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The Total Packages owes its success to team concepts of playing softball and finding non-tournament strength competiton. We have no aspirations of winning big cash and do not take steroids. We play league ball on weeknights, and outplay our opponents. We hit a lot. We do not get guys thrown out at 3rd base with 2 outs. We stop at 2nd with 2 outs instead of risking going to 3rd because we've learned it still takes a hit to score with 2 outs. We hit a lot of homers. We do not fire the ball around the field because somebody thinks they have a great arm. We throw out our share of opponents at 3rd and home, but we also keep the force at 2nd in order and turn double plays. We take our walks. We do not risk getting runners thrown out at home with nobody out. We let the next guy hit his candyass sacrifice fly if need be. We hit like crazy. We know that scoring seven runs in an inning means we have to bring at least 10 guys to the plate. All our boys swing big sticks. We do not swing for the fence leading off the 7th, down by 5. We are usually ahead by then. This common sense and confidence in our teammates has been developed by playing together, in some cases for several years.

The current Total Packages team evolved from a team in 1994 called Softball and Golf, coached by the immortal Pete Kisling. That squad won the 1994 Wapelhorst Doubleheader League, with names such as Jim Brown, John Barger, Scott Allen, Scott McBride, Scott Shipman, Scott Graves, Mike Miller, Mike Pawlik, Mike Doty, Fred Birchler, Barry Mitchell, Lenny Herdt, Russell "Love Muscle" Kliicker, and Mark "Big Country" Maerli. After the 1994 summer season, Pete decided to fly jets for United instead of TWA and moved his family to Connecticut. Lenny took the coaching job and the team was renamed Pete's Legacies. Lenny entered the team in the competitive division at Golden Triangle for the 1994 Fall season. Big mistake. That division was loaded with tournament teams, and we watched several teams outhomer us and basically pummel us. We finished about .500, but the losses were so bad that several guys retired, and one even moved to Milwaukee. A key to today's success was the discovery of a young Pat Jones who debuted in fall of 1994 at the tender age of 19. Imagine not being able to buy and drink your own beer after a softball game. Young Pat had a love of the game that continues to this day.

Coach Lenny was one of the retirees, and Pawlik took over the coaching job for the 1995 summer campaign at Wapelhorst. Pawlik filled vacancies with unproven guys who turned out to be a whole lot of dead wood. The legendary Brian Snow debuted at this time. Although not a key figure himself (slug), team networking through Snowman would bring several players through our ranks, both diamonds and turds. Barry Mitchell also began his Hall of Fame GM career at this time. Barry continues to be a wonder agent, and most of our team is usually attributed to his signings. The team was sponsored by All-Stars Bar and Grill who supplied jerseys, and some free beers after games. The league used off-brand, Chinese-made softballs that usually traveled less than 200 ft. when hit with the day's standard CU31 bat. C405 bats were entering the scene, and we had no idea the alloy made a difference. Some of our opponents were able to hit the ball 250 ft. with a homer occasionally. The team had a disappointing 3rd place finish, losing to teams with less talent. 5 hole hitter Jim Brown retired, falsely claiming he didn't get a hit all season. This delighted Pawlik's second echelon players who had all of this game but were relegated to the bottom of the order. Henceforth, Pawlik has religiously taken stats to support his batting order decisions. Blame Jim Brown for all of the stats Pawlik regurgitates. The fall season was still played at Wapelhorst, with hopes that league complaints about oblong softballs in the 3rd inning would bring back Red Dots. Pawlik was able to coerce players from his company team, Gherkins, to play with the team during the fall of 1995. Rob Hipp and Mike Renieri were notables from the Gherkins, and Snow brought in Matt Boyce and Mike King for debuts. The league still used a mushball, but the team went 8-0 going into a season ending showdown with the other undefeated team. They showed up with C405 bats, and we got pummeled. 1995 was a watershed year due to poor personnel decisions and our ignorance of technology. Pawlik finished the year with a career low 1 homer and that one made it over the wall by millimeters. King retired after being forced to play 2b all season.

