Once again, sad to say, I have been ridiculed by a person on this list. Usually, this is a result

[as in this case] of the person doing the ridiculing being uninformed, uneducated, or, just

possibly, a general know-it-all. On the subject of the back half of our dogs. Pay attention. The

back half is **just as important**, yea, even *more* so, than the front half. I will use an olde

fable to illustrate my case. This is the story of the terrible "Hippogater"; meanest animal on

earth. It has the front half of a Hippopotamus on one end. And the front half of an Alligator on

the other end. So, you ask, if it's got a Hippo head on one end--and an Alligator head on the

other end--how does it, er, poop? Well; it doesn't. And that's what makes it so mean.

It's very important that what goes in the front, comes out the back. If it doesn't, the results can

be devastating. I work for a guy who hasn't had a BM in 37 years. But that's another story. We

all value our Goldens temperament. Do you think they would be so sweet if they were

constipated all the time? Of course not! Hey, look at some famous folks--Bob Dole, now

there's a guy packing a load. Newt--wow! Look at their eyes. Even a person with little

knowledge of *the back half* can see there's a problem here. So next time you make fun of

somebody just because they specialize in *the back half* I suggest you look in the bathroom

mirror, and think about what I just wrote. And then reach for the Ex-lax. Are you part of the

problem--or the solution? Hey, it's a dirty job--but someone has to doo it. 

Becky [Is this what they mean by "the better half" when mom & dad talk about each other?]

Peggy Sue [Could be. But why does mom compare dad to the back half of a horse? I fail to see the resemblance???] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Girls

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

I was amused at the posting about the Golden using the playground slide. Don't all Goldens do

that? I have pictures of Becky coming down a playground slide. I was in a wacky mood

[getting more frequent since I made the over-the-hill gang] and decided to slide down the

playground slide. Up the ladder I go! Half way down, Michael says "look at Becky!" She

followed me up the ladder, and down the slide she came. We repeated this several times after

going home for the camera. Pretty funny! She has also made it most of the way up a 20'

extension ladder trying to help me work on the roof. I had to help her down from this venture.

While swimming in the Washougal River a couple of years ago, I did a cannonball off a 10'

high rock ledge--looked up as I hit the water--here comes the Red Dog!

Peggy Sue, however, views things like playground equipment as dangerous. Killer slides,

swings, etc. Go figure?? So far I haven't found anyplace I would go where Becky won't.

Including the bathroom. I have learned to close the door. Some things are best done alone.  

Becky [I'm a slip-slidin' fool! Huh. dad?]

Peggy Sue [Well, Becky, you're half right--!]

Becky [Ok, smart ass, I'm gonna tell a dumb blonde joke just for that. Here goes--"What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A dope ring!! Hahahahah!]

Peggy Sue [Grooaaannn! ] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Girls

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

The time has come. It will be 7 weeks tomorrow. The puppies are ready for their new homes.

And we must choose between 6 adorable males to find our Earnie. Arrrrggghhhhh! How do

we do this? I want them **all**! After taking care of them on a daily basis since their birth, we

have naturally fallen in love with all of them. Choosing a wife was easy. Is she beautiful?

Intelligent? Does she have money? A boat? Does she like to fish & hunt? Ride bicycles? Will

she listen when you talk to her? Check her teeth, make sure she's telling the truth about her age.

All checks out? Marry her, live happily forever after. But--this puppy choice. They are all

beautiful. They all listen when I talk to them. Great teeth. I know their ages. Tough choice. And

which ever puppy we choose will leave us feeling guilty about the ones who were sitting next

to me, leaning on my leg saying in puppy language--"take me home! I think I love you"! Oh,

the guilt! Seriously--- there are three we have narrowed the choice down to. Probably actually

two. One is quiet, very cuddly, tends to wait until the others are over their initial excitement

when we see them to come over for his loving. A calm puppy. Relaxed. Doesn't stiffen up

when picked up and turned over, etc. Trusting. Unafraid of anything. The other puppy is

similar, except he **cannot get enough** of us. Always the first to get to us, wants constant

attention. We are even more important than his food. Now--the important part. Puppy #1 is

Michaels favorite. Puppy #2 is my favorite. But neither is an overwhelming favorite. My gut

feeling is to go with Michaels favorite so when he eats the antique couch, she won't be able to

say "I told you we should have gotten my favorite". Help!! What to do? Crunch time is here!

By this time tomorrow--It will be done!  

Becky [It'll be done all right. If I can just get to him to make sandwich spread---!]

Peggy Sue [Can I train him to eat poop and be hard of listening?]

 Michael & Scotty

The Golden Girls

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

There is a God. We have a *new* Golden Retriever brother for our girls! By the time we

arrived at the breeders house tonight [Roiannes] the decision had been made *for* us. Roianne

had made the decision! As luck would have it, we ended up with the #1 pick male, as there is

no show home for him. We agreed to not neuter the pup until he is 12-15 months old just in

case he turns out to be *THE* show boy. This really lifted a huge weight off of Michael and I.

