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A self-insertion by SnugglyBooBoo
One day a beautiful princess named SnugglyBooBoo walked outside Viper castle. She was so pretty. Everyone loved her because she was so beautiful. She had beautiful honey blonde hair and haunting green eyes that were so haunting, when people looked into her eyes they said "Boy, what haunting eyes! I feel haunted!". And she secretly had magic judo karate ninja sword powers, too. And a cat which was her bestest friend ever.
One day the king, Viper said "SnugglyBooBoo, I wish you would go find my darling daughter Riddel."
Then SnugglyBooBoo said "Yes, dear daddy! Ridel is my BEST GIRLFRIEND. We share everything together, including recipes, laundry tips and feminine hygiene problems!" She then paused. "I mean TIPS for feminine hygiene problems. Tips. We don't share the actual problems."
Viper said "I'm not your daddy. Stop calling me that. Now go. Scram."
"Of course, darling daddy!!" giggled SnugglyBooBoo. Then she went to her room to prepare for her journey.
SnugglyBooBoo packed carefully. If she wanted to defend herself against people who wanted to attack her, she would need a weapon. Carefully, she extracted her pink sword from her cabinet and carefully set it in her satchel. Then carefully, she slipped her magic pink coat on carefully. She carefully petted her cat and gently stroked its head, cooing at it. "Ooh, pretty kitty! Ooh, pretty kitty! You're so pretty! Like me!" SnugglyBooBoo carefully looked in her silver-rimmed mirror and gave her best grin, letting her front teeth glitter. "I look hot!" said SnugglyBooBoo. Then, she resumed carefully packing. "Let's see here. I'll need my whitening toothpaste and my whitening mouthwash and my whitening tongue powder, too! Oh yes, and my special toothpaste gum and tongue scraper, not to mention my whitening floss and whitening breath mints. Let's not forget my spaghetti-strap prom gown for special occasions and my $3000 dollar shoes. When I'm fighting crime and saving my sister, I like to look hot! So don't forget to shop Woodward and Lothrop for special bargains.... before their holiday sale ends next Wednesday!"
(You: A sale? Tell me more, SnugglyBooBoo!)
Snuggly smiles and faces you. "Well, starting now, all purse and handkerchief sets are only $24.99! All women's, men's and children's coats are 25-75% off! All shoes are 40-60% off! Designer perfumes now half price! But you'd better hurry; these prices won't be around for much longer! Sale ends Wednesday."
SnugglyBooBoo carefully resumed packing her satchel, which was pink and had little bunnies printed on it. As soon as the sun set, she set out to find Ridel.
SnugglyBooBoo went to the town of Termina so she could ask people where Riiddel was. Everyone fell in love with her and her beautiful honey blonde hair and haunting green eyes that were so haunting, people went "Boy, those are some haunting eyes!" whenever she walked by. She walked into a bar.
EEW! People were smoking! Yucky! Everyone in the bar was mysterious looking. Even a bit scary. SnugglyBooBoo walked up to a table of older, handsome men with ruggish, dark good looks. They were all wearing black cloaks. Taking repose at a table in the back, SnugglyBooBoo flipped her hands through her hair. Immediately, she found herself in the presense of a rather nondescript looking man. I could say he had light hair and blue eyes, but I feel that would be describing too far.
"Miss, that's my seat," the man said.
"Who are you trying to kid?" SnugglyBooBoo merely chuckled and sipped her martini that had been on the table before she got there. "Oh, I just know you're one of the mysterious heroes from Chrono Cross who's just DYING to go out with a total stranger who's also mysterious AND beautiful with strange and haunting green eyes. And Rideel is my sister, by the way. That makes me a princess." The man's eyes widened. "If THAT weren't enough, I also have secret judo-ninja powers, so if you try to make a move on me, I'll kick your butt! But don't worry. We'll fall in love soon enough. Then we'll have a beautiful, loving relationship until another handsome man from the game comes along and decides to fall in love with me as well. What's a girl to do?"
"No, you don't seem to understand. That's my--"
SnugglyBooBoo interrupted the ravishing man with a well timed palm in the facial area. "Talk to the hand, buddy. Look, I know you want me now, but we have to wait until the big villian comes and attacks either me, you, us or an orphanage and I'm severely injured so you can see how much you really love me. Then when you think I'm dead and you kiss me, I suddenly spring to life,"
"What the hell...?! Don't make me get the manager!"