The 1996 season was played in the YMCA league at Kiwannis Park, under the stupid team name of Cellblock G. Nobody wanted to play with mushballs at Wapelhorst. Nobody wanted to get crushed at Triangle or lose skin on their nasty infields. Nobody wanted to tarnish Pete's name by taking a team with his name to a YMCA league. The YMCA league used Red Dots, but had only one other decent team and a bunch teams of fat guys in jeans. That year, Billy Dennis began his non-coed softball career with little more than desire and a hard nose. Billy used to be a sure popup to right field. Billy also overran everything in the outfield because he had one throttle setting, full. Billy has come a long way, usually. We went 11-1 that year to win the trophy, yet went undefeated. Brian Snow added to his legend of slugdom by not attending a game that he was positive would be called due to the rains earlier that day. Brian called coach Pawlik from the field early that afternoon to say he thought the field was unplayable. Pawlik told him that the rainout number disagreed with him and that we only had 9 guys for that night and that his attendance was necessary. Snow said he'd be there, but instead went to a bar to watch the Blues game, and the ump called the only forfeit loss in team history. (The moral of this story is just show up because umps get paid to call forfeits.) The fall season was played at Golden Triangle in a recreational division. Our division had good competion, and we fared well, finishing 3rd to two superior teams.

In 1997, we played our first summer season at Golden Triangle, entering the Tuesday doubleheader league. They didn't tell us it was the masher league. That season, we took on the name Total Packages. Shipman spent most of that summer looking into the sun from left field, and running along the chain link fence after crushes. Our team lacked a full circuit lineup and had limited power. Pawlik bought his first Demarini and the whole team used the hell out of it, mostly for cans of corn. We finished with a team record-low 4-14 record. We averaged 2.3 ABs/game en route to a number of asswhippings. We scouted Joe Meier that season but were unable to sign him because he'd rather hit against us. Big Joe took Doty deep three times in one game. Doty's famous last words upon serving up the 3rd tater was, "Don't worry, I'll get him this time." Legendary Best Lefty Robert Glus stunk up the place for this squad. Glus will be remembered most for dropping a would-be game ending popup in the playoffs that would have defeated Meier's Team Reebok. Kevin Locke, John Porter and Tim Brakensiek debuted that season, yet we were still able to talk them into coming back in later years. Brakensiek suffered a broken wrist playing a ball at 1b. After a shellshocking season at 3rd base, original teammate Barger retired.

Fall of 1997 was the beginning of the current dynasty. We played in a Bridgeton league under the nickname of Fred's Gang and annhilated that entire league. We also played our usual mediocre result fallball at Triangle. In addition, we picked up the St. Peters league. We should have won St. Peters except for a rain-affected, rain-shortened opening day loss, and an only-9-guys-showed 2 run loss to the team that shouldn't have won league. Power hitters George Juengel and Dave Fawcett were discovered in Fall of 1997. Pat Herring also began a legendary career with our squad. Jones earned his "turkey thermometer" reputation by popping off at veteran Birchler for not hustling after an errant ball thrown into right field where we hide Fred. To this day, Jonesy is the team bullshit filter. The Bridgeton league was special because our team really started to expect to win. Dennis perfected his trademark "you won't even touch 3rd" tags on throws from Porter. Although Locke rode good hitting to the Cy Young award, his defense made games shorter. The short fence in left made lots of guys power hitters, including Barry Mitchell's dramatic HR over the Green Monster in his last AB of the season. That last game was also special because it was the championship game, and the other team brought in ringers to take us out. They were heard speculating where in the police station (dey wus cops) they should display the trophy after they took a 4-2 lead after one inning. We won 25-8 and Fred keeps the trophy between the two TVs in his living room.

Summer of 1998 was an epic campaign at Wapelhorst. We returned to Wapelhorst because it had a new commish who used good quality softballs, took care of the fields, and made decisive calls on rainouts. Our sponsor was Parrot's Bar and Grill who supplied us with jerseys and fee money. "Uncle" Bob Klobe and the German Kens Spielvogel and Werkmeister joined the team. Barry moved from his usual role of go-where-ya-need-me fielder to pitcher and Cy Young Award winner. The Thursday doubleheader league was really well balanced and most games were dramatic. Some of our Thursday crew also played on Tuesday with some fill-ins at spots where regulars couldn't attend. Gary McIntyre came on to hold down the pitching on the Tuesday squad. From his beginnings with the team, McIntyre was and continues to be a great help at getting players, sponsorship coin, and jerseys. The Tuesday team did really well with an inexperienced crew led by Best Dressed rookie Jose Pagan and a healed Tim Brakensiek, finishing 2nd. Scott McBride returned from his 1995 retirement and gave a real jolt to Thursday's offense. Total Packages won the Thursday league with a 19-5 record while suffering losses to 4 of the 6 other teams in the league, an indication of the balance in the league.

