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Looking back, Charis decided that the madness that effected her friends must have begun two weeks before...two weeks before she turned twenty years old.
The day the absurdity started dawned sunny and bright. The birds outside were chirping pleasantly, the gentle breeze was blowing the scent of springtime everywhere, and she was cuddling up cozily next to the one and only Sephiroth. The flame haired warrior maid was quite content sleeping next to her beloved Sephy, with his long silvery hair strewn across her body and her arms wrapped possessively around his waist. All in all, life was good.
That was when it all started.
Sephiroth threw back the covers and rose, telling the somewhat startled girl that he wanted to do a little practicing with his sword. Yawning sleepily, she offered to join him, but was told that he preferred to practice alone this time. SOLDIER stuff, he said. Top secret and all that crap. She almost would have believed him...if it weren't for the fact that he walked out the door without Masamune.
Charis was certainly a little hurt that he dared to lie to her, and more than a little angry, but she figured that he must have had his reasons. Sephiroth was the master strategist, a planner of wars and other great ideas...there HAD to be a purpose behind this. Shrugging it off, she did not know that this was only the beginning of the seemingly endless parade of weirdness that she was destined to experience.
She did not experience her next round of strangeness until a few days later. She and Sephiroth had been staying in Midgar for a few days, so that she, and consequently Vincent, might help Gwyn settle into the new lifestyle that the big polluted city had to offer.
Charis was strolling through the marketplace, yelling at the passersby and basically enjoying the sights, when she saw it. There stood Sephiroth and Gwyn, standing outside a clothing store and deep in conversation. They were obviously admiring the dresses set out for display, as the young mage chose dress after dress, held them up for inspection against her body, and looked up for the tall warrior's opinion. He nodded at some, downright glowered at others, until she held up a long red dress for his approval. Flashing Gwyn his trademark grin (which would have made Charis melt had she been the one in the direct line of fire), he took the dress from her and entered the shop, apparently bent on purchasing the lovely garment for the delighted young woman beside him.
That's odd, she thought. Why is he buying a dress for Gwyn? And a red dress no less...she's always telling me that red doesn't go well with her hair color... She briefly considered confronting them, but tossed that idea. After all, this was her LOVER and her BEST FRIEND...they would NEVER do anything like that to her. Betrayal was NOT an option here. Shaking her head, she walked on, heading back to Tifa and Cloud's place, where they were staying until they left to return to the Crater.
Tifa had plopped herself down with a sandwich and potato chips in front of the TV when Charis arrived. "Tifa! What are you doing home?" she said in surprise. "I thought you had the bar to run...and what in the world are you watching?!?"
"Oh Charis!!" The other girl smiled and patted the couch beside her. "Join me. You're just in time for Jerry Springer!! Barrett is running the bar today, so I thought I'd tune in and get my dose of humor for the day."
Shrugging, Charis sat down. She had nothing better to do, and Tifa made it sound as if it would cheer her up. The commercial changed, and the program zoomed in on an audience cheering. A man in a suit announced, "Welcome. On today's show, we have guests whose significant others are suspected of cheating...with their own best friends." The audience booed, and the first guest was introduced. Wide-eyed, Charis could only sit through the first ten minutes of the show before fleeing for the relative safety of her room.
Throughout the next several days, things just kept getting weirder and weirder. If she had encountered them by themselves, Charis would have laughed them off, but the fact that they occurred one right after the other... It was getting to be so that she doubted her own sanity...either that, or her eyes were consistently playing tricks on her.
She came home from shopping one day to hear swearing coming from the kitchen. Peeking her head in the doorway, the flame haired woman saw Cid and Barrett sitting at the kitchen table...completely surrounded by flowers of all sorts and colors.
The grizzled pilot was trying to bunch together a handful of flowers, with little success. "GOD DAMMIT!! I'll never get these $@^&*(! flowers right!!"
Barrett looked up from where he was arranging daisies in a big green vase. "Foo'!! Ya ain't gonna get it right if ya do it like THAT!! Do I hafta show ya how to make bouquets again?!"
