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OK... so it's not an issue guide. The Defenders don't actually exist in a comic book format. At least, I assume it doesn't. I'd feel very silly if it did. Not to mention somewhat disturbed. Hell, if you found that there was a comic exactly like your Champions game, you'd be somewhat disturbed too. That being said, I'd hope for a good artist...

Um, where was I?

Oh yeah. The complete Defender's issue guide. This page is a summary of each issue.. er... adventure that has taken place in the campaign so far. Obviously, this can't capture the inanity, the silliness and the brute stupidity of actually being there. Still, it gives you a good idea. Furthermore, it gives you a good idea of what's going on in the campaign. Remember, this is what happened. Players really are this silly.

Issue #1 - Generic Origin Story Issue

In a garage serving as an improvised secret headquarters, Alec Morgan (aka Blitz), Lewis Maddoc (aka Draco) and Kate Tank (aka Tank) agreed to put their powers to good use, to combat crime and preserve justice, while getting rich and famous at the same time. Of course, the first thing they needed was a super-powered foe to fight, so people would know who they were. Fortunately, this is Grogginghatten, the superhero and supervillain capital of the world, so supervillains were relatively thick on the ground.

As luck would have it, a group of supervillains had been raiding convenience stores across the city, stealing cash and seemingly random items (Including cash registers, video games, light fittings and copious amounts of Honeycomb Surprise Squishee). Feeling that this could be their big break, the three heroes decided to find a Quick-E-Mart, stake it out, and see what happened. Unfortunately, all the city's other superhero teams had the same idea, and had already laid claim to various convenience stores across the city. After being chased off from several of them (Including a brief clash between Blitz and The Gnome that started a rivalry that has continued ad infinitum), they settled on a relatively run-down, out of the way and impoverished store on the outskirts of town.

As luck would have it, they picked the right store. In the wee hours of the morning, Nitro-Gen and Twinkeltoes attacked the store. Expecting a pushover, they were somewhat surprised when Blitz and Kate emerged from behind a shelf.

Kate: "Like, hold it right there!
Blitz: "'Like, hold it right there?' How are you meant to intimidate them that way?"

Needless to say, a fight ensued. It was somewhat inconclusive; Twinkeltoes and Nitro escaped without any loot, while the heroes were unable to apprehend them. And the store was completely destroyed. During the fight, Blitz experimented with the idea of using Kate as a weapon by throwing her at opponents. That didn't go down to well with her.

Undeterred, they stalked out a different Quick-E-Mart the next night. Sure enough, Twinkletoes and Nitro attacked again. However, this time they bought with them the unstoppable power of Megabee. This time, the fight was on even, terms, three on three. Kate made excellent use of improvised weapons, by swinging around a large sign as a weapon. She missed the villains, but clobbered Blitz and Draco in the process. Once again, the Bad Guys escaped, and the store was destroyed.

At that point, the news came across that the Star of Bogorovia, the largest ruby in the world, had been stolen from the Grogginghatten Museum. When the heroes realised that the villains had fled to the city observatory (By finding an observitory snow-dome on the ground after the fight...), it was clear what they were trying to do. The ruby, along with the electronics stolen from the Quick-E-Marts, would be used to create a powerful laser weapon that could be used to terrorize the whole city. The heroes realised that these villains must be stopped at all costs.

Blitz: "Quick! To... the hospital!

...but first they had injuries to attend to.

Several hours later, the heroes limped up to the observitory. Once there, they discovered that it had been taken over by some unknown party. The gates had been blasted open, and there was no sign of any security guards, save for a very fat one, with little be antenna on top of his head. With some quick thinking, the heroes realised that this was Megabee. A fight ensued, and ramapaged across the observatory's ground. It ended when Megabee used his "bulk up" powers to increase his strength and mass... while standing on an observation platform over the side of a cliff... which he promptly bust right through...

The heroes stormed the observatory, and burst into the main dome (incidentally, flattening Twinkletoes with a carelessly thrown door). There, an imposing armored figure introduced himself as The Villain Formerly Known as Dr. Destructo! This caused another climatic battle, in which much of the dome and telescope was destroyed. Nitro and Twinkletoes were both knocked out of action, and it seemed that TVFKADD was about to be captured. However, before the heroes could apprehend him, they were attacked by a mysterious guitar-wielding figure. In the chaos, TVFKADD and the mysterious attacker managed to flee.

In spite of this, the heroes first adventure was a success. They had saved the city (even though the city didn't know it), foiled the plans of the world's (former) most dangerous supervillain, apprehended tow of his minions (even if they did later escape) and returned the Star of Bogorovia to the museum. Now all they needed was a name...