Several memorable events occurred that season, all of which were crucial to the 1 game margin by which we won the league. Against Station Casino, one out, bottom of 7th, up 3, they load the bases. A lefty steps to the plate, and Birchler scoots in out in right. The hitter hit a popfly barely over the glove of an outstretched 5'6" Birchler. The runners held because RF had a play, and took off as the ball bounded to the wall. Birchler relayed his throw to cutoff man Spielvogel who oddly and thankfully was playing 2nd base that day. Spielvogel made a perfect one hop throw from the cutoff position to 250 lb catcher Pawlik who blocked the tying runner from sliding over the plate and tagged him out. Due to the runners holding, the batter was right behind the runner from first, and tried to plow his way through the body pile in front of home plate with a hard feet-first slide. The poor runner from 1b was squashed in the middle and the batter was tagged out for a game ending double play.

Other memorable moments included the 11-0 drubbing of Youngbloods at a time they were undefeated and leading the league almost midway through the season. That game was captured on tape and serves as Barry's BBQ entertainment. We also blew a one run lead with two outs and nobody aboard on Opening Day against a crummy Vipers squad. A coke bottle glasses guy in cutoff shorts hit a flare with two outs and nobody aboard to keep the inning alive. Another moment was slumping Pat Herring capping a game tying 5 run rally with a two out, two run single against Boomers. Debuting Joey Hardy hit a clutch pinch double for Spielvogel's spot in the lineup after Ken had to leave early. We turned a key double play with the the beginning of murderer's row at bat and tying runs aboard to end our last game for the season against the Outlaws, manage the season split, and assure ourselves of the drivers seat the rest of the way. We proceded to fall asleep and lose to hapless Rotadyne as sluggers Pawlik and Spielvogel failed to bring the tying run home from third with one out in the 9th and lose the driver's seat. Luckily, the Outlaws split vs. Youngbloods, and we again had control of the league. Throughout the season, Shipman and Porter gunned out runners at 3rd where runners ran into the Wall of Dennis. Dennis was also a wall at 3rd for grounders as his glove play improved dramatically. Werkmeister had this patented backhand stab and made everything look easy at shortstop. Klobe made nothing look easy except the diving catches with his kneebrace squeaking. Herring would watch meatballs go by then flail at low and away for a foulout, then bitch but usually came out of the emotional tailspin in time to make his next play. McBride contemplated buying a Demarini after cranking one out. Pawlik found a place to hide his glove and bum knee at 2b. We clinched by pounding the Vipers on Closing Day and avenging the early loss. Everything had come together.

Total Packages topped off the season with a berth in the upper bracket of the tournament vs. Chargers. Our representative won the coin toss but elected to be home despite the fact that our West County guys were held up in Saturday traffic as the Blanchette bridge repair broke. Billy took the field at 3rd base in boat shoes, having no time to put on his cleats. The Chargers proceeded to score 14 runs off Hardy in the top of the 1st and lost all the good balls into the parking lot beyond the left field fence. We came to bat hitting a used, gray ball that sounded like cheese. 14-0 after one. Already livid with the circumstances, relief pitcher Mitchell imitated his beloved Royals' 1985 Game 7 World Series opponent Cardinals pitcher Jouquin Andujar by cussing out the home plate umpire for squeezing the strike zone during a blowout. Classic and understandable. Final score 17-0 for the worst defeat in team history after a stellar season.

