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Finally, it was time. Almost three months ago, a man had been sentenced to an eternity of suffering, because of a cruel twist of fate. *Now,* Willow thought, *I can make it right.* In the last four months everything had fallen apart. Buffy was gone, the slayerettes were in panic and Angel was in hell. Everything had seemed hopeless before he came. Whistler had shown them the path to make everything right. With his help Willow was now strong enough to bring Angel back. But even with Angel back she didn't know if things could return to normal. Xander had told everyone of his betrayal and now Willow had a hard time trusting him. He wanted to make up for his mistake and that was why he was there waiting for her to bring Angel back. He was determined to help her and Angel through this, to show how sorry he really was.
"Are you ready Willow?" Whistler broke into her thoughts. "Yeah, lets do this. Angel shouldn't have to suffer one moment more." Willow looked at the library. It looked so different from its' everyday uses. Candles burned everywhere, a binding circle had been set up in the middle of the room. It was time. Willow began to chant: Gates of hell open I command thee to release the prisoner Angelus Remove the demon from his body I bind thee to my will Release him A strong wind was blowing though the library, and Willows long hair was flowing like flames. She could feel hell opening and Xander could see the light in the binding circle. Determined Willow continued the spell. Bring him forth into this realm Release him from his torture. Now a form could be seen coming into view, his body rigid and bound by some mystical force. Screaming in pain. Slowly the form came through the portal. Willow began to banish the demons and hell from this plane. Be gone, close the gates Leave the prisoner here. Take thy brethren with you Depart! The portal closed and the wind died down, as the light faded away it revealed a man lying on the floor, his clothes in tatters. Xander ran for the first aide kit, while Willow and the Whistler went for Angel. Willow knelt beside him. He was bleeding from various wounds, what she could see of his back had angry welts across it. His wrists were red and bruised as if he had been tied to something and he had fought to get free. When she laid a hand on his shoulder he lifted his head to look at her. He stared at her for a moment. He knew he should know that face. It was so kind, the girls eyes held compassion and pity. He knew this girl, if only he could remember her name. Slowly it returned to him "Willow?" he whispered hoarsely. "Yes, Angel it's me." "How? Why? Where am I? What about the demons! If they find......" "Angel! Angel look at me." She held his chin in her hands forcing him to look in her eyes. He was so pitiful right now. It was obvious how weak he was, how he had no idea where he was or what had happened. "Your safe Angel. We're in the library. We're going to get you cleaned up and into bed. All right?" He nodded and tried to climb to his knees. He screamed in pain and the tears flowed down his face. He collapsed and Willow caught him, holding his head in her lap. She turned to look behind her. "Carry him into the back room." "Sure, Will." Angel lifted his head again as he heard another familiar voice. It was a voice that had often caused him great annoyance. "Xander?" "Right here, Dead Boy. Now just relax so we can get you to bed." Angel sank back into Willows embrace closed his eyes, and felt gentle hands take him by his feet and under his arms. He felt someone supporting his head and neck with their hands. They lifted him into the air and carried him into a room. He didn't even bother to open his eyes, he was in just too much pain and way too tired. "Willow, go get the bedroom ready and Xander and I will get him cleaned up." That voice made Angels' eyes snap open. He knew who that voice belonged to. "Whistler?" "Right here Angel. Just relax, we'll answer your questions later. Right now we need to get you cleaned up." Xander, Willow and Whistler were watching over him. Angel let him self relax and spiraled into unconsciousness. ******************* Angel felt a cool cloth on his forehead He was so hot. He hadn't experienced this since he was human. He groaned and slowly his eyes opened. He couldn't quite get them to focus though. He shook his head trying to clear it, but was rewarded by a throbbing pain in his head. Not being able to see where he was frightened him. He tried to sit up but firm yet gentle hands held him down. "Easy Angel. It's all right. It's just me Willow. You're safe now. There's nothing to be afraid of. Sleep, sleep." Cool, capable hands caressed his cheek and Angel gave up and passed out once again. ******************** When Angel next awoke, he thought he hadn't opened his eyes yet. When he blinked it dawned on him that he was awake. He just couldn't see. Angel had no memory of previous events, such as Willow, Xander