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I Found My Heart in San Francisco  

Book 1:  Awakenings  

By: S X Meagher  

Disclaimers: None needed, since this is an Uber story.  The characters in this story come from my imagination and belong to the author.  But if anyone in the legal department of MCA/Universal is looking for similarities between this story and a certain syndicated show, rest assured that no monetary gain will result from its publication.  However, if anyone would like to offer me a hefty advance, please disclaim the disclaimer. 

Sex/Love: I never have and I never will disclaim either love or sex.  I’m overly fond of both but if you aren’t, look elsewhere.  I should mention that a few graphic depictions of sex between members of the opposite sex are included but my characters quickly come to their senses and abandon their attempts to be heterosexual. 

Graphic Language: My characters occasionally curse like they have Tourette’s syndrome.  I’ve tried to make them sound like real humans and sometimes you just have to say ‘what the f--k?’, and they use the actual terms for all of the organs of the body, including the fun parts. 

Continuing Story/Serial Warning: This is the first story of a looooong series.  A new book will be published every other month until I run out of ideas or my girlfriend confiscates my laptop.  I’m naming each of the books sequentially for the letters of the alphabet.  If you can think of a hot story title that begins with Z, please let me know.  (No rush, I’m nowhere near that point!) 

Feedback: I enjoy hearing from people who have enjoyed the story.  If you have a comment or a question please let me know.  Specific feedback is greatly appreciated.  If a particular character or scene worked or did not work for you, let me know.  I might even kill someone off if you ask really nicely.  You can email me at sx_meagher@mindspring.com 

Acknowledgements:  Primarily to my lover/proofreader/editor/publicist Carrie.  Without her support, enthusiastic praise, and tireless patience this book would not exist – and I doubt that I would, either. 

I was inspired to create this work by the plethora of talented writers in the Xenaverse.  I’ve read hundreds of stories but the following writers have been particularly inspiring.  If you haven’t read their work drop my story and read them first.  I’ll still be here when you get back…promise. 

NeNe Adams; Sharon Bowers; Vivian Darkbloom; DJWP; Melissa Good; L.N. James; Journs; Katrina; L J Maas; B.L. Miller; Tonya Muir; C. Paradee; Penumbra; Della Street and SwordnQuill.

Chapter 1  

She grabbed the first shirt that caught her eye.  In a casual move she slipped it on over the tank top she wore.  The small blonde shop owner noticed that she did not look in a mirror to determine her satisfaction with the garment.  It seemed as though she had an internal mirror to gauge her appearance.  She stood for a moment or two until a look of pleasure overtook her handsome face.  The shop owner met her glance as she made her way toward her beautiful customer. 

“Is there something I can help you with?” she asked, hoping to engage this woman in at least a conversation.

“Yeah, I think I’ll take this shirt,” she indicated, passing her strong hands down her torso.  “Do you think it suits me?” she asked with a twinkle in her clear blue eyes. 

“It definitely suits you, but then, so would just about anything I sell,” the golden haired woman replied, openly admiring the statuesque woman.

“That’s the nicest compliment I’ve had all day,” she drawled as a smile twitched her lips.

“It’s only 11:00 o’clock,” she playfully responded.  “I’ll bet that you’ll have more than you can handle by nightfall.”

Wow, she really wants to play.  Well, I’m always up for a game—let’s see how far she’ll go. 

“Would you like to spend some of the day with me to help me fight off all of the compliments being hurled my way?” she asked with a wolfish grin.

“I would,” the shop owner stated hesitantly,  as she darted a glance around the store, “but I don’t have any other help today, and I’m open till nine tonight.”

“Hmm, that is late,” the dark haired customer agreed with a regretful shake of her head.  Her perfectly shaped eyebrows knit together for a moment and then her features broke into a sly grin.  “How do you stop for lunch or a break?” she asked smoothly.

“When business is slow I can just lock up for a little while.”  She blushed a bit as the implications of this thought and the knowing grin of her pursuer hit her. 

“I haven’t seen another soul come in since I’ve been here,” the dark woman said with a gaze that locked on green eyes.

“I’m not sure I would have noticed if someone had,” she replied, feeling just a little weak in the knees.  She was astonished at her open flirting with this woman.  This was generally not something that she did, but something about this woman called to her and she was unable to control the responses coming from her mouth or her body.

“If you were to take a little break to nibble on something where would you go?” blue eyes darkening with open desire.

Her dry mouth squeaked out, “I have a little office with a couch in the back of the store,” and she felt her hand point weakly at a door in the rear of the building.

“I’ll be right back,” soothed the stranger, as she made her way with confident strides to the front of the store.  She glanced at the door and spotted a sign that mimicked a clock that read ‘Will Return In’ with little blue plastic clock hands.  She moved the hands to noon, turned the sign around and slapped the bolt on the door in place.  She was back at the small woman’s side before the shop owner could take a step in either direction.  The dark woman gently clasped her small hand in her own powerful one and guided her to the office. 

