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Buffy The Vampire Slayer?

"Ok, let's make this as painless as possible," Cordelia said, glancing around.  She *hated* going to the movie store, as her and Angel could never agree on anything.

Spike grumbled.  It was Saturday night, right after the ill-fated chicken's funeral.  The four had decided to go to Blockbuster and split up.  Each person would pick out a movie, then the two couples would vote on which two to rent.  "I'm getting a bloody horror movie," he told his companions.

"I want Breakfast At Tiffany's," Cordelia said, crossing her arms.

Everyone glanced at the former rich girl and grinned.  "Oh, whatever," Cordelia giggled, walking away.

Willow turned to Angel.  She looked up at the impossibly large man.  "What about you?  What are you going to get?"

Spike wrapped his arms around Willow from behind, putting his chin on her shoulder.  He glanced up at his Sire.  "You are going to get some bloody foreign film with subtitles that only Red will enjoy, aren't you?" he asked.

Angel chuckled.  "Maybe.  I'll see the two of you in a few minutes."  He moved away from the couple and towards Cordelia.

Willow turned around.  She smiled at Spike.  "Your words at the funeral were beautiful."

Spike shrugged, looking away.  He didn't want Willow to know how important it was that Angel knew he was truly sorry about the night before.  "It was important to Angel."

"I'm proud of you," she grinned, kissing him.  "I'm going to find a movie." She winked and walked off.  Spike grinned, licking his lips at the total package that was his witch.

*-*-*-*

"OH GODDESS!"

Spike's head shot up, hearing Willow cry out in distress.  It was all he could do not to vamp out and start attacking right there.  He sprinted through the aisles, practically crashing into Angel at the head of the row Willow was on.  She had her hand on the shelf, gripping it tight enough that her knuckles were white.  She had her head down, clutching a video box to her chest.  She was trembling.

Cordelia was next to her, blinking her eyes in shock.  Both girls were radiating fear.  The vampires looked around warily, trying to discover the source of their agony.

Spike reached them first, taking Willow's arm.  "Pet?"

She turned to him, a strange look in her eyes.  "Spike," she whispered.

"Cordelia, what's wrong?" Angel said gently.

"Willow.  Movie."  She nodded towards Willow, who was still clutching the movie box with a death grip.

Spike growled, pulling it out of Willow's hands.  He stared at the box, hissing angrily.  He threw the box down, his game face coming on in the middle of Blockbuster.

Angel's forehead creased in confusion.  What in the world could have them so spooked?  He leaned over and grabbed the box with a frown.  The first thing he noticed was a blonde girl kneeling, holding a stake.  There was a goofy looking guy behind her.  His eyes strayed down to the big pink title, blinking in shock.

For Angel was holding the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

*-*-*-*

"How... I mean... and..."  Willow blinked, tears filling her eyes.

"Pet," Spike said soothingly, pulling the girl into his arms.

"I'm just trying to figure out how Luke Perry was in a movie at the height of his 90210 fame, and I had no clue the movie existed," Cordelia snorted, flipping the box in her hands.

"Kristy Swanson?" Willow asked.  "She looks *nothing* like Buffy."

"I certainly hope that they didn't have that Perry person playing me," Angel grumbled, looking over Cordelia's shoulder.  "That, or I am so much worse looking than I thought I was."

"Oh god no!" Cordelia cried.  "You are *so* much better looking than Luke Perry."  She turned the box over.  "Besides, this movie was way before Buffy came to Sunnydale.  Written by some person named Joss Whedon."  She frowned. "What, did this Joss guy just follow Buffy around in LA or something?"

"Let's watch the show.  See how close to home he was," Willow said softly. She turned to Spike.  "I am *so* glad that I'm not in this movie."

"They wouldn't do you justice, pet."  He leaned over, brushing his lips against hers.

The four settled down on the couch.  Angel picked up the remote and hit play.

An hour into the movie showed two humans and two vampires sitting on the couch, mouths wide open at the movie.  The physical descriptions of the vampires were definitely wrong, but it was hauntingly familiar.  Angel claimed that he had met Amilyn at one point, happy that Pike had made the guy lose his arm.  Cordelia chuckled when she realized that it was the former Pee-Wee Herman that played the character of Amilyn.  "I used to *love* Pee-Wee's Playhouse when I was a kid!" she cried.

Willow chuckled, telling the group that Xander had wanted Pee-Wee's red bike when he was little.  Cordelia laughed about that.

"Was the Slayer *that* shallow?  I mean, I know she's a bitch, but she's not *that* shallow," Spike asked.

