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Rated: PG-13 no smut just lots of introspection. But there is a little surprise. <wink>

Summary: Set 5 years after the return of Voyager to the Alpha Quadrant. This is a tale of a Vorik and his wife, Raven as they weather her human mid-life crisis. Lolololol Actually it is more an allegory for a human path we all might travel one day in our lives.
 

For John...
 

My Faithful Vulcan.

Vorik's wife  blankly stared through the window, mesmerized by nature's weather play. With her forehead pressed against the cool glass, she watched her breath gently fog the pane. Tiny water droplets randomly trickled across her vision and the light pattering lessened upon the ground. Yet another spring shower had punctuated the season of rebirth here on the Nisus colony.

"God, I need a drink," Raven murmured as she noted her patched throat, breaking her fleeting reverie. It had been a day of anxious planning and aimless pacing here at home alone. With her stomach so tied in knots, even the thought of food revolted her.  Time had inched by all day and these last few hours had stretched out excruciatingly long. She felt like a predator lying-in wait for her prey as she prowled the room searching for any last minute things she had overlooked. Her bags, stuffed full of clothing and essentials, were now at the door for her quick departure. Once again she thought about the logic, the reasoning of this drastic measure. She poked around the house. So many momentos reminded Raven of her life with her Vulcan bondmate, Vorik.

A smirk played upon her lips as she defiantly placed her water glass down upon the bare walnut end table.  Vorik, for years, insisted on the use of coasters. But in this moment she felt rebellious and wondered if the wet, cool glass would leave a ring in the black boards. Vorik had been surprisingly adept at woodwork and Raven was impressed with his abilities. Together they had designed and constructed this lovely diminutive end table during their first year as bondmates upon the Starship Voyager.

Then her fingers gently glided over the midnight black, marble bust upon the table. It had been a special gift from Captain Janeway to the newly bonded couple. The engagement had been a secret, or rather a private arrangement between the two. They had struggled so hard to be together. Had it really been over 15 years since that first loving night? So much had changed now, Raven thought forlornly. She had a sudden urge to hear an original clarinet composition by Lieutenant Kim. They had retained all of their favorite music and holo-vids from the ship and were now mixed in with the latest acquisition of their planet life. Her fingers deftly imputed the long remembered Harry Kim composition: Ode to Eternal Night.

 As the smooth notes of the mellow reed filled the air, Raven continued her reminiscing. A smile lit upon her lips as she toyed with the sticks of the Vulcan Kal'to game. Commander Tuvok had presented this geometric logic globe to Vorik. Being the only Vulcans aboard Voyager during her exodus through the delta quadrant, Vorik and Tuvok had shared many cultural similarities. But the two had never truly become what humans termed as close.  The age difference, interests and mutual regard were not conducive to establishing such a bond between them.  But this gift was a very important gesture for them both.  Raven recalled those days of adventure, peril and uncertainty aboard Voyager. And though she was glad to finally have a home, at times she longed for those days of purpose and goals. The melancholy strains swirled about her head and heart as she stood in silent thought.

Raven Zans glanced at the elaborate but accurate Vulcan chrono upon the table. School had just let out and the children would be at their grandmother's by now, Raven silently noted to herself.  Vorik would be home any minute. Life on the Nisus colony had been both easy and hard. Circumstances had changed for them all since having settled here on Vorik's home planet.  Her mate had earned a teaching post here on the planet. Their children had a variety of friends and the possibilities were endless here on this multi-species colony planet.  But most of all it was Vorik's family who had welcomed them all with open arms. Well, as open as Vulcans would allow.

Life was positive for everyone. At least that is what Raven kept trying to tell herself. Everyone but she had found a niche here after the relocation. Five years, five long years it had been since Voyager's return from the delta quadrant. Vorik no longer desired to serve Starfleet and Raven followed where her mate led. Her home had long ago been annexed by the now defunct Cardassian Empire. And all those she had known and loved were long gone. It was this life with Vorik and their children that she had lived for.

The melancholy strains of the ode swirled about her head and heart and brought to mind the loneliness and the darkness of that journey through null space. That was what it was like now for Raven Zans, deep, empty, and devoid of all hope of light. At times it threatened to consume her, but she always had the strength to pull back and rise again to her duties, to her children and her mate.