In less than the beat of a heart, she found herself sprawled against the worn dark leather of her couch, responding with ferocity to the caresses of her beautiful customer.  The intensity of the touch and the powerful aura that radiated from this woman were truly overwhelming.  She felt completely powerless to slow the pace or collect her scattered thoughts.  She knew that this was very much unlike her, but she had no desire to stop the relentless assault to her senses.  There was a fire within this woman and she needed to dive into the conflagration.

She felt her clothing being gently removed—first her deep red French cut t-shirt, then her short black skirt.  Both were tossed casually to the floor.  She shivered a little at the coolness of the leather on her bare skin.  The strong hands moved over her body rubbing her breasts through the lace of her bra.  Then they slowly glided over her grinding hips to caress her curves through her silky panties.  Those practiced hands then removed even these barriers to those fierce blue eyes and warm wet lips. 

Those lips descended on the small woman with a burning fire that ratcheted her desire up several notches.  She craved more contact.  She wrapped her fingers in the onyx tresses and ground the woman’s mouth to her breasts, arching into the sensation.  Reluctantly, she released her grasp when she felt the head sliding down her abdomen.  She raised her legs and slid them around the powerful shoulders that paused above her for just a moment.  She looked beseechingly at those clear blue eyes and uttered the only word that would tumble from her lips, “Please.”  She was met with a wide smile and a look of quiet pleasure from those beautiful orbs.  The dark head dipped and tasted her passion, which flowed from her like lava, burning in its intensity.  She gasped and tried to vocalize her pleasure, but was unable to utter more than a low growl.  That tortured sound was met by an even lower growl that sounded like the contented murmurings of a panther over its kill.

She thrust her hips at the mouth that covered her, watching with half-closed eyes as the dark head moved slowly between her legs.  Long, blissful moments passed as she allowed herself to be completely consumed.  But after too short a time she felt herself go rigid for a split second as she teetered on the edge of climax.  One firm, wet kiss and she plummeted over, completely unable to hold back any longer.  She grunted out her pleasure as she grabbed the dark head and pressed it against herself firmly.  Finally she felt the mouth slowly still.  She rested for a moment and then felt delicate kisses begin to tenderly remove the traces of her passion.  Her legs relaxed and she was finally able to speak.  “That was wonderful,” she languidly enthused to the dark head still nestled between her legs.  The head tilted up and rested on her abdomen, smiling at her with twinkling eyes. 

“You did seem to enjoy it,” the dancing beautiful blue eyes responded with a chuckle. 

“Let me return the favor,” the small woman huskily responded as she reached up to unbutton the new shirt.

“I wish we had time, but it’s almost noon,” the dark woman said with obvious regret.  “The buying public is probably lined up outside your door.  Remember, I did promise to only keep you for a little nibble.” 

“There are plenty of other clothing stores on Telegraph Avenue,” the golden haired woman responded lazily from her still blissful languor. 

“Yes, but none of the others have the great customer service that you offer,” the dark woman teased.  She was rising from the floor and straightening her clothing as she responded. 

“Are you really leaving?” the small woman said with genuine surprise.  “But…don’t you…I want to please you too,” she begged. 

“You already did,” said the smiling blue eyes.  “I am glad I decided to buy this shirt, however,” she indicated the rumpled garment with the wet marks gracing the placket.  “The ah...design might not appeal to all of your customers,” she stated with a quirky grin that lit up her face.  “Although I think it will become one of my favorites,” she added with a twinkle in those clear blue eyes.  “Which reminds me, what do I owe you?”

“I should pay you for that little lunch break,” she said sheepishly.  “Please consider it a small thank you gift.”

“Okay, but next time I’ll try not to damage the merchandise before I’ve paid for it,” she said with another twinkle.

“Will there be a next time?” the honey haired woman asked tentatively. 

She was met with a confident leer, “Count on it.”  Then the tall woman turned and started for the exit, giving her one last dazzling grin as she paused at the door, and was gone.

The small woman straightened her clothing and made herself as presentable as possible.  She floated dreamily out of the office and walked behind the counter.  Resting neatly on the glass surface were two twenty-dollar bills and a note that read, “Thanks for the nibble.  You made my day.”

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

I hope I didn’t make a mistake in taking this class.  I’m just afraid I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.  And what I should wear?  I really don’t want to look too straight...hmm

“Ohh, that feels really good sweetheart,” Jamie murmured into Jack’s ear.  But as soon as the words left her lips she regretted her statement.  In his defense, Jack was nothing if not receptive to instructions.  Regrettably, he took them a bit too seriously.  He seemed to reason that if something felt good, he should continue to do it until he was bodily forced to stop.

“That’s a little too much, Jack.”  Jamie did her best to keep the edge out of her voice.  She sighed deeply  and reflected that she was absolutely sure that she did not have instructions printed on her stomach but Jack acted as though he was following some kind of script.  He was tender and sweet and very attentive.  But he had no spontaneity—no intuitive sense of how to please her. 

He went back to his usual routine and Jamie fell back into her reverie.  I can always drop the damn class if I feel too uncomfortable.  It’s really no big deal. 

