The Nature of Family

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>A little post-ep to "Bartlet For America"</B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <B>The Nature of Family</B>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> The Nature of Family</div> <div> The Nature of Family</div> <bR> <bR> <div>   I’m part of a large, sometimes harmonious, family. We grew up in each other’s pockets, and know all sorts of embarrassing childhood stories about each other. We love one another, and sometimes we even like one another. Since we’ve passed over that line from childhood to adulthood, we have gone in our separate directions. Some farther than others. Of all of us, I’ve traveled the farthest from what Josh mockingly refers to as my large Protestant brood. When I go home, I sometimes get the feeling that they’re all looking for some semblance of the girl they grew up with, and each time they do, they find less and less of that long ago girl. Those people I grew up with are the family of the girl I was. The woman I am now has a different family. A somewhat less conventional family, but a family all the same. The oddest thing of all is, even with it’s lack of convention and tangible ties, this family is the one with which I place the most faith. The family you’re born to is supposed to stand by you because it’s their duty. This family- this one I have the honor and privilege of being part of- we stand by each other because we simply can’t imagine doing otherwise. That is the wonderful nature of our family.</div> <div>   Earlier today, Josh was waiting on news from Sam about a name he needed. He didn’t say what he needed the name for, and I didn’t ask. I really didn’t need to ask. I had a very strong feeling it was about Leo and his testimony. Josh had that ‘look’ today. He had the same look when Lillienfield and Claypool were having their little witch-hunt a while back. It’s his ‘fixer’ look. I’ve seen that look enough times to recognize it. In fact, I’ve seen it recently. He had it the night we met Cliff in the park so that he could look over my diary. That situation was fixable. This one…well, I’m wondering if whatever happened today wasn’t more of a reprieve than a pardon. I was watching with Josh and Sam when they  came back from the break. Gibson got ready to repeat his question regarding what had happened nine days before the election. Then, for whatever reason , the Chairman stepped in and abruptly decided to call it a day. I couldn’t help but notice Josh’s reaction. Surprise was first, quickly followed by relief, and finally that relief was coupled with underlying but clear suspicion. He was glad the questioning had come to a halt, but I could tell he was still worried. </div> <div>   After a while,  Sam left and Josh told me that since the church situation in Tennessee had been resolved   I could go, but I decided to stay.  I spent some time wrapping up a few odds and ends, and then walked back into his office. He had just finished a call as I did. </div> <div>   " I thought you were going home", he said, looking only mildly surprised that I had ignored his suggestion.</div> <div>   " You assumed I was going home. I never said I was." </div> <div>   " Don’t you have things - Protestant, Christmassy things to do before you go home to join the rest of the Moss brood." </div> <div>   " Well.. I would, if I was in fact going to be joining them. As it turns out, I’m not."</div> <div>   " You’re not going home for Christmas?" He asked me this, with a certain measure of disbelief, as though he really wasn’t listening the first time I said it. " You didn’t go home last Christmas. I thought…" </div> <div>   There was really no need for a reminder of how we had spent the  holidays last year. We both knew where I was , and we both knew why. Josh being Josh, I’m sure he felt a certain amount of guilt over the fact that I hadn’t felt free to go home last Christmas. The idea that such an outwardly arrogant man could carry around so much inner responsibility for the feelings of others has always been an intriguing irony to me. </div> <div>   " They are all doing a bunch of different things this year. I guess my mom got tired of trying to corral all of us in one place, so everyone is pretty much going their own way. Rob and his family are going to be skiing in Stowe…" I said, referring to my oldest brother, " I could go with them- but you never bought me those skis I wanted." </div> <div>   " But I got you a wonderful book on Alpine skiing. That’s certainly a more considerate and safer gift", he replied with a smile. I couldn’t help but smile myself, remembering the beautiful inscription that he had written inside the book. Those words would be committed to memory for many years to come.</div> <div>   " Yes, you did. It was a very nice book" I replied, wondering if I’d ever be able to tell him how much that gift really meant to me. </div> <div>   " So…if you’re not going home, what are you doing?"  </div> <div> On the surface it was such an casual, innocuous question, but I knew he genuinely cared . As I’ve said, Josh is such a bundle of complexities and contradictions, and the art of knowing what he means versus what he says is a virtual study in subtleties. </div> <div>   " I’m not sure yet." </div> <div>   " But…tomorrow is Christmas Eve. You should be with your family." </div> <div>   " Are you going home?" </div> <div>   " I saw my Mom at Thanksgiving …besides, home isn’t where I left it", he finished with a smirk. </div> <div>   " You really aren’t a swallow, Josh. You can learn to go home to a different place." </div> <div>   " Yeah…but it’s not the same. Anyway, my mom is going on one of those cruises with her friends. We already sent each other Hanukah presents.   She told me about the cruise when I was down there last month." </div> <div>   " So, you’re on your own too", I observed. </div> <div>   " Yeah. I’m kind of used to it….You should really try to get home though. You should be with your family." </div> <div>   " Well…I am. Just not the family you’re thinking of." </div> <div>   " Please don’t tell me you have a secret husband and kids closeted away somewhere. I’m not sure I could take the shock." </div> <div>   " That’s very funny, Josh. I barely have time for a date, much less a secret husband." </div> <div>   As soon as I said the words, I thought of the last date I had been on and the near-catastrophic results of that misstep in judgment. I glanced at Josh out of the corner of my eye, wondering if his thoughts were traveling down the same path. I was relieved to see no indication of it. He did have a slightly puzzled look on his face though.</div> <div>   " What did you mean about family, then?" </div> <div>   " Well… I kind of think of all of us as family. You know…all of us" , I replied, a little shyly. It was one thing to have these sort of thoughts and ideas- it was quite another to share them. I expected him to tease me a little about it, but just at that moment something on the television caught his eye. I turned my attention to the screen as well, and noticed a political analyst on CNN discussing the testimony that Leo had given earlier in the day and  speculating over why it had ended with such abruptness. The speculation then expanded onto what Leo would have said regarding October 30th. When I looked from the television to Josh, I remembered the thoughts I had earlier and couldn‘t help but worry myself. The program went to a commercial and I walked over to Josh’s side of the desk, and touched his shoulder to get his attention. </div> <div>    " Is something going on…something with Leo? Some kind of trouble?" </div> <div>   " Donna… I can’t…" he trailed off, looking uncomfortable. I understood his dilemma. There was something, but it wasn’t anything he felt he could share with me. At the same time, he felt bad about lying to me or avoiding my question.</div> <div>   " Josh, look… I don’t need to know what it is. I could speculate, but I’m not going to. Just remember that Leo’s tough and most important of all- he’s got us."</div> <div>   " Yeah." </div> <div>   " I mean it Josh- He’s got you, and Sam, and Toby, and the President. He’s got all of us…That’s what I meant about family. Family sticks together- they support each other and look out for each other. Just like we do."</div> <div>   He didn’t say anything for the longest moment, but as I started to walk away, he caught my hand. When I turned back to him, I saw the beginnings of a smile turn the corners of his mouth. </div> <div>   " You’re right. I never really looked at it that way- the family thing- but you’re right." </div> <div>   " Of course I am. When are you going to accept the fact that I’m right most of the time", I replied, trying to bring a little humor back to conversation. Of all the things that Josh and I do well together, serious is not one of them. Maybe that would change one day- but for now…</div> <div>   " Probably never… In the meantime- how about you and I getting together for dinner. I mean, since you don’t have plans and neither do I … and it’s the holidays and everything." </div> <div>   " Wow Josh! I’ve never gotten a more elegant invitation to dinner. You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet." </div> <div>   As I’ve said, we don’t really do serious. Banter, good natured mockery, and veiled innuendo are more our forte’. </div> <div>   " Could you possibly resist the urge to mock me and just answer the question?" he grumbled, smiling all the while. </div> <div>   " Hey, it’s that time of year- anything’s possible." </div> <div>  " So, is that a ‘yes’ ?"</div> <div>  "  I guess so. Besides, that will give you the perfect opportunity to give me my present." </div> <div>  " Present? I’m taking you out to dinner- I have to give you a present too?" </div> <div>  " Of course you do. Didn’t you get my gift suggestion list?" </div> <div>   " Sure I did, and I gave it the same serious consideration that I did the last time you gave me one." </div> <div>   " You didn’t look at it at all, did you?" </div> <div>   " I guess you’ll find out tomorrow night", he observed with a teasing grin. </div> <div>   " I guess so."  I agreed, leaving him to wrap up his own odds and ends before leaving. </div> <bR> <div>   About fifteen minutes later, he came out of his office and found me gathering my things in preparation to leave. We walked out together, relishing the sights and sounds of the season as we walked through the lobby. It was a far better Christmas than the year before, and if we were very lucky, next Christmas would bring even more promise…</div> <bR> <bR> <div> The End</div> <div>   </div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>