But in these last few months, they were just not enough. She needed something of her own, something to cling to. Frequently she scornfully thought to herself, here she was, over forty years old, and the only accomplishment in her life were her children. There had to be more to life than this? And she had found it, here in the local artist's guild, along with the other black smiths and workers of fine metals. It had started off as a way to pass the alone time and to remake herself. But she had discovered so much more. Others who were like-minded had ignited her passions and sparked her intellect. They made her feel alive and the former crewmember of Voyager had experienced an awakening unlike anything else in her life.
Raven's family life tasted dreary and dismal in comparison to the delicious excitement of new friends, new learning and newly discovered talents within herself.

The clarinet suddenly began to grate on her nerves and she stabbed at the controls silencing the haunting tune. In trembling impatience, Raven shakily wiped her damp hands as she waited for her husband to return home. Her heart leapt as the aircar pulled up in the driveway. Then her hands quaked and her heart hammered away inside her chest.  A flush crept upon the woman's face as she waited in nervous anticipation. It was almost surreal as the door slide open and she heard him enter their domicile.

For all of her fear at his arrival, the Vulcan was extremely calm and remote upon entering the house. He was his usual mood when he came home, so very involved in his own concerns. At times he went to the point of even ignoring the children's attentions. At those times they would turn back to her. Never a moment to herself, Raven recalled. Every moment of privacy was a fight.   And Raven's nervousness washed away as anger swelled in its place. He had not even bothered to call to her or anyone in the house. Instead he retreated to his office, his usual hideout. How typical! Raven thought to herself.

Keeping her step light, she approached the threshold and noiselessly glided into the room. Upon the back wall she noticed a new acquisition. He had not consulted nor had he shared that with her. It seemed familiar though. Then it occurred to her. It was the same painting that was in her father's-in-law office. It might in fact be the one. Her eyes drew back to Vorik. He was sitting in his chair, his nose literally buried in the data Padd, seemingly oblivious to her presence.

 A quick start would be her best bet, Raven had decided. "I can't handle it any more, this Vulcan thing. After all these years.. . Vorik, I am leaving you."  Raven hastily blurted out as she stood before her bond-mate. With her heart beating wildly and her arms crossed over her chest, the human awaited her Vulcan husband's reaction.

But there was none. Or it was so subtle that no human could detect it.  Vorik barely registered a reaction to her presence, never mind her words, as he pursued his calculation on the data Padd before him. It had been a busy day at the local school where he taught elementary physics. Through their telepathic link the Vulcan had sensed heaviness about her all day. He assumed it was the usual anxiety that hummed between them in their bond and paid it very little mind.

But these words that greeted him upon his return home were harsh and sudden. He never ceased imputing numerical streams when he offhandedly remarked, "What of the Pon Farr? You are required . . ."
 
"I will be there," Raven interrupted, "at the appointed time and place." Her voice was low and meaningful, the anger dispelling with each utterance. She drew closer to the Vulcan who was still immersed in his data Padd.  She choked back her sobs as the full impact of her own decision hit her. "That vow I will never turn away from." Raven waited as her words hung in the air between them. But there was no reaction from her husband. Instead he nearly jumped out of his chair and turned away from her as she approached, putting as much distance between them as he could. On any other day this distance would have broken her heart, but now, it was only typical. Too much hurt had numbed her heart and she now had another alternative that lightened her despair. She shrugged and accepted this distance as necessary to them both. Raven began to turn her back on the busy man believing that he was barely even aware of her intention.

His sudden interjection into the silence startled her. "You have taken the time for ample consideration of this course?" Raven turned back to him and noticed his subtly quirked brow: the hallmark of a Vulcan inquisition.

Raven shook her head at the irony of his question. It was being asked too late. "I do not want this any more. That is all there is to it. Too much has happened and my heart is just dead.  But with Siempre..."

Vorik's brows shot up at the mention of that name. It was one of the few Raven had been mentioning lately. Her new interests and acquaintances had been consuming her time and attentions.  Vorik too had found their new life exuberant but he never lost his focus of concern: the family.  His wife's outside interests were beginning to hamper her performance as a mother and mate. The Vulcan man was at a loss to understand and appreciate this alteration in his mate's behavior. As with most matters, Vulcans exercised infinite patience and he had consigned himself to letting time work matters out. But this was more drastic than Vorik could have imagined.