Jack was close now and she whispered words of love into his ear to hasten his climax.  She loved his ears—they were perfectly shaped and had just a light covering of downy blonde hair on them.  When he was excited they glowed with an attractive blush that Jamie found irresistible. 

He threw his head back as his eyes became glassy and unfocused.  He spent his release into her as she rubbed his back and murmured into his pink ear.  After a moment as his breathing slowed he looked at her with concern in his deep blue eyes, “You didn’t finish, did you?”

“That’s okay, Honey, you can get me twice tomorrow,” she said with a sweet smile.  “You look so tired, Love, put your head down here,” she said as she patted her chest.  He looked as though he wanted to argue, but she was gently tracing patterns on his back and he quickly lost his will to insist.  He rested his sandy blonde head on her breast and was asleep in moments. 

She regarded his attractive tanned face with loving eyes.  I am so lucky to have him, she thought.  He tries so hard to please me.  Not many men would be so concerned with my pleasure.  I just wish I knew how to explain how I like to be touched.  She lightly ran her fingers through the damp hair covering his forehead.  I just wish I could relax about the whole thing, she thought.  I’m only 20 years old and they say most women don’t hit their sexual peak until they’re in their 40’s.  Jack shifted a bit and nestled his head into her neck.  Well, that thought really helped, she groused.  I’ll just wait 20 years to feel hot. 

Jack had turned 24 just the week before, the same day he had gone back to Stanford for his third year of law school.  Their relationship had reached this stage of intimacy quite recently.  Jamie’s friends had teasingly called her the “last attractive virgin in California,” for the past 4 years.  But when Jamie made up her mind about something, it was tough to change it.  She had decided when she was 15 that she would not have intercourse with a man she did not love. 

She steadfastly stuck to that resolve even when her hormones were on full alert.  It had surprised her and shocked her friends that a guy like Jack had continued to date her for 2 years.  But Jack, like Jamie, knew what he wanted and would sacrifice to get it.  He was very happy when she relented at the beginning of the summer and they had consummated their love.  They had spent a lot of time together during the past 3 months but Jamie continued to stay with her parents to avoid any questions about their relationship.  It had been hard on Jack to see her for just a few hours a day, but he coped with the inconvenience like he did so many things. 

They were both looking forward to the start of Jamie’s fall semester at Berkeley as a way to have more quality time together.  They had made plans for her to come down to Palo Alto every Friday night to spend the weekend, and Jamie hoped these times together would give her some indication of what married life would be like. 

As she cradled Jack’s head on her chest she reflected over the last 2 years of their relationship.  When they met Jamie had just graduated from The Oaks, a private academy on the Peninsula.  Much to her parents’ displeasure, she was going to attend the University of California at Berkeley.  Both of her parents were Stanford alum’s and they were very much invested in having their only child attend their alma mater.  But Jamie wanted to see a different side of the Bay Area.  She knew that Stanford would be like continuing in high school.  They same type of rich, smart kids.  The same type of parties, although now in a fraternity house.  She wanted to see the grittier, more vibrant side of the city that Hillsborough insulated her from.

Jamie was taken with Jack from the onset.  He was working as a summer associate at her father’s law firm just getting ready for his first year of law school.  She still remembered the night her father had brought him home for dinner.  She took one look at the tall, well built young man and knew that her sparkling eyes were sending a clear message.  Over dinner he responded with a matching level of interest and by the next weekend they went on their first date.  He was tall, and well built with broad sloping shoulders and a runner’s lean frame.  He had a strong face with a perennial deep tan and his deep blue eyes were framed by pale blonde lashes.  His hair was thick and straight, colored a nice shade of ash blonde that lightened a bit in the summer.  He wore it parted on the side and relatively short in the back.  There was usually a thick shock of it hanging just a little bit in his eyes.  It gave him a cute, boyish look that Jamie loved from the start. 

He was such a welcome change from the boys she had known in high school.  He was mature, and confident and very interested in her.  But unlike her high school dates he did not seem only interested in her for sex.  He wanted to build a relationship.

As she watched Jack sleep in her arms she felt a fierce well of emotion build up inside of her.  I’ll try to be what you need, Jack.  But I need you to be patient with me while I figure some things out.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear.  Jamie was up early, as was her custom.  When Jack made his way into the small kitchen she was sitting at the counter drinking a large latte’ and reading the New York Times. 

“Hi, sleepyhead,” she teased as their eyes met. 

“Wow, I didn’t realize how tired I was,” he said sheepishly.  “It’s past 8!  I never sleep that late.”  As he shuffled over to her she opened her arms and enveloped him in a big hug.  “Maybe Dr. Jamie’s sleeping potion was too strong for you,” she murmured. 

He grinned down at her as he replied, “That reminds me, I need to give you a double dose of that potion today.” 

“Okay, Doc, but at the moment I would like to get you into clothes, not out of them.  Remember you promised we could go to church today.”

“Oh, right,” he said as he remembered their plan.  “Let me take a quick shower and we can get going.  Did you want to hit the 9:00 or the 11:00 o’clock service?”

