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 From Sy

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much.

The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.

Also from Sy

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?"

 She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement.

Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African Americans men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth  is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of  Jewish decent."

 Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.

"I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto" the man says as he extends his hand. "Tonto Goldstein."

From Sy

Survey data shows that 98% of Jews approved of Janet Reno's retrieval of Elian Gonzalez.

They knew what it was like to be trapped in Miami with relatives.

From Norman

Subject: Moses & Arafat

At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.

The Israeli Consul began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you... When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water.

So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters of the pond.

Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes have been stolen... And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes."

Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his seat and screams, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!"

"And with that in mind", said the Israeli Consul, "let me begin my speech..."

Also from Sy.

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen lived next door to each other for over 40 years, and over the years became loving friends.

One day Mrs. Murphy came to Mrs. Cohen and said, "These houses are becoming too much for us. Let's sell them, and each move into a home for the senior citizens."

Each went to a home of their respective religions, and were soon placed. Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, and one day asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend Mrs. Cohen. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses.

Mrs. Murphy said "So how do you like it here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the care takers. She then said, "You know the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful. Tell me what you do."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room, and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing Jewish songs." Mrs. Cohen said, "And how is it with you Mrs. Murphy?"

She said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she also had a boyfriend.

Mrs. Cohen said, "So what do you do?"

"We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed.I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch me down below."

Mrs. Cohen said, "And then what do you do?"

Mrs. Murphy said, "Since we don't know any Jewish songs, we have sex."

and from my sister

What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Filet minyan

If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry?
A: A Bris-kit!  

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Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
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This page was last updated on 10/28/2001