and Whistler saving him. All he knew was that he was in a strange place and very weak and vulnerable. Angel tried to sit up only to be forced back down. His fear died away when he heard the familiar voice. "Down Dead Boy, heel. God Angel, relax!" "X-Xander? Why can't I see? Where am I?" "Well, the reason you can't see is the sedative, it's one of the side effects....don't worry it's temporary." Angel let out a sigh of relief, then noticed that Xander hadn't answered his last question. "Where am I?" "Oh, you're in a back room in the library." Xander stood and called into the next room. "Willow!" Xander didn't want to be the one to have to answer the inevitable questions that would need answering. He also didn't like how sorry he was for Angel. The vampire was truly in a pitiful state. Willow came into the room. "What is it Xander?" She noticed that Angel was conscious. "Oh, Hi Angel. Feeling better?" She sat down on the bed and stroked his hair, knowing that the physical contact would reassure him. She couldn't imagine what it was like being blind even if it was only temporary. The effects would wear off in a few days but still..... "I don't know." Angel replied, "Willow what's going on, what's happening? I don't remember anything." She sighed and took his hand in hers. "Angel, I'll tell you what I can, and you're not going to like it." "Willow, please......I have to know." "All right. What's the last thing you remember?" "We were trying to stop the Judge. We got caught and when we got loose we went back to my apartment and......." "We know Angel. That night was when you lost your soul. The gypsy curse had a catch, if you were ever happy, even for a moment truly happy, then your soul would be taken away." "My-my soul?" Angel waited, dreading what Willow would say next. "Angel after you lost your soul, Angelus was up to his old tricks. Trying to drive Buffy insane by killing us off. Angel.....there' s something I need to tell you. Angelus.....killed.....Ms. Calendar." These words struck something inside Angel and he began to remember that night he killed the gypsy woman. How he had enjoyed it The fear in her eyes and how that fear had delighted him. "Dear God." he whispered. "Willow what else did I do?" She could barely hear him. She watched him, the horror in his eyes and she could tell that he was beginning to remember that night. She gripped his hand tighter offering what comfort and reassurance she could. "Angel, maybe we should stop now." She stood and turned to go, but was tethered to the bedside by an iron grip. "Willow......please. Tell me." She sighed with defeat. "Angelus came very close to killing Buffy quite a few times. It was killing her having to fight the demon while it controlled your body. He killed her friend Theresa just for the pain it would cause her. Then came Acathla. Angelus was trying to send the world into hell. He ordered an attack on the library and Drusilla killed Kendra. I was put in the hospital, Xander broke his arm. Buffy went to stop him. She never came back. We didn't know that you were in Hell until Whistler came and told us." Willow could see the haunted look in his eyes as memories slowly came back to him. "Willow.......why did Buffy stab me? I had my soul back. Why?" "You're blood was the key. She had to stab you in order to close the vortex." "Why, why didn't she just kill me when she had the chance. She should have ended it the second she found out what happened. Why?" Xander spoke. "Because she loves you. Always has, always will." "She left because of me." "No, Dead Boy, she left because she was forced to make a choice she should never have had to make. Because her Mom kicked her out. Because of Angelus. Not you." "Why? Xander why are you acting like this. I've tried to kill you more than once." "Because. I'm partly responsible for you......." Xander stopped and gathered his strength. "I'm part of the reason you were sent to hell." Angel didn't respond. It was kinda of weird to see Angel look at you and know that he didn't see you. All you could see in his eyes was his emotions. "Angel, I'm sorry. I should have told Buffy that Willow was trying the curse again. Because of my hatred two innocent people got hurt. You and Buffy. I'm sorry." "Xander." The firm tone in Angels' voice made Xander look up. "Xander, after all the things I've done, I can't judge you. I've made worse mistakes that you'll ever make." "Angel........thanks." Angel turned to Willow. "You gave me back my soul. Thank you Willow, thank you so much." "Angel, it's all right. You're my friend." "Willow? Where's Buffy? Do you know?" "Yes, eventually she sent us a letter telling us where she was. She wouldn't come home though. Her mother is going nuts and Giles was called to the Watchers Council, to decide what to do. But after we brought you out, we called her and told her. She's on her way here now." "Willow, I can't face her. After everything I've done....." he trailed off. His eyes were beginning to close and his forehead glistened with sweat. Willow placed a finger on his lips. "Ssshh, don't worry about it. Right now you need to rest. Just sleep. Get your strength back." She reached for another wet cloth and placed it on his forehead. "Just sleep." Slowly Angel gave into fatigue and slept. ********************* Slowly Buffy approached the library. This was home and yet she was afraid. Of seeing him. Of him hating her. She had promised that she'd come. She took a deep breath and walked inside. ********************* Xander stood watching the door. He sucked in a breath when Buffy walked in. She look so thin and unhappy. "Buffy." Willow turned at the sound of his voice. "Buffy!" She wrapped her arms around her friend. "Oh Willow, I missed you guys. How is he?" "He's sleeping. You could go in now if you want. Just watch him sleep. He shouldn't wake up yet.....he's pretty weak. But you could decide what you want to say." "Thanks Will." ********************* Buffy opened the door to Angels' room and crept inside. Her heart ached for him. She walked to his bedside and gently stroked his cheek. He looked so tired. So vulnerable. His expression was peaceful, yet haunted at the same time. She heard a noise behind her and turned to see Xander. "Will, wanted me to tell you just in case he wakes up. Because of a sedative we gave him he's temporarily blind." "Oh. For how long?" "Couple days tops." Neither of them were prepared when Angel groaned and opened his eyes. Xander went quickly and quietly to the door and called Willow. She hurried in and dashed to Angels' side and took his hand. "Hey Angel. Did the rest help?" "Yeah, thanks Willow." "Angel....there's someone here to see you. It's Buffy." Involuntarily Angel gripped Willows' hand in a death grip. He was scared. He just wanted to hold Buffy, but how could she forgive him? "Buffy." he whispered. He sensed someone come forward and Willow released his hand. Someone else took it. "I'm here, Angel." "Buffy.......I'm sorry. For everything I did, for the people I hurt. I...." he choked. "I'm sorry" He tried to sit up and felt a strong hand on his shoulder. Buffy propped up his pillows and pushed him back down on to them. He felt her sit down beside him. "Angel there's nothing to apologize for. It wasn't you. It was Angelus. Not you." She wrapped her arms around him and put her head on his shoulder. Xander and Willow took this opportunity to leave the room. *God this hurts* she thought. It was hard seeing him so lost and vulnerable. She could tell not being able to see was really getting to him. It just added to the pain he was feeling. She felt Angels' hands on her shoulders forcing her up. "Buffy, you know we can't do this. You should hate me. You need to stay away from me. I don't deserve friendship, or love, or trust. I......." Buffy couldn't stand the way he whipped himself with the guilt. She stopped him the only way she knew how. She kissed him. Tears began to fall from his eyes. She held him, rocking him gently. Slowly, listening to the sound of her heart he fell asleep. ********************* She had been sitting there for lord knew how long just holding him. She felt so bad for Angel, he couldn't forgive himself. She would have to be strong for him and watch him. It was very possible that in a moment of despair that Angel would do something rash, such as killing himself. *I'm the one who needs to apologize* She thought. *I didn't even consider that there might be a way to get him back. I just ran and never looked back. Oh, how I've missed him. How I hated fate for taking him from me when I just when I got him back. But I'm going to make up for it.......if he'll let me.* Angel began to stir and Buffy looked down. His eyes opened and focused on her. "Buffy." "Hey, you're looking right at me. Does that mean that you can see again?" "Things are starting to focus. I can't see clearly yet, but it's improving." He noticed that she was still holding him. "Why are you still here? How can you be so good to me after everything I've done?" "Angel, we've been through this, I don't blame you. You couldn't stop it. It wasn't your fault. If anything I should be asking your forgiveness." "What!? Why? What do you have to be sorry for?" He didn't understand why she felt guilty, or what she felt guilty about. "Angel, you lost your soul because of what we did! At the mansion, I acted like nothing was wrong, told you to close your eyes, and stabbed you! I sent you to Hell! Don't you remember?" Tears fell from her eyes. "How much do you remember Angel?" "I remember some, but not all. Buffy you did what you had to do. You wanted to spare me pain. And never *never* feel guilty about that night. That was one of the best nights of my life. There's nothing to feel sorry for, but if you need me to say it, I forgive you." She stroked his cheek. "Oh, Angel. Thank you. Thank you so much." Then her brow furrowed in concern. "Tell me, exactly what do you remember?" "I remember most of the people that Angelus killed. Some of the memories are vague, some are crystal clear. I remember everything I said to you, and I remember most of the fight at the mansion." "I wonder why you don't remember everything. You remembered everything the first time around." "I don't know. Everything is just muddled. So confusing. I......I just can't.......seem to sort through it. I'm afraid to remember everything." "Don't worry Angel, I'll be right here. I'll help you through this." "Buffy I....." They were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Buffy turned and saw Giles. "Buffy, who is it?" His vision was still not good enough to make out the person at the door. "It's me. Giles." Angel froze. He wasn't ready to face Giles. He had killed the woman that Giles loved. Angel had killed one of *his* friends. How Giles must hate him. He said nothing, just waited for the inevitible explosion. It didn't come. "How are you feeling Angel?" Angel just sat there for a moment. He couldn't have heard right. "W-What?" He finally pulled away from Buffy. He looked towards the blurred image of Giles. "How are you feeling?" "B-Better." "Angel, I forgive you." "Huh?!" "It wasn't you, it was Angelus that killed Jenny. I know that you feel guilty and are waiting for me to condemn you but it's just not going to happen. Sorry to disappoint you. Angel you are the only one who blames you. Everyone has worked hard to get you back, to give you another chance. Angel, you will never loose your soul again. Angel, you have your life back. Don't waste it feeling guilty. Live it. Live it for Jenny and all those who Angelus hurt. Be happy just to spite him." Even Buffy was shocked. She stood up and hugged Giles out of gratitude. "Oh, thank you Giles. Thank you so much." They looked over at Angel who was deep in thought. They left him to sort through his feelings in peace. **************************** Angel couldn't believe what he had just heard. Giles forgave him, didn't blame him at all. The others didn't either. But he couldn't forgive himself. All those he had killed, and hurt. He had tortured Giles! It worried him that he couldn't remember everything. That he was strangely detached from his emotions. Deep in thought he fell asleep. ******************** Buffy had gone home to face her mother, Xander had gone home to get some sleep, Giles was lord knows where and that left Willow in the library watching over Angel. She sat in a chair by his bed reading a book. She really couldn't focus though. She was worried about Angel. There was sure to be emotional damage from his experiences in Hell and from his memories. The fact that he couldn't remember some things scared her. He might be repressing those thoughts. She looked at him, his sleep was restless and she could tell he was having nightmares. But she didn't want to wake him because he needed his rest. She went back to her book, trying not to worry. She hadn't read three words when Angel sat bolt upright in bed screaming. She jumped out of her chair startled then ran to his side, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. After a moment it finally registered with Angel, and he stopped screaming and looked at her stunned. His cheeks were moist from tears he hadn't known he'd shed. Willow wiped them away. "Easy, Angel. Take a deep breath. That's it." She held his hand and stroked his dark hair with the other. "What did you dream about Angel?" He wiped sweat from his forehead. "Willow......I-I.......oh god......I saw......" "Angel." Her voice was firm. "Look at me." Angel just stared out into space, gasping for breath. She took his face in her hands and made him look her in the eyes. "Angel, just take it easy, one step at a time. What were you dreaming about?" "That night.....the night.....that I killed Jenny." "Tell me." "Willow, do you honestly want to know what I did to her?" "If it will help you feel better. Angel, I walked in to find all my friends murdered at the school. I can handle it." Angel nodded. "I can see myself sneaking into the school, and into her classroom. I just sat there a watched her for a while until she noticed me. God, she....was so scared and she backed away, I trashed the computer then went after her. I managed to cut her off and then......and........then.........I...........I.....I.........NO!" Suddenly Angel was on his feet and running towards the door. Still weak, however, he made it half way and collapsed sobbing. Willow ran to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Sshhh. Easy. Angel take deep slow breaths. That's good." Slowly he began to calm down, and he turned and rested his head on her shoulder seeking refuge from the memories. He sobbed quietly on her shoulder and slowly wore himself out and fell asleep. Willow was still on the floor with Angel huddled in her arms when Xander and Whistler walked into the room. "Will! What happened? Is he okay?" Xander asked, concerned. (miracles never cease) "Oh, Xander he had a nightmare and I got him to talk about it, but he just went nuts and tried to run out. He just kinda collapsed right here and......oh God, no one should ever hurt like that." "Don't worry Willow, we'll get him to snap out of it. Right Whistler?" "Yeah, but it will take time. Right now, lets get him back to bed. And then we'll call Buffy, she should be here when he wakes up." ***************************** Buffy raced back to the library after Willow called. The bad thing was that Joyce, her mother had insisted on coming along. Now that she knew of Buffys' life as the Slayer, she was determined to be part of it. And if that meant checking on Vampire boyfriends so be it. Buffy turned to her mother. "Now Mom, if you want to talk to Angel go easy on him. He can't handle a guilt trip right now. So no yelling, berating, or lecturing Okay?" "Yes, Buffy. You know I don't want to make things worse. I know you love him." "Thanks Mom." Buffy walked in followed closely by her Mom. "Willow? Is he awake yet?" "No, but he's starting to come around so you better get in there. Mrs Summers? What are doing her?" "Support." Buffy opened the door to Angels' room, walked over to him, and took his hand. He moaned and opened his eyes. Buffy took a step back shocked. His eyes were even more haunted than before. He looked like he was barely in control of his emotions. She had to be careful. One wrong move could send him over the edge. With all this guilt no telling what he might do to himself. " Hey, Angel." She brushed his hair off his forehead. "How ya feeling?" "Buffy. I.....look you shouldn't be here. After everything I've done, the people I've hurt, you can't be here. You're the Slayer, if anything, you should do your duty and stake me." "Angel it wasn't you...." "Dammit Buffy! I killed Miss, Calendar! I killed Jenny! I deserve to die. I'm a threat to you and your friends. Leave! I love you, but you have to go." He turned on his side facing away from her, pulling his hand out of hers. Buffy just stood there fighting the tears. "Angel-" "GO!" "Buffy," Joyce stepped in. "Go wait in the library for a few minutes. I need to talk to Angel." "Mom,...." "It's all right. Don't worry about it. Just give us a few minutes." Buffy left and Joyce sat in the chair next to the bed. "Angel." He didn't move. "Angel, look at me. I'm not going away and we have all night." He didn't look at her, but he did reply. "What do you want?" "I want you to look at me." Ever the stubborn mother. He turned to face her, tears streaming down his face. "Fine. I'm looking at you, happy?" "No." "Figures." "Angel, I won't be happy until Buffy is happy, and Buffy can't be happy until she knows that your okay." "Buffy doesn't have to worry about me anymore. There is no us anymore, so she can move on." Joyce stood up and sat on the bed next to Angel. She wiped his tears away with her hand. "Angel, you told Buffy that you loved her. Did you mean it?" "Yes, of course." Angel was shocked that anyone could doubt it. "And I know that she loves you. It's not going to just go away. And this isn't like the first curse, you're you forever. I've gotten to see both Angel and Angelus and I like you much better. I know that you would give your life for my daughter, you'd do anything to keep from being hurt, and she'd do the same for you. You can lean on her Angel. She won't fall over, she doesn't hate you. If anything she loves you more, cause she realizes what a good thing she had with you. If my daughter can love you like that I know that you're a good, loving, gentle person, Angel. You need to let go of the guilt, I know it will take time, but you need to move on. Everyone else forgives you, you need to forgive yourself. Angel just looked at her. This brought back memories of his mother. But he didn't know how to respond. He knew that Joyce didn't expect him to. She just sat there and held his hand while he buried himself in his thoughts. Joyce sat there until Angel brooded himself to sleep and went to the door. "Buffy! You can come in now." She said softly. Buffy came to the door and looked in. Angel was sleeping. "Just sit with him. Be there when he wakes up. Hold him, let him know that you love him and you forgive him. It won't happen over night, but he'll snap out of it." Buffy hugged her Mom and went to Angel. She climbed onto the bed behind him and fell asleep with him in her arms. ********************
Angel opened his eyes and looked around her was surprised to see Buffy laying there with her arms wrapped around him. Sound asleep. Angel brushed the hair from her eyes and just admired her beauty. Joyce was right. He couldn't turn his back on her....he just loved her way too much. But he couldn't forget what had happened either. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the faces of the people he had killed. He heard their screams and cries of pain. He looked down at Buffy, then gently moved out of her embrace and sat up. He slowly swung his feet to the floor and stood up using the wall for support slowly he made his way to the corner and sat down to think.
Angel was healing physically, but Willow was worried about his emotional well being. She needed to tell him a few things and hopefully it would cheer him up. Angel was sitting in his room alone, staring at the wall. He didn't even look up when she came in.
He looked into her eyes. "I didn't understand. I was so confused and I trusted her. I wish she would have told me. I love her so much, and it hurt so much when she did it. I know now that she had to, but then, I was so betrayed. In Hell they rubbed that in so much. The woman I love sent me to Hell because she hated me and knew now that I was a monster at heart."
"Yeah, I'm really tired. Willow......thanks for being there."
*But,* she thought, *I have a feeling that Willow has already taken that position.* She looked down at the sleeping vampire. *Good luck pushing Willow away, Angel. You'll need it.* After a moments hesitation, Buffy climbed in bed beside Angel and fell asleep. Angel awoke from another nightmare with a start. He sat bolt upright in bed. He turned when he felt someone's arms slide around him. "Buffy! Oh God." He wrapped his arms around her tightly, shuddering with fear. "It's okay, Angel. I'm here, I'm here. You're safe. I'm not going to let anything hurt you. I swear." She stroked his hair, desperately trying to calm him. "Sshh. Just take a deep breath. That's it." Angel slowly began to collect his thoughts and calm down. It felt so good to have Buffy here with him. To feel her arms holding him tightly. To feel her fingers in his hair. To know that she loved him. Slowly he pulled away. "Buffy......could you please go get Willow?" He hesitated not wanting to hurt her. "I'm not trying to push you away.....it's just......"
Angel looked down, and when he looked back up, the haunted, hunted look in his eyes, sent an icy dagger into Willow's soul. "I keep seeing it, Willow. Reliving it every moment in my sleep. I feel the demon claws dig through my skin. I hear myself screaming, and the demons laughing at my weakness. I can't get it out of my head." The next morning, Buffy walked quietly into the room, pulled the curtains on the window open. As the morning light fell across him, Angel opened his eyes. Buffy smiled at him, and sat beside him on the bed. "Hey, how do you feel?" Angel smiled faintly. "I'm better after a good nights sleep." Buffy took his hand in hers. "Willow had a good idea. Do you feel up to going to the park today?" Angel hesitated. "Yeah, I guess."
Buffy smiled and squeezed his hand. "Willow will be glad to hear that." Buffy went to the door. "Hey, Will, let's get your patient ready for the park!"
Willow came in and went to the closet. She pulled out a red t-shirt, blue jeans, and threw them at Angel. "No black for you today Angel. Except maybe your jacket. We don't want to take a chance on you getting sick."
"Can I even get sick?" Angel asked intrigued.
"I don't know. But now isn't the time to take a chance. Now me and Buffy will wait outside call when you've gotten you close on." Buffy and Willow walked out.
Angel muttered something about bossy women and proceeded to get dressed. "Hey! Willow! what about socks and shoes!?"
Angel closed his eyes and let Willow push him into the park. Buffy walked beside them, hovering protectively. Oz, Xander, and Cordy walked behind them. He was trying so hard to just be miserable. It was what he deserved..
Recovering Oz and Xander pulled the girls off of Angel and the group fell to the ground exhausted. They laid laughing until their sides hurt. Slowly they began to get up and Willow offered her hand to Angel. He took it and slowly rose to his feet and was pleasantly surprise to find that he could very easily stand on his own. Willow walked beside Angel as they made their way to a picnic table. Oz, Cordy, Xand, and Buffy went to play frisby while Willow sat talking with Angel.
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Written by Angelusslayer
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