“I thought 9 o’clock and then maybe we can play a round with Daddy if he’s available,” she said. 

“Sounds good, Sweetie,” he said over his shoulder as he walked into the bathroom.  “Why don’t you give him a buzz?”

The day was shaping up well.  Her father happily agreed to play golf, but since her mother had just returned from her month long vacation to visit her family in Newport she wanted to come along and have brunch beforehand.  Gosh, I can’t believe I completely forgot that she was back this week, Jamie thought.  I really should have called her on the day she came back. 

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

They settled into a pew near the front of the small, Episcopal Church on the outskirts of Nob Hill.  As the choir began the opening hymn they turned slightly to watch the procession.  As the acolytes, the verger and the choir filed past Jamie made eye contact with a gray haired elegant looking priest.  She wrinkled up her nose a bit and winked at him.  He gave her a fond smile and winked back.

Charles Sloan Evans had been an Episcopal priest for nearly 40 years.  He and his wife had reared a son and a 2 daughters.  The eldest being Jamie’s father.  Jamie had always known where her father got his sense of humor and his generally easy going nature.  But as much as she loved her father, her grandfather was Jamie’s ideal of what a man should be.  He was kind, warm, empathetic and very funny.  Jamie spent many an hour in his study just talking about life.  He seemed to understand her in a way that she doubted anyone else ever would.  Her grandmother had died before Jamie was born, but her grandfather never seemed lonely.  He was very dedicated to his calling and genuinely loved helping people through the trying times of their lives.  Jamie knew that her grandfather was a bit disappointed in his only son.  Rev. Evans felt that his son had not found his true soul mate and he was dismayed at the lack of time that he spent with his family.  He felt that Jim had been lured by the money and power that his wife’s family promised.  But Jim had produced this most perfect of granddaughters and for that he was eternally grateful.

After the reading of the gospel, Rev. Evans climbed to the pulpit.  His deep, clear voice warmed Jamie’s heart.  Few things made her happier than hearing her grandfather impart his wisdom on his congregation.  His sermon spoke of love, one of his favorite themes.  Jamie could not imagine attending a church where the message was sin and retribution.  But even though his message was usually happy, her grandfather had a way of making even difficult topics seem uplifting and hopeful. 

He spoke of love being God’s greatest gift to man and the most visible sign of His presence among us.  Through love for another, humans acknowledged this gift of love from God and expressed it in concrete form.  In no other way could we feel His love for us as completely.  This manifestation was a gift to be cherished-not taken frivolously.  Through the loving pairing of two people God dwells among them.

Jamie was thoughtful through the rest of the service.  Is that how I feel?” she thought.  Do my feelings for Jack reflect that peak experience?  Is this the height of my expression of God’s love?

As they filed out of the church, hand in hand, Jack turned to Jamie and said, “Wasn’t that a great sermon?”

“Yes,” agreed Jamie, ”it really gave me something to think about.”

“Your grandfather just expressed exactly how I feel about you Jamie,” he said with a beautiful smile on his face.  Jamie felt her heart break at the look of love on Jack’s face. 

She pasted a similar smile on her own face and said, “I’m very happy that you told me that Jack.”  She stretched on her tiptoes as she reached up with tears in her eyes and gave him a chaste kiss.  He beamed down at her and remarked, “We are two lucky people, Jamie.” 

“We are that, Jack,” she agreed with a tear in her eyes.

Jack enthusiastically shook Rev. Evans hand as they exited the church.  Jamie gave her grandfather a big hug that was returned with gusto.  “You hit another home run, Poppa,” she teased. 

“Well, when I have such an attentive audience it inspires me to swing for the fences,” he agreed.  After a few minutes of banter, the couple excused themselves and made their way to the Club for brunch.

The Olympic Club was the scene of the majority of Jamie’s Sundays since she was a small child.  Her parents dutifully took her to church and Sunday school but when she was old enough to drive herself, they began to find excuses for the religious part of the day.  But both of her parents loved to while away the afternoon at the Club.  Her father played golf while her mother chatted with her friends or sometimes played tennis.  They nearly always enjoyed brunch together as a family, though.  As they sat at their table overlooking the 18th green Jamie regarded them all with an appraising eye.  This is exactly where I will be in 20 years, she thought.  Jack and I will be with our children at a table just like this one.  We will be eating the same food from the same china.  Some of the waiters will still be here.  We will be having the same topical conversation with the other members about our golf games and our families and our busy lives.  He and I will love each other but we will not share much other than the children.  His real love will be his career.  Is this what I want?  But if not, what do I want?

She was jolted from her musings by the crisply uniformed waiter saying, “Miss Jamie, what would you like to drink?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Harold, lemonade would be great, thank you.” 

“Jamie, you seem a thousand miles away this morning,” said Jack.  “Is anything wrong?”

“No, of course not,” she replied lightly.  “I’m just thinking about school starting tomorrow.  I guess I’m just preoccupied.”

“Do you have your pencils sharpened and a new Star Wars lunchbox?” he teased. 

“I was partial to Malibu Barbie myself,” she retorted. 

