Grooming day here. Brushed all three. Scraped teeth, brushed same, trimmed

toenails, used the Electric Shears on their feet, did ears--whew! They were tired,

and me too! So, Great time for a little R&R to settle everybody down. To the

field with the tennis racquet and a backpack full of balls! Hit balls until the

dogs were tired & hot. Went back out into the field to find the lost balls. Found

another advantage Goldens have over humans. They don't wear trousers.

Therefore, hornets cannot fly up their trouser legs. Unfortunately, we had drawn an

Audience today, a few folks enjoying watching Goldens retrieve tennis balls. So, now

I have a choice. I've already been stung once, and am currently doing things any

Really great Break-Dancer would be proud of. I can either drop the drawers and get

rid of the bee---or smash the little *&%^%$$ against my leg. Modesty won out, but

the bee didn't die easily. Got me again! Oh, the things we do for our Goldens. Boy,

that smarts!

Earnie [ Wow! I didn't know the old man could move like that! I'm impressed!]

Becky [I *know* that step! I've stepped in a hornets nest a few times. I ran

To dad for help because there were bees all over me. He wasn't happy.]

Peggy Sue [I woulda just dropped my knickers. To heck with those teen-aged

girls.]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Been gone 5 days. Upon returning home from Seattle where I was doing silly

Grandparent things with our new Granddaughter [Yessss!] I noticed one of the

Posts was the Birf-Days for July. Dang me. Earnie will be two [2] on Friday. If he

Makes it. Every so often we still fantasize about what he tastes like. Depends on

How much trouble he's in at a given moment. Birthdays cause one to reminisce a

bit.

Many of you have followed the exploits of the "Great White Humper" since his

birth. Even before his birth, when so many helpful G&Hers helped me convince

my wife that we **needed** this dog. The early days, the yellow puddles on the

white kitchen floor. The spots on the rugs. Hiding under the futon when he was

about the size of a large white Rat. Trying to calm Becky whose nose was so far out of

joint it extended into the next county. She was *less than thrilled* with her "new

brother"! But, we got through all that. Then, as he matured [??] his tastes

changed. He developed a taste for antique furniture. My wife was not happy

upon discovering a missing leg on one of her prized family chairs. Rocky times in

the marriage, those times. I still remember the words "look what **your** dog

did!" There were two chairs. Eight legs. He only ate *1*. Big deal--one out of

eight ain't bad. Around this time he discovered his sexuality. We were not

thrilled with this, either. Continual humping of pillows, wadding of throw rugs and

humping them--woobies; the other dogs; etc. I even noticed him casting lascivious

looks at VW Beetles on the streets. Actually-- he discovered that attempting to hump

Becky, Alpha Bitch of the Universe, had a rather adverse effect on his health. He

Gave that up as a bad idea. After the first 50 times of ending up on his backside

With her teeth at his throat he decided that "no" meant "no". I can identify with

that. Of course, the grisly murder of his favorite sex toy--Hump-D-Bear; a

woe-be-gone one eyed Teddy Bear. He carried that thing everywhere. Humped the poor

sucker 40 times a day. Then, one morning we woke up to find Hump-D-Bear had been

"offed". Face completely missing. Arm ripped off. Leg shredded. Guts galore. We'll

never be sure, but we think the poor bear had a headache and said "no". Earnie has

never found another partner since Hump-D-Bear. Perhaps the removal of his male

apparatus had something to do with his diminished interest. Anyway--two years old!

Amazing; where *does* the time go?

Becky [I'd still pay you off in sloppy kisses if he goes away--!]

Peggy Sue [Aw Becky, you wrestle with him every day. Who you kidding? You

Like him, and you know it!]

Earnie [What's a Birf-Day? Do I get special treats?]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Tonight was Earnies first Agility Class. Now, Earnie isn't one of those

Svelte field dogs, like our Becky. He was 18 months old before he discovered he was

capable of jumping into the back of our truck. Probably because he's built

like our truck. Until then he would place his front paws on the bed and expect a

"boost" into the back. Earnie and Agility are definitely an oxymoron.

Picture a cow on stilts. A Giraffe on a high wire. A Kenworth truck on a slalom

course. Me, chewing gum and walking. So, I was understandably curious as to how he would

do. We started on a series of jumps--this place is an equestrian center, huge

indoor barn, sawdust on the floor. Two classes running simultaneously, advanced at

one end, beginning at our end. The jumps were about 25 feet apart. Object: run

alongside your dog pointing at jumps and urging him "over" them. There are

only 3 dogs total in this class. Lots of time on the course. I ran that danged

course 20 times with Earnie. He did well. Maybe all those flip turns off the futon

paid off? I, on the other hand, almost suffered a stroke. Then, the tunnel! Object:

get your dog to run through this 36" plastic tube. On his very first try, he started

through and came face to face with another male dog which had gotten away

from it's owner in the advanced class, and just decided to run through that

tunnel from the opposite end. Bad news. Both dogs backed up--neither too happy with the

other. Trainer was afraid that might cause Earnie to have a negative reaction to

the tunnel. Nope, he tried the tunnel at least another 12 times, aced it. Good

boy!