"Hell no!" he said, clenching a cigarette butt in his teeth. "When I make bouquets, I $@^*(@! make 'em like THIS!!!"
"What you talkin' 'bout foo'?!"
Closing the door as silently as she could, Charis backed away with her hand to her temple. It seriously felt like a major headache was developing...again. Turning around, she began to head in the direction of her room, intent on sleeping away both migraine and hallucination in the dim bedroom. However, she was brought up short by a knock at the door.
She sighed, and walked over to the door. Who is it? I'm not in the mood to deal with anyone right now... The door was thrown open, revealing none other than Vincent...who was carrying a filled paper bag in his arms...which he quickly hid in his cloak upon seeing who answered the door.
"Charis! Home so...early..." She couldn't quite tell, considering that his cloak hid most of his face, but it seemed that a blush of embarrassment was steadily creeping across his cheeks. "I...uh, came to see Tifa. I had something to...give her."
She frowned in exasperation. "She's at her bar working, Vincent...where she is every day."
"You're right! I think I'll just go there now and give this to her..."
Charis quirked an eyebrow. "You can leave the bag here, you know. I'll make sure she gets it when she gets back tonight. No sense in you making an extra trip...you can get back to Gwyn earlier."
If anything, Vincent's eyes went wider than she had ever seen them. "NO!! I mean, it's no trouble. And I'm sure Gwyn will never know I'm gone." With that said, he backed away and left...hurrying most un-Vincent-like.
A day or two after THAT incident, she awoke to hear a minor explosion going off in the kitchen. Rushing over, she was shocked to discover the current state of the kitchen.
There was flour over EVERYTHING, from the cabinets down to the kitchen floor. The oven was open and smoke was rising lazily out, while the area around and within it was plastered in batter. Even the ceiling was obscured in a haze formed partly of the smoke from the oven and partly the drifting flour. And in the midst of all the chaos was Sephiroth, with his face and hands covered in white power, his long hair tied back with a ribbon, and wearing an apron covered in pink bunnies that said "Kiss me, I'm cute." Charis could only stare in jaw-dropping silence...she was too dumbfounded to speak.
Sephiroth turned to look at her, his Mako green eyes wide. Mustering as much dignity a man could when looking ultra-feminine, he pointed and ordered in his sternest voice, "Charis, you didn't see this. Go back to bed." Helpless to question ANYTHING that she just saw, she turned and left.
She spent the next hour laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to leave and for it to be safe to emerge. She thought she heard the muffled cursing of Cloud coming from his room across the hall, and the distinctive "Waark!" of a Chocobo, but (at this point) she couldn't be certain.
Only when things had finally settled down and she heard the front door close did she leave her room. After seeing something like THAT, I definitely need a good stiff drink... Charis wandered across the street, noticing from a distance Tifa giving the Turks boxes of liquor and loading them into Reno's car under the supervision of Yuffie. Tifa's giving the Turks free booze? Giving RENO alcohol?!? What the hell is going on?!? She moved closer, unnoticed by the Turks.
Tifa handed over one last box. "Remember guys, don't open any of the cases until later. Even you, Reno!"
The red haired Turk frowned. "I won't! I won't! I promised already! I won't touch your damn booze until you say so. Jeez, I'm not that heavy a drinker, guys."
"Yeah right. You better not touch those bottles, Reno," Yuffie said, sticking her tongue out at him, "or you'll be sleeping on the floor tonight!"
He gave her a long-suffering look as Rude chuckled. "Yuffie, you can't kick me out of my own bed. It just won't happen." The boxes all loaded, they all piled into the black car, Yuffie still poking fun at the Turk even as they drove away.
On second thought, maybe I shouldn't get that drink. Charis immediately changed direction. I'll go practice...that's it, I'll sweat whatever's making me loony out of me...
It was nearly suppertime when she returned, just in time to see her best friend in the whole wide world give the man she loved and adored a kiss on the cheek and a big hug just outside Tifa's bar before ducking inside. He smiled to himself, and then slowly followed. Something within Charis snapped. Insane she might be going, but NO ONE seduced her man!!