 Raven saw the barely subtle look of surprise on his face. Vorik was just starting to realize the implication of her words.  The sundering pair looked to the other, the chasm of years between them. Raven realized in this instant that this man before her was a stranger and had been for years. But from Raven's view, their estrangement did not seem important to him. She had grown weary of hurting and agonizing over his distance, his Vulcaness.  "With all my heart, Vorik, I wish this passion could be for you."

Vorik returned to his work as a way to end this discussion. "This works requires my attention.  There will be no interruption in life, Raven. The children will not be affected."
 

"Nor will you?" Raven retorted with a quiet dignity. But she was met with stony silence. And with that un-said it was done.  On any other day his cool restraint would have been maddening but she required this final word. "I know, because you are Vulcan."  After long lonely years, she now understood all to well. She picked up her bags and walked through the door, resolved to chase after her happiness.

With the sound of the door swishing closed, Vorik finally put down the Padd he had been emptily staring at. He absorbed her absence and whispered to she who was his heart. "Yes, I am Vulcan. But I am still a man."
***********
Throaty chuckles in the darkness and promised kisses were finally delivered. The dark haired wife of Vorik caressed the taut rear of her lover and whispered, "Now we can be together." And her mouth delivered a resounding kiss to her heart's secret love. Raven in turn, succumbed to these longed for lips and was devoured by a passion more overwhelming than her life had ever known. Both anticipated a long hot summer in each other's arms.
**********
 

"Father, I am only going there to talk."

Vorik found himself in his father's office of his family's home. After Raven's departure he was uncertain of his course.  The course for his children, for his life. To her credit, she had only informed his parents that she was going away on an extended vacation. It had been prearranged between his mother and his wife that this week his children would stay here. Vorik, having been so consumed by his own duties, had not noticed this arrangement. He only took note of such things once they impacted his schedule.

Therefore neither of his parents were aware of her departure. Not until he blurted it out upon arriving at his childhood home. His father secluded his obviously distraught son into his office. For Vorik, many issues had been resolved within these very walls, answers found within these dark intense paternal eyes. The answer his parents now offered was, by Vulcan standards, shocking.

"But this is our way," was his father, Do'shik's, gentle offering. Never before had Vorik believed that such sentiments could live in a Vulcan's heart, especially this aloof Vulcan's heart. Vorik's lapse of attention had allowed him to overlook his mother's silent entrance into the office. It was not until she suddenly appeared by her husband's side, bearing white ceremonial lengths of Vulcan fabric in her hands when the fog lifted from Vorik's senses.

The elder continued in a calm but chilling tone,  "The Vulcan bond-mate vow not only means to die for her and for her children. But also to kill for a place at her side." Do'shik reached up to the collection of weapons upon the wall behind his desk. From amongst the jagged knives, elegant rapiers, clunky bludgeoning clubs and diminutive daggers, Do'shik chose, with great care, a long handled weapon. One end terminating in a curved blade, the other end, heavy and blunt. The elder held out the traditional lirpa to his astonished son. "Take it. Use it. On this matter, there is no discussion."

Before the stunned Vorik could refuse, he felt his own mother wrap the ahn'woon about his slim hips. With a final tug of the deadly Vulcan weapon, Vorik's mother shot her son a look of encouragement.  Vorik realized what was required of him and removed his shirt in the ceremonial preparation of the challenge. Armed with his family's lirpa and ahn'woon, Vorik took in a deep breath and strode to the door. His mother's words resounded in his wake. "Bring back my grandchildren's' mother."

********

Vorik's eyes widened as he beheld his greatest fear.

"Raven?" was the disembodied voice from the shadows.

Raven and her lover halted their passionate kissing at this interruption. "Vorik?" A stunned, Raven forgot her surprise and immediately became enraged. "Vorik!" Then her heart dropped as she noticed the glinting blade in this dim light. "What are you doing with that?"  All three looked to the weapon in his hand. "This is NOT the koon-ut-kallifee!" Her dark eyes bore into Vorik's accusing stare, as all three froze in this fearful moment.  Was he truly prepared to kill? All three wondered  this simultaneously.

Vorik tightened his grip on the weapon's handle. It had not been difficult to ascertain the address of Siempre's domicile. A few inquiries had led him to this remote lakeside cabin.  Vorik screwed up his courage and mustered in a husky voice. "You must be Siempre?" It was all he could manage as his voice threatened to tremble in this moment.