Scoffing at the man's obvious and crude, yet sweet attempts to hit on her, SnugglyBooBoo leaned back in her chair. "Oh, fine then. Now I guess I'll have to explain self-insertions to you." With that said, SnugglyBooBoo took the larger man by the hand and led him outside of the bar.
"Honestly, ma'am, I don't have a clue as to what you're blathering about. Now you're kidnapping me which is a crime! I can have you arrested, lady!" The man was protesting, but SnugglyBooBoo knew he really loved her. After all, no video game hero can resist the beautiful, haunting green eyes of SnugglyBooBoo!
Did you know that her eyes are so beautiful and haunting, when she goes outside and men look at her, they all say "Man, those are some haunting eyes! I feel HAUNTED!".
Anyway, the two were walking down the darker part of Termina when they finally found themselves in a beautiful, moonlit park. Well, actually it was the alley behind the Tico Taco restaurant on Roddy St.
"Oh my God, you're a psychopath on the loose.....don't kill me! I'll give you money, my watch, whatever you want!" The man was really starting to fear for his life. I suppose you would too if a princess dragged you behind an alley.
SnugglyBooBoo just sighed. "I have my secrets too, you know. Don't feel like you're alone, you rouge hunter. Yes, you have to kill for your living, but do you know what it's like to be hunted?"
The man shrugged. (I think he gave up at this point.)
"I am not really a princess by birth", mused Snuggly as she ran her hands through her honey colored hair. Her emerald beauty green eyes sparked and shimmered and shimmied and wavered in the moonlight.
"Oh....I don't believe that," was the sarcastic response of the scared man.
"Yes, it is true. My real name is "Priccineienenaiineranie Goldnannery Scrapes DiLopppo-Cantina'd'sac'y du Fwette Kyototokohimerotsubabanamiko and Co". I am the last of my kind." Holding back sobs, Snuggly continued. "I am the last living Ancient Propelling Agent of the Cookie tribe. We were all a race of beautiful girls and very, very gay men".
The man scratched his chin. "Oh. Well, I can see why you died out."
He was interrupted by a crude and shril scream. "Shut up and let me finish!" Snuggly crossly folded her arms. Her voice quickly returned to one of velvet. "I of course, was the most beautiful. That is why the evil vampire cross-dresser and taxidermist named Regis St. Regis wanted me. For you see, he wanted me as his bride, then as a statue to use for decoration outside of his bloody evil hotel. Say, you ever stayed at the St. Regis?"
"I can't say that I have."
"Nice place. You see, it's good for travellers. It's got a coffee pot in the room and everything. I think they have cable TV now, too. You can watch HBO, TBS, all the good stuff. I go there sometimes to smoke1. Where was I?" SnugglyBooBoo yawned. "Oh, yeah. Regis. Well anyway, it turns out that Regis is a robotic creation of the scientist Luccia. She was originally making a man that would just be a vampire cross-dresser and taxidermist. She was going to use him and his powers to fight crime. Supposedly, a powerful evil agent accidently made its way into the vat of human flesh she was boiling to make his skin. It was something so deadly and horrific, I cannot even mention it here".
"What was the substance?"
"The townselderman called it WangoTango. However, you all call it New Coke." SnugglyBooBoo noted the weary expression on the man's face. "What? Well, soon after he was made, he saw me walking down the street. Right then, I just knew he had to have me. After all, I'm everything a man wants in a woman. I am spunky, yet sensitive. I am tough on the outside, but on the inside, I'm as sappy as a pine tree".
"I want to go home".
"Nonsense, my love! Please, be brave for me! You must protect me from the advances of St. Regis!"
Gunshots were heard in the distance, immediately followed by screaming. Snuggly looked around, warily. Sighing and facing the floor, the man shook his head.
It was going to be a long night.
I think it's in the basement with all of the other garbage.
No, no, look in the other box. The one behind the old Christmas decorations.
The one below it.
No?
Oh, let me find it. (mumble mumble mumble) If you want something done correctly, you have to do it yourself.
jumble jumble
jumble jumble jumble
mix
shake
jumble
Here it is.
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"I don't want to loaf about here all night long, though" Snuggly whimpered upon hearing the shots. "How about a drink? We can discuss my personal life some more. Then perhaps, I'll talk to you about my life and my private life and my public life. For a real lark, afterwards, we'll talk about me. I know you're curious".
