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To Belong To You

It had been five days, twenty-two hours and almost thirty minutes since Xander had seen Angel. He could feel it in his very soul, the minutes slipping by. . .creeping by.  It had been nearly three months since Angel had claimed him. Three months of pure Hell.  Ninety days of waiting for the weekend to come so that he could see his lover and master.

And each week, when it was time for the dark haired vampire to return to LA, the youth found himself wanting to go with him, wanting to leave his entire life behind and follow the one person on the face of the earth who could satisfy the deep longing inside of him.

But Angel had never offered for him to come to LA.

Xander stopped his pacing, looking out of his second story window into the dark street below.  It would be at least another hour before his lover would be there. Another hour of wishing they weren't separated each and every week. He groaned, feeling the front of his jeans tighten against his growing erection as he thought of what the vampire would do when he got there.

Pleasure and pain.

That's what their little confrontations had gotten down to- an exchange of pleasure and pain between master and slave, lover and lover, human toy and master vampire. . .it really was all the same. He belonged to Angel in every way possible and he was quite happy to have it that way. Their weekend get-togethers were like a small taste of heaven- ultimate happiness even with the pain.

There had been little pain recently. Unless you counted the desperate longing that invaded every pore of Xander's body every Sunday evening when Angel would grab his bag and leave him with only a kiss. Their time together had slowly become geared more towards pleasure than pain, though Angel still loved to tie him down and punish him if he forgot his place, the vampire much more enjoyed dealing out ecstasy to the youth.

Xander sighed, flopping into the room's oversized leather chair. He let himself sink down into the black material, trying to relax. It was no use though, his body wouldn't,  *couldn't*, relax without Angel nearby. It was no longer possible for him to be away from his lover for a week.  He would have to tell the dark haired vampire that when he came for his visit. It just wasn't enough to see him only on the weekends anymore. His body wouldn't allow it. Headaches, shaking, being unable to concentrate, and even small physical pains were all side effects of the claim Angel had placed on him and their separation.

Xander had read all about claims after Angel had left that first weekend. With Spike's help he had learned everything he was in for. "A claim wasn't something done lightly," he could remember the blonde vampire telling him. "The Great Poof must care more about you than he bloody well admits to have done that."

The words had hit the youth's heart. Was it possible that Angel cared that deeply for him? Or had it all been a mistake done in the heat of the moment? Whichever it had been, what was done was done and, from what Xander had read, couldn't be undone. They would need each other until the day they died.

Death.  According to Spike it wasn't something he really needed to worry about too much.  If he died, Angel would die. That meant that one day, in the not too distant future, he would be turned. Xander snorted quietly. Spike said not to worry about dying but wasn't getting turned dying on a different scale?

He glared out the window, his whole body trembling with the effort not to get up and start walking to LA. To meet Angel halfway or a quarter of the way. . .or however far he needed to meet him just to*be* with him as soon as possible. The tremors coursing through his body were violent enough to cause his teeth to rattle together.

He needed Angel *now*.

The phone ringing startled him out of his painful reverie, causing him to jump slightly. Without getting up, the young man stretched out his arm, grabbing the cordless phone a small table. "Hello?"

"Xander?"

"Angel?" Xander's voice was strained as he gritted his teeth around the pain he was feeling in his chest. He let out a long breath, wondering if it was this hard on the vampire when he was away from him. "Where are you?"

"Still in LA, something came up," Angel whispered hoarsely and for one brief second Xander could imagine that the vampire felt his pain, knew what he was going through.

"So. . .you'll be here in a couple hours?" The human youth asked hopefully, knowing in his heart it wasn't so.

"Not until tomorrow night," the vampire sighed, wishing he could ease the pain the two of them were feeling. The arrangement with him living in LA and Xander being in Sunnydale just wasn't working out. "I need to finish up this case before I can leave. Take some aspirin and try to get some sleep. I will be there as soon as possible."

Xander nodded, whispering, "Sure thing, Deadboy." The phone was cradled limply in his hand, the effort to keep from crying out in pain tapping all his energy.

