|
|
| Road Trip | ||||||||||||||||||
| North Penn Visits Canada in a Winne | Some College guys, Lacrosse fields and some bricks | |||||||||||||||||
|
One of our newest Idiot Brothers has added this story of his 1994 tour. Read on...and don't forget to check out the newest idiot brothers. One example took place on North Penn RFC's 1994 Toronto Tour, which I organized. We packed 19 players into a rented Winnebago, and headed north from Philadelphia. We finished a half-keg of beer before crossing the state line, and had to stop for a replacement. By the time we reached Syracuse NY, we were all well into our pints. Our front row (including me) decided to review and demonstrate some of the finer points of front row play. A rugby ball was produced, and we then decided it would be good idea to involve as many of the backs as possible in this demonstration. We wanted the backs to appreciate the effort that we front row types put in. This soon evolved into full contact scrummaging, and then devolved into live rucking and mauling, and then further devolved into a huge wrestling match. Suddenly, someone felt something wet and turned on the lights. There was blood everywhere (carpet, mattress, curtains, walls, everyone's clothes and kit). It looked like a murder scene. Since I was responsible for the 'bago I screamed drunkenly at the as-yet-unidentified IDIOT who had dared to get cut and spill his blood all over...only to discover that it was ME! I was bleeding heavily from a 14 inch gash that ran the length of my thigh from crotch to kneecap. I have no idea how I got cut, but "The Gash" (as later came to be know) was almost 1/2 inch wide at its thickest point. Our hooker wrapped my leg in a towel, taped it tight, and the party continued (although in a more subdued manner). I was furious and disgusted that I might not be able to play rugby the next day. Two hours later we arrived at our hotel. The Desk Clerk saw me (and the other guys, who also had blood all over them) and wanted to call an ambulance. We declined, but I asked to borrow a needle and thread. Although I have absolutely no recollection of doing this, I then locked myself in the Mens Room and gave myself five stitches. I have no medical training, although I did have a sewing class when I was in Jr High School. I somehow succeeded in closing the widest part of the cut. I am told that we all then went to the hotel bar for a few nightcaps. I did not play any rugby that weekend, but I still managed to have a wonderful time in Toronto. Miraculously, the cut healed without infection or incident, although it left a huge and grisly scar which to this day serves as a conversation piece whenever out team travels. 
|
A couple of years ago when I was playing college rugby at a school in Texas that is home of the Aggies I had shaved my head completely bald. I had done this to look mean, however I was only laughed at and people would rub my belly. Anyway after a hard fought match(we kicked the shit out of them for rubbing my belly) we proceeded to drink all the other team's beer and take their women and burn stuff (like all good visiting sides do). Well after the beer was gone, the women violated and everything flammable had been taken away we headed home. We were the exact opposite of sober, especially me. About forty miles away from home we stopped at a hotel and parked behind a shed to relieve interior pressure of the bladder. Some stayed on one side others went to the other side of the shed. As I blabbed on about something that I am sure was mildly important my head looked straight down secondary to a jarring blow by an unknown object. The non-sober friend next me screams "Heeeeyyyy man! YOu just got hit in the head with a brick!" I did not believe him until the blood started running down my face .00002 seconds later. My friend run around the side of the shed an said "That Motherscratcher just threw a brick at you!" I turned the corner myself and their was my friend Flemming tossing bricks (for no good reason other than non-soberness which now that I think about it is a good reason) on top of the shed. A rouge brick smacked me in the noggin' and Flemming became very, very scared, for I was big, bald, drunk, and pissed. Many of things things you do not want your prop to be when he is off the field. Needless to say he began to cry which made me feel bad, not for making him cry but because I did not realize he was so much like a chick. We then loaded up and drove home with a shirt on my head trying to stop the already thin blood from running out of my skull. About the time my head stopped bleeding my driver (nonsober) decided now would be a good time to tear up the lacrosse field, since it was better than ours and much more respected. After the first set of donuts I smacked my head and began to bleed... again. I went home and went to bed, and woke with blood all over me, my wall, my clothes and my bed (I half expected to see a horse's head under the covers seeing as how the Don and I had a small falling out). Anyway a friend of mine kept the brick and it is proudly displayed on the mantle at his house even to this day. Cheers Mike Sexton Tight head prop Ft Worth RFC (Idiot Brother #31)