"I'm not curious, Mrs. BooBoo...if that is your real name," of course, the man had his doubts. The last name of BooBoo is rather archaic and rare in general2. Snuggly shook her head. "Ah ah ah. Ms. BooBoo. I am not bethrothed to another. However..." Snuggly's voice took on a dramatic quality as her eyes pointed heavenward. "I will be soon if the evil Regis St. Regis isn't thwarted! That's where you come in, you renegade hunter you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not a hunter at all." It was true. The man wasn't a hunter. Indeed, he was a data processer. A rather nondescript job for a nondescript man.
"You don't have to hide anything from me. I know you're a member of Beeytolye's Enigmatic Deathdestructic Secret Order of Renegade Eradicators (BEDSORE). The top-secret order of brave, mysterious, cold-hearted and very handsome men between the ages of 16-25 who are proficient in karate, kung fu, kendo, kempo, ninjutsu and Risk".
"Risk?"
"Or world domination. Same thing". Snuggly lit a cigarette.
"What do you want me to do again?"
I'll bet you're just wondering how this connects to the story of Chrono Cross. I feel I would be ripping you off if I didn't include what most of you came here for anyway; ANGST ridden storytelling and poetry that's marginally related to Chrono Cross. This story also has the added bonus Author's Notes at the end of the story with (realistically replicated!) pathetic whiny drivel and sad pleading. So, without further delay, here comes the ANGST. Then, I suppose you can leave.
2C0B3333FF3C. Love's Moonlight Waning into the Dark Briny Depths of Davey Jones's Locker Never to be Reclaimed or Found Again and Never to See His Shining Face Ever, Ever Again by SnugglyBooBoo
"It's okay, Serge mate. I'm just going to go to the store so hard, it'll kiss the moons!!!!" Kid screamed to a near stupor.
"Oh, okay. Say, Kid....you never told me where you're from! You're so MYSTERIOUS!!!" Serge wondered about Kid constantly.
She just smiled and gave him a Vegemite sandwich. She said "I come from the Land Down Under. Mate".
Looking into your beautiful eyes I see seas of green green green blue roses too
I see them too for me and you
But WHY WHY WHY did YANAMEKO take you away from me? OH DARLING KID I love you so!!!!
Kid and Serge made out for half an hour. Then Serge had to make his startling announcement which he had been keeping inside of him for years about his tortured past.
"What's bloody bugging you mate? G'day! Want to wrestle some crocs? Eyy!" Kid spoke, with a softness that was rare.
"I....I..." Serge began. Then he ended. "I had a tortured childhood!!! There!! I said it!!! I'm SO ASHAMED!!"
Of all of those times I had wished
I could just curl up and die
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
I shout NO and wake up from my nightmare dream
"Ehh, mate! Let's drive jeeps and look for roos! Bugger!" Kid couldn't even begin to express her sympathy for Serge.
Kid
When I hear your name
Wind
Wind of DEATH
DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH ANGST DIE DEATH GRAVES DEATH SCARY
And Kid and Serge kissed each other in an embrace that would last an eternity.
Ok, all of you angst lovers can hit the road. I have a self-insertion to write.
Glenn sat in the booth in the northeast corner of the Tico Taco. The booths were made of a quality red vinyl with a Partika™ particle board3 base. As Glenn bit into his "Abbondanza! Taste of Italy" burrito, he noticed something was terribly amiss.
Right between the tomato slice and pepperoni.
"Uh...waitress?" Glenn raised a feeble, skinny arm in the air.
The only other person in the room was a morose, overweight girl working the all-night drive-through. Her morose expression was betrayed by one of surprise, upon her realization that they actually had a customer at 2 AM. After a minute of searching for the elusive patron, she raised her voice. "What are you doing here?"
"Uh. Thank you, ma'am. I am trying to enjoy my Abbondanza! Taste of Italy burrito, ma'am" Glenn squirmed in his seat.
"So what's the problem? Christ, we closed four hours ago. I guess the janitor didn't notice you." Rubbing her chin, the girl lifted a massive hand to hand a bag of tacos to a pickup truck at the window. "Thnnkxplzzcomagn" the girl deliberately fuzzed the words.
"Uh. Ma'am. I have a problem with your Customer Service."
"Well, what did you expect? We're closed. No customers, no service."
