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Akane:
The trek to my room had never been so long. I managed to keep from thinking until I got there, and threw myself onto my bed to stare wearily at the ceiling.
What a night.
I knew how miserable Miaka had been, but until tonight I had hoped that somehow, Nuriko would finally give in and let her be. I had hoped Tamahome would keep her busy, or that someone would know how I could send her back home. I wasn't having much luck with any of my hopes of late.
And then Nuriko's little bombshell! Whatever I had expected from her-him-that had definately not been it. I could understand the jealousy, even the bitter, unrequited love for Hotohori. But a man?
"How has he kept that a secret so long....?" I wondered aloud. To hide his gender from his maids, his companions, everyone-no wonder time had made him bitter! It was no excuse for treating Miaka as he had, but my heart ached for him anyway. He loved the Emperor, but he had to now there was no hope for them...of course he knew. He'd said as much himself.
But more than that was troubling me, a faint unease I refused to share. It was about the Universe of the Four Gods itself, and what being the Miko meant. It was something I'd read once, in a source I could no longer remember-so it was quite possible I was wrong.
It was also possible I wasn't.
If that were true, then when all this was over, I would die. I had only four warriors to go before it became time to summon Suzaku.
Was it worth it?
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Hotohori:
It had long been the custom that I would walk with my advisors at night, ostensibly to relax while we discussed the welfare of the empire. Relaxing seemed harder and harder to do in recent days, but the custom remained. We walked, and I listened to them offer up the gilded advice their years had taught them, but I was in no mood to listen. I dreamed listily, under the pretense of admiring the gardens through which we strolled.
"And there is-one other thing, heika," one began hesitantly. Ahito, an old friend of my father's, the one with who I was always the most at ease. Something in his voice tonight did not offer me comfort.
"What is it?" I asked.
Ahito swallowed, took a breath and a moment to gather whatever it was he was about to say. It was the longest breath I could remember waiting through. "You are eighteen years old, Sahitei-sama. And the Empire is at risk. You must choose an Empress, and we must have an heir."
Not that. Please, not that. How could I tell them that the one woman I adored, the one I wanted to marry, would not be able to provide them with an heir until my Empire was already saved? And that was supposing she consented to marry me at all, instead of going home...home to her own world. Since I was a child I had dreamt of the Suzaku no Miko. How could I tell them that, after all this time?
I could not. So I covered it with a laugh instead. "I care not for any of the women in the palace," I told them haughtily. "After all-I am more beautiful than they!"
They took it for what it was-a disposal of the topic. But I noticed when Ahito glanced at me from the corner of his beady dark eyes, and I heard him when he whispered, "Be that as it may, Sahitei, it is something you will have to face in time."
I walked away. If they wished, I would face it tonight. But I would not tell them about it first.
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Akane:
It was not happy thoughts that Hotohori interrupted when he found me again that night. I did my best to smile, but it had been a very long day.
"Hotohori-sama." I sounded faded and weary even to myself. He was perceptive enough to notice.
"Akane-I am sorry-" He looked uncomfortable, and tired, as though perhaps he had not had any more pleasant a night than I had. "I will be very brief, and leave you to your rest. I-"
My Emperor was obviously having difficulties saying something. I drew him inside, and closed the door, and motioned him to sit across from me on the other end of my bed. "What is it?"
"A simple question." He sat, twining his fingers into the long brown hair that fell across his eyes. "I wondered-I hoped-that when all this is over...."
I had not seem him this uncomfortable before, and it was quickly beginning to rub off on me as well. I sat silent, prompting him with my eyes to continue. And finally he did.
"When this is over, I would ask you to become my wife. My Empress." It came out in a rush. I suppose that even Emperors are young men, and proposing to someone is not an easy task. "I expect you planned to return to your own world, but if you would reconsider...."
I interrupted him gently. "It may not be for me to decide," I said softly, and the ache I felt for Nuriko twisted in my chest. He looked up at me, startled, so I continued. "It may be that I have no choice but to go home...or to return here. It also may be," I added, more reluctantly, "that either you or I may not live to the end of it."
He looked startled that I would say it, but it had obviously crossed his mind as well. "Then when the time comes, and all has fallen into place," he said ardently, "I shall ask you again. Please remember in the meantime, Akane, that-that I love you."
I had only one more thing to say on it. "And besides, Hotohori-sama...someone else loves you."
Hotohori looked even more surprised at that. "Someone-who?" Was it really so incomprehensible to him that someone might care so much for him?
I was too tired for secrets. "Nuriko," I answered, and regretted it immediately. Nuriko was a man. All I had done in spilling this much of his secret was to insure that there was now a chance to cause them both more pain.
Hotohori looked away, and when he spoke, his voice was tight. "I respect Nuriko greatly...she is one of the Suzaku Seishi, after all. But you are the one I love."
It had just been too long a night. Much as I adored Hotohori, I think I sighed with relief when he was gone-but I'm not sure, because very quickly afterward, I was asleep.
On to Chapter 9
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