Angel groaned softly. If Xander was calling him Deadboy then something was really wrong. The human had dropped that particular name for him when they became permanent lovers, using it only in times of extreme stress or anger.  He felt a lance of pain shoot through his side and knew that that was only a small taste of what his human lover was experiencing. "I *will* be there as soon as possible."

The dark haired youth hung up the phone, not saying another word. The cries he had been holding back for the conversation finally spilled from his lips, echoing sharply in the empty room. This wasn't good. How could he last another twenty-four hours without Angel? How could he bear the pain that long? Aspirin wasn't going to do the trick. Even getting drunk off his ass wouldn't help.

He held the phone to his ear, waiting to hear a dial tone before dialing the number he used almost more than Angel's. "Wills. . .?" He asked softly, hearing his best friend pick up the phone. "I need some help."

*-*-*-*

Willow was worried about Xander.
 
She had been surprised when he opened the door, the utterly haggard state of his appearance making her heart break. Dark circles ringed his eyes, making them seem hollow and without life. His face was drawn and tight and she could tell that he was trying hard to hold in the pain he was feeling, trying so hard to control the aches his separation from Angel was bringing.  For one brief moment the red head hated the dark haired vampire.
 
It wasn't really his fault, though, she reasoned as she stroked her best friend's forehead, silently mouthing a pain-blocking spell. Spike had explained to her after their first weekend together that Angel hadn't taken Xander back with him because he didn't want to take the boy from his friends. Didn't want to take him away from everything he had ever known. She loved the vampire for that- letting her keep Xander close by and in her life. But now, looking down at the pain etched face of the goofy youth she had known almost her whole life, she wished he would move him to LA and end the pain she knew they *both* were feeling.
 
"Wills. . ." Xander moaned, trying to sit up. His body shook, as if he were being chilled from within and her heart went out to him. She hadn't felt what it was like to be away from her mate and, looking at Xander, she was sure she never wanted to experience it. "How can he stand to stay away? Doesn't he hurt too?"
 
Willow sighed, looking over at her own blonde haired mate for help. She didn't know how to answer Xander's question, but maybe he would.  This was just too much for her to bear- the boy she had given herself to in every way possible was lying there- completely helpless.
 
"He does hurt, Chubs," Spike murmured, careful to keep his voice low and not disturb the boy any more than he already was. "But he's had two hundred years to learn to manage his bloody pain," the blonde sighed, standing and moving towards the agonized youth. He knelt beside the couch, staring down into the brown eyes of one of two humans he trusted with his life.
 
Willow watched in awe as her normally gruff mate kneeled next to her friend, running his cool fingers along the boy's forehead. The small crease of pain on Xander's forehead disappeared at the touch and he actually sighed with relief. "What. . .how?" the red head asked, confusion evident in her face.
 
"He's bonded to my Sire," Spike said simply, his fingers continuing to massage gently at the boy's forehead. "Being in contact with me helps because of the bond I share with Peaches."
 
"Ah. . ." Willow nodded, understanding dawning in her eyes. "So you're like a surrogate-Angel right now, huh?"
 
The blonde snorted, glaring playfully at his lover. "Please don't call me that, Pet." He looked back down at the boy, mind made up on what he had to do. Easing an arm under the momentarily peaceful youth, Spike lifted him with ease, carrying him up the stairs and laying him gently on the bed. 

Willow watched, mouth falling open as Spike stripped off his shirt and threw it onto the floor. His boots landed with a thud against the wall as he kicked them off and crawled under the covers. Almost instinctively Xander moved closer to him, seeking the touch of the only creature outside of Angel who could ease his pain. "Going to join us, luv?"

Speechless, the red head kicked off her own shoes, crawling into the bed on the other side of Xander. She felt the cool caress of Spike's hand as he reached over her best friend to hold her as best he could. If the situation had been any different she would most certainly have been aroused by it all- snuggled in bed with her former Master and her mate. But Xander belonged to Angel now and was in pain- so she pushed aside her body's natural reactions and sighed contentedly.

"Night, guys."

*-*-*-*

Angel knocked again on the plain oak door in front of him. He had dispatched the demon early enough to make it to Sunnydale before sunrise- barely. Just a few more moments and he would be in his mate's arms, getting the fix he needed to get him through the week to come.
 
If Xander would open the door, that is.
 