"We would have been friends if she would have come to Sunnydale like that. She would have been a great sheep," Cordelia remarked.  "You know, before she became the Slayer."

"Her spider sense is her *CRAMPS*?" Willow laughed.  "Oh, god, I can't *wait* to tell her about this movie!  I wonder why we've never seen it!"

"Well," Angel said, cocking his head at the TV.  "Perhaps there are those in Sunnydale that would want to keep this movie out of there.  I mean, if I were Buffy, I'd be pissed.  Plus, and I know that it's seriously a bad movie, but there's more truth there than can be explained.  Might not be a good thing to let the vampire population know that Buffy is the Slayer.  The element of surprise, you know."

Willow shook her head.  "I gotta call Buffy."  She leaned towards the phone, glancing at her watch.  Buffy should have still been up, it was only half past midnight.  She leaned against Spike, dialing the number.

"Hey!  This is Riley's house, and I'm Buffy!  I know you are probably calling for me cause no one *ever* calls for Riley..."

"Forgive Buffy.  She's had too much sugar," Riley's voice came over the recorder.  "Please leave a message after the beep."

BEEP.

"Buffy?  Riley?  Are you there?" Willow asked the answering machine.

There was a moment of silence, then the phone was answered.  "Wills!  How is LA?"

Willow chuckled.  "Buffy, did you ever know a guy named Pike?"

Buffy was silent for a good minute.  When she spoke, her voice was soft. "Willow, how do you know about Pike?  Is he still in LA?  I haven't seen him in... god, five years."

Willow sat back.  "Oh my goddess.  Buffy, there is a movie, it's been out since like, before you came to Sunnydale.  It's... it's called 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer.' "

"WHAT?" Buffy yelled.  "What do you mean there is a movie called 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'!?  What the hell is it about?"

"Well..." Willow said softly.  "There is this valley girl, Buffy.  She's totally a ditz.  And um, well, Merrick comes to tell her that she's the Chosen One, cause of a mole..."

"Eww!  They talked about my *mole*?  Mom *so* let me get that thing removed when I was younger!"

Willow shuddered, remembering when the Buffy in the movie talked about getting the mole removed.  "Anyway, there was this guy named Pike, and his friend Bennie was turned, and um, Pike helped you take out Lothos and Amilyn..."

"Lothos," Buffy whispered.  "Oh, god.  He was such a *bastard*.  But I got him in the end."

"No!  Don't tell me!" Willow shrieked.  "The movie isn't over!  But it's so freaky, cause Merrick is a Watcher... was he real?"
"Yea," Buffy sighed.  "He was a good man.  I annoyed him, but he loved me. A lot like Giles does, you know?  I was upset when he got killed."

"Hey, Luke Perry plays Pike," Willow said.

"Really?  Who plays me?" Buffy giggled softly.

"Um, Kristy Swanson."

"Eww.  We don't look *anything* alike," Buffy said.  She sighed.  "What do the vampires look like?"

"Nothing like our vampires.  They always have fangs and stuff.  Funky ears, no ridges.  No glowing eyes or anything like that."  Willow twirled the phone cord.  "But most of them are stupid, like most of ours."

Buffy snorted.  "Of course they are stupid."  She chuckled.  "Anything else funny about the movie?"

"Yea!  Your spider sense, it's cramps."

"Oh, god!  I would *so* kill someone if I got cramps every time I was around a vampire," Buffy rolled her eyes.  She laughed again.  "Bring me home a copy, if you can.  I'd be interested in seeing it."

"Yea, I'll see what I can do," Willow said.  "I'm gonna get back to the movie..."

"Cool.  Bye, Wills."

"Bye, Buff."  Willow hung up the phone.

*-*-*-*

Willow snuggled closer to Spike.  Even though the movie was campy, and she knew the outcome, the redhead was still bothered by the way Lothos seemed to overpower Buffy.  It really looked as if she weren't going to make it.  She found herself silently cheering on for the character of her best friend, hoping that she didn't die.

"C'mon!" Spike cried.  "Kill the chit!  Spread her entrails all over the bloody screen!"

Willow blinked and looked at Spike, who was clearly into the movie. "Spike!" she cried, slapping his arm.

Angel frowned.  His soul wanted to strangle his childe for his outburst, and yet the demon was straining against the cage, wanting to see Buffy's entrails.  "Spike, stop it."

Spike glared at his Sire, then looked at Willow sheepishly.  "A demon can hope, can't he?"

"It's kind of redundant, Spike.  Sorta like watching Titanic and hoping the ship doesn't sink.  You know the ending.  She lives.  She comes to bother us in Sunnydale.  She kicks *your* bleached butt," Cordelia remarked from her place in Angel's embrace.