“I’m sure this will be a great year for you,” he reassured her as he squeezed her hand.  “And for us,” he added with a confident grin.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

Jamie made her way back to the home she shared with her roommates.  She plodded along the 101 in her yellow Porsche Boxster fighting the heavy traffic.  Why does every living soul have to leave the City for the weekend?” she mused.  She hoped that her good friend Mia would be home.  She really enjoyed spending time with her old high school buddy.  Maybe she will be able to help me out of this funk, Jamie thought.  But I guess I need to be sure what it is about, before anyone can help me get out of it.  She just felt so---restless.  Yes, she was restless—but for what?  She truly did not know.  She just felt unsettled.  She really thought that her engagement to Jack would settle her feelings.  She had thought that once this part of her life was secured, she would feel more at peace.  In reality, it had made things more uncomfortable.  But no matter how much thought she devoted to the problem she did not know how to rectify it.  There was nothing wrong with Jack, of that she was sure.  Nine tenths of the women in America would give their right arm to be with a man like him, she thought.  The problem seemed to be with her.  There was just something missing.  There was a feeling of peace that she craved but just could not conjure up when they were together.  But if she was honest with herself the peaceful feeling was not something that she experienced very often, with Jack or alone.  Oh, well, I’m only 20 years old.  Maybe I’m supposed to feel unsettled, she thought as she drove on through the night.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

When Jamie announced her decision to attend Berkeley her parents had very reluctantly agreed, with the proviso that she not live on campus.  They wanted her in an atmosphere closer to that of a real home and they were helped in this quest by some of Jamie’s classmates.  Mia Christopher was the daughter of Adam and Anna Lisa Christopher.  Adam was a partner at another prestigious law firm in San Francisco and a Stanford classmate of Jamie’s father, Jim.  The families were cordial to one another but the girls mothers were not particularly close.  Anna Lisa was a fiery first generation American whose family hailed from Italy, but Jamie’s mother Catherine was from a very old very wealthy W.A.S.P. lineage.  The women liked one another well enough but they were far too different to feel really comfortable with one another.

Another prep school classmate, Cassie Martin also enrolled at Cal.  The situation with Cassie was just the opposite from Mia.  Jamie’s mother and Cassie’s mother, Laura were very good friends, but their husbands had never hit it off.  Likewise, Jamie liked Cassie well enough but she had never felt particularly close to Cassie, nor had she ever truly trusted her.  But their mother’s close relationship forced the girls together frequently and Jamie did not feel strongly enough to fight the situation so she went along and made the best of it. 

All 3 sets of parents agreed that if the girls were to attend Cal it would be best if they lived together in a suitable home.  So the three mothers got together and swept through Berkeley like a tsunami.  They interviewed real estate agents and found an acceptable house within walking distance of campus.  It was a large craftsman style bungalow, built in the early 1920’s.  It had originally contained 3 bedrooms and one bath but through the years additions had enhanced the original layout to create more generous bedrooms and add 1 1/2 baths.  All of the bedrooms and two baths were on the 2nd floor.  The first floor contained a very large, airy kitchen with a powder room and a door to a small, shaded back yard, a formal dining room, a spacious parlor and a small oak paneled library.  The house was truly beautiful with its generous deep front porch, original leaded glass windows and beautifully restored redwood moldings throughout.  Jamie loved the house from the moment she saw it, which was lucky since neither she nor her friends were consulted on the decision.  Catherine Evans had made the actual purchase of the house since she could make a purchase of that size without even noticing the dent in her bank balance.  The others paid a reasonable amount of rent, and all shared utilities. 

The girls’ mothers had furnished the home in a very attractive, if not luxurious style.  Jamie’s mother had purchased all of the kitchen utensils since the other girls had no interest in cooking.  Jamie put her hours of observing their family cook, Marta, to good use in cooking for herself and anyone else who was willing to help clean up afterward. 

They got along well all through freshman year.  But during that summer both Cassie and Mia obtained steady boyfriends.  Mia’s new love Jason went to UCLA, but Cassie’s boyfriend Chris went to Cal.  This changed the dynamic between the women and upset the balance they had created.  While they did not really argue, Jamie and Mia began to grow more distant from Cassie and spend less and less time together.  Even though Jack was just down the freeway at Stanford the fact that she did not often see him during the week allowed Jamie and Mia to still spend quite a bit of time together.  Jamie had always liked Mia, but during this past year they had grown particularly close.  Neither of them had a sister and they had begun to share the intimate secrets of their lives, creating a deep bond.  Mia liked Jack and constantly teased Jamie about him.  Jamie also liked Mia’s boyfriend Jason, but she saw very little of him because he was in L.A. and did not often come to the Bay Area for visits.

As Jamie pulled up to the drive she saw that Mia’s car was at home.  She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Cassie’s car was absent.  In a way it was silly for them to have 3 cars in Berkeley.  They did not drive to school or use the cars much, but they came in handy for driving to the Peninsula for the occasional weekend at home.

“Hey Mia, are you here?” Jamie asked hopefully. 