She stormed after him into the bar, catching just as he was walking over to the pinball machine. It never occurred to her as it being strange that the bar was completely empty at this time of day...
"Sephiroth!" she growled. "You WILL talk to me about wha-" Just then, there came a knock at the door. She gave an exhausted sigh, then turned and opened the door. "Hold on..."
Standing on the doorstep was what appeared to be a cowboy. His long brown hair was tied back, and his roguish eyes twinkled flirtatiously. He was dressed in leather chaps, with a long leather trench coat over his clothes and a dark blue shirt that was unbuttoned at the top, revealing a bit of his muscular chest. His outfit was completed by cowboy boots and a black cowboy hat.
His lips turned up in a brazen grin. "Hi...is this Tifa's Seventh Heaven?" His voice had a smooth drawl to it. "I'm Irvine, and I was supposed to come here and strip for you."
The warrior maid just blinked. "Uh...hold that thought." She turned back to Sephiroth, who had a look somewhat akin to a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Now, I want some answers!"
"Answers?" he repeated mildly.
"Yes, answers!!" she affirmed, losing her temper. "I want to know why I caught you buying dresses for Gwyn at Wall Market the other day!! Are you cheating on me??! Is Vincent cheating on Gwyn with Tifa?!?"
His eyes widened. "Cheating? No one's cheating on anyone!"
"I want to know why I caught Barrett and Cid in the kitchen playing with flowers the other day!! And why Vincent's giving presents to Tifa, and Reno gets free bottles of liquor, and why the HELL there was a Chocobo in the house and you were dressed like a housewife..." She took a deep breath and pointed at the waiting Irvine. "And why the HELL does he want to take his clothes off for me!!!!!"
Just at that moment, the pinball machine moved, revealing an opening in the floor. One after the other, her friends climbed up and stood around her. They all smiled at her, and as one shouted, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARIS!! SURPRISE!!!!" She looked at them in amazement, then did the only thing her now-fragile nerves could allow her to do...she fainted.
Hours later (after she regained consciousness and the party went off without a hitch), Charis reflected on her 'insanity.' Sephiroth took her home, and over a backrub, patiently explained EVERYTHING that she just happened to stumble across.
Two weeks ago, as he was lying in bed watching her sleep, it suddenly hit him that her birthday was coming up...and fast. Resolving not to wait a minute longer, he left that morning to get the rest of her friends to throw this party, under the pretense of going to practice swordplay without her. Gwyn, who had been looking for a special way to celebrate that day, jumped on the idea and dragged him off to take him shopping a few days later. He hadn't bought that red dress for Gwyn...she had merely picked it out knowing Charis would look good in it.
Between the two of them, they divided up the duties. Cid and Barrett were forced into putting together the flower arrangements for the party, while Vincent acted as a currier. Reno and Rude were to transport the liquor from the bar to Tifa's house (where the party was SUPPOSED to be held...before Charis had to go and ruin it) and Yuffie tagged along to make sure it was delivered. The Chocobo in Cloud's room was his and Tifa's gift to her...her very own Black Chocobo.
As for the kitchen incident...well, Sephiroth had taken upon himself to make the birthday cake. A labor of love, he fondly thought of it. However, the cake exploded, which forced him to run out and BUY a cake.
Charis sighed, her body much more relaxed than it was in the past few days. She smiled slightly as a thought crossed her mind. "What about that Irvine guy?"
Sephiroth noticed her sigh and he frowned. "THAT was all Gwyn and Tifa's idea. THEY thought it would be funny to give you a man to strip for you...something about your last chance to look at another guy."
She laughed. "You sound jealous."
"Am not."
Charis turned, still chuckling. "You are too, Sephy," she said as the affectionately hugged him. "It was a nice idea, though. Thank you so much. And here I thought I was going insane..."
Sephiroth kissed her, silencing any further pondering on the state on her mental stability. "I have one last gift for you, love."
"Oh?"
He merely chuckled, and turned out the light.