So, next week, on to other equipment! GReat fun! Now, the really good/bad news. The good

news--Becky is in the advanced agility class. The bad news is it's scheduled for the hour after

Earnies class. You guessed it. This flabby old phart had to do it *again* for another hour. Her

Class also has only three [3] dogs in it. No waiting time. Her first run: three jumps,

the A-frame, the table, teeter, U-shaped tunnel, and finish on the dog walk. No

sweat for her. However, even my fat roll was tired by this time. I got through it,

though! My lovely wife is still in Seattle doing Grandparent things. Means

I'm a swinging single guy this week. So, I came home and fixed myself a nourishing

Meal of Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream and then nuked some Popcorn. Great meal!

Becky [I **like** this new class! I'm running *all* the time! No waiting!]

Peggy Sue [How come I have to stay home? Just because my joints aren't so

good and I'm dog aggressive? Big deal! Humph!]

Earnie [Oh, wow, this is a hoot! Faster, dad! C'mon, ya gotta keep up, here!

Why are you sweating? Hey, that's cute, the way your fat roll bounces! ]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Becky has always been a "diver". I jumped off some rocks into a swimming hole in

the River near here. Probably 12-15 feet. She jumped right in after me! No fear!

She will also retrieve whatever rock you throw into a river or lake. In the

Washougal River near here I tossed a rock into some pretty fast water. The water

was perhaps 6-8 feet deep. She tried to get it, but the current swept her

downstream each time. She finally, on her own, went far enough upstream to get

that rock on the way by---my buddy was really amazed. It looked like she thought

it through. She also "dredges" rivers, lakes, creeks, etc. She dives and gets a

rock, brings it up proudly, and goes back for another one. She'll continue this as

long as you watch her. I've seen a few pretty sizable piles of rocks she's dredged

up. I've never timed her dives, but I know she stays down long enough to make me

nervous. Neither of the other dogs will follow her on her diving expeditions.

Swimming yes, diving no--!

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

>

Crunch time. The weather out here in the NW has turned hot--around 90 degrees. Hot

for here. Every time the weather warms up, Peggy Sue develops hot spots, rashes,

general skin problems. Peggy Sue has the luxurious; thick coat you show folks

would die for. I, as a pet owner, and more of a field person-- think it sucks.

Peggy Sue has twice the skin problems of the other dogs and also sheds more than

the other two combined. Been fighting these skin problems for 7 years, now. All

the usual stuff--antihistamines, cortisone, gentocin, antibiotics when it turns to

staph, daily bathing in tar-sulpher, benzoyl-peroxide, etc. ad nauseum. Poor Peggy

Sue. Suffice it to say we have run the gamut--our usual vet gave up 3 years back

and sent us the the Doggie Dermatologist--a Specialist. He recommended a "field

cut" to shorten the coat; allowing her to cool more efficiently; dry more rapidly

from bathing and swimming, etc. Hated to do it. Her pretty coat--! So, we took her

to a local Groomer who was recommended to us. Cost me $30.00 to have her

shaved--and she came home with razor burns, cuts, looked like she'd been in a cat

fight! I was wayyyyyy Pissed! This Groomer must have studied under the Marquis De

Sade. For months I fantasized about donning camo gear; waiting in the alley with

my battery-powered clippers---leaping upon this person shouting "remember Peggy

Sue? This ones for her, you klutz!" Shave that broad bald and spray paint her

purple. Explain *that* to your next customer, bitch! Anyhow, because of that

debacle; I have decided to do the deed myself. I may not be a groomer, but neither

am I a butcher! Hair grows back. I have my Father-in-laws fancy clippers, he was a

barber; owned a barber school, in his younger days.

The worst part of this isn't the haircut. It's the nasty letters I'm sure to get

from this list telling me you should *never* fool with a Goldens coat. Bull. Flame

away if you want, but you're misinformed at best. Notice I'm being polite.

The other problem is the derisive remarks from John Q. Public, who can also be

amazingly ignorant. Notice I stopped being polite. Exclamations like "Oh, wow!

Wherever did you get that blonde Pot-Bellied Pig? She's soooooo cute! But--what's

wrong with her nose?" Or "Ethyl! Did you see the *size* of that Chihuahua?

Hoo-boy, must be on steroids, eh?" Or: "is that a Yellow Lab?" I'm thinking

seriously of having Peggy Sue attack trained. Sure, that's a bit like hiring Woody

Allen as a bodyguard. But--who knows? Some idiot makes a snide remark--I shout

"KILL!!!!!!!" Peggy Sue leaps upon them and rips out their throats.

