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KAMLOOPS BLAZERS:
"Able"
Gable Gross - RW, 5'11", 180 lbs, 2/24/81
18 year old Gable has been a Kamloops
favourite from game one as he is the type of guy who drives opposing teams
crazy with his in-your-face, goaltender-running antics. Gable also has
the uncanny ability to get his stinkin' gloves in your face for one of
the best face washes in the league. Gable doesn't pick his spots either,
and he could care less whether a player is a heavyweight or skill guy.
They'll all end up getting pissed at this guy at some point. An added bonus
is that Gable will drop the gloves to defend his teammates, which is why
they like this guy so much!
Anton
"The Little Russian Who Could" Borodkin - RW, 5'11", 185 lbs, 1/26/81
NHL rights: Detroit RedWings
Esa Tikkanen has nothing on the
"little Russian who could". This guy will take a Greg Louganis dive, or
put his stick through your heart...kind of like "whatever it takes". If
you retaliate and give this guy a cheap shot back, you'd better have eyes
in the back of your head because before the game is over you might have
an elbow sticking out of your ear or "Sherwood" stamped on your forehead.
He drives other teams nuts with his "diving" and constant badgering, often
drawing retaliatory penalties. Don't think this little Russian won't drop
the gloves either, as he showed a willingness to "go" last year and has
continued to do so this year. He doesn't win 'em all, actually he doesn't
win any, but he does show up! Could be the Marty Standish of the West this
season.
Chad
"The Elbow, Butt end, Spear" Schockenmaier, RW, 6'1", 183 lbs 03/24/83
Here's a kid who's had Shon Jones-Parry
snap like a twig in a hail storm and had Mitch Fritz so pissed off we thought
he was going to do the last scene from "Slapshot" in Kelowna. Schock had
Fritz so mad he was taking his equipment off while trying to get away from
the ref. Schock will hit you with what evers handy at the time and he really
doesn't seem to mind what it is. He's the first guy we've heard of who
wears no elbow pads and uses a stick wrasp to sharpen his elbows. This
kid is touted as a future heavyweight and if he turns out to be one, he'll
be the most annoying heavyweight seen in a long time.
KELOWNA ROCKETS:
Vern
Fiddler "On the Glass" - LW, 5'9", 180 lbs, 05/09/80
This guy's mother hates him! He's
one of the best disturbers in the league, and he'll certainly give Borodkin
of the Blazers all he can handle in pursuit of Standish's spot as new league
"Top Pest". Last year this guy had a face full of stitches after having
it smashed in by Mike Brown, but he never missed a game and came right
back as annoying as ever. Not one to drop the gloves unless your back is
turned, Fiddler can still be one of the best needlers in the league, though
be it the coach or something else, Vern hasn't been his normal feisty,
agitating self. To keep up with the other agitators, Vern will need to
either get his face rearranged again or get traded because he seems to
have lost his edge.
Carsen
"Frequent Fighter" Germyn - C, 5'11", 165lbs, 02/22/82
Carsen has become what teammate
Fiddler once was, a glove in your face, stick in the groin, elbow to the
chops agitator. This little gnat can also play the game well which often
makes him even more annoying to most teams. Carsen is also similar to Gross
and Borodkin in that he will drop the gloves once in a while, but in fine
agitator style, will generally get the jump on you.
"Bruce "P.I.T.A." Harrison - C/RW, 6'2", 172 lbs, 01/18/80
No denying this guy is at the top
of the agitator heap upon his return to the Kelowna Rockets. This guy is
a king sized *PITA*. Not known for cheap hits, although
some Kamloops fans might disagree, Harrison is apt to be hacking and slashing
other teams skill guys to distraction, then when they fall in a heap, Harrison
will stand over and give them a verbal shot or two. Kelowna has been a
different team with the return of public enemy # 1 and as much as people
think seeking retribution on this guy will work, think again, as he'll
need to be in a body cast before he stops physically harassing you and
he'd probably find a way from his hospital bed to verbally smack you. Like
this guy or not (and you'd either need to be a family member, Rocket fan
or the Fighting Major to like him), he's as good as it gets when the dung
disturbing starts!