“Yeah, I’m upstairs,” came the reply. 

“You want anything from the kitchen?” Jamie shouted back up the stairs. 

“Yeah, bring me a diet anything,” Mia shouted back.

After making her brief stop in the kitchen Jamie lugged her overnight bag and two diet Sprites up the wide oak staircase.  Mia was lying on her bed, her room a total mess as usual.  She was inattentively watching television with a CD playing in the background.  She stood in the doorway and watched her friend for a moment, looking at her usually sunny, slightly cherubic face that was now resting in a bored grimace.  “Couldn’t decide?” Jamie asked, pointing at the TV and the CD player in sequence. 

“I’m bored,” Mia moaned, shaking her curly mid-length medium brown hair.  “I’m so glad you’re home early James,” she said as her dark brown eyes twinkled up at her friend.  Jamie smiled at the nickname that Mia had bestowed on her during high school.  Mia stretched languidly, pulling her 5’4” frame to its full length.  Her friend’s body resembled her own in both size and weight.  Both women were quite thin, almost painfully so at times, but there was a sturdy athleticism lurking within both that had never really been tapped.

“I’m glad I’m back too, I missed you, buddy.”

“You did?  Why?” Mia asked suspiciously.  “Did the perfect couple have a fight?”

“No, of course not.  You know we don’t fight.  I just wanted to spend some time with you and get some girl talk in,” Jamie admitted a little shyly. 

“What’s up James?  You do look a little down,” Mia agreed.

“I don’t know, Mia.  That’s my problem.  I just feel restless, like I want something to happen, but I don’t know what.”

“Are things any better between the sheets with old Jack?“ Mia asked with a devilish grin. 

“Mia, don’t tease me,” Jamie said with a hint of irritation in her voice.  She knew she should not be irritable with Mia, but she was a little unhappy about her sex life and she really didn’t like discussing it.  She would never have broached the topic with Mia at all, but her friend had been sexually active since 16 and was very open and cavalier about the topic.  This generally relaxed Jamie enough so that she could talk about it, something they had been doing more and more of lately. 

“Hey, James, I didn’t mean to offend you.  Are you okay?” she asked with real concern in her voice.

“Yeah, I’m sorry Mia.  Things aren’t any better and I’m getting kind of frustrated,” she finally admitted.

“You know, Jamie, I didn’t start really enjoying sex for 3 years after I started.  And it’s only been since Jason that I really love it.”

“Really?” Jamie asked, rather astounded.

“Well,” she admitted as she tossed her head.  “There were parts that I always liked but I didn’t really like intercourse until Jason.”

“But that’s what is so frustrating, Mia.  Before we actually had sex it was great with Jack.  We would kiss and touch each other for hours.  I felt so close to him.  I would go home some nights and just feel like I was on fire.  But since we started to, well, you know,” she blushed, “it feels so mechanical.”

“James I hate to break this to you but you are experiencing what every woman goes through when you go from teasing a guy to really doing it,” she laughed.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“When a guy can’t go all the way he has to spend all of his time doing what he thinks you want.  For most women that means kissing and holding each other and touching each other.  He keeps doing that until you figure, ‘This guy will really know how to make love to me.’  You finally give in and then he has all the cards.  He finally gets to do what he wants and it’s payback time, baby!  As little foreplay as possible, check for moisture content and then it’s time for the main event!”

Jamie looked at her with a completely shocked expression on her face. 

“That look on your face says I’ve hit the penis on the head,” Mia teased.

“But Mia, why would women ever want to make love if that’s all it was?” Jamie practically cried in frustration.

“Well, girlfriend, that’s not all it ever is.  If you find a guy who really loves to make love, it’s all that and then some,” she said encouragingly.

“But Mia, Jack tries soooo hard.  It really bothers him if I don’t come.  He attacks me like a legal brief.  He believes if he works harder and smarter it’ll be great.  I’ve tried to get him to relax.  I have even considered faking an orgasm, but he watches me so closely I know he would know I was faking and that would really hurt him.”

“Have you tried to, ah, lend him a hand, so to speak?” Mia asked with a playful tone.

“Yes,” Jamie said as she blushed again.  “But he seems to regard that as a failure on his part.  I’ve tried to tell him that I’m just helping a little, but it’s hardly worth it when I see the hurt look on his face.”

“I feel for you, hon,” Mia said.  “I have engaged in more bad sex acts than I can count, but it must be hard when it’s with a man you love.”

“That’s what really scares me, Mia.  I’m going to spend the rest of my life with Jack.  If we don’t enjoy sex now, I have no reason to believe it will be better in the future.  Honestly Mia, at times I just hope he comes to bed and doesn’t want to do it,” she said sadly.  “I mean, shouldn’t we just be tearing each others clothes off this early in our relationship?”

“Well, I would think so, judging from my limited experience in doing it with guys I love,” she agreed.  “But don’t worry so much, James.  You have a great relationship and Jack is a fantastic guy.  Maybe he’s right and more hard work will help everything to work out,” she said hopefully.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” agreed Jamie.  “I mean we have only been doing it for 3 months.  Maybe we just have to get used to each other a little bit more.  Thanks for talking this over with me, Mia.  You’re the only one I trust enough to talk about this with.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie.  I hope you know you can tell me anything.”

