|
|
Rugby in Montana | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 1997 Denver Highlanders trip to Maggotfest | ||||||||||||||||||||
|
Maggotfest 1997....the Disaster We had high hopes of repeating our 1996 championship in Missoula, MT. Although it wasn't exactly a championship, it was a trophy and we wanted another. This however, was not to be. I guess I should have guessed that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, and so it would be with my club, the Denver Highlanders. I was referring to the Missoula Maggots annual liver abuse weekend, Maggotfest. In 1996, I brought 20 members of the Denver Highlanders RFC to Missoula to enjoy the company of over 30 teams from around the US Northwest and Canada. We had travelled in 3 groups and had fun the entire time we were there. This year, however, we decided to rent a winebago, as we did in the New Mexico Trip. Big Mistake. Our travel party started at 8 people in the winne, while 6 more were going to drive up in a van, and 2 would fly in. Final turnout saw only 4 of us in the winne (which doubled the cost for each of us), 5 in the van, and Bad Boy Bubby flying into Helena, MT. We picked him up there, but he had missed one hell of a good time in Bozeman with the Bozemen Cutthroats RFC. We left Wednesday night around 10 PM in the winne. We packed 2 dogs and 4 men and one keg of beer. We were off. We started the journey at the grand opening of Beach Babes, the newest strip club in Denver and the only one with a swimming pool. We drove north about 200 miles and stopped. First day damages: $500 insurance deductible: LOST. I accidentally caught the back bumper on a guard rail about 2 hours into the trip. My brother's response, "well I guess we can trash it now, we don't have anything else to lose." We arrived in Bozeman on Wednesday after a 6 hour drive in a May Blizzard (only in Montana). I remember one Fourth of July when it snowed in Montana. When we arrived, we had planned on a run around with the Bozeman Cutthroats, however the field was about 12 inches under the newly fallen snow. There was a short rap at the door of thew winnebago and that is when we met Shamu. Shamu had played with some of our older players in Denver during the mid-80s. He was the official ambassador from the Cutthroats and showed us the team's pub where we drank several beers and followed Shamu back to his home to shower. Although we had beds and a shower in the winne, we chose to sleep on Shamu's couch and shower in his home. Shamu took us out on the town in Bozeman, which included an all the beer you can drink for $8 bar. I didn't want to leave, but when the police arrived to break up a fight between my brother and another individual, we felt it was time to depart. Before we left, Yippy and Monty (aka Jethro) decided it was time to urinate (next to a police officer), but we escaped jail time into a nearby cab. We rode the last bar, where we met several females, including one that Yippy convinced to keep him warm in the Winne. We took off the next morning, dropping Yippy's local off at her home and driving north to Helena, my hometown, and the location of Bad Boy Bubby's incoming flight. We picked Bubby up and stopped by my parents home for sandwiches and beer. We took off around 2 PM and arrived in Missoula in time to enter the party bars and other events. (This part of the story was recently retold to me...so I have added it for humor sake.) We were standing around in the Oxford with the rest of our mates, who had just arrived when a small tussle broke out between two backs. I walked up behind the men and put my arms around both of their necks, pulling them together. "Come on guys, we don't want to fight, we want to love each other...now come on, show me the love." The fight ended with the two backs forcibly hugging each other. This earned me the name "John Thomas, the Ambassador of Love." Bubby and I continued to drink and we ended up quite intoxicated. Example, Bubby eating his own candy necklace and cross checking some girl against the cash machine in the Oxford. We both staggered back to the winnebago to sleep it off. Brother Jim, also drunk, found himself pissing into the kit bag of some chick. The girl was nice enough to let him sleep in her hotel room and he pays her back by wetting her clothes. She kicked him out and he soon found sanctuary with another female in our winnebago. The games were miserable. We didn't have enough players, we didn't have enough time, we were hung over, but we decided we would have fun. We lost the Maggots by a point near the end of the game. The next game we lost as well. The game was scoreless at half time, but we pulled most of our guys out and allowed whores to fill in our spots at = time. We lost to the Bozeman Cutthroats 20-0 in that game. We chose not to play our 3rd game on Sunday at all. The party on Saturday night was preceded with a trip to a strip bar on the way to the airport. While sitting at the stage, the dancer, noticing the big blue poobah hat I wore, asked if it was a "special day" for me. I responded, "yes." She asked then if it was my bachelor party, which I replied again, "yes." What she did then amazed and shocked everyone in the bar. She put a match in her coochy and lit it on fire. She then had me light by cigar from our flaming tunafish can and blew it out with a gust of internal air. Quite amazing. The party raged on, as it always does, and we found ourselves back in the Missoula Bars by midnight. We drank all night and Bubby and I found ourselves sitting at some diner, begging the waitress for service. We ate crackers and mustard to tide us over til the waitress could get to us. We ate 2 hours later at 4:30 AM. The next day we drank some beer and watched some rugby. We took off around noon for Denver and posed for one last picture. The van boys had left earlier that morning. While we did not win everything, and it was not quite as fun as 1996, the Highlanders had a good time and we enjoyed ourselves tremendously. | |||||||||||||||||||
| Hoss.....the Legend of Gunsmoke Returns | ||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