Issue #2 - Desperately Seeking Help

Blitz, Draco and Kate had a problem. Before they could be recognized as an official superhero group by the Department of Superhuman Relations, they needed a fourth team member. This is because an obscure DoSR defies a superhero team as consisting of four or more members". Regrettably, heroes with duplication, split personalities and multiple forms don't count as multiple team members. This meant that they needed to find a new member of the team.

The three of them decided to hold a try-out session in Grogginhatten Park that Saturday. They placed an ad in the paper, and waited for the results to come in.

Meanwhile, across the town, Chamberlain Straposhita received a surprising package at his martial arts school. Not only is it addressed to him, but its also covered in human blood. Even more surprising was when a man from EvilCorp (TM) turned up, claiming that the package was his. He was followed by a very nervy man from SnakeBucks turning up, also claiming that the parcel was his. And following him was a nerdy looking man from the Zambozian Embassy.

The try-out was a near complete disaster. The three of them failed to attract any big-name superheroes; rather they attracted a lot of wannabes like them. Some of those turned down included Statueman (He turns into a statue. He can't do anything in this form), Monk Man (Not to be confused with the national hero of Nepal who uses the same name), Frogger (Superleap, and very little else. Also has a phobia of cars and alligators), The Masked Ballerina (Don't ask) and The Shockmaster (A fat man in a stormtrooper helmet). As they were about to give up hope, a brooding dark figure in rune covered armour approached.

Man: I am Rolgogthgor the mighty, destroyer of demons, slayer of the dread beast Kroggoth. My son's ball went over here. Have you seen it?

Blitz handed him his ball, and he left.

Then, Chamberlain Straposhita turned up. He quickly impressed the three of them with his martial arts abilities, as well as his mystic ninja skills and gadgetry. The fact that he also had a martial Arts School to use as a base scored him a lot of points (up until that point, they had been operating out of the garage at Kate's parents house). Chamberlain was welcomed to the team, under the name of Mystic Ninja.

That night, three EvilCorp (TM) security agents tried to break into the martial Arts School to find the parcel. Chamberlain Straposhita captured the three of them, and attempted an interrogation by shouting at them in Korean. When this didn't work, he called in the other members of the team.

Some investigation turned up that the parcel contained a computer core, that could probably be used for some nefarious purpose, and that there were several criminal groups trying to acquire said core. Acting on a lead, Blitz went to meet one of the interested parties. When he got there, he met the Phantom Menace, who immediately tried to use his mental powers to "convince" Blitz to hand the core over to him.

Phantom Menace: You will give me the device. [Waves had in front of Blitz's face] Blitz: No, I won't.
PM: Yes, you will. [Waves had in front of Blitz's face]
Blitz: No, I won't.
PM: Yes, you will. [Waves had in front of Blitz's face]
Blitz: No, I won't. PM: Fine then. How much do you want for it?

Blitz arranged to meet him later.

In the meantime, the other members of the team had found three Menacing Black Vans watching the school. A random "investigation" turned up that one was full of EvilCorp (TM) Security personnel, one was full of SNAKE agents and one was full of Cybertroopers! The team decided to "discourage" them from watching the place by destroying their vans (and several other parked cars). A large crowd turned out to watch.

That night, the Defenders went to meet the Phantom Menace. Expecting just Blitz, he was moderately surprised when the four of them showed up, carrying the parcel. He was even more surprised when the package was stolen from him by the extending arms of R&D Man! A three way fight broke out between the team, The Phantom Menace (with several cybertroopers) and R&D Man (with EvilCorp (TM) security guards) which resulted in R&D man clinging onto a hover platform, The Phantom Menace being stuffed in a garbage bin and numerous broken Cybertroopers.

Unfortunately, the package was then taken by SNAKE's master of speed, Hyperman! Hyperman sped off down the alley, only to impact into the side of a waiting SNAKE van that was supposed to pick him up. Faced with the prospect of him getting away, Blitz did the only logical thing he could do. He picked up Kate and threw her at the van. She missed, and ended up face first on the footpath.

Kate: I'm really beginning to dislike the taste of concrete.
Ninja: For woman of your shape you have velly good aerodynamics

Kate decided to hit him. Draco then torched the van, which was a much better plan to begin with. A helicopter turned up and tried to winch away the garbage skip containing The Phantom Menace, but was instead shot down by Blitz.

At about this time, police, ambulances, fire crews and the media all showed up to deal with the situation. The team took this opportunity to pose for the cameras and argue over what their team name was. Blitz thought "The Defenders" sounded cool. Mystic Ninja wanted "Glorious sons of Kim" but then Kate hit him.