As Jamie got ready for bed she thought over what Mia had said.  Well, I’ve got the rest of my life to work on this; I guess I don’t have to be in that much of a hurry.  Mia’s right.  There is no reason to think this will not all work out in the end.  I mean, I do have the rest of my life to make some progress on this.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

As the class settled noisily into their seats, Professor Linda Levy scanned their faces.  Not bad, she thought.  At least there are 3 men. 

“May I have your attention, please?”  20 mildly expectant faces gazed at her.  “Welcome to Psychology 197-The Psychology of the Lesbian Experience.  My name is Linda Levy.  I’d like to get some housekeeping matters out of the way and then I’ll give you an overview of the class.  If we have time I would like each of you to introduce yourselves.  I should warn you though, that this class is very interactive.  If you’re looking for a quiet place where you can sleep in the back row for 3 hours a week, you’ve come to the wrong place!”

Jamie closely regarded the professor.  She was a small woman, about Jamie’s height-5’4” or so.  She was fit and trim and wore chinos with an attractive print silk blouse in shades of tan and brown.  She had a warm smile and lively twinkling eyes.  Her wavy chin length hair was parted on the side, and there was a sprinkling of gray in it.  Jamie guessed her to be somewhere in her 40’s although she had to admit that she was not terribly good at guessing ages. 

Linda walked from row to row and handed out 3x5 cards.  “I would like you to give me a little personal information on these cards,” she stated.  A number of giggles hit some of the women.  "It’s not necessary to give me that information unless you think it is relevant,” she replied with a laugh of her own.  “I suppose we should tackle that little issue right away,” she said as she perched on the end of the large wooden desk situated at the front of the room.

“I am now, and I have always been a practicing lesbian,” she said with another twinkle in her eyes.  “However, lesbianism is not a pre-req for this course.  I’m sure that will relieve you guys,” she said as she pointed at the 3 men sitting near one another.  “This class deals with the psychological issues that may be encountered by a group of people who have in many ways been marginalized by society.  We will be undertaking this survey with the eyes of scholars-—not participants.  This is not a ‘How to be a lesbian’ course.  You do not need to declare your sexual orientation to the rest of the class.  The class usually turns out to be predominantly lesbian, but I not only welcome heterosexuals, I really encourage straight people to take the class.  It is the people who are not part of the peer group who can have the biggest impact on changing societal perceptions,” she stated with conviction.

Jamie was relieved by this little explanation.  I think I’m going to like this, she thought rather happily.

Linda continued, “On the cards I would like you to give me your names, phone numbers and a general idea of when you are available to do outside projects.  I want to pair up class members based on their time availability to make it easier for everyone.”

The class worked on their cards for a few minutes as Linda watched.  Well, they look a little less nervous now.  This looks like it might be a good group.

Jamie worked on her card-neatly writing her relevant information on the white rectangle.  She indicated her home number and just to be thorough she included Jack’s number with the words ‘fiancés home number’.  Well, it doesn’t hurt to get that out of the way right from the start, she thought

Linda looked quickly at the cards as they were turned in.  Oh, that’s cute, she said to herself as she saw Jamie’s card.  It always amazes me how people get those little tidbits of information in, she thought wryly as she noted that Jamie had somehow mentioned that she possessed a fiancé.  She tried to match people’s availability and was pleased that she was able to do so fairly easily.  “Okay people, I’m going to write down partner names on the board.  After we do our introductions you’ll be able to find each other.”

She strode to the board and began to write the 10 pairs.  Jamie saw her name go up on the board next to that of Ryan O’Flaherty.  Oh, great, she moaned to herself, I take a class in lesbianism and I get paired up with a guy.  Well, at least he won’t assume he can hit on me, she thought hopefully.  Unless he’s the type who thinks lesbians are hot, she thought suspiciously.  God, Jamie, get a grip!  Yesterday you were afraid of the women and today you’re disappointed that you’re with a man!

Linda returned to her perch on the front corner of the desk.  “Okay, let’s get to work.”  She launched into a rather lengthy speech on how the course was developed, how long she had been teaching it, and how it fit into the curriculum for psych majors.

Jamie was pleased with the way the course was organized.  This could really be interesting, she thought.  I know so little about lesbians-and that’s a liability in San Francisco.  That’s like living in L.A. and not knowing anything about the beach!

Linda looked at her watch and noted with surprise that the 70 minutes was just about up.  “I apologize for going on so long,” she said.  “If you don’t mind you can try to find each other after class to meet your partner.  I’ll see you all on Wednesday morning and we can discuss some of the class projects.”

Well, at least I have it easy, thought Jamie—there are only 3 guys.  She approached the first and tentatively asked, “Are you Ryan?”