This discovery affected him more than he thought it would and the Vulcan found his mouth suddenly dry. He had been prepared to challenge his rival in a fight to the death.  But now, discovering this, upon this stranger's bed, Vorik was uncertain of his course. The person beneath his wife's naked body mirrored her own: flushed and trembling and human as well.  Then it hit him. He was not intruding on merely a human love affair but a communing of souls. Looking at them both in this bed, sweating and naked, the sheets strewn about their shapely limbs, candles burning brightly and wine half drunk, Vorik feared that THIS bond he would be unable to compete with. She might never be able to come back to him after tasting this. But Vorik had to rectify this situation, for all their sakes.  Abandoning the traditional challenge, Vorik propped his lirpa against the wall, leaving it behind as he proceeded closer to the bed.

While looking directly into Raven's eyes, he gently, softly and very slowly uttered,  "You . . are MY mate." With a pausing breath he glanced to the other flushed face in this bed. "Not hers."

At this, the swarthy female beneath Raven looked away.

A naked Raven jumped off the bed and the warmer body beneath hers. Siempre quickly covered her nakedness, but not before Vorik noted her attributes. It was a quick assessment and he noted that this one was so much younger than both of them were. Where Raven's breast were full and now pliable after three children and age, this one's were tiny and nearly non-existent.  For a fleeting moment he wondered where she could have incurred such a deep scar on her thigh. Even in this dim lighting it was most evident.

He was still stunned in silent astonishment when Raven's face filled his view, the rage rolling off her in waves. She was livid and indignant at Vorik's presumption. This was a private matter and none of his concern. She just wanted to be left alone to live life the way she wanted. Her little finger jabbed at his bare chest. "I do not want you. I want her. I want this, " she urgently declared as her hand stretched out to the smoldering female in the bed. "I feel alive with her."

"This is what it feels like to be alive." And Vorik grasped her outstretched hand and drew it to her heart.
 

In the moment of their touch, Vorik dropped his mental shields and allowed his life force to flow through this gentle meeting of fingers. Raven caught her breath at the sudden electrical exchange and was speechless at the onslaught of his pent up emotions. She could barely hear his husky words as the thrum of her pulsing blood filled her ears. "The Pon Farrs forged our hearts. But this human voyage is why we are married. I wish to be the one by your side when you emerge from this.  No human can cherish you the way I can." Through the haze of his rising emotions he gripped her upper arm, nearly bruising her in his intensity.  "No human can match the depth and power of this Vulcan passion, for not only your body, but for your mind."

Raven let out a moan, the ache from his finger grip finally reaching her nerves. At her soft sound, Vorik released her arm and relented his hold on her fingers. The shared experience began to dwindle and diminish. Raven rubbed her sore arm but remained silent as Vorik implored. "After this fleeting human love, what then? If you require passion, I can assure you, this beats always." For emphasis he lay his hand over his lower chest, the place where the Vulcan heart resides. "It is the plague and the gift of my people: passion.  It lives and breathes, ever since the shon-ha-lok (love at first sight) came to life and it has never abated. Remember?"  Vorik drew her hand over his heart.

At this,  Siempre rolled out of the bed.  She hurriedly slipped on her robes and retreated to the bathroom.
This did not resemble the uncaring and distant man that Raven had complained about all these months. At this moment, Siempre felt as if she were the one intruding.

Oblivious to the other person leaving the room, the Vulcan pressed his body against his naked wife's. His dark eyes intensely bore into hers. He never requested permission. He was not prepared to halt this attempt. Impetuously, he cupped her face within his palms. "Remember."  He invoked and Raven gasped as his fire lanced through her being. Raven steadied herself, latching onto the straps at Vorik's waist. Her knuckles grew bone-white as she clung. Ensnared in the furious throes, Raven shuddered and whimpered as Vorik delved deeper into her core. Their eyes locked in this silent sharing for quite some time.

After what she considered a lengthy silence, Siempre walked in on the pair, a sex flush upon both their bodies.  She had never seen Raven like this. As Vorik held her against his body, helpless in his grip, she continually convulsed.  Siempre sighed as she saw how the beautiful women's now reddened skin glowed in the dim light of her apartment. The lover believed that she would be doing wrong by Raven to continue with this dalliance. There had been no promises, only delight in the other.

