You're
Joking, Right?
He's such a pig.
That arrogant vampire leaves his cold, half-filled mugs of blood
laying *everywhere*! On the table, on the counter, even on the
floor. I tripped over one in the living room earlier and spilled
the thick congealed mess all over. . .
One of his t-shirts.
That's another thing!
He leaves his dirty clothes everywhere, too! I didn't even know
he owned this many different pieces of clothing! Not just
t-shirts, jeans and button up shirts, too. Hell, I think I saw
some sort of navy blue polo shirt and a pair of khakis the other
day when I was cleaning the living room. It reminded me so much
of something out of a Gap commercial I didn't stop laughing for a
full five minutes. Wouldn't the underworld of the Hellmouth laugh
to know that Spike, the Big Bad, half of the Scourge of Europe
wears khakis and polo shirts on occaision? I should post it at
the Bronze for all the fledges to see.
Except then I'm sure he'd find something equally embarassing to
do to me. Like hang my bras from the railing of the apartment.
Wait, he already did that. Well, he could still take naked
pictures of me in the shower and post them on the index of my web
page. Crap- he already did that too. Anyway. I'm sure he'd think
of *som*- way to get back at me. He always does.
Why in the name of the Goddess did I ever agree to share an
apartment with him? Oh yeah. Because I was desperate. No where to
live. Good for nothing little Soulboy finally decided to hook up
with Cordelia and leave me hanging when they sold the hotel. Not
just me. Wes and Gunn too. All of us with a week's notice that we
needed to find another place to live. I hear that the two boys
are now shacked up together. . . living in smutty slash-style
sin.
Good for them.
But, still, stupid vampire.
Angel should count himself lucky that Spike stopped me from
staking him. If he ever even knew it was going to happen, that
is. He has his head so far up Delia's ass I doubt he knows what
time of day it is anymore- much less the fact that I stole
Spike's DeSoto and drove to LA with all intents of ending his
chance for redemption. Only the bleached brat stealing some guy's
motorcycle saved the jerk's life. He said I'd regret it if I
killed a friend. As IF! This is worse than how Buffy acted with
Riley. It's almost as bad as that obsession Angel had with
Darla.
Oh yeah, she stopped by the other night.
Darla's actually pretty nice once you get past the whole queen of
the evil bitch dead routine she's got going on. She threatened to
turn me and show me things I've 'never dreamed about in my
wettest moments', not that I mind. Spike threatens it all the
time. They just like me for some reason. Want to keep me around
for longer than a human's expiration date goes out.
Dru came over too. Couldn't believe that. She seems to think her
and I are going to be the best of friends eventually and she may
be right. Spike actually looked afraid for me when the dark
haired vampiress took me aside. But there was no reason to worry.
She just wanted to tell me what the stars had been telling her.
It's sort of a lot to swallow, though.
I mean. Me and Spike? Together? For eternity?
Dru must've snacked on a crack addict to be sure. Because there
is no way in hell I am going to spend the rest of eternity with
him. I even asked her if she was joking- some weird twisted thing
she thought would make me laugh. I mean, I'd rather let Darla
sire me and be her love slave for the next hundred years. It
would have to be better than spending an eternity with that
obnoxious, arrogant, rude sonofabitch!
That's what will probably happen, though. I've already decided I
don't want to die. Not after what happened with Buffy. Not after
watching her waste away from whatever illness finally did her in.
We never did find out what it was- the Council had no clue and
Giles never found anything to explain its cause. It took more
than a month for her to finally give in to death. Riley was
crushed. I was crushed. Giles. . .hasn't recovered still, six
months later.
I don't want anyone to grieve for me like that. I want to be
around to see the next millenium and to ring in the end of the
world if that's what
happens. I know the whole demon part should be putting me off-
making me not want it. But it doesn't. Somewhere along the line,
living and consorting with the undead, I stopped caring about
little things like good and evil. Dying isnt a pleasant thought
and its not something I want to experience.
But the whole dying issue brings me back to being Sired and the
things Dru was saying. She said Spike is going to be my 'dark
lover' and that we will 'make the earth bleed'- that we'll all be
'one big bloody family'. It's not that I don't believe her, she's
been right too many times for me to even count. She even saved my
life once, showing up out of nowhere to tear me out of the arms
of a demon who wanted to eat my liver. So, if she says Spike and
I are gonna be together. . .then I guess she's right.
The whole thought is just too disturbing, though. I mean- Spike
is everything I NEVER wanted to be with. He's rude and obnoxious
and just a slob in every way possible. If it weren't for me
*insisting*- we get an actual apartment he would have put us up
in the first mausoleum he found. He has no clue what to do to
make a woman happy.
No.
He has no clue what to do to make a *human* woman happy. A
living, breathing woman is something he is obviously out of
practice at pleasing.
But demons, on the other hand. . .
Dru was perfectly happy with him for over a century. So obviously
he knows how to make another vampire happy. The two of them loved
and killed- shagged in the blood of a Slayer from what Spike told
me one night. (He's so proud of that.) He always brought her
presents and told her the most lovelythings, from what she told
me. She said he could make me happy.
She's *sure* he could make me happy.
I don't see how. He's so. . .low. I mean, if I were a heartless
person I'd say he's beneath me. But I'm not like that and in some
ways, he's not beneath me. Though in so many others he is.
Still. If I look at it objectively he's rather nice- for a demon.
I mean- he does all the demon-type things. Hunting, killing,
maiming- though not
so much as he used to. I'm sure if he had me by his side we
really would make the earth bleed, as Dru said. He's even
handsome when he's all 'grr'- not that I will *ever* tell him
that. He'd get way too cocky.
Then there's the little things he does for me- when he's not
trying to be the Big Bad. The way he holds me when I'm sad. Or
even the whole apartment thing- he didn't have to volunteer to be
my roommate. He certainly doesn't have to walk me anywhere when I
go out at night.
But he does.
And he bought me roses on my birthday. Ok, so they were blood red
and the thorns were sharp enough to cut my hand to shreds. Not to
mention the actual blood in the vase, "from that chit of a
salesgirl at the bloody florist". They were still roses,
though, and they were more than anyone else has ever thought to
give me.
Despite my better judgement I found myself staring at him last
night. We were watching some horror movie, laughing at the gore
and blood, and suddenly I was trying to memorize every curve of
his face. Those angular cheek bones, the soft blonde of his
way-too-bleached hair. And the crystalline ice blue of his eyes
as they flickered with the light from the television.
Not as pretty as the gold when he's all demon-y, but still
beautiful in their own, more human way. The golden ones remind me
of the predator he is, though and that just makes me. . .Great,
blushing at my own thoughts, glad he's in the other room, far
away from teasing me. I can't stand it when he teases me,
its like a little part of me dies.
Oh goddess.
I'm in love with the bleached moron.
Somewhere in between hating him I fell in love with every little
thing about him. Well, except the mugs on the floor and the
clothes all over the place. But everything else about him, is
just perfect.
I'm gonna kiss him.
The thought enters my head almost a full minute after I stand and
start walking towards his room. And though it terrifies me, I
dont make any move to tear myself away from that predetermined
path. Even when my hand hits his doorknob and I swing the door
wide- I still keep going. Dru had the same talk with him
that she did me- so maybe it won't come as a shock when. . .
Oh goddess, his lips are so cool and smooth. I can't believe I'm
kissing him, finally. My whole body screams as if I've waited my
entire life for this one moment. And, amazingly, he's kissing me
back.
Ok.
So maybe I wouldn't mind spending an eternity with him- but
there's always Darla as a back up.