Now neither of us is to blame if Earnie eats the couch! It's Roiannes fault! [Sorry, Roianne!]

The pups we had arbitrarily chosen as *our* #1 and #2 picks turned out to be graded the #2

and #3 males. The puppy who has become Earnie would have been our third choice.

However, remember, we don't know squat about conformation, etc.---we are primarily

interested in personality. This pup has personality plus! Perfect! Roianne gets to watch Earnie

to see how he develops, and we get the *pick* of the boys! What could be better than that?

HE IS REALLY CUTE! Sorry, just needed to shout that. Earnie is *all* cuddles, loves to be

held. No fear! Very calm, cool, collected. We are very happy, and tomorrow we bring him

home to meet the girls. I am reasonably certain they will be **less than thrilled**. Oh well-can't

please everybody! Thanks for all your support, we received an unbelievable number of posts

and opinions, and we learned *a lot*. I love this list! Thank you, thank you, thank you!  

Becky [Hey Pigger, if you help me put Earnie in the cuisinart we'll make puree out of him!]

Peggy Sue [Think we can get the lid on? Here. I'll sit on it.] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Girls

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

You know, the Dr. says "no sweat, we'll just cut right here and here and take this out and sew

this up. No big deal". Sounds reasonable. But after the surgery, you wake up and remember

why you swore you'd never have surgery again. With time, you forget the pain. Ahhh, yesss!

We had forgotten some of the benefits of a new pup. The really gorgeous yellow contrast of

the puppy pee on the white linoleum floor. The chewed fringes of the couch. The killer attacks

with needle sharp teeth on your bare toes. The midnight, 2 AM, 4AM, and 6AM whining and

kiping from the crate in our bedroom. Yes, he spent his first night in our room with us and the

girls. He will spend *all* his nights in our bedroom, no matter how much sleep we lose. He

*is* family now. This is great!

Becky has mellowed in 24 hrs. to the point where her growls are less menacing. She still

refuses to drink from the water dish if Earnie has used it. Peggy Sue is no problem, some initial

snarling, sneering, etc. Today she allows him to step on her face and lay next to her. She's

reallya sweetheart.

Earnie has true Golden temperament. He shows interest in everything, but no fear. He got his

first bath in the kitchen sink today, he really enjoyed it. He knows Becky is a **real bitch**

and avoids her unless I am in the room. He already thinks I'm alpha. Hope he doesn't tell

Michael. Earnie seems already to have bonded with us, particularly Michael. Probably astute

enough at 7 weeks to know she's the soft touch around here. I think this is going to work--if

we can just mellow Becky out. Any suggestions on how to do this would be really

appreciated! She'd better get used to Earnie--he's already family. 

Becky [Peggy Sue, run out to the woodshed and bring me the axe, will ya?]

Peggy Sue [I know you're the boss, you red bitch. But I think I'm beginning to like him. I have a **brother***! Get your own axe.] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Girls

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Sorry, just can't work up my blood pressure about this Japan stuff. Forgive me for getting off

the track. But I find this amusing--

Earnie at 8 weeks has perfected what will always be known in this house as the "Teddy

Snatch". Goes like this--Becky's packing a Teddy Bear loosely in her mouth. She sits in front

of one of us, bear in mouth, waiting to be petted. Earnie figured out that by rocketing under

her chin at **warp 9** and grabbing the bear he's gone before she can react. However, today

when he pulled that little stunt at breakfast Becky let out a roar that would have stopped a

charging Rhino. It also stopped Earnie who dropped the bear and went into a submissive

position. Dunno what Becky said, but I've *got* to learn that command--! 

Becky [DROP that bear, you pesty little sucker before I make an un-stuffed woobie out of you!!!!!]

Peggy Sue [Hee hee hee. Sure glad there's another blonde in the house. Hey Becky, who's the dummy now? GO EARNIE!!!] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; AKA Small White Shark, Grass Gobbler, Teddy Snatcher

the furniture. He's discovered that old people have a really difficult time following him under

the couches, futons, chairs, etc. in our home. If he gets under one end of the futon and you try

to grab him, he shoots the length of it thumping his head on each cross-brace [thump-thump-

thump-thump] as he runs. He looks for all the world like a large white rat. When he squirts out

from under the end of the futon Pigger is waiting to dive on him. Great game, if you're a dog.

Both Michael and I are suffering from hyper-extended arms and sore knees. Becky & the

Pigger love it, though. They join us on the floor, butts in the air, noses under the couch, as if

to say "I found him"! If this keeps up as we're sure it will-- Michael and I will be more flexible

than a yoga master. Pray for us. Aren't puppies fun-----? :-[ 

Becky [Dang! I hate it when that pestilent pip squeak pops out from under the furniture at me! C'mere Earnie, let me show you this barbecue. That's it, closer, closer--hehhehheh!]

