Jewish Humor 13

From my sister (I hope this isn't a repeat and what worries me, this makes sense)

An old Jewish man in Florida, in his 80's, calls his son, in New York. The father says to the son, " I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we are divorcing That's it!!! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I am telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out." He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news.

The sister says, "I'll handle this." She calls Florida and gets her father, on the phone. She pleads to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We will be there Friday night." The father says, "All right, all right already."

He hangs up the phone, and hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for Passover. Now, what are we going to tell them for Rosh Hashanah?"

The Jewish community in Madrid needed horseradish for making chrain (horseradish) for Pesach, but all the European Union countries gave them the same reply, "Sorry, we have none to send." In desperation, the Rabbi phoned one of his Yeshiva friends in Tel Aviv and begged him to send a crate of horseradish by air freight to Madrid.

Two days before Pesach, a crate of grade Aleph tear-jerking Israeli horseradish was loaded at Ben Gurion Airport onto the EL Al 89 flight to Madrid, and all seemed to be well.

Unfortunately, when the Rabbi went to the Madrid Airport to claim the horseradish he was informed that a wildcat strike had just broken out and no shipments would be unloaded for at least four days. As a result:

It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and Charoset It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzo, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is "Let My People Go". . .

From BernieK2

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a king who had a Jewish advisor. The king relied so much on the wisdom of his Jewish advisor that one day he decided to elevate him to head advisor. After it was announced, the other advisors objected. After all, it was bad enough just to sit in counsel with a Jew. But to allow one to 'Lord it over
them,' was just too much to bear.

Being a compassionate ruler, the King agreed with them, and ordered the Jew to convert. What could the Jew do? One had to obey the King, and so he did. As soon as the act was done, the Jew felt great remorse for this terrible decision. As days became weeks, his remorse turned to despondency, and as months passed, his mental depression took its toll on his physical health. He became weaker and weaker. Finally he could stand it no longer. His mind was made up. He burst in on the king and cried, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I must die. Do what you want with me, but I can no longer deny my faith."

The King was very surprised. He had no idea that the Jew felt so strongly about it. "Well, if that is how you feel," he said, "then the other advisors will just have to learn to live with it. Your counsel is much too important to me to do without. Go and be a Jew again" he said.

The Jew felt elated. He hurried back home to tell the good news to his family. He felt the strength surge back into his body as he ran. Finally, he burst into the house and called out to his wife. "Rifka, Rifka, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again."

His wife GLARED back at him angrily and said, "What- you couldn't wait until after Passover?!"

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