"I was just about to bite down into my Abbondanza! Taste of Italy! burrito when I saw something rather suspicious tucked into the slice of garden fresh tomato and freshly butchered, thin-sliced pepperoni. Just as I was about to bite down into my Italian burrito, I noticed something small, clear and yellowish. Just a little over an inch. With ears."
"It's a gummi bear."
"Yes, it would appear to be so, ma'am. It did fit all of the requirements for a gummi bear. Small, clear and colored, just a little over an--"
"I know, I can see it from here."4 The waitress mumbled something obscene and resumed filling an order for a pickup truck at the drive-through window.
"Oh. I see. Well, I was just. Uh. Wondering. Why you put a gummi bear in my Abbondanza! Taste of Italy burrito. Uh."
Pulling the heavy glass door open and hearing it squeak, SnugglyBooBoo and the man entered the tiny restaurant in hopes of finding something to drink.
"Uh, we're closed. Go away." The heavyset waitress was busy handing a greasy bag to a pickup truck in the drive-through window, but she saw the two enter out of the corner of her eye.
A younger man whimpered from the corner. "Uh. Miss. What about my Abbondanza! Taste of Italy burrito fiasco?"
"Taste of Italy... in a burrito? Sounds good." SnugglyBooBoo dragged the man to the booth next to the other man's and waited for the waitress to take her order.
"That is not a good idea." The younger man bent over his booth and spoke in a low tone. Pointing to the waitress, he rasped "She is tricky. She is too lazy to serve customers when it is clearly her job to do so. Worst of all. Uh. I found a gummi bear in my Abbondanza! Taste of Italy burrito."
"Taste of Italy... in a burrito? Sounds good." SnugglyBooBoo beamed, waiting for the waitress to take her order.
The younger man continued. "This is not such a good restaurant for a beautiful girl with haunting green eyes...such as yourself. It is unsafe. It is unsanitary. The only song they play over the public address system is "Piña Colada (the Escape)" and this is the worst Abbondanza! Taste of Italy burrito I have ever experienced in my life."
"Taste of Italy... in a burrito? Sounds good." Smiling broadly, Snuggly patiently waited for the waitress to take her oder.
The man Snuggly came in with slammed his hands on the table. "Just what in the hell are you? Robots?"
"Actually, ma'am. Uh. This is the only Abbondanza! Taste of Italy burrito I have ever experienced in my entire life. Needless to. Uh. Say. I am not satisfied with the customer service. I believe I will be. Uh. Filling out a comment card. It will not have good comments on it."
The waitress was at her wits end. Throwing (rather roughly, might I add) the bag of tacos she was preparing right into the pickup truck at the drive-through window, she turned around and faced the unwanted patrons. "I'm sorry. But we're closed. We're not open. Go away before I call the police!" Her tone was masking her anger, which would cost her job if it were to show itself in front of a customer.
"Taste of Italy... in a burrito? Sounds good."
Glenn, Snuggly and the man sat around eating Italian tacos. It was 4 in the morning and neither one felt tired at all.
"These are pretty good." Snuggly mumbled through mouthfuls of food.
Glenn nodded in agreement. Then, he caught a glimpse of the most hauntingly beautiful eyes in the world. "You. Uh. Have beautiful eyes. So haunting..."
Snuggly smiled, slowly at first, then growing into a grin. "Thanks, Glenn. I love you too. Thanks for saving me from that burning house. You're a really sweet guy." Snuggly giggled madly. "Maybe someday, I'll tell you the secret of my tortured past."
"Believe me, I already heard it." The man mumbled as he chewed.
"You be quiet, you cold-hearted renegade! I love GLENN. I'll never love you, ever! No matter how many times you try to take advantage of me or hit on me with your coldness!! NEVER!" Snuggly frowned and started to whimper.
The man stopped chewing. "Does this mean I can go home?"
Snuggly's expression changed quickly. She now resembled a newly-awakened shrew. "No!"
The man sighed and looked at the floor.
Suddenly, a sinking feeling came over the group as they realized they were all in for something much bigger than what they normally expected from breaking into a taco place at 2 AM.
....and that something was headed straight for Termina.
Oh boy, that wacky SnugglyBooBoo and her group of pals. Boy, I would never imagine breaking into a taco restaurant in the middle of the night! Hijinks galore, eh? If you out there at home are anything like me, I know you want to experience the magic and adventure of Snuggly's exploits forever. However, we need help from you. Your contributions to this program are greatly needed. Your donations to us will keep this great program on the air. It's so easy, too! Just use your Visa or Mastercard for easy phone ordering. We will also accept cash and personal checks.
