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Jewish Humor 17
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From BernieK2 (This is Jewish Humor of a sort)
Four young novice nuns were about to take their vows, dressed in their white gowns. They came into the chapel where the mother superior was waiting for them to be married to G-d.
In front of them on the table were the four wedding rings.
Just as the ceremony was about to begin, 4 Hasidic men with their Yarmulkes, payis and long beards came in and sat silently in the front row.
Somewhat taken aback, the mother superior said to them. "I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?"
"We're from the groom's side".
From my Sister
Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, an Orthodox Rabbi visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first!
Charlie followed the Rabbi before the next race, and again he went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed horse. Sure enough the blessed horse came in by two lengths and Charlie won close to fifty bucks!
The Rabbi continued the same procedure through the next few races and Charlie won each time. He was now ahead $1,000, so between races Charlie left the track and went to the bank and withdraw his life's savings $20,000.
The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the Rabbi and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put his whole $21,000 bundle of cash on that horse to win.
Then Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came, and as they crossed the finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was dead last!
Charlie was crushed.
He located the Rabbi and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses all day, and they all became winners except the last horse on which he had bet his life savings. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Why didn't it win like the others?"
"That's the trouble with you Reformed Jews," sighed the Rabbi. "You can never tell the difference between a blessing and Kaddish."
Also from my sister
HIS BROTHER'S
When the young boy was asked by his father to say the evening prayer, he realized he didn't have his head covered... so he asked his little brother to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over.
The little brother grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand.
The father said, "This is important... put your hand back on his head!"
To which the little boy exclaimed, "What, am I my brother's kipah?"
Not sure where I got these
These announcements were found in shul newsletters and bulletins. Even spell check wouldn't have helped!...
Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help.
Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.
Thursday at 5:00PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the rabbi in his private study.
The ladies of Haddassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.
A bean supper will be held Wed. even. in the community center. Music will follow.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the JCC. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary.
Mrs. Glodblum will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
The Men's Club is warmly invited to the Oneg hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments will be served for a nominal feel.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Rob, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!
The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue's new fundraising campaign slogan this week: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
From my niece, Heather
Two Japanese businessmen are talking during their afternoon dip in the hotbaths at the Geisha House. The first businessman says, "Hirokosan, I have some unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonoring you." Hirokosan can't believe what he hears, and asks for more information.
"It is as I said, Hirokosan. Your wife is dishonoring you, and she is doing it with a foreigner of the Jewish faith."
Shocked, Hirokosan decides to go home and confront his wife. He faces her and says,"I am told that you are dishonoring me with a foreigner of the Jewish faith."
She replied, "That's a lie. Where did you hear such mishigas?????? >>
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Jerold H
Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