“Nope,” he replied, “I’m Todd.“  The other two men were Demitrius and Mike.  Jamie was at a loss.  The rest of the class seemed to be more successful and were all busily exchanging info.  As people began to drift away Jamie noticed one lone figure sitting quietly.  She was idly twirling a ring on the surface of her desk and did not seem to be in any hurry to find her partner. 

Jamie approached her from the back and asked, “Are you Ryan?” with a hint of exasperation in her voice.

The dark head turned and she was nonplussed to see the most dazzling white smile she thought she had ever encountered.  “Well, if I wasn’t before, I am now,” the beautiful woman answered with a little tease in her voice as a terribly sexy grin lit up her face. 

Jamie blushed all the way to the roots of her blonde hair.  The woman unfolded herself from the desk that was obviously too small for her long frame.  She extended her hand and Jamie mindlessly parroted her.  “I’m Ryan O’Flaherty,” she said, flashing that smile again.  Jamie knew that it was her turn to speak, but for some strange reason she felt unable to.  “And you are…”  Ryan cast a quick look over at the chalkboard, “Jamie Evans?”

“Oh, right, I mean yes, I’m Jamie Evans,” she heard her voice automatically respond.   

“It’s good to meet you, Jamie Evans,” Ryan stated rather gravely.

Jamie knew that she should stop staring but she was unable to control herself.  Ryan was probably the most beautiful woman she had even seen.  She stood over 6 feet tall, with a sturdy but lean, muscular build.  There was something very feminine about her body that the muscle paradoxically seemed to accentuate.  Jamie guessed her jet-black hair was quite long even though it was pulled back in a ponytail and partially hidden under a backwards-black knit-driving cap.  She wore a tight blinding white thick cotton T-shirt that hugged each of her ample curves and over that a black and maroon paisley vest.  This topped a pair of well-faded 501’s that looked like they were created specifically for her long legs.  A pair of shiny cordovan penny loafers worn without socks completed her ensemble.

Jamie realized that she was still gripping Ryan’s hand and immediately dropped it as though it was burning her.  Ryan just continued to smile at her and Jamie found that it was very difficult to meet her penetrating gaze.  When she finally forced herself to do so she was again shocked to discover the most dazzling pair of ice blue eyes that one could imagine.  Jesus, she thought as she tore herself away from that intense gaze, how does one woman get this many perfect parts?

“Uh, Jamie did you want to exchange phone numbers, or arrange to meet, or something?”  Ryan asked gently, stooping down at bit and moving her head around as she tried to make eye contact with her new partner. 

“Oh, sure, yeah, that’s good, um phone numbers...good,” Jamie began to curse herself for her inarticulate ramblings.  I’m an English major! she shouted at herself in exasperation.

With Ryan providing most of the leadership they finally exchanged their personal info.  Ryan took down Jamie’s number in a neat black organizer that Jamie noticed had a very busy schedule meticulously filled out.  “When is the best time for you to get together?” Ryan asked. 

“Well, I don’t have a job and my bo..” Jamie caught herself and decided that she did not want this woman to know about Jack.  “My time is pretty open,” she finally stated without elaboration.

“Great.  I’m pretty swamped, but weekday afternoons and weekend mornings are my best times,” Ryan said.  “My schedule is really kind of unpredictable, but I’m sure we’ll be able to get together,” she smiled that impossibly dazzling smile again and Jamie felt her brain once again begin to freeze.  

“Where do you live?” Ryan asked with a small chuckle, as she unsuccessfully tried to hide a knowing grin. 

Oh God, oh god! Jamie screamed to herself, she knows!  She began to blush again and finally began to stutter, “Umm…I…ahh….”

But Ryan graciously took pity on her and removed her piercing gaze.  She looked down at her organizer and tried again.  “Do you live in Berkeley?” she asked casually.

“Yeah,” Jamie breathed out in relief.  “Really close to campus.“

“Oh, that’s good,” Ryan said.  “I live over in the Noe Valley, but I’m sure we could meet here.  You don’t have a car do you?”

“Car?” Jamie said as though this were the first time she had ever heard the word, 

“Yeah, you know, a big metal object with wheels, let’s you go places that your feet can’t take you,” Ryan said, as she mimicked holding a steering wheel. 

“Oh, yes I do!  I do have a car!”  Jamie was outrageously pleased with herself for being able to get a complete sentence out without stuttering.  She decided against all reason that she liked being teased by Ryan and began to loosen up a little bit. 

“That’s great,” Ryan said.  “I’ve got a bike but some people don’t like riding on them,” she added.  Jamie dully wondered where on Ryan’s bicycle she would ride, but banished that thought as Ryan once again extended her hand. 

“I guess I’ll see you on Wednesday then, okay?” those crystal clear blue eyes locked on hers again.  Jamie felt her hand being engulfed by the much larger one and then gently shaken and felt her head bob a bit in response.  Ryan dipped her head to make eye contact and winked playfully as she broke into another grin and turned gracefully to stride from the room. 

Jamie felt herself slide limply into a desk.  She dropped her head to the cool wooden surface and sat in puzzled confusion for a moment.  Finally she lifted her head and asked herself in a befuddled haze, What in the hell was that all about?!