Total Packages expanded to three nights at Wapelhorst in the Fall of 1998. The Thursday team remained dominant, while the Tuesday and Wednesday teams provided a 2nd night of ABs for Thursday guys, and a farm system for less experienced players. Werkmeister stopped driving all the way from South County but Alan Brunson, David Box, Angel Ortiz, Scott Milsark, The Lippard Bros., Chuck Jeffords, Korey Dake, Ray Morrow, and "My Cousin" Vito debuted that fall. All teams finished in 2nd place and we were eligible to play in the lower bracket of the fall tournament. That final game of the season was memorable for Russ Kliicker lighting farts on the bench in his swan song game and claiming to go to bat nude if his final AB came up in the 7th. Pat Jones also popped off at Pat Herring for loafing after a flyball during a rough inning. In the first game of the tournament, Ken Spielvogel achieved a team milestone, being the first Total Package to hit 3 taters in one game. A guy hitting 3 homers in a game was evermore said to have "Spielvogel'ed." Greg Shepherd also debuted for Total Packages that day as a tournament ringer. Round two for the Thursday team coincided with the first round game for the combined Tuesday/Wednesday team. The tournament was opening round single elimination, and double elimination the rest of the way. In an effort to make a full day for the Tuesday/Wednesday squad, we bolstered their ranks with a couple of key Thursday players, hoping the Thursday team could pummel an opponent scouted to be weak. The Tuesday/Wednesday team lost by one on a homer in the bottom of the 7th to get eliminated. The Thursday team suffered a David over Goliath upset in round two, and ran out of gas in the losers bracket, finishing 4th, our best tournament finish up until then. That last game, Hardy gave up 3 taters to a guy, echoing the sentiments of Mike Doty the year prior saying "I've got him figured out." before serving up the 3rd meatball. Herring cited irreconcilable differences with several members of the team and refused to play with them next year. Herring proceeded to move to Detroit that winter.

The summer of 1999 squads saw dramatically few changes from 1998 fall. We played a three night format with the Thursday doubleheader league, and wish granted two-league doubleheaders on Tuesday and Wednesday. The Thursday team was sponsored by Bubba's Bar and Grill who provided us fees and the ass-kickingest jerseys in team history. The Wednesday team was sponsored by Classics II Bar, who provided fees and relatively mellow jerseys. Mike King returned to fill the gaping hole at shortstop left by Werkmeister. Brad Richardson joined the team. Fan favorite Marc "Thunder" Pekny hit the scene. Jim Brown came out of retirement as the Wednesday league was advertised as recreational. The Thursday team romped undefeated through the first half of the year. The Tuesday and Wednesday teams had the Lippard Boys and Jeffords quit before the end of the season, due to lack of desire to pay fees. That crew represented ~25% of players for Tuesday and Wednesday and our ranks were thin throughout the rest of the season. It proved difficult to recruit new guys midseason to a team hurting for guys. Several different players did fill-in duty across teams and the Packages never had to forfeit. The Thursday team pulled a major coup, recruiting former opponent and slugger Joe Meier at midseason. Funny how the healthy team found help. Bob Klobe was honored with "Bob Klobe Appreciation Day" in recognition for his contributions, improvements, and sacrifices. Bob is the only player to date to be singled out for an Appreciation Day by Total Packages. Total Packages proceeded to lose their first game that night, squelching any thoughts of sequel Appreciation Days. The Thursday team proceeded to romp through the league to a 22-2 record, with Barry Mitchell winning a record 20 games and the Cy Young Award again. The Thursday team also set a record as Meier, Pawlik, and Spielvogel would homer on 3 consecutive pitches for the only tater threepeat in team history. Jones homered later in the inning to establish a team record with 4 homers in the same inning. Luckily, this was caught on tape before the infamous camcorder falling off the picnic table debacle. The Tuesday and Wednesday teams developed their softball skills but lost some close games to finish with disappointing but winning records.

The tournament was very interesting. The Thursday team drew another first round juggernaut, and lost to the Heat big by a score of 18-8. The wind was obnoxious that day, blowing out for the first inning and a half, and blowing in the rest of the time. We were home and had the wind in for the extra half inning after giving up 8 on 3 taters in the top of the 2nd. Damn the luck.

