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About three years ago, I was attending choir practice for a Christmas program in a friend's church.  While there, I noticed how much my feet and ankles had swollen during the day.  My OB/GYN happened to be a member of that choir and he told me to call my general practitioner for a check up.  The next day I called the office and the nurse wanted me to come in right then.  I was getting a little scared by now because of the insistence of everyone.  As I was called back to wait for the doctor, the nurse that had known me since I was in high school, looked me square in the eye and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

I thought this to be the standard question asked of any patient and began telling about the swelling.  She stopped me short and said, "No, I  mean what is wrong with you?  You don't act like yourself."

Well, I mentioned I had been very tired lately, I always wanted to sleep and I was seldom hungry.  She asked another question that I can't remember but when I answered her she said, "Do you think you could be depressed?"

I looked at her squarely and answered, "If you mean am I suicidal, NO! I don't have time for that!"

She handed me a form as she left me in the examination room that I was to fill out and leave for the doctor.  The questions were hitting home for the most part but some of them didn't apply at all.

When the doctor returned, he looked at the form with a quick glance and suddenly turned to me and asked, "When did this start?"

I began telling him about the swelling and he too, cut me short and said, "No.  I'm talking about this depression!"  I never could at that point say when those feelings first began but the doctor assured me I was severely depressed.  That just didn't sound correct to me.  Depressed people try to kill themselves or need to be in institutions with straight jackets.  At least that was how I viewed them.  I was not one of them.  The doctor began explaining to me how true depressed people act and feel.  He seemed to be describing me completely.  But ME - DEPRESSED!  I just couldn't believe it.  He talked with me for a long time about things I needed to do to help get me back to "normal" - whatever that is!

After some 20 to 30 minutes later, he finally got around to my swelling problem which he couldn't find an answer to.  He still has no answer for that particular problem.  He performed several blood tests which all turned out to be normal.

After that initial appointment with him, there would be several more as I worked to find the drug combination that would work for me.  God helped me deal with most of the depression but he also allowed me to see that sometimes, medical science must do its share for the healing to begin or even have a chance.  I have finally found that correct dosage and can fluctuate the dosage from one to two a day as needed for more stressful times, such as the holidays!

It took a while for me to accept the fact that I was depressed. It has taken even longer for my family to accept it.  I finally came to realize why my depression started.  I was able to pinpoint that all the suffering had developed from a time eight years earlier
in my life and my career.  God teaches us to forgive, to turn the other cheek.  I found a way to forgive the hurt and rejection I felt at that time and move on.  I still have times I get pulled down into the depression but not as often as before.  I have triggers now that help me to foresee circumstances that will send me down again and I am able to increase my dosage for several days to a week or so if needed to get through the rough spots.

I have said all this to hopefully help others that feel trapped in the hole of depression with the dirt piling up on top of you.  I feel God used the swelling to get me into the doctor's office so that conscientious nurse would notice my mood changes.  I have always been told that the Lord works in mysterious ways.  Well, he definitely worked his "Magic" with me in a mysterious and round-about way.

Don't allow your pride to interfere with the healing that God can provide.  And remember, taking the medication doesn't show a weakness, it shows a strength and determination that God wants us to find in ourselves.  If you think your moods are off beat or if others have noticed a difference in your behavior, check it out with your family doctor.  He can begin the chemical healing you need and the Lord will supply the spiritual support to help you through the rough times.

Not THE END - The Beginning of better times!

 

~Author Leisha Holland~
 
 

 
Thank you Leisha for giving me permission to use your story.  Leisha may be contacted via e-mail at jholland@mail1.scottsboro.org

I initially spotted this story in "The Motovational Mailer"
If you would like to receive positive, uplifting stories on a daily basis, they can be reached at http://www.self-worth.com
 
 

 

 
 
 

Thank you Lisa for sharing
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linkware. It is very much appeciated.
 
 
 

 

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~Eleanor Roosevelt~

 

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Last updated January 4, 2001