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A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.

She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?"

He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills family.

There is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice Catholic boy you were dating last year?"

Sometime after Sam died, his widow, Millie, was finally able to speak about what a wonderful man her late husband had been.

"Sam thought of everything", she told them. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside, and handed me 3 envelopes.

"'Millie, he told me, 'I have put my last wishes in these 3 envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then I can rest in peace'."

"The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket'. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with a comfortable lining. I know Sam is resting very comfortably.

"The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral'. I gave Sam a very dignified funeral."

"The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.'"

At that point, Millie held up her hand and pointed to her ring finger, on which was a ten carat diamond ring.

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening.

"Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

"You are truly a wise rabbi," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"

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