The Tuesday/Wednesday tournament team benefitted by this loss, and bolstered its ranks with losers Pawlik, Mitchell, and Shepherd. The Tuesday/Wednesday team also was reinforced with a bunch of McIntyre's buddies, including Brian Jones, and the Conway Bros. Funny how 3 squads during the week could not form 2 squads on a weekend. That makeshift squad proceeded to rout all competition on the first day of the tournament. The finals of the tournament were played on a weeknight, and never before in team history has such a series of cataclysmic events occurred. Total Packages lost to Mark Maerli's new team River City Concrete in the first game by the unheard of score of 5-3 to fall into the losers bracket to face the Lennox team we'd put there. We were unable to rout them as before, and resorted to citing an illegal firstbaseman's mit on their 3rd baseman to stay in the game. In a counterattack, they somehow determined that young Charlie Conway was wearing metal cleats, and Charlie was called out during a key rally. In the bottom of the 7th, with 2 outs, 2 on, down 2, the same Charlie steps to the plate in Keds. Charlie proceeds to hit a screamer over the left fielder's head to the wall. The tying runs scored easily and Charlie motored toward 3rd. The thirdbase coach sends him as the left fielder hits the shortstop with the cutoff throw. Charlie makes a really wide turn at 3rd due to having no spikes and the throw is just in time at home, right on the money. Charlie slid hard and the ball trickled away for the victory. We proceeded to wax River City in the next game in the finals. This set up a winner take all game. We jumped out to an 8 run lead in the top of the first, but surrendered it immediately giving up 12 in the bottom of the first. The Lennox team had stuck around sucking down beers and proceeded to jeer our team. Their sore loserness culminated in a hail of mustard packets aimed at "Hot Dog" Pawlik at bat. Several mustards hit our fans, including SuperFan Tess McIntyre. Cops showed up, and the drunks chilled out. We wound up losing a slugfest, but took 2nd place for our best tournament finish of all time.

The 1999 Fall season was a boon for recruiting. Funny how success makes recruiting easier. Total Packages signed veteran mashers Karl Carter and John Schmitz. Chris and Rodney Horrell also debuted that Fall. Stormtrooper Clint Jeffries also volunteered his services and became our jawing leader. The Thursday team was banished to the top division with masher teams and fared well with a .500 record. Scalps taken that season included Chargers and O.T. Hills. Shepherd did the unthinkable, turning in a record .898 OBP Fall while homering ever 3 ABs! Pawlik set a team record 4 homers in the victory over O.T. Hills. The Tuesday team finished in 3rd place as bats went into early hibernation. The Wednesday team was in a division that included the St. Louis Spirits who had dominated their division for 3 consecutive seasons. The schedule called for only one game between Total Packages and Spirits in a season-ending showdown. Spirits were undefeated, and Packages had one loss, so winner took home the hardware. In the bottom of the 6th inning, we were down 8, but exploded for 13, highlighted by two Shepherd homers. The Spirits rallied for 3 runs before with 2 out and a man on 2b, they hit a can of corn to RF. Milsark squeezed the final out out of his glove and it fell for a hit. The Spirits could only tie the score before being retired. The Packages needed only one run to score, and Pat Jones led off with a bullet for a single. Jones advanced on Morrow's deep fly. Chris Horrell applied the coup-de-gras, with a flare to RF that squirted into foul territory and Jones rumbled home without a play. That marked the first time a Total Package team had won a Fall league.

2000 Season

2000 started well as Ken Spielvogel found a new sponsor, Damon?s Ribs. Gary McIntyre also brought back Classics II for renewed sponsorship. Funding covered almost ½ of league fees.

For 2000, Total Packages reduced the number of teams from 3 nights/week to 2 nights/week. We were somehow unable to return to our regular Summer Thursday Doubleheader league (22-2 in 1999 maybe). For the summer session, Total Packages were granted split rec/competitive doubleheaders on Tuesdays and Wednesdays by the league commissioner.

The reduced number of teams could not happily hold all the guys from last season. Fellas were getting 2 AB/game when we shortgamed opponents. Roster cuts were made for the first time in team history. Cuts were made based on volunteers (Horrell Boys), rookies (Glenn Schirg), and low tenure/competitiveness (Thunder was relegated to the rec leagues.). The reduced rosters increased playing time and AB/game but killed our ability to develop young talent for later years.

