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THE HEALING CLUB:
This page is where people can correspond with others & share their
experiences through e-mails... The only way your e-mail will be added
is if YOU post it.
My experiences with Spousal Abuse started about 2 weeks
after I was married & lasted the entire 7 1/2 years that we were
together. I stayed for a variety of reasons as I'm sure all abused
women do.
I had just turned 17, quit school & insisted that I was in
love & wanted to get married. I had run away with my X & when
I called home my parents agreed to let us get married if I would
come home. How could I admit that I made such a terrible mistake
when I had insisted so strongly, & even though it was against their
wishes, my parents had taken the time & spent the money to give
me a wedding & reception?
Later, when I decided that I really needed to get out, I was
afraid to admit what was going on. My father is a very gentle man,
but I knew that he would defend his family any way that he had to.
I was afraid one of two things would happen if I told my parents
what was going on. My dad was under a lot of stress with his health.
I was afraid that he'd either get so upset that he would have a heart
attack or else he would go after my husband & kill him & end up
in prison.
I hid the abuse the entire duration of my marriage.
During that time I suffered from physical, sexual & of
course, emotional abuse. It doesn't take an abuser long to convince
his victim that they are worthless & stupid. I was convinced that I
was so stupid that I couldn't learn how to even drive a car. As a
result, I was 34 years old before I ever got my drivers license.
I was beaten during my pregnancies. I was not allowed to leave
the house without him. The only time I got out of the house was when
he would take me to the grocery store. I was allowed to spend $40 a
week for everything, including toilet paper & sanitary napkins, dish-
soap or whatever. There were many times when during the week when
I would keep even a spoonful or two of a vegetable from dinner. When
there was enough, that would be a lunch for my kids. But there was
always money for him to buy or trade for a different motorcycle or a
snowmobile.
He drank. Alot. If he didn't come home right after work, I knew
he was out drinking & I would be in for it when he got home. When he
would finally come home, if I asked where he had been, he would beat
me because it wasn't any of my business where he had been. If I didn't
ask, he would beat me because I didn't care where he had been. It was
endless.
He had a cousin who moved in with us. It was only a few days
later that my X beat me again. When his cousin saw the bruises on my
neck & face, he told me that was the end of it. I finally had someone
on my side! My husband was late coming home from work again. We
lived in a mobile home park. Dan parked his car by the office & went
to the back of the trailer to his room. I locked the front door. When
my husband got home he tried to open the door. (He had given his
key to Dan & hadn't had another made yet.) Then he started
screaming at me to open the door. I asked him what he was going
to do if I let him in. He said he was going to beat the ___ out of me.
For the first time in our marriage, I laughed at him & asked him if
he really thought I was so stupid that I would let him in so he could
beat me. He put his fist through the window in the door, cutting
himself on the glass, then reached in & unlocked the door. He came
at me with his fist raised. I reached behind me & grabbed a flower
pot & raised it in the air. It was the first time I had really tried to
defend myself. I told him that if he hit me, he had better kill me
because he had to go to sleep sometime & I promised him that he'd
never wake up. Dan came out of his room & put his pistol up to the
back of my X's head. (Instant sober!) At that time Dan told him to
leave or he would help him out of the door. He never hit me again
& I left shortly after, permanantly.
And if you think your children don't know what's going on,
you're wrong. He never abused me physically in front of the kids. One
day when my oldest son was about 10, he asked if I remembered the
time that dad had choked me & smashed my head into a mirror & it
broke. I really didn't remember that time until my son described the
house we were living in & where the mirror was located. I thought the
kids were all asleep & had cleaned up the mirror & thrown it away.
Apparently he woke up & looked down the hall & saw what was going
on. He would have been about 3 at the time it happened.
On my main page I've used eyes for my graphics. The reason
for that is because I've been able to put my life in perspective & I see
my life & myself a lot differently now. Because of time & a few very
special people, I've been able to find my self-worth. I know that I'm
a valuable human being, a good person, & a great friend. I care deeply
for others & want to help in any way that I can. I grew up in a very
loving family & was sheltered from the harshness of the world. I think
that because I was so naive, I didn't know how to handle the situation
I found myself in. My experiences destroyed me in a lot of ways, but
they also served a purpose. They toughened me & strengthened me &
made me determined to do something good with my life.
That's propably the main reason that I decided to get involved
with foster care. A different type of abuse, but the consequences are
similiar. I hope you check out my page on child abuse.
So now I have
EYES THAT ARE OPEN
EYES THAT CAN SEE
I'd like to recognize all of the abused women, children & men
who are out there in the world. It takes a lot of strength & bravery to
overcome abuse of any kind. There are so many people who are
suffering in the world. There are also many survivors! Even if you're
still suffering, you can be a survivor. For some of us, it takes a whole
lifetime of healing. I am a survivor! If you would like to show the
world, or even just yourself that your eyes are open now & that there IS HOPE & RECOVERY, e-mail me & I will post a square with your
name on my Wall of Survival . (Tell me what name to use...your real
name or your screen name.)
I'll also send you your choice of these Graphics to keep or use
as you wish.
THE HEALING CLUB:
