Whether one has been abused or not, reading the dreadful things some (in)human beings do to others is not easy. I make no apology for talking about this dreadfully upsetting and most painful subject, because I want to do something, in even the smallest way, to make people aware and hopefully it will make a difference.

In searching for Links that might help me understand, or help others find informaton and support, I found to my dismay that there is one section of society trying to hide certain facts about abuse to meet their own selfseekng ends. And so, though I'd never thought of myself as a 'political animal' I find my outrage at this criminal deception has knocked me, well and truly, of my comfortable, non-political fence. You can read more about this on my Gender Lies & Feminist Myths Page

I must state here that I'm against ALL kinds of abuse, whether to Men, Women or Children, abuse and violence should NOT be tolerated. But neither should we as citizens of the World blind ourselves to the fact that both genders have the capacity to love and be loved, to nurture and care, to heal the sick and teach our children. And, whether we like it or not, whether it suits our political agenda or not, or whether it is politically correct to say it or not, both sexes are equally as capable of carrying out terrible, soul destroying, inhumane tortures.

The contents of these few Pages may be distressing for some of you to read, and may bring back painful memories. If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed it may be a good idea to take a break and do something else for a little while, give yourself a nice treat, or maybe if it will help you, write a letter to yourself saying how you feel.

My Journey started a few weeks back, after I'd spent quite a while working on a Holiday Page. Learning how to make graphics, finding Links, and generally trying to enter into the Holiday mood.. Unfortunately, for folk like me, this time of the year is not a happy one. Oh yes, I put on a smile and do as is necessary, but deep inside I feel the pain of earlier years. As first my birthday and then soon afterwards Christmas get closer, the memories come flooding back. Holidays are a time for families to get together. But what if your home is a place of torture? What if those, who are supposed to love you, are abusive and violent? For those of us with a history of domestic violence and abuse it becomes a frightening, sad and often lonely time ... And so I decided to do something more productive with my time and energies than making yet another Holiday Page. I hope these Pages will be of benefit to anyone who has been or is still being abused.

Here is a great site for anyone dreading the coming Holidays. It has some very simple hints and tips on how to be kind to yourself and minimise the stress of the Holidays

Surviving In A Winter Wonderland

You Do NOT Deserve To Be Abused!

A simple statement. Something that most people will take for granted. But for those of us who have, or are still, suffering any kind of abuse it's something we need to know, believe and act on. No one deserves to be abused.

Children suffer abuse from both men and women. The image of a loving mother and an angry abusive father is a myth. Women can be and are abusive too. I know.. I am a survivor of my mother's cruelty. My father too was abusive through alcohol. And yes the thumps and beatings hurt the same whoever inflict them, but the physical, mental and psychological abuse from our mother has scarred my sisters and I far more. It's marked our hearts and souls. And so.. This Page is dedicated to anyone - Man, Woman or Child who is suffering now, or has suffered in the past, any form of abuse. But more especially it's dedicated to anyone who feels they may in some way deserve it or have caused it.

You have the Right to be happy and feel safe in the company of those who say they love you. Whether it be your spouse, parent, child, friend, or relative.

This Link may be stating the obvious to most of you, but for the abused person, it may be something they neither know nor can believe. I urge all to read it and if it doesn't apply directly to you, be sure you may already know someone in your school or street who does not know that as a human being they have, and should confidently be able to enjoy, these basic human rights.

You Have RIGHTS As A Person.

Often people who have suffered abuse find difficulty in breaking from the only kind of relationship they know. Adults abused as children will often choose an abusive partner. Adults who have left one abusive relationship often chose another Abuser for a partner. Maybe reading this will help you to consider if anything is wrong in the relationship you are engaging in.

Characteristics That Might Identify A Potential Abuser

Throughout my adult life I've learned many things and through the wonders of the Internet, I've 'met' many people from all walks of life and have recognised that whether we are from different countries, of different races and creeds, we are all the same. Some are abusers some victims and some, the majority, fortunately have remained untouched.. To these people, I say. Thank you!

Thank you for showing us that there is another way. Thank you for loving each other and allowing us to see what love is, for giving us good role models and giving us hope that we too can give and receive love in such a wonderful way.

