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| 1. | You watch The X-Files... | points |
| once in a while |
...0
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| if you can catch it |
...1
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| every week unless you've got something on |
...2
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| every week even if you DO have something on |
...3
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| you plan your life around X-Files nights, when you watch TXF, then rewind your tape and watch it again, then again the next day... |
...4
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| 2. | You have on tape... | |
| no episodes of The X-Files | ...0 | |
| one or two episodes that you've taped while you were out and have only watched half of | ...1 | |
| your favourite episodes, which you've seen two or three times | ...2 | |
| most of the episodes | ...3 | |
| all of the episodes, with the tapes labeled neatly and the tape covers covered with alternately black and green paper, which is then covered with XF pics and contacted. You also have at LEAST three tapes full of X-Files bits and pieces: Planes Do Go Down and the Future Fantastic series hosted by GA, The Springfield Files, and basically every episode of E News featuring DD, GA or the show. | ...4 | |
| 3. | ...Paper Hearts, Tunguska, Terma, El Mundo Gira, Kaddish, Never Again, Leonard Betts, Memento Mori... | |
| you don't know the names of any X-Files Episodes | ...0 | |
| you know the names of some episodes and call the others things like "that one with the guy who..." | ...1 | |
| you know the names of at least ten episodes per season | ...2 | |
| you know the names of all/almost all the episodes | ...3 | |
| you know the name of every episode, it's significance, the number, writer and director, the plot line in minute detail, at least three quotes and bits of trivia, and the name of all the guest stars and the character they played, not to mention all the episodes they'd previously appeared in. You can also list off every episode in ORDER in under 2 minutes flat... | ...4 | |
| all of the above, and you have an episode guide with all the above features | ...5 | |
| 4. | Wall paper... | |
| you have no X-Files posters of pictures | ...0 | |
| you have one of two X-Files pictures on your walls | ...1 | |
| you have over five posters/pics on your wall | ...2 | |
| you have a whole wall filled with X-Files poster and pictures | ...3 | |
| you have an X-Files shrine somewhere with every available surface covered with posters, pics, stickers, collages, and it's lit with multi-coloured Christmas lights | ...4 | |
| same as the above... but it's under your bed | ...5 | |
| 5. | You own... | |
| no X-Files books or other collectibles | ...0 | |
| one or two X-Files books or collectibles | ...1 | |
| five or six of the following: the official guides, the unofficial guides, the companion books, the young fiction books (X Marks the Spot, etc.), the older fiction books (Ruins, Ground Zero, etc.), the calendars, the diaries, bookmarks, a keyring, pin, badge, etc. | ...2 | |
| all of the above | ...3 | |
| all of the above, you also have GA and/or DD's autograph, the Ground Zero audio tape, the Tooms cube even though you already had Squeeze, Tooms and the special on tape... | ...4 | |
| 6. | X-Files Fanfics... | |
| what's a fanfic? | ...0 | |
| I've never read one... | ...1 | |
| Read a few... (less than 25) | ...2 | |
| Read them and have written one or two, know what MSR, H, V, etc. all mean | ...3 | |
| Belong to The X-Files Fanfic mailing list, read almost every fanfic sent to it, post many, MANY fanfics to it and plead for feedback | ...4 | |
| 7. | Magazine articals... | |
| never read anything about TXF | ...0 | |
| will read an artical if it's in a magazine you buy regularly | ...1 | |
| will buy a magazine if it has X-Files on the cover | ...2 | |
| will go to the newsagents every Monday and check the contents of EVERY magazine there, and buy anthing remotely connected to XF | ...3 | |
| same as above, but will tear out the artical (neatly), put it in plastic sleeves in a folder covered with XF pics and treasure it forever | ...4 | |
| 8. | Know your Mulder and Scully! | |
| think that the show is called the Dark Zone and that the main characters are called Jack and Jill | ...0 | |
| you know that the main characters are named Mulder and Scully, but that's basically it... | ...1 | |
| you know Mulder and Scully's full names and a bit about their families and pasts | ...2 | |
| you know everything there is to know about Mulder and Scully and do a character analyis after each episode | ...3 | |
| same as above, but you also call your relations and friends Mulder and Scully by mistake | ...4 | |
| 9. | And everyone else too... | |
| what happened to all the normal guys? | ...0 | |
| ummm, there's those funny looking dweeby guys... | ...1 | |
| you know that there's the "Lone Gunmen" and there's Alex Krycek.. | ...2 | |
| you know WHY The Lone Gunmen are called that, you call Krycek Ratboy, you call Marita Covarrubias nasty names (Cockroach!), you worship Maggie Scully and hate Mrs Mulder, and you know every single detail about all of these characters | ...3 | |
| same as above, but you also know everything there is to know about the actors portraying these characters | ...4 | |
| 10. | Nitpicks... | |
| You spend each episode wondering where Doug and Carol have gone and when the hospital E.R was redecorated | ...0 | |
| you think each episode is pretty good | ...1 | |
| you think "but that doesn't make sense..." and then shrug and forget about it | ...2 | |
| by fifth viewing you've listed off all the nitpicks and continuity errors and start pulling your hair out in frustation and cursing the writers | ...3 | |
| 11. | Writers | |
| you think that Chris Carter writes each episode all by himself | ...0 | |
| you think that each episode is cool but you have no idea who wrote them all and don't really care | ...1 | |
| you recognise Darin Morgan as "the funny guy" and decide that he's your favourite writer | ...2 | |
| you refer to the writers as "Spotsy", "UberVince" and ...er, "Shiban..." (sorry, innocent eyes may be reading this <g>) and can clearly recognise their writing styles. | ...3 | |
| you hail Vince Gilligan
and Darin Morgan as geniuses and ask "Whatspear?"