Each night, we played a recreational team and a competitive team. In years past, there has been little difference if any between the recreational and competitive leagues. 2000 was different. The recreational leagues each had all-new teams and us. Each recreational league had 2 very weak teams that whimpered aloud if you caught all their popups and made them chase your gappers or hit taters. Complaints were made to the league commissioner that Total Packages were beating up everybody. I never recall our team whining when we got consistently pummeled in 1997 at Triangle. Aside from the weak teams, the recreational leagues were still decent challenges. We lost a game on Tuesday night and almost lost a game on Wednesday night, except Pawlik and Shepherd hit back-to-back jacks to tie and win the game with 2 out in the bottom of the 7th. We won both recreational leagues, 11-1 on Tuesdays and 12-0 on Wednesdays. The 12-0 record was the first time a Total Packages team swept the table.

The competitive leagues were better competition, with a lot of old rivalries renewed. On Tuesdays, we lost our only game with River City Concrete (eventual league champs) in a game with the wind howling in from left, and our lineup depleted for various reasons. We beat O.T. Hill?s in our only meeting and split with Weststaff. The Weststaff victory was notable for our comeback in the top of the 7th. Down 3, our first two batters were retired. Birchler, Mitchell, Pawlik singled to load the bases for Shepherd. Earlier in the season, the lcf for Weststaff (Davy Jones of the Monkees look-alike) uttered an oath at the almighty Shepherd - ?When I play for my good team, I?ll throw you out? after Shepherd took an extra base on Davy in a game where Davy filled in for another team. Shepherd hit a blast into a monster wind that easily cleared the leaping Davy and put us into the lead and eventual victory. We lost a third game after River City clinched to finish 9-3 in Tuesday Competitive. On Wednesdays, we split with Lenox, and swept 94 Bistro Roosters on our way to the league championship with a 10-2 record.

Despite 3 1st place and a 2nd place finishes in 4 leagues, we underachieved. Two of the 1sts were the rec leagues. We lost some games we should have won, and it cost us in the competitive leagues. We played fantastically all season, with some minor letdowns that would go unnoticed on lesser teams. We could have done even better. Our defense was usually outstanding. We held teams to 5 or fewer runs in 26 of the 48 games, and McIntyre pitched a season record 4 shutouts. McIntyre also pitched all 42 summer victories, another team record. Our offense was tremendous. The entire lineup formed a circle of pain for the opposition. Several guys stepped up their offensive game in 2000. McIntyre and Milsark each hit their first career taters late in the summer session. McIntyre even proved his with a sequel later in the season. McIntyre also improved his pitch selection, laying off the high tight pitch, cutting down on foulouts and grounders to 3b and raising his OBP by .150. Jones scalded the ball all year, running away with the team doubles race. King developed a consistent liner hit wherever it was pitched. Mitchell had a 14/14 streak and year-long consistent OBP excellence. Polancyak was a fantastic addition to the power and OBP of the lineup. With few exceptions, everybody else had amazingly consistently great offensive seasons. Spielvogel injured his groin during his June deployment to New Jersey, and it ruined his white-hot start of the season. McBride suffered the only real slump (by McBride standards) of the year, and it lasted all freaking year. It was observed that wind blowing in affects our results as we all think we can go yard at any moment. Our competitive league games were played on Diamond 3, and the wind blew in on that field all the time it seemed. A lot of our drives were held up that would have otherwise left the yard. As a team, we are also not content hitting line singles despite the fact we have Fred for a role model. We liked to hack. Shipman extended his latest walkless streak past 2 calendar years, last walking vs. Outlaws in 1998.

Billy Dennis recorded a Total Packages first by being ejected from a game. On a miserable call at the plate, Pat Jones popped off at the ump. The ump asked PJ to repeat his outburst. PJ demurred, so Billy chimed in with the quote. Dumb. If the ump asks what you said, never say ?He said you?re a f*cking idiot.?

The alarming things about the 2000 Summer seasons were the number of ambulance runs to Wapelhorst Park. Two runs were necessary for Total Packages opponents. The Arsonist?s (Firemen?s office team) pitcher broke his left ankle sliding into 2nd base. The Stocker lcf caught a Korey Dake can of corn with his face, suffering a broken eye socket and concussion. Korey got a triple, displaying good baserunning wisdom for not risking a play at the plate with nobody out. Another guy on another field dislocated his shoulder making a diving attempt in left field. Young fellas these days grew up playing too much Nintendo or something. Billy Dennis almost sent a guy to the hospital when some bobo slid spread-eagle into Billy?s 3b. Guess where Billy applied the tag. Sympathy pains.