The benefits of making a pledge to this program are great. Not only will you be ensuring that this program will be on the air for a long time, but you will recieve free gifts as well. They are our gifts to you in thanks of your donation.
For every $15 pledge, you will recieve a pencil chewed on by a staff member who worked for Wash.Rinse.Repeat. The staff member varies from pencil to pencil. You could get one from someone like Bob McHuff the foley artist or Kasey the gaffer's dog! This pencil is an excellent conversation piece and a unique addition to any home. It can be yours for every $15 pledge you make to this program.
For every $30 pledge, you will recieve your choice of a hat from this program or a fanny pack. The hat is made from the highest quality cellophane. It has a flattering style that is adjustable to accomodate any head size. Alternatively, you can recieve a fanny pack with the program's logo on it. These stylish fanny packs are remarkably useful for holding small important things like wallets or watch you recently stole from Sears.
For every $75 pledge, we will send you some SnugglyBooBoo Wonder Bubbles. Each plastic bottle of bubble fluid is touched by someone who is working for SnugglyBooBoo and includes a magic wand. The wand and bubbles are our free gift to you whenever you make $75 dollar pledge towards this program.
For every $150 pledge, you will recieve a stylish belt buckle with the logo of SnugglyBooBoo's favorite show: "Rubik the Magic Cube". Set on an imitation silvertone base, the plastic logo on the belt will be the envy of your friends.
For every $300 pledge, our prestegious gift to you is one item of SnugglyBooBoo's mail. Imagine the expression on your friends' face as they gaze in awe upon your own personal piece of SnugglyBooBoo memoribilia. The piece of mail varies; it could be as commonplace as a Sav-a-Bunch Coupon book or more obscure like SnugglyBooBoo's electric bill.
As you can see, the phones are really ringing. Remember, we can't keep great programs such as these on the air without help from you. Won't you call now and give us a pledge of at least $15? It's as easy as picking up the phone and using your credit card to order. You may use cash or a personal check as well. Just one phone call will help us keep great programs like these on the air.
As you can see, not only will you be helping us keep high quality programming on the air, but there are gifts you will recieve as will. These gifts are our thank-you presents to you.
For every $15 pledge, you will recieve a pencil chewed on by a staff member who worked for Wash.Rinse.Repeat. The staff member varies from pencil to pencil. You could get one from someone like Bob McHuff the foley artist or Kasey the gaffer's dog! This pencil is an excellent conversation piece and a unique addition to any home. It can be yours for every $15 pledge you make to this program.
For every $30 pledge, you will recieve your choice of a hat from this program or a fanny pack. The hat is made from the highest quality cellophane. It has a flattering style that is adjustable to accomodate any head size. Alternatively, you can recieve a fanny pack with the program's logo on it. These stylish fanny packs are remarkably useful for holding small important things like wallets or watch you recently stole from Sears.
For every $75 pledge, we will send you some SnugglyBooBoo Wonder Bubbles. Each plastic bottle of bubble fluid is touched by someone who is working for SnugglyBooBoo and includes a magic wand. The wand and bubbles are our free gift to you whenever you make $75 dollar pledge towards this program.
For every $150 pledge, you will recieve a stylish belt buckle with the logo of SnugglyBooBoo's favorite show: "Rubik the Magic Cube". Set on an imitation silvertone base, the plastic logo on the belt will be the envy of your friends.
For every $300 pledge, our prestegious gift to you is one item of SnugglyBooBoo's mail. Imagine the expression on your friends' face as they gaze in awe upon your own personal piece of SnugglyBooBoo memoribilia. The piece of mail varies; it could be as commonplace as a Sav-a-Bunch Coupon book or more obscure like SnugglyBooBoo's electric bill.
Well, that concludes our pledge drive. It is never to late to make a donation. Call today!
Snuggly folded her shirts with great care. Over the years, her and Alf had grown together as a couple. Sometimes the evil Glenn would return and try to take advantage of Snuggly, but she was protected by Karsh who was once her lover (they're on friendly terms now!). Snuggly picked up the plastic basket containing freshly laundered shirts and socks and walked down to the basement. The man was still chained to the couch.