Hahahahahahah.

One less moron---! Offed by a s*** eating dawg--yes! Should make the papers,

right?

Becky [Oh no! You're not gonna shave me, are ya? I want to be pretty for the

Rescue Parade at the National!]

Peggy Sue [ I'm not leaving the house until some of my coat grows back. I

Feel naked. But--I'm cool!]

Earnie [Who the **hell** is that? What happened to Peggy Sue? It smells like

Peggy Sue--?]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Hi! Earnie here! Finally got the old man away from the keyboard. Computer hog.

Hey, thanks a **lot** to all of you guys who sent me cards & letters! Too cool!

Boy, these B-Days are Great! Dad took me for a 6 mile walk and turned me loose in

some really nifty fields where I got to chase birds and eat some freshly ripened

Blackberries! The Blackberries were really tasty! There were some kids picking

them too. They thought I was funny when I picked my own & ate them. Humans are

funny, eh? I also got to play some more on the neat agility stuff in the back

yard. Dad calls them "hurdles" and only lets me jump the little ones. Becky gets

to jump the really high ones. Humph. I bet I could do that. Even though dad does

claim I jump like a Lead Balloon, whatever that is. Today dad put a new thingo out

in the yard. He calls it a "teeter". I can't go on it yet. It's pretty scary, it

moves when Becky walks on it. She gets cookies for going across it. Uppity bitch.

I could do that. Dad says "patience". Nuts. Oh, yeah! I got a really cool red

ball, that flashes off and on in the dark when you throw it! Neato! I also got a

rawhide chewie, but it's only a little one 'cause dad says they're really

dangerous and we never get them unless we are supervised. The girls got one, too.

I guess that's OK with me. They haven't been too bitchy lately.

All in all, life is good. I hear all this talk about "stud muffin" dogs from my

half-brother Jake and some other guys I know. Dad says don't be jealous. They have

to spend lots of time in crates and I don't. He says that by the time I get older

like him I would have stopped thinking with the "little head" anyway. He says sex

is over-rated and usually leads to trouble. Not sure what that means. But I don't

like trouble. I do know I like these Agility classes, and doing the jumps in the

back yard! Lots of fun! And next week I start my Intermediate Obedience Classes! I

really like my teacher--she's cool! So--thanks again, all of you! Life is one long

hoot!

Becky [I'm starting to like that boy. I just need a few more years--!]

Peggy Sue [I watched Earnie go over the jumps! So, I got really excited and

Dad took me over one and gave me some treats, too! I can't jump so good, my butt

doesn't always go where I aim it.]

Earnie [Boy Howdy, that "teeter" is scary! Becky is so brave! Guess I'll

Follow her example!]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

It's done. Peggy Sue has a *complete* haircut. We thought we might get away with

just a tummyshave. Her skin looked better. But--then we woke up this morning and

found the dreaded--*suck balls*! You know, those wads of fur looking like a cow's

teat our Goldens make when they chew on themselves? Seems as how there was the

beginning of a new problem on her back leg. So--out with the clippers! I wish to

thank Nancy Hasbrook for the tips on trimming the Pigger. Thanks to Nancy, who

does grooming for a living in Montana; we managed to do the job with no harm of

any kind to our sweet Peggy Sue! I used a plastic attachment on our Oster Clipper

that left 3/4" of hair all over the dog. Peggy Sue stood on the picnic table while

we did the deed, and didn't seem to mind it a bit! When I finished, I

realized--she resembled nothing more than--a lamb! She is *too* cute! I picked her

up and put her on the ground---and she got the FRAPs! Peggy Sue does *not* get the

FRAPs very often! I think she likes her new "do". It sure does make the bathing

easier. Now I have a whole garbage bag full of pretty blonde hair. Where's the

Amber Project when you need it? Kristen? The other dogs hazed her for a couple of

hours. She looks so different I think they were suspicious we sneaked a new dog in

on them. After a thorough sniffing, all is well! Peggy Sue is clean & cool!

Becky [Oh no you don't! Who the *hell* is that? It smells like Peggy Sue!]

Earnie [Yeah, but it looks like a sheep! Sniff sniff snarfle snarfle]

Peggy Sue [Ohhhh I'm COOL! Eat your hearts out, you two losers! I'm gonna go

FRAP some more! Yee-Haw!]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Check your pedigree! He's related to Peggy Sue! If he is---there is *no* cure---!

Seven years now. The other two go out, come in--she sniffs the fenceline. I find

it keeps me young. At age seven she can still outrun me. She's seven, BTW, I'm

somewhat older. Enjoy it. Perversity can be a good thing. Life would be so boring

if all my dogs were predictable.

Earnie [I'm only two, but I know that *come* means *come* Or else! I just

Never know what "or else" means--?]

