that we ought to take our time in making amends to our families. It may be unwise at first to rehash certain harrowing episodes. While we may be quite willing to reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember that we cannotbuy our own peace of mind at the expense of others. 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 74 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 84 241 Middle of the Road "In some sections of A.A., anonymity is carried to the point of real absurdity. Members are on such a poor basis of communication that they don't even know each other's last names or where each lives. It's like the cell of an underground. "In other sections, we see exactly the revers. It is difficult to restrain A.A.'s from shouting too much before the whole public, by going on spectacular `lecture tours' to play the big shot. "However, I know that from these extremes we slowly pull ourselves onto a middle ground. Most lecture-giving members do not last too long, and the superanonymous people are apt to come out of hiding respecting their A.A. friends, business associates, and the like. I think the long-time trend is toward the middle of the road -- which is probably where we should be." LETTER, 1959 242 Let Go Absolutely After failure on my part to dry up any drunks, Dr. Silkworth reminded me of Professor William James's observation that truly transforming spiritual experiencesare nearly always founded on calamity and collapse. "Stop preaching at them," Dr. Silkworth said, "and give them the hard medical facts first. This may soften them up at depth so that they will be willing to do anything to get well. Then they may accept those spiritual ideas of yours, and even a Higher Power." << << << >> >> >> We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil -- until we let go absolutely. 1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 13 2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 58 243 Morning Thoughts On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives. Free from these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be on a higher plane when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives. If we determine which of two courses to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision. Then we relax and take it easy, and we are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. We usually conclude our meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, asking especially for freedom from damaging self-will. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 86, 87 244 Toward Maturity Many oldsters who have put our A.A. "booze cure" to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. To attain this, we must develop real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God. << << << >> >> >> Let A.A. never be a closed corporation; let us never deny our experience, for whatever it may be worth, to the world around us. Let our individual members heed the call to every field of human endeavor. Let them carry the experience and spirit of A.A. into all these affairs, for whatever good they may accomplish. For not only has God saved us from alcoholism; the world has received us back into its citizenship. 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1958 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 232-233 245 Singlehanded Combat Few indeed are those who, assailed by the tyrant alcohol, have ever won through in singlehanded combat. It is a statistical fact that alcoholics almost never recover on their personal resources alone. << << << >> >> >> 'Way up toward Point Barrow in Alaska, a couple of prospectors got themselves a cabin and a case of Scotch. The weather turned bitter, fifty below, and they got so drunk they let the fire go out. Barely escaping death by freezing, one of them woke up in time to rekindle the fire. He was prowling around outside for fuel, and he looked into an empty oil drum filled with frozen water. Down in the ice cake he saw a reddish-yellow object. When thawed out, it was seen to be an A.A. book. One of the pair read the book and sobered up. Legend has it that he became the founder of one of our farthest north groups. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 22 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 82-83 246 Instinct to Live When men and women pour so much alcohol into themselves that they destroy their lives, they commit a most unnatural act. Defying their instinctive desire for self-preservation, they seem bent upon self-destruction. They work against their own deepest instinct. As they are progressively humbled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol, the grace of God can enter them and expel their obsession. Here their powerful instinct to live can cooperate fully with their Creator's desire to give them new life. << << << >> >> >> "The central characteristic of the spiritual experience is that it gives the recipient a new and better motivation out of all proportion to any process of discipline, belief, or faith. "These experiences cannot make us whole at once; they are a rebirth to a fresh and certain opportunity." 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 64 2. LETTER, 1965 247 Have You Experimented? "Since open-mindedness and experimentation are supposed to be the indispensable attributes of our `scientific' civilisation, it seems strange that so many scientist are reluctant to try out personally the hypothesis that God came first and man afterward. They prefer to believe that man is the chance product of evolution; that God, the Creator, does not exist. "I can only report that I have experimented with both concepts and that, in my case, the God concept has proved to be a better basis for living than the man-centered one. "Nevertheless, I would be the first to defend your right to think as you will. I simply ask this question: `In your own life, have you ever really tried to think and act as though there might be a God? Have you experimented?'" LETTER, 1950 248 We Need Outside Help It was evident that a solitary self-appraisal, and the admission of our defects based upon that alone, wouldn't be nearly enough. We'd have to have outside help if we were surely to know and admit the truth about ourselves -- the help of God and of another human being. Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility. << << << >> >> >> If we are fooling ourselves, a competent adviser can see this quickly. And, as he skillfully guides us away from our fantasies, we are surprised to find that we have few of the usual urges to defend ourselves against unpleasant truths. In no other way can fear, pride, and ignorance be so readily melted. After a time, we realize that we are standing firm on a brand-new foundation for integrity, and we gratefully credit our sponsors, whose advice pointed the way. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 59 2. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 249 God's Gifts We see that the sun never sets upon A.A.'s Fellowship; that more than three hundred and fifty thousand of us have now recovered from our malady; that we have everywhere begun to transcend the formidable barriers of race,creed, and nationality. This assurance that so many of us have been able to meet our responsibilities for sobriety and for growth and effectiveness in the troubled world where we live, will surely fill us with the deepest joy and satisfaction. But, as a people who have nearly always learned the hard way, we shall certainly not congratulate ourselves. We shall perceive these assets to be God's gifts, which have been in part matched by an increasing willingness on our part to find and do His will for us. GRAPEVINE, JULY 1965 250 Prayer Under Pressure Whenever I find myself under acute tensions, I lengthen my daily walks and slowly repeat our Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps and breathing. If I feel that my pain has in part been occasioned by others, I try to repeat, "God grant me the serenity to love their best, and never fear their worst." This benign healing process of repitition, sometimes necessary to persist with for days, has seldomfailed to restore me to at least a workable emotional balance and perspective. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962 251 Face the Music "Don't be too discouraged about that slip. Practically always, we drunks learn the hard way. "Your idea of moving on to somewhere else may be good, or it may not. Perhaps you have got into an emotional or economic jam that can't be well handled where you are. But maybe you are doing just what all of us have done, at one time or another: Maybe you are running away. Why don't you try to think that through again carefully? "Are you really placing recovery first, or are you making it contingent upon other people, places, or circumstances? You may find it ever so much better to face the music right where you are now, and, with the help of the A.A. program, win through. Before you make a decision,weigh it in these terms." LETTER, 1949 252 Alone No More Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us. But when our self-will had driven everybody away and our isolation became complete, we commenced to play the big shot in cheap barrooms. Failing even this, we had to fare forth alone on the street to depend upon the charity of passers-by. We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others. Even when our fortunes had not totally ebbed, we nevertheless found ourselves alone in the world. We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence. For those of us who were like that, A.A. has a very special meaning. In this Fellowship we begin to learn right relations with people who understand us; we don't have to be alone any more. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 116-117 253 "Look Before You Leap"? "Wise men and women rightly give a top rating to the virtue of prudence. They know that without this all important attribute little wisdom is to be had. "Mere `looking before we leap' is not enough. If our looking is charged with fear, suspicion, or anger, we had better not have looked or acted at all." << << << >> >> >> "We lose the fear of making decisions, great and small, as we realize that should our choice prove wrong we can, if we will, learn from the experience. Should our decision be the right one, we can thank God for giving us the courage and the grace that caused us so to act." LETTERS, 1966 254 Satisfactions of Right Living How wonderful is the feeling that we do not have to be specially distinguished among our fellows in order to be useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can be leaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be. Service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the fact that in God's sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given brings a full return, the certainly that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we can fit and belong in God's scheme of things -- these are the satisfactions of right living for which no pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possession, could possibly be substitutes. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 124 255 Wider Understanding To reach more alcoholics, understanding of A.A. and public good will towards A.A. must go on growing everywhere. We need to be on still better terms with medicine, religion, employers, governments, courts, prisons, mental hospitals, and all enterprsises in the alcoholism field. We need the increasing good will of editors, writers, television and radio channels. These publicity outlets need to be opened ever wider. << << << >> >> >> Nothing matters more to A.A.'s future welfare than the manner in which we use the colossus of modern communication. Used unselfishly and well, it can produce results surpassing our present imagination. Should we handle this great instrument badly, we shall be shattered by the ego manifestations of our own people. Against this peril, A.A. members' anonymity before the general public is our shield and our buckler. 1. TWELVE CONCEPTS, P. 54 2. GRAPEVINE, NOVEMBER 1960 256 A "Special" Experience? I was the recipient of a tremendous mystic experience or "illumination", and at first it was very natural for me to feel that this experience staked me out as somebody very special. But as I now look back upon this tremendous event, I can only feel very grateful. It now seems clear that the only special features of my experience were its suddenness and the overwhelming and immediate conviction that it carried. In all other respects, however, I am sure that my own experience was essentially like that received by any A.A. member who has strenuously practiced our recovery program. Surely, the grace he receives is also of God; the only difference is that he becomes aware of his gift more gradually. GRAPEVINE, JULY 1962 257 Key to Sobriety The unique ability of each A.A. to identify himself with, and bring recovery to, the newcomer in no way depends upon his learning, his eloquence, or any special individual skills. The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic who has found a key to sobriety. << << << >> >> >> In my first conversation with Dr. Bob, I bore down heavily on the medical hopelessness of his case, freely using Dr. Silkworth's words describing the alcoholic's dilemma, the "obsession plus allergy" theme. Though Bob was a doctor, this was news to him, bad news. And the fact that I was an alcoholic and knew what I was talking about from personal experience made the blow a shattering one. You see, our talk was a completely mutual thing. I had quit preaching. I knew that I needed this alcoholic as much as he needed me. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 150-151 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, PP. 69-70 258 Beneath the Surface Some will object to many of the questions that should be answered in a moral inventory, because they think their own character defects have not been so glaring. To these, it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface record hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to find that this is so simply because we have buried these selfsame defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Those were the defects that finally ambushedus into alcoholism and misery. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 53-54 259 Servant, Not Master In A.A., we found that it did not matter too much what our material condition was, but it mattered greatly what our spiritual condition was. As we improved our spiritual outlook, money gradually became our servant and not our master. It became a means of exchanging love and service with those about us. << << << >> >> >> One of A.A.'s Loners is an Australian sheepman who lives two thousand miles from the nearest town, where yearly he sells his wool. In order to be paid best prices he has to get to town during a certain month. But when he heard that a big regional A.A. meeting was to be held at a later date when wool prices would have fallen, he gladly took a heavy financial loss in order to make his journey then. That's how much an A.A. meeting means to him. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 122 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 31