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Part II....... I Back to Part I I

"A traveler must have the back of an ass to bear all, a tongue like the tail of a dog to flatter all, the mouth of a hog to eat what is set before him, the ear of a merchant to hear all and say nothing."
-- Thomas Nashe (1567-1601)

"Like dogs in a wheel, birds in a cage, or squirrels in a chain, ambitious men still climb and climb, with great labor, and incessant anxiety, but never reach the top."
-- Robert Burton (1576-1640)

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?" -- Woody
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
-- Norm from Cheers

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
-- Unknown

"I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance."
-- James Thurber

"Barking dogs don't bite people they don't know."
-- Unknown

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."
-- Snoopy

"Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"
-- Homer from the Simpsons

"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"Elizabeth's back at the red cross, and I'm walking the dog."
-- Bob Dole, on the Today Show, describing life after the elections, 1997

"It freshens your breath and helps prevent tartar."
-- Mel Gibson, while eating a dog biscuit at Harvard, 1996

"One can't complain. I have friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday."
-- Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat
until he eats them."
-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)

"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the
difference between what things are and what they ought to be."
-- William Hazlitt

"The zoo is a place for animals to study the behavior of human beings"
-- Unknown

"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses."
-- Elizabeth Taylor

"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions."
-- Mark Twain

"A dog may bark, but his legs will never grow longer."
-- Unknown

"If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer."
-- Alfred North Whitehead

"My dog thinks he's human.. My cat thinks he's GOD!"
-- Unknown

"I would rather see the portrait of a dog that I know, than all the allegorical paintings they can show me in the world."
-- Samuel Johnson

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." -- Christopher Morley

"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring--it was peace."
-- Milan Kundera

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
-- Josh Billings

"One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead of his tongue."
-- Unknown

"Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another."
-- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)

"I am I because my little dog knows me"
-- Gertrude Stein

"Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet."
-- Colette

"Dogs eat. Cats dine."
-- Ann Taylor

"My goal in life is to become as wonderful as my dog thinks I am."
-- Toby & Eileen Green

"For cheap money, dogs eat meat."
Meaning: If you are too cheap, you'll waste your money because you'll end up throwing it out because what you buy is no good.
-- Polish Saying

"The dog is a religious animal. In his savage state he worships the moon and the lights that float upon the waters. These are his gods to whom he appeals at night with long-drawn howls."
-- Anatole France, "The Coming of Riquet"

"I was desperate. The swine who stole my dog doesn't realize what he did to me!"
-- Hitler, 1917, After a railroad worker in Alsace stole his terrier

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-- Holbrook Jackson

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion"
-- Unknown Author

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney

"To his dog, every man is King; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley

"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
-- Mark Twain

"Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It's like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won't fatten the dog."
-- Mark Twain, speech, 11/23/1900.

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
-- Unknown

"I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
-- Unknown

"Any conditioned cat-hater can be won over by any cat who chooses to make the effort."
-- Paul Corey, Do Cats Think?

"If there was any petting to be done...he chose to do it. Often he would sit looking at me, and then, moved by a delicate affection, come and pull at my coat and sleeve until he could touch my face with his nose, and then go away contented."
-- Charles Dudley Warner, "Calvin"

"Even worse than raining cats and dogs is hailing taxis."

"Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion."

"Rats greet you, they interact, they try to please. They are as close to a dog as you're going to get in a rodent."
-- Elizabeth Fucci, president of the Northeast Rat and Mouse Club

"If you cut a dog's head off, you get 25 hours bad luck. It is bad luck to kill a Pegasus, unicorn, horse, or similar, if it is pure white in colour. (Followers of Dark and Death tend to disregard this)."

"When you bury dead animals under fruit trees, the fruits of these trees will be sweet."

"A reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog; it keeps him from brooding over being a dog."
-- E. N. Westcott

"I know at last what distinguishes man from animals: financial worries."
-- Romain Rolland.

"If it were a dog, it would have bitten you already."
Actual Twents: "At e ne hond was, dan e oew allange ebettene."
Meaning:Said to someone who is looking for something which is right under his nose.
Source: Twents Woordenbook. Twents in Woord en Gebruik.

"Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
-- Lewis Grizzard

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-- Mark Twain

"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
-- Franklin P. Jones

"The disposition of noble dogs is to be gentle with people they know and the opposite with those they don't know...How, then, can the dog be anything other than a lover of learning since it defines what's its own and what's alien."
-- Plato

"Politics are not my concern... they impressed me as a dog's life without a dog's decencies."
-- Rudyard Kipling

"If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog."
-- George Bernard Shaw

"No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a friend; and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."
-- Will Rogers

"America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags it's tail it knocks over a chair."
-- Arnold Toynbee

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-- Edward Abbey

"The old saying about old dogs and new tricks only applies to certain people."
-- Daniel Pinkwater

"A dog, I will maintain, is a very tolerable judge of beauty, as appears from the fact that any liberally educated dog does, in a general way, prefer a woman to a man."
-- Frances Thompson New York Times Magazine May 14, 1967

"In a dog-eat-dog world, it is the dogmatic domain of dog lovers to offer dogdom a dog's chance to rise above the dog days for a doggone good time."
-- AKC Gazette August 1991

"A dog is not almost-human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such."
-- John Holmes

"Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger."
-- Albert Payson Terhune 'The Coming of Lad'

"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!"
-- Groucho Marx

"In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man."
-- Maurice Maeterlinck 'Our Friend, The Dog'

"Recollect that the Almighty, who gave the dog to be companion of our pleasures and our toils, hath invested him with a nature noble and incapable of deceit."
-- Sir Walter Scott 'The Talisman'

"The dog is man's best friend.
He has a tail on one end.
Up in front he has teeth.
And four legs underneath."
-- Ogden Nash 'An Introduction to Dogs'

"A really companionable and indispensable dog is an accident of nature. You can't get it by breeding for it, and you can't buy it with money. It just happens along."
-- E.B. White, The Care and Training of a Dog

"I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better."
-- George Bird Evans, "Troubles with Bird Dogs"

"If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."
-- Andy Rooney

"They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation."
-- Jerome K. Jerome

"When a dog wags her tail and barks at the same time, how do you know which end to believe?"
-- Anonymous

"Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland."
-- Josh Billings

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
-- Smiley Blanton

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-- John Steinbeck

"What kind of life a dog . . . acquires. I have sometimes tried to imagine by kneeling or lying full length on the ground and looking up. The world then becomes strangely incomplete; one sees little but legs."
-- E.V. Lucas

"You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother."
-- Rick Horowitz, Chicago Tribune

"To err is human, to forgive, canine."
-- Unknown

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog."
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer."
-- Leo Rosten

"If a picture wasn't going very well I'd put a puppy dog in it, always a mongrel, you know, never one of the full bred puppies. And then I'd put a bandage on its foot... I liked it when I did it, but now I'm sick of it."
-- Normal Rockwell

"This is what you should do: love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men ... re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss what insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem."
-- Walt Whitman

"Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up."
-- * DEEP THOUGHTS * by Jack Handy

"I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."
-- Steven Wright

"Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs."
-- Martha Scott

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
-- Mark Twain, Letter to W. D. Howells, 4/2/1899

"By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a "noble" animal? The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward- you will never get her full confidence again."
-- Mark Twain

"I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas."
-- * DEEP THOUGHTS * by Jack Handy

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy

"I named my dog 'Stay'... so I can say 'Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.'"
-- Steven Wright

"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch."
-- Michael Friedman

"The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat."
-- Ogden Nash

"I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles."
-- Steven Wright

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
-- Dave Barry

"The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic."
-- Henry Ward Beecher

"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others."
-- George Orwell, Animal Farm

"Recipe; a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat."
-- Unknown

"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat."
-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London

"You gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"
-- Mr. Blonde "Reservoir Dogs"

"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs."
-- Christopher Hampton

"When a dog runs at you, whistle for him."
-- Henry David Thoreau

"...it takes a strong minded human to appreciate a string-minded dog!"
-- Mary Webber

"When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten."
-- Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

"Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs."
-- P. J. O'Rourke

"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater...suggest that he wear a tail."
-- Fran Lebowitz

"When old dogs bark, it's time to watch out."

"I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend"
-- Barf, John Candy (Spaceballs)

"When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not a pastime to her more than she to me?"
-- Montaigne,16th century French essayist

"In a cat's eyes all things belong to cats."
-- English saying

"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
-- Unknown

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