Peggy Sue [Where's Earnie? Huh? Where is that squirt? Hey, this is a great game!]

Earnie [Fast as fast can be--you'll never catch meeeee! [Thumpthumpow myheadowow]] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; AKA Small White Shark, Grass Gobbler, Teddy Snatcher

Peggy Sue has been teaching Earnie to fly. Actually, he learned in one lesson. Included in the

lesson was the fact that a 12lb. Golden is no match for a 60lb. Golden. He learns fast. Peggy

Sue decided Earnie is fun to play with, & vice versa. Peggy Sue is on one end of the yard,

Earnie on the other. Peggy Sue runs at Earnie. Earnie runs at Peggy Sue. Thud. Earnie flies

through the air, lands on his back, and relocates to the underside of the picnic table, safe from

Peggy Sue. I **swear** Pigger was grinning---! 

Becky [Typical. Two dumb Blondes. Just about what you'd expect.]

Peggy Sue [Watch this! I'm on the forty, the thirty, the ten--TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!]

Earnie [I CAN FLYYYYYYYYY! *OOF* THUD ouchouchouch didja get the number of that truck??] 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; AKA Small White Shark, Grass Gobbler, Teddy Snatcher

Warning: This post may not be deemed "serious" by some! [Disclaimer]

The post about the dog looking as if it had exploded in the kitchen from blowing coat gave me

an idea. I've always been an idea man. For over 30 years casting a certain glance at my wife

elicits the same response: "don't get any bright ideas, Buster"! I've always wondered who

Buster is. On to the subject: Golden hair! First, we need to know the types of dog hair. Puppy

hair. This is finer than Frog hair, in case you may have forgotten. It gets in the eyes, the

nostrils, the ears, and your food. If unchecked, it works itself to your heart. This causes a

condition known as "ain'thecuteitus" which manifests itself by giving you a warm fuzzy feeling

around puppies. Not fatal, but distracting. Perhaps Dr. Jim would be willing to give medical

details on this condition. Then there's plain old dog hair. My question is: why fight it? If all the

money we spend on cleaning equipment were used for Golden rescue--! Think of it! Besides,

Golden hair is an excellent insulate r. We spend exorbitant amounts of $ on wall-to-wall

carpets. Why? If you have three Goldens, as we do, the floor will be totally covered with

gorgeous **free** hair in no time! The dog hair will be self-limiting, you tall folks will notice

it's getting easier to reach the ceiling. Time to get the grass rake out and bag up some free

insulation! Put it in the walls, the attic! Those of you with more dogs can send hair to people in

colder climates. All the money saved on insulation can be used for Rescue Dogs! History

shows us that the English [those dogs!] lived with their livestock for heat. I think this should

work! If you relax with the hair, pretty soon it won't bother you. Case in point: the old

Hairmobile. The longer we drove it, the quieter it got. We wondered why, until we sold it and

had to clean it out. We thought it had carpets! Imagine the surprise when we found rubber

floor mats under the dog hair! The added insulation provided by the dog hair quieted the

engine sounds! What do you think?

 Becky [I think another blonde in the house has caused you to inhale too much blonde fur--it's known that blonde fur causes brain damage!]

Peggy Sue [Hmmm. Would this mean I could use the "rug" for my burritos?]

Earnie [Here, dad, inhale some more puppy hair--!]

Michael & Scotty Richardson; couver@pacifier.com

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; AKA Small White Shark, Grass Gobbler, Teddy Snatcher

child--Earnie. We took the advice of at least two of you immediately [because it was quick &

easy!]. One suggestion was to put a *big* woobie in the crate with him. We did this with a bit

of apprehension, as he-- er, seems to like humping the bigger woobies during play. I dunno

how *that* would sound in the middle of the night--:-]! However, it seemed to calm him right

down when he cuddled up to the *Big Bear* woobie. The other suggestion was to cover the

crate. At the 4:00 AM potty break he was restless after I returned him to the Vari-Kennel, so I

covered the crate with my robe [just the front of the crate, no ventilation problem] and once

again he settled down and actually slept through the remainder of the night! There are many

other suggestions that are well worth trying if these things don't continue to do the trick. I love

this list! Ah, sleep! It feels good to be rested again--!

BTW Peggy Sue and Earnie play throughout the evening, so he gets little chance to rest.

Perhaps this will help wear the little bugger out. Becky continues to be the ultimate bitch--she

nailed Earnie good this AM [no blood] when he used her head for traction. :-[ 

Becky [What we have here, see, is a **respect** problem. You know, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"! As in the Aretha Franklin tune--!]

Peggy Sue [I don't think we have a respect problem. I think we have a bitchy redhead problem. Blondes rule!]

Earnie [Ow! She bit me! Guess I'll go hump a woobie---]_ 

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach

Peggy Sue; Pixie, Lover of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; AKA Small White Shark, Grass Gobbler, Teddy Snatcher