Becky [No way I wanna stay out in the dark old yard. The bedroom is the

place to be!]

Peggy Sue [ Is that you yelling, dad? Hemorrhoids bothering you again? What

Was that you said about a *pain in the ass*?]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Once in a great while--not often--something hits me, right where I live. I'm a bit

like the proverbial mule, getting my attention sometimes requires the use of a

well placed 2x4. At the risk of seeming maudlin, may I say that the recent

outpouring of caring and sharing directed towards several members of this list is

just *amazing*? I'm sure that Suzanne Bria is still overwhelmed by her avalanche

of mail, messages, etc. I hope so! Many of you know I was the victim of cancer a

couple of years ago, too. Like Suzanne; I appear to have it whipped. I'd like to

think so. I live my life in 6 month increments. At the moment--life is good!

But--during the months of **hell** I endured; I will *never* forget the support

that came from this list. People who have never met me, know nothing of me--showed

caring support. I saved every e-mail in a folder, I still have them. When I feel

the need to renew my faith in humanity [which is often] I browse through those

messages. No doubt, Suzanne will do the same. Those of you whose lives have been

touched by cancer know the fear of the unknown may be worse than the disease

itself. The waiting for what is truly a life or death decision. Your support

counts! It creates hope, and a diversion from the things your mind is doing to

you. It is *not* a little thing--taking a few minutes from your day to support

someone who sorely needs it. Spending a buck on a card. Do it. You'll feel good,

and the person receiving your support will be better for it. Cancer, heart

problems, other maladies *can* happen to you--pray they don't, but should the

unthinkable happen--may you also be a recipient from the bottomless bowl of

kindness and love demonstrated by members of this list. This list may be about

Goldens. However, in my mind much of what I see here speaks volumes about Golden

owners. As for me--I'm proud to be a member of this G&H group. See you at the

National!

Peggy Sue [Uh-oh! The old man swallowed a serious pill! Call the Dr.]

Becky [Maybe it's the heat. He's delusional.]

Earnie [Nah! You girls can't understand! It's a "guy" thing--right dad?]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA

Just returned from a local veggie stand. Carried the stuff upstairs. Thought we

bought three zucchini. Only found two. Must have left one in the car. Down the

stairs goes my lovely bride, Michael. I hear the car door slam. I hear the laundry

room door slam. I hear "THUMP-BANG-THUD-MOOOAAAAANNNNNNN! Not good. All

three dogs jump up, startled, and race down the stairs. I run down the stairs to find my

bride flat on her face on the floor. Hmm. She's moving. What is this? A stroke?

Heart attack? I ask "are you OK?" Wrong question. "(&%(&^%&^% NO! I'm notOK!"

She's conscious. Good sign. She's pissed. Better sign. "Should I call 911?" I ask.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A MINUTE, OK?!?! I tripped on a *&^%^&* dog toy!"

Naturally, all three dogs are circling her prostrate form, Earnie shoving a

chew-man at her face. This, incidentally, was not well received. She was

apparently NOT in the mood for play--even if she was on the floor at dog level. I

search for the offending dog toy. Hard to pick just one--let's see--there is the

Tug-Rope, several gutted woobies, what's left of the Rat-Hat-- three Whiffle

balls, a Rubber Football, a Soccer ball, a Fetch & Glow ball, numerous tennis

balls, a spiny rubber sea-urchin thing; two Kongs; several Levi-legs with tennis

balls sewn in; a rubber pull-ring; etc. "So--what did you trip on?" I asked.

Bad question. "How the (*&^*^ do *I* know?" Hmm. she's a tad testy, here.

Delicate situation. I help her up. She hobbles about the room holding her knee, which

Will undoubtedly be a gorgeous shade of purple by tomorrow. There is a steady

stream of mumbling accompanying her lurching about. Walks like that dude Lurch on the

Adams Family. Assorted dirty looks at the dogs, all of whom appear somewhat

unrepentant.

I line up the dogs. "Awright, I say, who left that toy in the doorway?" They

Look to the left, the right, at their feet, no eye contact. Nobody willing to rat

Out the other guy. Oh, well. I pick up the toys which will be spread hither

thither & yon again tomorrow. You just have to watch your step around here, in more

ways than one--!

Becky [Wasn't me! Probably that little turd, Earnie.]

Peggy Sue [Uhhh---Earnie, it's *not* a good idea to try and play with mom

When she's in that mood--]

Earnie [Too cool! Right down here on the floor with me! Here mom, bite on

This Chewman & you'll feel better!]

Michael & Scotty

The Golden Gang

Becky; The Red Scourge of Squirrels, Feline Track Coach; Peggy Sue; Pixie,

Lover

of Every Creature; Fecal Gourmet

Earnie; Marriage Test, Woobie Shredder, General PITA

Living in SW Washington State; USA