"Are you here to kill me? Please say you are" the man gave a pathetic whimper.
"Nope, even better!" Snuggly set down the basket. "We're going to Disney World!"
In an attempt to end his life, the man buried his face in a couch cushion.
Immediately following Snuggly's words, the basement hopper window broke open for no apparent reason. Flying through the window frame came an exact copy of SnugglyBooBoo?!
SnugglyBooBoo turned in horror to the doorframe where her clone was standing and had just entered. "W-who are you?" she pleaded with her hauntingly beautiful green eyes.
"I. Ha-ha!! Am...BooSnugglySnuggly! I am a beautiful princess who is kind and loyal, with a heart of gold and hauntingly beautiful green eyes and honey blonde hair!" the woman laughed mirthlessly.
"Heh." A smile played across SnugglyBooBoo's mouth. "You've got nothing on me. I'm the exact same way."
"Is that so? Well, I've also got something else that will make you feel like going through atrophy!"
"And what is that?"
"I'm also a tomboy who mouths off to her restrictive parents who want her to be more princess-like! I've even got a nickname. It's Ayeesh!"
SnugglyBooBoo's eyes widened as her face paled dramatically. Feeling weak in the knees, she collapsed to the floor seconds later. "She's....she's.....a better self-insertion than me....NOOOOOOOOOOOO~O!"
BooSnugglySnuggly laughed for what seemed to be an eternity5. "That's right, Snuggly! You've met your match! Prepare to be thwarted by my overwhelming self-indulgence!!"
Just as Snuggly and Boo were about to face off, their tableau was interrupted by loud sirens of a police car. 20 SWAT team members demolished their Termina flat with a bulldozer, killing Alf and Karsh with it6. SWAT team members flooded into the basement, which was now basically an open hole in the ground with a Herculon couch and a combination washer/dryer7. The leader of the SWAT team was the first one to speak. He pointed to the man with a look of disgust.
"YOU! You're under arrest for tax evasion!" his voice boomed and echoed off the hollow walls.
"Oh, officer, thank God you're here. This woman had me kidnapped and--" as the SWAT team officer slapped cuffs on the man's wrists, he looked utterly confused. "Wait...tax evasion? But sir, I was kidnapped! These people fed me nothing but peanut butter and cheese crackers! I haven't seen my own home in months!"
"Should've thought about that before you didn't pay your taxes!!" The SWAT team led the man out of the basement hole and into their paddywagon, marked "IRS Tax Fraud Fun-Truck".
Snuggly looked at the man with a wistful expression. Sighing gently, she made her way to the IRS truck and looked the man straight in the eye. "You sir..." she began. "Are more devious than I thought. Leaving without even telling me your name..."
There isn't a word to describe the expression that was on the man's face. Enraged comes somewhat close, though. "Oh really? How foolish of me...." the man spat out through clenched teeth. "My name is
[1. The St. Regis features both smoking and non-smoking rooms.]
[2. The reason being for this is that the name of BooBoo is incredibly silly and embarassing. The last time the man had met a real BooBoo was during the era of the Great Panda Recession (1987-1989). His name was Reginald Montgomery BooBoo, known only to friends as ReggieMont. Even then ReggieMont refused to use his last name, even on his tax forms.]
[3. Partika™ particle board is made from the finest quality rejected wood from the deepest rainforests of South Abglanisthan. Their founder, Marta "Martika" Marrero proudly states "From my journeys to this foreign and strange land, I have endured having my travellers cheques stolen and suffering a very intense case of Beaver Feaver to being forced to swallow mud from the cleats of a rugby player when he stepped on my face during a rather out of control game which ended in tragedy as 2 elderly women were hospitalized during the rioting that took place in a retirement home afterwards. However, I did it so I could obtain bag after bag of dust and wood chips to have my league of underpaid worker slaves compress them into the most economical, yet best value particle board sheets you will ever have for your home use". So that's what she's been doing since Kids Incorporated....]
[4. The Tico Taco is a very tiny restaurant in terms of building size, therefore the girl being able to see a gummi bear from the drive-through is feasible. In 1987-88, their motto was "Smaller Than the Ave-r-age Waffle House" but they were forced to change it after being sued by both Waffle House and the makers of "Yogi Bear".]
[5. 10:45.00.00.00 to the milisecond. Anal-retentive timing by Algus Sadalfas.]