Abuse comes in all guises

I was shocked beyond belief last year to learn from one internet friend that almost all American baby boys are abused shortly after birth. I had thought the USA a civilised, humane country and yet the USA mutilates baby boys by circumcision of a most barbaric nature, for no apparent reason, since there are no health benefits (most of the rest of the civilised world doesn't do it).

I feel the parents of these poor defenseless baby boys are also being abused by the medical profession. What parent does not want what is best for their baby? What parent, when faced by a doctor (s)he has been taught to trust implicitly, would not listen when they're told it's their duty to look after their baby's welfare by allowing this procedure. Who would have the courage to refuse it and be accused of being a 'bad' parent?

As with all forms of abuse it continues firstly because no one knows and secondly because no one will talk about it. Abuse cannot flourish once it is out in the open so let's try to open as many of Life's abuses to the God given sunshine so they will whither and die away in the fullness of time

Please follow this Link to learn what one 'civilised' nation is doing to it's weakest, most defenceless citizens. Let us speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves

Mutilation Of Babies

This is MY Page so I will use it to talk of things I know about. I know for sure women abuse. Of course men do too. But men who are victims of abuse are rarely taken seriously or believed. There are very few places where they can go for help and support. And I know how that feels.

I was powerless as a child - there were not the same agencies or philosophies around in those days. I recall twice plucking up courage to tell someone. One the mother of my best friend, another a family friend, but both times I was betrayed. I was "mistaken" or I'd "misunderstood", which reinforced the notion that we 'deserved' it and no one cared. One of them asked my mother about some things I'd told her in confidence. Needless to say I never told again - the consequenses were too great. I was defenseless, and had no way out.

It was a nightmare, all the time trying.. Trying to appease her, trying to make things calm, trying to be 'good'. Of course I know now it was a waste of time, because the abuser NEEDS TO ABUSE. Whatever one does will be wrong. I was a failure. I was stupid. No one would ever love me. I had no where to go. She was the only one who would put up with me. I was always 'causing trouble' - by just being alive I guess...... I created too much washing so only allowed one bath and hairwash a week. My youngest sister had to bathe in mother's dirty bathwater. We all 4 were powerless. She controled all we did, thought, felt and ate.

Reading the story of the Phelps 'family' was very hard for me. It neither shocked or surprised me because it illustrated many of the things my three sisters and myself had to live with. Except none of us had to be put on a 'diet' - we hardly got fed. The things we had to sell were stolen electrical goods, unlike the poor Phelps children, we had no candy to eat. There is another difference between the Phelps children and us. Their abuser is their father, ours our mother
Fred Phelps Expose'

Paul and his twin sister were both brutally abused by their mother. His story, and how he is trying to stop children being hurt, is very touching. In his hometown, he sends birthday cakes for children under 15, which he pays for himself. He talks to anyone who will listen and has turned his sad experience into something which, hopefully, will benefit others.
Save Our Children - Stop Child Abuse

Bekah is a 17 year old survivor of child sexual abuse. Her Home page is a wonderful place for other survivors to meet and find support and friendship. Why not pop over to say hello
Tears In The Dark

ChildLine is the UK's free national helpline for children and young people in trouble or danger. If you need help, if you want to talk to someone, call ChildLine free on 0800 1111.
Welcome To The ChildLine WebSite

ChildHelp USA - Hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD

Beverly's Child Abuse & Rape Survivors Resources

Because abuse is not just spankings & bruises Child abuse can be defined as "an act, or the absence of an act, by any adult authority figure which results in a child being physically, emotionally and/or sexually harmed."
HealthyWay Magazine - Emotional Abuse

Violence: You Can Make A Difference Violence Against Children

Children's Protection And Advocacy Coalition

CIVITAS ChildTrauma Programmes-Home Page

CAWS -Children Are Worth Saving

Center For Children In Crisis

Whether you are wishing to inform yourself or seek help and advice I pray that you find something here that will help you

Please take a moment to follow these Links. Let us open all forms of abuse to the daylight. Expose them. Take away the power of silence from the Abuser no matter who that abuser might be.

Sue's Abuse Help Page

Sue's Abuse Hurts Men Too Page

Sue's Gender Lies & Feminists' Myths Page

Sue's Purple Positive Page!

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This Page was created On 7th November 1998
Last updated on 11th December 1998