Every time you watch an episode and hear those famous Carteresque speeches, you yell out (even if you're the only one in the house) "Can't you see Carter's sticky little fingerprints all over it??? Can't you?!" |
...4 | |
| 12. | The world wide web... | |
| you spend all your time on the internet pressing the reload button and wondering why it keeps going to the same page | ...0 | |
| you've been to a few X-Files pages but only because your friends ask/force you to | ...1 | |
| you've been to at least twenty different pages | ...2 | |
| you've been to at least a hundred different pages and you create your own, calling it "[insert your name here]'s X-Files Page". it has about ten pictures, maybe a few wavs, and links page and a guestbook | ...3 | |
| you have a page that takes up at LEAST 30Mb, with hundreds of pictures, a detailed episode guide with everything you could possibly want for each episode, an X-Philes dictionary that took over 100hrs to create, you post all your fanfics and join about 30 webrings to get traffic, then you take so long revamping your site that by the time you've finished you've already decided it's time tor revamp again | ...4 | |
| despite already having your own huge webpage, you think "Hey, I'm gonna make another one!" You create an organization like TAXPA, then get yet ANOTHER geocities site to host it | ...5 | |
| 13. | "To be or not to be..." | |
| you think that the above quote is from the X-Files | ...0 | |
| you enjoy the show but couldn't remember any quotes if your life depended on it | ...1 | |
| you can remember an occasional quote but don't know what episode it's from | ...2 | |
| you know at least one quote from each episode | ...3 | |
| you've memorised all of
Scully's Memento Mori quotes, the one from Max, Cancerman's "Box of chocolates"
speech, yadda yadda yadda.
Other quotes you use in your everyday vocabulary, and when you're sitting bored in maths you just go through most off Small Potatoes, Bad Blood, JCFOS, etc. in your head and make yourself laught aloud. your teacher asks what's so amusing about parabolas and you reply that "There has GOT to be an explanation for this" or else "This operation is more sensative than you can possibly imagine." |
...4 | |
| 14. | Statistically... | |
| what's a statis - stakistic? | ...0 | |
| ummm, yeah... i like the guy who wrote Humbug.. he was good... | ...1 | |
| u watch an episode and decide that you like it, you hate it, or it was okay. if someone else says that an episode is good, then you decide that they must be right and adjust your rating accordingly. | ...2 | |
| you give each episode a rough rating out of five or ten | ...3 | |
| you've calculated the popularity of each episode based on your own views and determined the writer's average rating out of ten. u then compare that with that of other writers, taking into account that a different standard is achieved when the writer is working as part of a team than when working alone. Taking into account the storyline...... | ...4 | |
| 15. | Hours a day spent thinking about The X-Files | |
| none | ...0 | |
| half | ...1 | |
| one or two, when you're really bored | ...2 | |
| 3-6 hrs | ...3 | |
| 25 hours a day | ...4 | |
| your score | what it means... |
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What are you even DOING here?! For shame! Come back when you're obsessed! |
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no comment
... well, there's lots of things I could say, but they're not very nice |
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not bad! you're at the beginning of a long and promising career as an x-phile |
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don't give up quite yet - you're almost there!! |
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stay where you are, the men in the white coats will be coming for you soon... don't worry, it's really nice in here! |