During these beginning few weeks of their love affair, Raven had repeatedly professed her undying love to Siempre, but she could never promise anything. Siempre could see what this passion was and was going to enjoy this woman. But this event before her was a family forged in the fire of love. Raven's present interest in her might only be fleeting, a bump in the road of her new change in life. And she, being a kind person, would never bring her to the basest levels and entice her to leave her children, her mate, her life. Never. Though she yearned for the touch this woman offered her.

In the silent throes of the meld, Vorik attempted to reassert his bond with she who is his wife.

Vorik's mind spoke to hers <<Your presence is required for existence.>>

<<Is that the Vulcan way of saying I can't live without you?>>

<< For humans, the sentiment is that life is miserable minus that significant other. For Vulcans, We die. >>

<<Of a broken heart? >>

<<That may just be it. We beat as one heart, Raven. I will cease to exist. This is our way. This is what it means to be bond-mate.>>

Raven tore herself away from this intimacy. With the force of her feeble human strength, she pushed her husband away. It took her a few moments to reacquaint herself with the physical world. The mind melding was always a potent alter-reality. As her heartbeat slowed, her hot face throbbed in the after effects of the severed link. In between deep breaths she scornfully shot out, "For a people.. who pride themselves.. on their self-sufficiency ..and autonomy, ...it is ironic that THIS is your way."

Vorik's green flushed face was equally hot. His upper lip beaded with sweat, but he never diverted his gaze from his hyperventilating human. "It is the only way our logical minds can exist." He was amazed that his tone was this even and level. His heart was in turmoil for the reminder had not worked as he had intended. Instead of stoking a fire between them, the sharing only seemed to drive the wedge deeper.

But the words tumbled out as he finally released his long pent up desires. He had ignored so much for so long in the hope that it would right itself in time. He had longed to let Raven understand that he accepted this human plight of hers. Though it was not necessary for his growth. It was for hers.  "This journey of yours is my honor as well. Let me be your hand. I am not afraid. This is the moment we have bonded for."

Raven tore her gaze from his. "But I love her. I look at her and see the future and all of my desires." Raven felt her own impassioned plea tug at her own heart. For the first time she was truly revealing her inner self to him. She had hidden the truth from him for so long and so well, that it took her all of her courage to give it up. "I look at you and there is.... Nothing."

Vorik clenched his jaw as that brutal fact settled in. But being a tenacious Vulcan he would not let her present emotional state interfere with his perceptions, what he knew to be kaadith: the truth reality of all. His wife was in pain. And he was certain that she would need him after she put the pieces together. "Human love?" His brows furrowed as his tone slightly rose in volume.  "That is human nature's way to ensure procreation. This burns." Again he drew his hand to his heart.  "It is more consuming and combustible. If you were to feel it everyday, you would die. This is what brought my people to their knees ...begging the universe for relief. If these passions consumed you, the forces of generations of suppressed love, hate, wailing frustrations, unrequited love, unfulfilled dreams, ecstasy and joy all brimming behind restraint. ..."

Raven looked away from Vorik attempting to escape his impeccable logic. But he halted her with the touch of a finger upon her chin. Drawing her face back to his, his volume rose in gentle exclamation. "My human, when I unleash it, it is not just me you feel, but all of Vulcan. And it becomes an outcry of celebration that we do indeed live. Despite our weaknesses or strengths, it is a cry of thanksgiving to a'Tha for giving us life!" In between his fingers he held her chin firmly. "You, Raven, are everything I want. Everything I need. Your essence when you touch upon mine is life. To feel you and see you rattles my discipline.  For you provoke life within in me. Just as you gave me children, you give me a reason to live."

From the darkness, a voice whispered, "Jeeze, if you don't want him, I'll take him!" Siempre absently interjected.

Her voice broke the intense spell between them.  Raven caught her breath and reorganized her thoughts. Then she remembered her pain once again. Vorik looked to Siempre, the one who had come between them. Was she the reason for this rift between them or merely a symptom of his wife's deep inner struggle? Vorik noted how the woman's long straight black hair and close-cropped bangs resembled the style of many Vulcan females here on the colony.  Even her brows were neatly plucked and shaped, closely mirroring the elegant sweep of a Vulcan's. If it were not for her ears..and Vorik halted his musings as he noticed how Siempre seemed to be silently assessing him as well. And the two realized as they finally saw each other face to face how they truly resembled the other.