We played a summer tournament at Pevely. It was freaking hot with intermittent rains. In the first round, we almost beat Freeze, a legitimate tournament team. We had them down 8-0 and royally P.O.?ed when a rain delay cooled them down. They came out of the delay hacking and homered an estimated 10 times to kick our butts. We crushed a weak team in round 2. In round 3, we faced a co-ed team and giggled. Their 4 ladies went 11/12. Their chick lcf and 1b snagged everything. We were unable to recruit them. We won in dramatic fashion, Mitchell scoring from 1b on a 2 out double by Pawlik in the bottom of the 7th. The first 3 games only set the pairings for the elimination rounds. Our first elimination round game was scheduled for 3 hours later. BBQ time. Morrow drank three 32 oz beers (96 ounces or an 8 pack for the math dunces) in about 20 minutes. A team forfeited and schedules moved up such that we played only 1.5 hours after our last game. We hit the field with full bellies and played like crap. McIntyre was serving meatballs that got cranked over and around Morrow in left. It is unknown if Morrow gave a damn by that point. We had a chance to rally in the bottom of the 7th, but the meat of our order didn?t get it done.

We also played in the Summer tournament. Hot and sunny. We won our franchise first St. Charles competitive league tournament league game over Station Casino in that awful first round single elimination that St. Charles always uses. Our next game was immediately thereafter and we melted and lost to some fat guys who had 1 hour off. Then we faced the Westaff Heavyweights with Davy Jones? playing lcf. We got roped but collared Davy. We are a good league team.

The fall session was a letdown from day 1. Shepherd suspended his softball career temporarily. The league downgraded the ball to COR .44, turning our marginal power hitters into track power corn machines. We were swept on Tuesday Opening Day by the other dominant team in the league, Scorpions, with Pawlik flying out at the wall to end the 2nd game with the lead run at the plate. Went on to split with Lenox on Wednesdays with Package castoff Glenn Schirg scoring the winning run in the bottom of the 7th. Went on to fold against Black Sox and lose control of our destiny. No championships. The fool 3b for Damn Yankees took a swing at ballbuster Billy Dennis after the fool went out of his way to try to knock Billy down while rounding 3b and fell on his arse. Billy showed great restraint and walked away without killing the fool. Billy could have snapped the guy in half. Coach Pawlik did not press for a suspension because we needed Damn Yankees to beat Lenox for us the next week. Mistake. The sanctity of the game will never again take a back seat to team results. McIntyre did collect more sponsorship from Classics II and All-Stars Bar and Grill.

Fall tournament had a poor turnout. Game 1, we had no backup pitcher for squirrel hunter Gary McIntyre. The ringer pitcher stank, issuing 12 walks but serving meatballs to the only jacker in their lineup. We got nuked. Season over, have a nice winter.

Korey Dake wins the Iron Man award for attending every single game of the season. Korey also made most of the batting practices and beer outings. Unofficially, Ray Morrow also did not make a weak play in the field, let alone a single error all season.

2001 Season

The highlight of the season was Barry Mitchell going deep to lead off the 2nd game of a doubleheader at Ozzie Smith's in O'Fallon.  All other accomplisments pale in comparison to that momentous occasion.

The 2000 Fall Tournament showed that we are not deep at key positions, especially pitching. For this reason, the Total Packages program returned to 3 teams/week for Summer 2001, playing Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. New recruits Kent Ruffing, Martin Fair, Jeff Jenkins, Mike Bardot were added to the team roster. Also, Joe Meier and David Box returned to the fold and Greg Shepherd ended his self-imposed exile. Commissioner Bob Fink declared Wednesday to be the Recreational Night, and disallowed the Total Packages from sandbagging on that night. Too many recreational teams cried aloud last season when we hit homers.
The Wedesday team was made up of most of the new recruits, with a core of non-jacker regulars. This "AAA affiliate team" was called Thunderclaps and was intended to present a kinder, gentler brand of softball on Rec Night. Most of our regular players wound up playing on both Tuesdays and Thursdays.

