Jewish_Humor

There once was a rabbi, whose wife was expecting a baby. He went to the congregation and asked for a raise. They passed a rule that when the rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation held a meeting about this. As you can imagine, there was much yelling and discussion.

A little man in the back rises and says, "Point of information... snowing and raining are an act of G-D, but we wear rubbers!

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.

One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever lived and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars".

All of the kids called out their guesses. One said "George Washington - because he was the father of our country." "That's excellent" said the teacher.

Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves." "That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite.

One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she saved France." Another excellent choice said the teacher.

Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?" And Abraham said "Jesus Christ." The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus.

Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who ever lived, but ... business is business!"

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The first kid says, "A circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

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