I met Hoss at the Billings Bulls April Fools tourney in 1994. We needed a whore prop and he volunteered his time from his club (the Flathead Moose RFC). We won that game and everytime I have seen him since we have had a great time. On one such occassion, my club, the Helena All-Blues, travelled to Kalispel, MT to play the Moose. After a humiliating 46-0 loss, about 5 of the younger players stayed to drink with the Moose. We were just getting ready to leave when Hoss volunteered his girlfriend's house for us to stay at. They were conveniently out of town for the weekend. He sweetened the deal by mentioning a big fire pit in the back yard for barbqueing hot dogs later and a wet bar in the basement. Rob, John L, Lenny, and myself stayed that night and drank more than our share. As we soon found out, so did Hoss. We stopped at a grocery store about 2 AM to buy some more beer. I had just enough money for hot dogs and paid for my food supplies. Hoss stood with a confused look on his face with 2 cases of Budweiser on the counter. The lady totalled the amount at $16 and I walked off wondering if he was about to try making a run for it. I got into the car and turned around to spot Hoss making a mad dash for our car with 3 police officers in hot pursuit. It turns out good ol Hoss, responding to the ladies request for $16, told her to "Charge it on this" as he whipped out his penis a layed it on the counter. Itjust so happen that the three officers, who were standing right behind him in line didn't even notice until a women in another line screamed. (His clerk thought it was funny.) Funny it wasn't with a fine and jail time exceeding $200. That was the least of his worries. When his club found out, they held a special session of the Kangaroo Court in which they ordered him to "Not have another beer for 6 Weeks." I still see that big guy and wonder, how would she have ran it through the credit card machine? | |||||||||||||||||||
| Another Maggotfest visit | ||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
This is from the Maggots own page. See the maggots at: Maggots join Bozo and Billings for trip to Saskatchewan By Shane "I probably have a nickname but Doc doesn't know it" Clouse (editor's note: there has been a long-standing tradition of matching the Montana Rugby Union select sides against the select sides from Saskatchewan (in case you don't know, that's in Canada, and is noted for its lack of notable features). For many years these games were held in Havre, Montana, midway between any real population center in Montana and Regina, Sask. After we kicked the shit out of the Canucks in 1995, they've refused to make the journey again, and insisted we travel all the way up to Vagina if we want a game. A Montana contingent usually makes the trip each summer. 'Nuf said, now on with the report.) Tex, Butba, Smoothie, and I left Missoula for Bozeman on Thursday night where we had a night on the town with the Cutthroats. One for the Cutthroats and especially Will Bass for their hospitality and for showing us one hell of a good time. We departed Bozeman on Friday morning hung over, but itching to go some more. Upon arriving at Blazing Saddles in Billings we rustled up the Billings bulls for some red beers while waiting for our vans to arrive. We departed Billings at 3 PM in three vans. The trip between Billings and Regina would have been uneventful except for the fact that Smoothie and I witnessed the car in front of us lose control and end up on its top in the median just east of Billings. The lone occupant was a bit shaken, but otherwise unharmed save for the deductible he'll have to pay. Having gallantly waited to make sure he wasn't dead, we hurriedly bused-up and resumed the journey. No more excitement to report between Billings and Regina except that Smoothie found a rock at the Miles City KFC bearing a striking resemblance to Jaba the Hut. He became our bus mascot for the trip and will eventually reside on the Maggot bus. Friday evening we arrived in Regina, organized our rooms and headed out on the town. For those of you that made the trip to the UK all I can say is BARNSLEY!!! Young women in tight clothing!!! On Saturday morning we had a brief practice where Seth and Skip made selections. Much to my surprise, I was selected to play flanker for the entire B-side match. We practiced for about 45 minutes and prepared for the first game at 5pm. The Montana Rep side played very well for the first 60 minutes of the B-side match, holding the Prairie Fire scoreless for the entire first half. Due to tiredness and lack of depth in the forwards, MT Rep side eventually fell to the Prairie fire. My apologies for not remembering the score. We had a lot of people playing out of position, but we showed them a hard hitting match. After surviving playing flanker and having quite a good time with it, I now see what all the fuss is about that you forwards out there carry on about. I think I may be requesting a position change for next season, well at least on the B-side. (editor's note: But you might get your hair mussed up playing in the pack! Besides, the REAL action is in the tight five, who are generally less tolerant of intrusions from girly-backs.) The Montana Rep side did not fare as well in the A-side match. The Prairie Fire displayed a Saskatchewan National side with many Capped players. They were well disciplined and played excellent in scrummage. The MT side had some confusion on defense and the Prairie Fire seemed to constantly have an overload on one side or the other. The score ended up being 85 to 14 Prairie Fire I believe. One for Winger "Tony" of Billings who had two tries from in excess of 60 meters out. No one on the field could come close to him. Also, many thanks to Skip, Seth, and John Dahl for helping to organize the trip. We played some good, hard rugby, never gave up, and got to know some great players from all over the state. Thank you all for a great time and for the chance to play some great Rugby. | |||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||
|
This page has been visited
|