| |||||||||||||||||
| Sam Shade, the Maori Killing Mud Crab | ||||||||||||||||||
|
Oh what a weekend. With Jesses 2 (squared) out of town, the boys were on their own to tear it up in the small bay side town of Havre La Grace, MD. After beating North Bay in the sweltering 93 (33 Celsius) degree heat, Kiwi John and Ozzy (Aussie Paul) brought out the wicket and bat and we played about 30 minutes of cricket. On my first shot to hit the ball, Ozzy bean balled me and I charged the mound. The next time, he was right on. After I not only swung and miss, he also hit the wicket and knocked Hini can off.....OUT. We drank much beer and found our way to the bar. I made a comment to the boys that we needed to fill up with gas before we left the bar. NOTED. We then wandered up to their rugby bar, a fine establishment with a swell staff of employees (as you will soon find out.) We drank much water and then much beer as we all spoke about our game. Our team, PAC, found itself separated from their club playing a fine game of cup when they announced the Man of the match awards. We provided our man of the match award to Matt McBay, who not only ran tough, scored two trys, but made some fantastic tackles.....one in the last seconds of the game 80 metres across the field. We then honored our Zulu warrior (Sketchy....who became Sheisty) that night. Paul joined Sketchy in the ZULU.....Sketchy refused to strip by himself......pussy. After Paul's zulu, everyone cleared the floor of the bar and then everyone started pouring beer across it. This was their challenge for the naked hooker toss. Since Dave, my loosey for the weekend, had already left, I used JC (our 8 man) who had recently been named Idiot brother #42. We grabbed Paul under his knees and by his elbows and started back and forth and tossed....pretty far distance, but we lost 2 throws out of 3 to the more experienced hooker tossers. Paul's hips could not have been feeling too well either after 3 crashes to the floor. We drank!! We drank some more and decided it was time to eat. Brian had started to slip to the dark side about this point and getting him to leave the bar was almost impossible. Hazmat decided to get Auggie, Roche, and Jeff to get a move on and they took off back for DC. They ended up following us to this Crab and shrimp place, but they had no $$$ and they chose to leave. The group was then narrowed to Sheisty, his buddy Marcus (MoMo...new nickname), Bri Bri, Kiwi John, Ozzy, and myself (Montana/MT). We ordered 8 burgers, 24 crabs, and 3 pounds of shrimp. Cost.....$150. Not a bad outing in all reality HOWEVER, between Ozzy and Brian, I am amazed I have any sense left between my ears. Below is a small dialogue of the evening. Mont. "Bri Bri, can we share some of your crabs, we will buy another dozen?" Bri. "Take the fucking things they are good.....FUCK the little bastards are fucking hot." Kiwi "Brian, watch your mouth...there are families all over." Bri. "For fuck sake these are fucking hot." Kiwi "Brian.....don't say fuck." Bri. "why the fuck not?" Kiwi "cause that 80 year old woman next you is cringing every time you do it. We won't be coming back here, but this restaurant needs the locals to return for their livelihood. So shut up." Ozzy "Brian, you should listen to Kiwi John, because he knows. Kiwi these guys need to see the Mud Crab back home. It is huge, at least 3 times as big as this. When I go home again, I am gonna have my dad cook me up some mud crabs and compare the 2. I will pound 3 beers in quick succession to get drunk enough and then compare." Mont "You have had a lot more than 3 beers Paul." Ozzy "That is why I will have them in quick succession. Mont "Okay, that makes sense. You know I don't even really like crabs, but these are really good. Brian, what is this funny looking thing, can I eat that?" Bri. "See fuck face, if you knew anything about eating crabs, you would know that that is the lung and you don't ever ever eat that. My grandfather taught me how to eat crabs and you never touch the lung?" Mont "why?" Bri "Cause it will suck. Look at this fucking mess. Crabs are so fucking messy...bits and pieces of crab shell are fucking everywhere." Kiwi "Brian, shut up...." Brian "what did I say?" Mont "you said fuck." Brian "AND?" Mont "we asked you not to use the F word anymore because of the families." Brian "Really? When did you ask me that?" Mont "about 2 minutes ago." Brian "Guys.....HEY GUYS....I am sorry....I won't swear anymore...I didn't realize you were serious last time." Kiwi "thanks Brian." Ozzy "I tell you what, if you guys ever had mud crabs, you would think these were ridiculous. I don't even like crabs, but these are good, but mud crabs, which I didn't like either, got to be better. I am gonna see if they will let me bring some back from Australia." Kiwi "They won't let you bring