He growled softly, starting to knock again when he saw a light come on downstairs. His face softened and he waited for the door to open, shifting from foot to foot with anticipation.
 
"Peaches."
 
The older vampire's eyebrows shot up and he regarded his Childe with no small amount of anger, memories of a few months before rushing through his mind.  That night, like this one, he had found Spike in Xander's house, minus shirt- like now. On that night the blonde had been avidly bent on dominating the boy. Hopefully he had better sense than to try that again.
 
Pushing past the blonde and closing the door, Angel turned to his Childe. "Spike. What are you doing here?"
 
Spike snorted. "Keeping your mate from losing his bloody mind with the pain, wanker."
 
Angel just stared at his normally disobedient Childe. "Since when did you care if he was in pain?"
 
Crystal blue eyes narrowed. "Since he is *my* mate's best friend? Since he is the only mortal to ever come close to beating me at a game of dominance and I bloody well respect him for that?" He grabbed his pack of cigarettes off of the table, lighting one without a thought and inhaling on it deeply. "This isn't working for the two of you, Peaches."
 
The darker haired man scowled. "It's none of your concern, Spike."
 
"To Hell it isnt!" Blue eyes were lit with demonic fury as he regarded his Sire. "You don't have to sit here and deal with what you've done! Red and I *do*. You don't have to sit here and watch the whelp go from bad to worse within the space of a few soddin days each week! He's stronger than most of our kind yet this is tearing him apart and I am effin sick of it."
 
Shock was one word to describe Angel's reaction to his Childe's heart felt words. He had no clue that Xander was going through all that. Sure, he felt it himself each week when they were apart, but it was nothing he couldnt deal with. {Then again, you survived being in Hell itself.} He sighed, running a hand back through his hair. "I didnt realize. . .he always seems fine when I get here on Fridays. . ."
 
The blonde snorted. "To borrow one of Chubs' favorite phrases, 'well duh." He chuckled. "Of course he's going to put up a good act for you, mate. He's just as stubborn as I ever was- he doesn't want to show any weakness to you." Glancing at the clock, Spike murmured softly into the quiet room, trying not to intrude too heavily on his Sire's thoughts. "I'm going to grab Red and go. . .we can still get back to the apartment before dawn."
 
Angel nodded slightly, lost in his own thoughts. What was he going to do to make this all better? Claiming the boy was something his demon had done through his own subconscious. It had never been planned and he had never regretted it. Xander was a source of joy in the miserable existence his life of redemption had become. He didn't want to lose him.
 
With a heavy heart, the dark haired creature made his way up the steps. He saw Spike pulling Willow gently from the bed, careful not to disturb either her sleep or that of the boy next to her.  The blonde stopped at his Sire's side, eyes glued to the chocolate ones he had fallen in love with so many years before. "Fix this, Peaches."
 
Angel barely heard his Childe, his thoughts were so fixed on the boy laying on the bed in front of him. A sheet was tucked around his waist, falling open enough for the vampire to see the sweat pants he was wearing. The muscular chest Xander seemed to come naturally by was rising and falling with his breaths. Brown hair was touseled, an arm thrown over his head and mouth open partially.
 
He was beautiful.
 
The dull pressure that had come over him during the days without his mate slowly ebbed away as he quietly stripped down to his silk boxers. He lifted the edge of the sheet, slipping underneath of it and resting an arm lightly over his lover's chest. Other than a brief smile that flitted over the human's features, Xander never stirred. Angel smiled in an unconscious response to his mate's comfort.
 
Now if only he could get some sleep.

*-*-*-*

Xander knew Angel was there before he even opened his eyes. He smiled slightly, leaning back into the cool embrace of his lover. His hands grasped at the ones clasped  around his waist. This was heaven - to wake up in the arms of his lover. Not even for one brief moment did he stop to question when Angel had arrived or where Spike and Willow had fled to. It was all inconsequential as far as he was concerned.
 
All that mattered was his mate, lying in bed with him. He rolled over, sliding his leg over the vampire's thigh and looking at his serene face. With trembling fingers he gently caressed the dark haired creature's forehead, brushing aside stray locks of hair that had fallen from their perfectly gelled formation during the night. He smiled, his heart completely at peace with Angel by his side.
 
