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laying in front of the door?

Matt

hanging on the wall?

Art

floating down the creek?

Bob

floating around and around in circles?

Eddy

laying behind the pitcher's mound?

Second base.

   Three pregnant women are sitting in the OB/GYN
waiting room, knitting little sweaters. After a while, one
of them reaches in her purse and takes a pill. The others
ask what she's taking.


   "Vitamin C", she says, "I want to stay healthy for my
baby."


   They continue knitting and after a while the second
woman reaches in her purse and takes a pill. The others
ask what she's taking.


   "Iron", she says, "I want my baby to be big and strong."


   They continue knitting and after a while the third
woman reaches in her purse and takes a pill. The others
ask what she's taking.


   "Thalidomide", she says, "I just can't get these sleeves
even."

A: They won't SHUT UP AND LISTEN!

A: The pepper spray.

   Joebob is sitting in his trailer watching rasslin'
on the satellite TV when his teenage daughter comes in
and asks to borrow the pickup to go to town.

    "OK", he says, "But you'll have to give me a blowjob."

    She does as he asks, but soon takes it out of her mouth.

    "Daddy", she says, "This tastes like shit."

    "Oh, yeah," he replies, "Your brother has the pickup."

     Moses and Jesus were playing golf. They reached the water
hazard and Jesus took out his 9 iron and addressed the ball.

     "Hold it!" yelled Moses, "That's too far. You need to use a
wood for that shot."

     "No," replied Jesus, "I saw Tiger Woods make this shot with
a 9 iron on TV last Sunday."

     Jesus swung at the ball, and "kerplunk" it went right in the
middle
of the water hazard. Moses parted the water and Jesus fetched His
ball.
He set up the ball and again took out His 9 iron.

     "Hold it!" yelled Moses, "I already told You that You need
a wood for that shot."

     "No," replied Jesus, "Tiger Woods made this shot with a
wood on TV last Sunday."

     "OK," said Moses, "But I'm not helping You get Your ball
this time."

     Jesus swung at the ball, and again it went "kerplunk" right
in the middle of the water hazard. Jesus started walking across
the water to retrieve His ball.

     About that time a foursome played up. When they saw Jesus
walking on the water they asked Moses:

     "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?"

     "Hell no," replied Moses, "He thinks He's Tiger Woods."

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together,
and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first
friend says, "you know, we're starting to get on each other's
nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend
the day looking around, you hike south and do the same. Then,
tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the
campfire." The second man agrees and hikes south. The first
man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I
hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a
canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain
lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come over and drink
from the stream. The wild flowers were filled with butterflies
and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second man says, "I went south and ran across a set of
railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young
woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off and we had sex
in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so
tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow," says the first guy, "did you get a blow job?"

"No," says the second guy, "I couldnt't find her head."