"It is not about you Vorik." Raven's hand deftly removed his fingers from her chin.
 "This is all about me. For once about me! How I need to be selfish and self -centered." She took this moment to step back from him. Feeling vulnerable in her nakedness she drew the comforter about her body. "I want to struggle, hurt, and ache. I want to feel as if it is all life and death, even for just a short time." All of this had exhausted the human and she flopped down on the bed, a bed still warm from the intense lovemaking with the treasure of her heart. That memory pricked tears at the corner of her eyes. " I have been compliant for far too long. Perhaps I have grown old.  But this is the only way to reach the next phase of my life. This I truly believe. I am ready for this and it does not involve you."  Raven squeezed her eyes shut to halt the tears that threatened to flow.

Vorik promptly knelt before her. His hand gently slipped beneath her comforter and took his into hers. Raven longingly noted, such a difference from Siempre's cool, smooth small and delicate hands. Girlish tender hands.

"Remember my heart, Raven, Wife and kiss me with your gentle human lips. And know that your steadfast Vulcan has never stopped living for thee. I will be here when you emerge from the other side. I will wait.
Vulcans do not say I love you, because it is a weak phrase. An inaccurate phrase. We do not love, we burn. I burn for thee."
 
Raven felt an overwhelming confusion. It had been all so clear before but now all was muddled and contradictory. She felt as if she were feebly grasping at straws as she tried to verbalize the reasons for her need for a separation, for a need to travel an unknown path  "My name is who I am. Lieutenant. Raven aduna Vorik. Mother.  I am so much described by my bond with others."

"As is my name. Lieutenant. Vorik adun Raven cha'Do'shik?" Vorik offered her by way of empathy and understanding.

Raven let out a heavy sigh. The emotional turmoil was taking its toll.  " I just want to discover Raven. Growth, change, exhilaration and despair. To feel... it is the only way to grow.

"Raven," Siempre interjected from her place across the room.

At the sound of her name being uttered by this beloved one, Raven's pulse quickened. Vorik detected the change. The Vulcan winced as he realized that this human love was extremely potent. A patient vigil would be the best remedy for such a drug. He felt a surge of protectiveness for his wife. His wife, he repeated to himself and tightened his handhold on hers.

Siempre drew closer and reached out to touch the huddled women on her bed. Vorik reluctantly allowed the touch but refused to abandon his post at Raven's knees. The other woman's accented voice was harsh as she spoke to Raven. "If it is a time for change in you, then you need to keep your head." Raven nodded her head in silence as she accepted this woman's word as truth. Siempre's trusted wisdom most of all was what ignited Raven's heart and excited her body.

 "And you can't think straight when you are in my bed." Raven's gaze shot up to her lover's, her heart racing in fear. "It is a time for change. Time to integrate past and present for the future.  Go home."
*******************
Raven reclused in her garden, a place that she, her sons, daughter and husband had tilled and fed to flourish. All of the family knew it to be her retreat, her sanctuary and allowed her space for private times and reflection. Her heart still did not ecstatically rejoice when she set eyes upon her life partner. But neither did she feel rage at his appearance. So she deduced, she must be on the path to redemption. The purgatory of her seeming suffering had nearly threatened to consume her, but she made it through. It had been a struggle more arduous and painful than anything she had ever remembered doing.

It was a long, confusing summer, full of heat waves and thunderstorms. Raven suffered with a deep despair and gut wrenching anxiety. Tears had flowed strong and her own cries wrenched at her sanity. The separation from her heart's desire was nearly more than she could bear. And the only consolation she was given was the constant reminder to be grateful for all she did have: her family. Though it was the not as palatable as others found it to be.

For so long all she had known was anger.  Vorik was attempting to make amends and give her the affection and reassurances she needed at this vulnerable time. For so long she had wanted his touch and tenderness.  At first she would freeze when he would lightly stroke her shoulders. She would turn away or her lips would petrify as he attempted to kiss her good night. But last night was different.

Raven allowed her will to relent. Her heart had wished to remain faithful to Siempre, though she was married to Vorik. This crisis of conscience finally resolved itself last night when Raven relinquished her heart's secret vow and committed infidelity with Vorik.  She now recalled that tender moment when he murmured, "You look happy."

As his fingertips lightly brushed over her lips in a subtle Vulcan kiss, it occurred to Raven that she was in fact happy. It had been so long that she had forgotten what it felt like.  It was the first time she had sought his affections and returned his kiss with true enthusiasm. Not just from her body but from her heart. As her arms wrapped around his neck, and her breath mingled with his, tingles rippled through her spine at this intimate sharing. She finally let go all of her inhibitions to rediscover Vorik and their passion. For Raven it was a spark and perhaps a new beginning.

