Jewish Humor 16

Russian War College

At the Russian War College, the General is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question,  "Will we have to fight in a World War Three?"

"Yes, Comrades, look's like you will," answers the General.

"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.

The General responds, "The likelihood is that it will be China."

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion.  How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the General, "Think about it. In modern war,   it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key.
For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."

"But sir," asks the panicky officers, "Do we have enough Jews?"

G-d populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5
pounds.

And G-d created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And G-d sent heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them. And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went
through the roof.

And G-d brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And G-d brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And G-d sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.

G-d showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another ten pounds.

And G-d created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?" And the man told the truth. And Woman went out from the presence
of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food. And G-d brought forth Weight-watchers. It didn't help.

And G-d created exercise machines with easy payments. And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit.

And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise machine from Man in the property settlement. It didn't help her, either.

To Lobby of Jewish Page		To my central homepage		To my general Humor page

Page 1	Page 2	Page 3	Page 4	Page 5	Page 6	Page 7	Page 8	Page 9	Page 10	Page 11	Page 12
Page 13	Page 14	Page 15	Page 16	Page 17