them back....hell a dog take 4 weeks quarantine." Brian "My dog died." Ozzy "In quarantine?" Brian "No in Philadelphia." Kiwi and Mont look at each other confused Brian, "for Fuck sake what a mess." Sketchy "This is the first crab I have ever eaten....taste like Pussy." Brian, "For Fuck sake, it does not taste like CUNT." Kiwi, "Brian, shut up." Ozzy "Brian you said you wouldn't say Fuck any more. Fuck I miss those mud crabs though, my dad would cook em up really nice back home. When you guys go on tour we will start in Caines and then move down the coast, but while there, you can try the Mud Crabs. Very good. But I don't like crabs that much." MoMo: "Hey Paul, you swore, why can you swear and Brian can't?" Kiwi "Because he isn't yelling at everyone." Brian, "MoMo...you want some crab?" MoMo "no I am allergic to crab." Brian, "what the fuck does that mean?" Mont "Brian, you said you wouldn't swear anymore." Brian, "I am not swearing. Fucking look at this disgusting mess in front of me...pieces of crabs shell fucking everywhere." Mont. "Brian you were just swearing." Brian "what did I say?" Mont "you said fuck." Brian "AND?" Mont "we asked you not to use the F word anymore because of the families." Brian "Really? When did you ask me that?" Mont "about 2 minutes ago." Brian "Guys.....HEY GUYS....I am sorry....I won't swear anymore...I didn't realize you were serious last time." Kiwi "thanks Brian." Ozzy "I tell you what, if you guys ever had mud crabs, you would think these were ridiculous. I don't even like crabs, but these are good, but mud crabs, which I didn't like either, got to be better. I am gonna see if they will let me bring some back from Australia." Flash forward to leaving the restaurant. Hurricane has moved in. the streets are flash flooding...8 inches of rain are running down the streets. Sketchy runs up and jumps on me. I attempt to elbow him in the face. I hit something (turns out to be MoMo's face.) I do it again and connect with Sketchy. They both leave me alone, but MoMo I feel is now a very angry black man. We get to the car and KJ is driving. We have no gas and the Tornado Sirens have started to ring, warning that a funnel cloud has set down in the area. We don't have time to warm up the car so the pig wipes the windshield every 3 minutes. As we exit the interstate to get gas, Brian says, "take a right here at the corner and you can just drop me off at home." We laugh.....he gets mad. "Brian, we are still in Aberdeen MD" Oh he says. We continue. We fill up with gas, crack some beers and I have to listen to Paul and Brian babble on about everything. Example: Ozzy: "I tell you what, With a big Maori like Lomu, you gotta hit him hard right away in the game or he will run you over all day. Bri: "My cat's breath smells like cat food." Ozzy: "This guy on the Australian team, Ben Tune, weighed all of 76 pounds, but he pan caked Lomu in his first tackle. By the end of the game, he was running backwards to avoid this Aussie." Kiwi {under his breath} "Fucking Australian's never shut up." Mont: "Music, we will listen to the truck driver song." Kiwi turns up volume very high to avoid hearing them. A little while later when they quieted down. Brian: "John I hate this team, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't play here" KJ: "I agree...you make it fun." MT "thanks guys." Ozzy "We got these things back home, cross between Ben Tune who killed Lomu and a mud crab....tasty things, but can wipe out any Maori." A little while later. So we arrive at the Bottom Line..... Brian "hey, take a right here and you can drop me off at my house." MT "Brian, we are at the Bottom Line." Bri "For fuck sake, why aren't we taking BRIAN HOME. BRIAN IS DRUNK." We find a parking spot and wander into the line, where Trauthy buys us all a shot. Nasty little alcoholic cherry 7 up things. We drank more and more and Ozzy met another women that swept him off his feet. His best quote, whether he meant it or not: "I gotta call Daisy (name changed to protect Paul) tomorrow and end this. I am just gonna have to tell her that are too many women in DC that want my Australian cock." Events at the Line 10. Kiwi has to talk to the chick with Ozzy's girl. 9. Brian passes out at bar and Jesse's Lava Lava falls off several times. 8. According to KJ, Brian would wake up from these nasty dreams and just glare and mumble some evil growl and then pass out again. "Brian has a lot of evil demons in him. 7. The Scottish touring side come back to the bar and asks me to play with them vs Washington Wed. 6. Paul throws up on himself. 5. Minutes later he is dancing with the chick. 4. Minutes later he is kissing her. 3. I played the Celtic Run Run Away song and all the scoots come out and we dance. 2. A lady pulls my kilt off and then apologizes. "I never knew what was under a kilt...and now I know there is nothing." 1. I tell her "Never tell a man there is nothing under his kilt." | ||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||
|
This page has been visited
|
