Joke Archive

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=80 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="04000500dvldtc.gif"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC66" FACE="Arial" ><B>Troxell's Bushi-Kai</B></FONT><B>     |     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Troxells BushiKai"><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" background="041d2c00dvldtc.gif"> <div> <A HREF="fun_page.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Fun Page"><U><IMG SRC="69db46c0.gif" border=0 width="180" height="108" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="fun_page.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Fun Page"><U>Click image to return to Fun and Games page.</U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=400 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> Joke Archive</div> <div> Retired Jokes from the Fun and Games Page.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="69bfa900.jpg" border=0 width="250" height="144" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <div> <B><U> <img src="HTMLobj-2241/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="129" height="180">  </U></B></div> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <div> Top 15 signs that you've had too much of the 90's</div> <bR> <div> 15. You try to enter your password on the microwave.</div> <div> 14. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.</div> <div> 13. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.</div> <div> 12. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and</div> <div>        he e-mails you back "what's for dinner?"</div> <div> 11. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.</div> <div> 10. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you</div> <div>         haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.</div> <div> 09. Your daughter just bought on CD all the records your college roommate</div> <div>         used to play that you most despised.</div> <div> 08. Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of</div> <div>         the screen.</div> <div> 07. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now it sells</div> <div>         for half the price you paid.</div> <div> 06. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make</div> <div>         a purchase is foreign to you.</div> <div> 05. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the</div> <div>         back seat of your car.</div> <div> 04. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not</div> <div>         have e-mail addresses.</div> <div> 03. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.</div> <div> 02. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.</div> <div>  </div> <bR> <div> ..and the number 1 sign that you've had too much of the 90's is ......</div> <bR> <bR> <div> 01. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.</div> <bR> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <bR> <div> <U>Some Random Thoughts for Those Who Take Life Too Seriously</U></div> <bR> <div> 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.</div> <bR> <div> 2. A day without sunshine is like, night.</div> <bR> <div> 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.</div> <bR> <div> 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.</div> <bR> <div> 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.</div> <bR> <div> 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.</div> <bR> <div> 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.</div> <bR> <div> 8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.</div> <bR> <div> 9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.</div> <bR> <div> 10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.</div> <bR> <div> 11. Remember half the people you know are below average.</div> <bR> <div> 12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?</div> <bR> <div> 13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.</div> <bR> <div> 14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.</div> <bR> <div> 15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.</div> <bR> <div> 16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.</div> <bR> <div> 17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.</div> <bR> <div> 18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.</div> <bR> <div> 19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.</div> <bR> <div> 20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.</div> <bR> <div> 21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.</div> <bR> <div> 22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?</div> <bR> <div> 23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.</div> <bR> <div> 24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.</div> <bR> <div> 25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.</div> <bR> <div> 26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.</div> <bR> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <bR> <div> <B>Recently the following undocumented Windows 95 error codes were found. </B></div> <div> <B>Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread </B></div> <div> <B>via the Internet:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FFCC66" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System now in danger </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50 MB </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More! </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 011 Invisible error - We know what is wrong, but we're not telling</div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 012 Keyboard failure - Reformatting hard drive to correct.  Type 'exit'</div> <div>               to stop procedure.</div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ? </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. </div> <div>               Old Windows license is not valid anymore. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not! </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. </div> <div>               We are terribly sorry. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error.</div> <div>               Next time you will get a penalty for that. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a DOS-box. The virus,</div> <div>               however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed </div> <div>               and the virus will be activated again. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. </div> <div>               Please click the left mouse button to continue. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. </div> <div>                Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another  </div> <div>                game? </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system</div> <div>                to complete boot procedure. </div> <bR> <div> WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available </div> <bR> <div>   -Muller</div> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <div>  <img src="HTMLobj-2194/aniGif.gif" border="0" align="bottom" width="486" height="324">  </div> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <div> <B>Nine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground</B></div> <div> <B>with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. </B></div> <div> <B>It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. </B></div> <div> <B>While his father was patching him up, he asked his son </B></div> <div> <B>what happened. "Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged </B></div> <div> <B>Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice </B></div> <div> <B>of weapons."</B></div> <div> <B>"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."</B></div> <div> <B>"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"</B></div> <div> [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[</div> <div> <IMG SRC="20f5ef80.jpg" border=0 width="350" height="504" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>