He was startled by a strong hand clamping around his own, stilling his movements. Without ever opening his eyes, the vampire brought the hand down to his mouth, kissing each finger gently and almost reverently. Finally rich brown eyes slitted open, glittering with lust. "Sleep well, lover?"
 
Xander nodded, his cock already aching from the gentle touches of his mate. Only Angel had ever been able to make him feel this way. Only this souled vampire could make him want to beg and cry and plead for more. He knew that a lot of that was the effects of Angel's claim on him- but part of the feelings had always been there. The emotions Angel dredged up in him had been there even when they were just playing Master and Submissive to each other. "Very well. . .and now I know why."
 
Angel nodded. He knew that the only reason the boy had slept so well was the fact that he had been right there beside him for the past few hours. After Spike's dramatic revelation that Xander had been hiding his true pain from Angel, the vampire had laid awake, just holding his mate and thinking. Sleep had eluded him for at least an hour during which time he had only been able to come to one conclusion.
 
Xander had to come back to LA.
 
The vampire licked at his lips, taking a deep breath as he looked into his lover's lust-filled eyes. This was not the time to make love- now they needed to talk. "Xander. . .we need to talk."
 
The boy shrank back slightly, his once sparkling eyes growing wide with worry. "About. . .?"
 
"This. . .our situation."
 
So this was it. Here came the part where Angel broke everything off with  him. The part where the older vampire admitted that there was a way to get rid of the claim and absolutely no reason why they should be together forever and always. "Okay. . ."
 
The vampire could see almost immediately that Xander's attitude had changed. He winced, knowing that the way he had started the conversation had set the boy up for heartache- the one thing he *didn't* want to give him. "Nothing bad." He flashed him a reassuring smile before continuing. "This whole thing with us only being able to see each other on the weekend isn't working anymore."
 
The young man nodded, biting his lip. He wouldn't tell Angel how much he wanted to be with him throughout the week, wouldn't tell him the pain he was going through on an increasingly regular basis. For no reason on the face of the earth would he show weakness to his Master. "I agree," he whispered softly.
 
"You don't need to tell me what it's like for you during the week. I feel it too to an extent. But. . .can I really ask you to come to LA? To leave everything you've ever known for me?"
 
"You don't need to ask me to leave it all. . ." Xander murmured, his eyes glued to the thin swatch of sheet visible between him and his lover. "I'll do it on my own. No questions asked if you just say you want me there."
 
The vampire just stared. Xander was offering to just drop everything and come to LA. "I. . .I want you there." The words were choked out around the emotion that was weighing down on his chest.

"Really?" the young man asked. He jumped out of bed, offering his hand to the vampire. "Well, come on then! Let's go home."

Angel chuckled, his heart light for the first time in months as he watched his lover pack various things into a small set of luggage. "Just get what you need. I'll buy you the rest when we get home."

"Home." Xander smiled. "I think I like the sound of that. Home, in your arms. No more days of pain and loneliness."

"Never again," the vampire murmured, capturing his lover's lips in a kiss. He stepped back after a moment, thrilling at the breathless look on the young man's face. He could do this- take his breath away, give him a new life with him away from the Hellmouth.

"Ready whenever you are, lover," the youth purred, brushing another kiss across his lover's mouth. He sighed, breathing in deep the smell of his mate- the cologne and hair gel combination that was altogether Angel.

"I've been ready for months," Angel smirked. He picked up one of his lover's bags, leading the way down the stairs and out of the townhouse. There was no turning back after this. No way to deny what they were to each other. More than dominant and submissive, more than master and lover, more than lovers. By taking Xander home with him the dark haired vampire was admitting to the world something they had spoken about only in private prior to this.

Xander was his mate. Forever and always Xander was his and no one else's. He looked over at the dark haired youth, grinning to himself at the unrestrained excitement radiating off of him. Tossing the bags in the back seat of the convertible, the two men climbed into the car, not a word passing between them. Words weren't necessary.  Angel knew in his heart that he belonged to the mortal sitting next to him as much as that frail human belonged to him in turn.

For once, though, he didn't mind belonging to someone as long as that someone was Xander.