This lust for life had driven Raven to touch and taste everything anew. But these passions, which had seemed so crucial to life just a few months ago, were now but a joyful recollection. All the fire and agony that had spurred her on before were now transformed into a deeper and more organized drive. She wondered what had been so important about all of that?  This now calm woman missed the churning, whirling emotions and drives that had nipped at her heels. They had been potent and addictive. But this tranquillity, which now suffused through her, had its own appeal.

The overwhelming craving for Siempre that had ruled her life was now but a blissful reminiscence. How she wished she could burn so for Vorik. Perhaps one day she would again. But the flip side of the passions was the insanity of uncertainty and all the turmoil she had been thrown into as these heart quakes ruled her life. It was just as well; calm was needed in order to live her life with her Vulcan family. And they had been her guideposts as she weathered the torrential hurricanes during this summer. It might just be Raven's lot in life, the stock she was from; she will struggle always. It is just a matter with whom and what for. The sister/lover fervor dwindled just as they had predicted it would. How did they know? Raven had wondered that quite often.

So like her homeworld was this multi-species colony here in the heart of the Federation. It inspired her heart to embrace peace and instilled a deeper tranquillity. The goal of her long heartfelt struggle was very close. Still intangible, but just within her reach. Peace was just over the threshold and she was nearly ready to embrace it. Now as the chaotic clouds receded and the despairs washed away, Raven looked at the aftermath of her human tempest. All the pieces she had been desperately searching for she found in the most unlikely of places: deep within herself.

The wind and the crickets kept her company in this solemn and sober intimacy. Rustling leaves shared their last dance of the day. With eyes lightly shut, Raven savored the caress of the whispering winds against her face, fluttering her wisps of hair. Far off chirping filled the late day air. Raven instinctively inhaled as a cool gentle breeze carried their Klingon neighbor's pungent nighttime herb offerings to her senses.

 Dusky orange sunlight reached through the tangled branches of the nearby forest. Raven appreciated the subtle light bathing her tiny flowers in its dwindling glow. With a silent finality, the disk slipped below the hilltop, taking with it the light of day.  Twilight descended, and with it came the chill of the autumn air. The still of the moment was disturbed by the clatter of life from inside the house. Raven leisurely abandoned her cozy solitude to return to those who needed her. With the memory of that kiss from her life-mate still lingering upon her lips, she dawdled through the pathway making her way back to the house. Raven Zans embraces her family once again, grateful for Vorik's faith. And though he will never admit it, for Vulcans would never say such a thing, she is most grateful for his beacon of love that brought her home.
 

Don't give up on your faith love comes to those who believe it.  Cause that's the way it is.

Feedback cheerfully received at Salatrel@excite.com

Many thanks to all the people I have met online. And to those I have never really talked to except in the context of feedback.  We never really know how deeply a fleeting touch can impact another.

To everyone on ASCEM, thank you for a year of learning and fun.

To ANGIE who came out of the dark and asked for more Vorik stories. These web pages are just for you!

To SELEK for delurking. I will be thanking you my friend for the rest of my days! You were right! Quitting is the easy way out.

To GAYLE for all your support and interest.  Perseverance takes the greatest courage.

To Kiristeen, my Betazoid friend, and consummate TrekSmut consumer you are such a woman of mystery!

To T'Shal. The keeper of the K/S flame who takes no shit from any one! I love that in you!

To Kaki: you are a person I greatly admire. I wish I had your brains. You really do prove that smart is sexy!

To Ree'sha. You are just starting the journey, my friend. I am soo envious!

Carol: you are determined and driven. R/T is your passion! Thank you for your interest in my passion as well.

Raven: thanks for showing us how important it is to reinvent yourself.

Kella: Your wit will serve you well through life

To T'Aaneli and Islahope: the dynamic duo of drunken drabbles! You are always welcome at the Bluemoon TrekSmut sweatshop ladies!

To Jenn, one of the best and most popular writers on the newsgroup thanks for reading.

To Thomas Brygider and Pamela whose wonderful feedback helped fueled the Vorik fires.

To Mary Ellen and Laura JV, the standard you set at the newsgroup is one I always aspire too. Thanks for holding the bar for us!