As luck would have it, the Wednesday Recreational League turned out to be pretty competitive.  The teams that whined the year before were gone.  At least one leadoff hitter cranked a homer against us.  The Wednesday squad with the numerous rookies was slightly overmatched, and fun was not had by all.  The veterans blamed the rookies for mistakes.  Some rookies stopped showing up due to losses and demands for fees.  David Box wrecked his car and was unable to charter a bus from Granite City on Wednesday nights.  A new rivalry was formed against a team of full-on mullets we nicknamed "Team El Dorado" after the massive trailer park in the middle of St. Peters.

The Tuesday team turned out to be the juggernaut.  All of our bombers showed up on Tuesdays.  For the first time in team history, a Total Packages team went undefeated and untied in a non-rec league as we went 12-0 in the  Diamond 2 league.  Shepherd set the team record for RBI in a game with 11.  Chokes prevented that squad from taking the Diamond 3 league.  The Thursday team had less power and got rocked in the doubleheader league.  We started the year 0-4 for one of the worst starts in team history.

For the summer tournament, attendance was bad as we had to field a new recruit, Jeff Johnson, to field a team.  Not all of the bombers showed up, and some sticks melted as the tournament progressed.  We started strong with a 2-0 start.  The big mistake was having lunch at a place that sold beer.  0-2 after lunch to two teams we should have beaten, including our best rival at Diamond 2 on Tuesdays.  Name of that team is forgotten.

We also played a weekend tournament at Pevely's Wolf Park.  Once again, we spent almost the entire day on Diamond 2.  We rarely get to play on the little Fenway Field.  We won every game except the last one, losing to Wainwright's Angels and took 2nd for the tournament.  Marty Fair was named tournament MVP with 6 HR and an .820 OBP.  Marty also made the play of the season by gunning down a runner at 3b from RCF in the game to get to the finals.  After that play, the other team rolled over and died.

The next weekend, Mike Pawlik and Ti Jaye Rhudy were married in wine country at Hermann MO.  Most of the team attended the event and took the reception by storm.  The couple enjoyed a bat salute as they entered the hall.  DJ Ray Morrow also ambushed the couple by slipping Thunder's theme music into the play list and arranging some team photos.  To top it off, most of the team stayed overnight in Hermann and stayed out partying most of the night.  Mike and Ti Jaye sneaked out of their honeymoon suite to get some munchies and bumbled upon the team and womenfolk tearing the walls out of a local bar.  Big fun.

The Fall season was split between Wapelhorst and Ozzie Smith's in O'Fallon.  New recruit Kevin Lewis hit the scene.  Pitcher Gary McIntyre took the fall off to pursue a career in police work.  At Wapelhorst, we had a hard time getting 10 guys to the field, and had to call on 2001 SuperSub Jim Brown to have 10.  We did disappointingly OK as we seem to do every fall.  The highlight of Fall at Wapelhorst was Pete Polancyak hitting 3 HR and tying a team record 11 RBI in a game in only 3 ABs in a game that lasted only 3 innings.  At Ozzie's we were the big studs.  All of our bangers showed up all the time and hit those COR .47s over the wall as quickly as they could be retrieved.  We set team records for homers in a game (14) and consecutive homers (4).  Barry Mitchell's elusive and now legendary HR led off the game and was the first of the fourpeat.  Kevin Lewis set the team record for total bases in one game with 18.  Pawlik tied his own team record for HR in a game with 4.  Joe Meier set the team record for balls retrieved from the woods in a season.  Greg Shepherd became the first player in team history to tater from both sides of the plate in the same game, let alone in a career.

Joe Meier was awarded 2001 MVP for being a true Total Package.  In the spirit of Gary McIntyre, Joe did it all on and off the field in 2001.  Joe set the team record for ABs in a season with 207.  Showing up all the time is a key to success.  Joe also put up great offensive numbers despite using that awful RedLine for most of the season.  Joe accepted pitching responsibilities and had the mound all thru the fall session as McIntrye was away at Cop Academy.  Joe recruited superstar Kevin Lewis.  Joe also did the legwork and fronted the fees to get us into the Ozzie Smith league while Coach Pawlik was away on he and his wife's honeymoon.