"Hey!" Spike cried, mock horror on his face.  "There is *no* need to get personal about it, Missy!"

Willow giggled, watching Cordelia and Spike play off each other.  They really did make a great fight, both were witty and sarcastic, and not afraid to hit below the belt.

"That's not getting personal," Angel said, stepping into the ring.  "That's called telling it like it is."

"Cor!  Is everyone against me?  You are my *Sire*!  You are supposed to be on my side!"  Spike's face registered hurt, but his eyes twinkled in merriment.  He was enjoying this.

Angel chuckled.  "On your side?"  He shook his head, laughing softly.  "Not a chance, Blondie."

Willow cooed at Spike, running her fingertips down his face.  "I'm on your side, baby.  It's not nice to talk about Buffy kicking your ass."  She grinned playfully.  "No matter how many times she did it."

"Hey," Spike grumbled.  "I'm not dust, you know.  Apparently, she's not all *that* good, if she can't make me dust."

"This is your defense?  Puh-leeze!" the character of Lothos said, grabbing Buffy's cross on the screen.  The four on the couch looked over, watching the movie again.  "Your puny faith?"  He made the cross set on fire.

"No," Buffy said, uncapping her hairspray.  "My keen fashion sense!"  She sprayed the hairspray, causing Lothos to catch on fire.

 "*Keen* fashion sense?" Cordelia cried.  "Oh, my god.  I truly wonder what kind of drugs this Joss guy was on.  Buffy and keen fashion sense don't belong in the same sentence."  She shuddered.

"They should do another movie," Spike said, wrapping his arm around Willow's shoulders.  "Slutty the Vampire Layer."

"No," Angel said, his word harsh and angry.  Cordelia glanced at him.  She wondered if he still had feelings for the girl sometimes.  With a sad sigh, she looked away.  She realized that he probably did and this was going to be one of those moments she'd find out about it.  "If they made that movie," he grimaced, "they'd have to talk about me and I'd have to think about having sex with her again."  He shuddered.

Cordelia smiled a hidden smile, glad that the thought of sex with Buffy didn't sit well with Angel.

"I wonder who would play the dashing character of Spike," Spike mused aloud. "And if I'd finally get to hurt her."

"Trust me, Spike," Angel said, "when I tell you that they will *never* make a movie about your blond ass.  There isn't anything interesting enough about you to put on the big screen."  Angel's brown eyes were dancing with happiness as he tried to get under Spike's skin.

"Oh, really?  That's highly doubtful, Peaches, seeing as I'm *your* favorite childe.  That in itself is movie material.  And I killed two Slayers, and I found the Ring of Amarra, and I lived with bloody Dru for a century, and I was one of two of the most feared vampires in recent bloody history!"

Angel sat back and thought about that.  "You know, we actually would be an interesting movie," he nodded.

"Oh, or a TV show!" Cordelia exclaimed.  "We could be on every week, and people would watch us religiously, and of course, they would *love* me..." She giggled.  "Seriously, we could fight evil on TV and people would make webpages for us, and write stories about us..."  She looked at Willow.

The two girls studied each other for a good minute before bursting into giggles.  "Yea, right, Cordelia!  Like anyone would find *our* lives interesting enough to write about!" Willow cried.

Spike pulled Willow to him, holding her tightly.  "I'd write about you, luv."

"Ok, Spike.  Naked fantasies about me being tied down and whipped don't count," Willow chuckled.

"Well, there goes *my* book deal," Spike grinned.  He kissed Willow's temple.  "I love you, pet."

"Yep.  Love you too... naked fantasies and all."  She snuggled into his embrace, flashing Cordelia and Angel a smile.  Their position mimicked her own.

Angel dropped a kiss on Cordelia's forehead.  "All and all, Cordelia, I think you hosted a wonderful weekend.  Battled a few fears, got a few shocks, had a funeral, and laughed a lot."

"Don't forget the naked thoughts bit between Spike and Willow," Cordelia chuckled.

Angel dropped his head, whispering seductively in Cordelia's ear.  "Nothing wrong with naked thoughts."

Cordelia's eyes widened and she grinned.  "Well, damn!  Look at the time!" She stood up, pulling Angel up.  "I'm just exhausted.  Goodnight!  See you in the morning!"  She pulled Angel out of the living room and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind them.

Spike pushed Willow down on the couch.  "Mmm, my Sire and his chit have the right idea," he whispered.  "I think we should participate in a few naked thoughts of our own..."

Willow moaned softly, giving herself to her love.