PRINCE GEORGE COUGARS:
Shon
Jones-"Snapping Turtle" Parry - D, 6'1", 195 lbs, 02/20/80
This kid would be the runaway winner of "Top Agitator", but his penchant for taking stupid penalties takes away from his God-given talent to drive other teams to distraction. Unlike Fiddler, not only does his mother not like him, absolutely NO ONE DOES! This guy will stick you in parts of your anatomy that you didn't know you had. He's that good! The "Snapping Turtle" can get the most mild mannered player to go bonkers; and when that player comes looking for retribution, J.P. will pull the green shell over his head and send you to the psych ward. Not one to drop the gloves very often, J.P. is considered to be more of a cheap shot artist. He is often not able to distinguish between being agitating and being a very dirty player who doesn't seem to mind injuring guys.
SEATTLE THUNDERBIRDS:
Oleg
"Freakin'" Saprykin - LW, 6'1", 185 lbs, 02/12/81
NHL rights: Calgary Flames
Watch out , this guy is like Tikkanen reincarnated. He also has a penchant for taking stupid penalties ala Jones-Parry, but his ability to get entire teams off their games is uncanny and deserves respect. Like J.P., this guy appears to try to injure other players which causes him to lose respect, but the way he plays I doubt it bothers him much. He is a talented player with an edge scouts can't help but love; but he'd better remember who he's pissed off, because in hockey often what goes around comes around. Still, I like this guy's jam and outright irritating manner.
SPOKANE CHIEFS:
Brandin
"Don't Touch My" Cote - C, 5'10", 185 lbs, 04/21/81
Brandon not only has been driving
other teams to distraction this season, he's also been putting up some
points. This is always a dimension that makes agitators even more effective
as there is nothing worse than a guy getting you called for a penalty and
then shoving it up your *ss by scoring the goal. Brandon can also
fight, often surprising guys when the knuckles get tossed. With Spokane
doing so well thus far, Brandon will be an important piece of the puzzle
if they are to push for a league title.
Tim "Pest at the Picnic" Smith - C, 5'9", 160 lbs, 07/21/81
You have to
hate a guy who pisses you off for sixty minutes and ends up on the scoresheet
with two or three points and thats what Smith does. You take the stupid
retaliation penalty and then there he is, laughing at you as you leave
the box after he's either assisted or scored on the PP. The size of a medium
suitcase, Smith isn't easy to exact revenge on either as he skates like
the wind!
TRI-CITY AMERICANS:
Darrell
"My Dad's the Coach" Hay - D, 6'0", 190 lbs, 04/02/80
NHL rights: Vancouver Canucks
Darrell is a very talented defenceman
who brings an irritating edge to his game. He is not one to get his hands
dirty...the blade of his stick maybe, but not his hands. Darrell often
gets other teams' players running around trying to get him because of his
constant yapping and stick work, yet he has a definite dislike for dropping
the gloves. Wearing the "C" this season for the Ams has caused Hay to drop
the gloves once in a a while, because guys who wear the "C" get a lack
of respect when they play hit and run hockey, but he still plays like he'd
rather shish kabob ya', than fight ya'. He's the kind of guy you'd love
to have on your team, but hate to play against because of his agitating
skills.
Ben
"Hur" Kilgour - C, 6'1", 160 lbs, 04/02/82
Young Ben never quits hitting
and banging, but what really makes him a *pita* is he never shuts up. Getting
known for his slightly late hit on an offside or icing call, his nose to
nose taunting in scrums and his ability to weild his stick better than
your everyday surgeon handles a scalpel. Watch out for this seventeen year
old agitator, it looks like he's well on his way to earning his Marty Standish
Agitator Award.
PORTLAND "You've Found Somebody" WINTERHAWKS:
Daniel "I Wanna be a Rose Garden Gnome" McIvor - C, 5'9", 160 bs,
11/30/83
The fact this guy was given the
same number as Marty Standish and stands about as tall should be a dead
give away as to what this guy is all about. Word has it he was the first
kid kicked out of Surrey Christian Academy in kindergarten. Have to believe
it this guy is damn annoying for a sixteen year old and it's like Standish
left him his "best of agitating" tape for the kid to learn from. A lack
of ice time has only shown us glimpses of what he can do, but what he shown
so far indicates Marty may soon lose the title of "best ever" in Stumptown
when McIvor is finished.
| The Master of Disaster |
