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All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists
know it. -- Richard P. Feynman
Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
It takes alkynes to make a world.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old chemists never die they just reach equilibrium
Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is
the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Q:How many atoms in a guacamole?
A:Avocado's number.
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
Electrochemists have greater potential.
Chemical formula:
HIJKLMNO
What is it? It's the formula for water.
Q:What do you get when you combine [insert a person's name] with O2?
A:Oxymoron
How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!
Biology Quotes
"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
thing as division."
Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your
eyes.
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise
require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
THE HARVARD LAW
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well
pleases.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Scientifically, maybe body cells do replace themselves completely in seven
years -- but, legally, you're still married.
--Attorney to client, cartoon by Bunny Hoest and John Reiner
Orgel's Second Rule: Evolution is cleverer than you are.
"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty
without any proof."
-- Ashley Montague
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
-Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon to Queen Victoria
1873.
"If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung
cancer, it seems to be a minor one."
-Dr. W.C. Heuper of the National Cancer Institute, as quoted in the NY Times
on April 14, 1954.
"For the majority of People, smoking has a beneficial effect."
-Dr. Ian G. Macdonald, Los Angeles surgeon, quoted in"Newsweek",
Nov.18th 1963.
Artery--------------------------The study of fine paintings.
Barium------------------------What you do when CPR fails.
Cesarean Section-------------A district in Rome.
Colic---------------------------A sheep dog.
Coma--------------------------A punctuation mark.
Congenital---------------------Friendly.
Dilate--------------------------To live long.
Fester--------------------------Quicker.
GI Series----------------------Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
Grippe-------------------------A suitcase.
Hangnail-----------------------A coat hook.
Medical staff------------------A doctor's cane.
Minor operation--------------Coal digging.
Morbid------------------------A higher offer.
Nitrate-------------------------Lower than the day rate.
Node---------------------------Was aware of.
Organic------------------------Church musician.
Outpatient---------------------Person who has fainted.
Post-operative----------------A letter carrier.
Protein-------------------------In favor of young people.
Secretion----------------------Hiding anything.
Serology-----------------------Study of English knighthood.
Tablet--------------------------A small table.
Tumor-------------------------An extra pair.
Urine--------------------------Opposite of you're out.
Varicose veins----------------Veins which are very close together.
Benign-------------------------What you be after you be eight.
aminoacyl-----------------An -NH2 that's a real jerk
apical membrane---------That green bumpy stuff on the outside of a baby
dill
asymmetry---------------Where you bury dead people
beta-sheet------------------Linen you only bring out for company
Ca2+ channel-------------The all-milk TV station
chemotaxis----------------A cab which provides drug therapy
detergents-----------------What women do when telling a guy to take a hike
diglyceride----------------what you scream out when trying to kill a glyceride
hippocampus-------------where hippos go to university.
microtome----------------An itty bitty book
pachytene-----------------Adolescent elephants
plastid---------------------Drunk
prokaryote----------------In favour of take-out food
redox----------------------Rusty cattle
taxol-----------------------Liberal plan for increasing revenue
You know you weren't prepared for the exam when you gave the following definitons:
amphipathic..................the ability to hike both ways
biotin............................how much coffee you purchase
free radical....................a political movement
grignard........................a three foot mile
helminth......................what the hockeyplayers wear on their heads,
thilly
IL-2.............................me also
homology....................the study of real estate
hydrophobic...............fear of your electricity bill
ionophore...................where I ended when I fell
membrane...................the opposite of forgettin'
micellar.......................where I stayed when the tornado hit
palmitoyl.....................what your hands secrete when you're nervous
periodic acid................sometimes it is and sometimes it ain't
PIP2............................finding your boss at the next urinal
polar head group..........Inuit psychiatrists
porin............................what it is when it's rainin'
propane........................sadomasochistic tendencies
prostate........................when you want FSU to beat U.Florida in football
Schiff base..................stealing second
stereochemistry...........having the correct speakers for your CD player
synapse.......................what you have after horizontal recreation
