Amazed

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>A sequel/prequel to "Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff". </B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <B>Amazed</B>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> Amazed</div> <div> by Brandy </div> <bR> <div>  Years ago, I would never have thought that my life would revolve so firmly around the wants, needs and desires of two beautiful, funny, enchanting, charming and disarming females. That was before Donna and Sarah. </div> <div>   When Donna first blew into my life, I was the typical political animal. I lived and breathed and ate the world of professional politics. It was challenging and demanding, but as a life goes, it wasn’t very well rounded. Then one day Donna walked into my office and took over, and bit by bit she worked her way into my heart. Of course, it took me way longer to realize it than it should have. I was completely clueless about how much I loved this remarkable woman for a very long time. Almost too long.  Then one day everything changed- and all those things that I’d tried so hard to ignore slammed me right between the eyes. She almost left for good. I almost lost her. It was then I realized what a stupid jackass I’d been. She’s told me since that she was never as close to leaving as I thought she was. She tells me that I was just feeling guilty over the distance between us, and I exaggerated that job offer into some sort of turning point, but I know what I know. I know I almost didn’t end up with what I have now- and that would have been the biggest loss of my life. </div> <div>   So, after realizing how close I came to losing it all, I threw caution to the wind and decided to let her know how I felt. Oh, don’t get me wrong- I didn’t get down on one knee and swear my undying love for her right there on the spot- that would have been…well, not us. It started out with small revelations, small acknowledgements, but it kept growing, and before I knew it I was telling her in actual words that I loved her. Then, one day I heard myself ask her to marry me. Donna still teases me about that. She swears I looked exactly like someone who had suddenly begun to speak in a language they had no knowledge of. I remember her looking at me with this sort of amused and hesitant smile and asking me if I was sure. To this day, I still believe she was giving me one last chance to take it back- just in case I had opened my mouth without really thinking it through. When she asked me that, giving me that chance, I realized the last thing I wanted to do was take it back. From that moment, my life changed forever- and you’ll never know how thankful I am. </div> <div>    When Donna and I got married we had a very defined idea of how we were going to combine our professional and personal lives into one well-oiled, perfectly functioning enterprise. We had a schedule, one that would help us get the most out of both aspects of our combined lives. It was such a flawless plan- it really should have worked. Except for one thing- the fate element. </div> <div>   Fate’s a funny thing. Really- it is. It sits around on the edge of your life and just waits. It watches all these careful plans that you make- the appointments you mark down in ink instead of pencil, the timelines you strictly adhere to- then it picks a time when it feels it’s most appropriate, (or inappropriate- as the case may be) to arrange things more to it’s liking.</div> <div>   Now I must admit, Donna is much more adaptable to this phenomenon than I am. She is the one in our relationship who is always able to focus on the positive side of new and unexpected developments. That’s just her way. It’s a good thing too. Especially with me. It was exceptionally helpful when fate threw us the first curve ball of our married life. </div> <div> ****************************************</div> <div>   Donna breezes into my office one afternoon and plops down in the visitor’s chair. She props her feet up on the edge of my desk and waits patiently for me to look up from the mountain of briefing memos and acknowledge her presence. I glance up and notice she’s wearing this slightly superior, Mona Lisa smile. This is Donna’s way of saying, non-verbally of course, that she knows something of some importance that I don’t know. Part of this semi-childlike game is that she won’t divulge said information without my asking her. Repeatedly. I think it’s her way of making sure I’m actually listening when she imparts these little jewels of information. She says I value things the most when I have to work for them. I’m not totally sure she’s wrong about that. </div> <div>   Anyway, she’s sitting there- Mona Lisa smile firmly in place and decides I may need a little prompting to get the conversation rolling. </div> <div>   " What are you reading?" </div> <div>   Okay, that was a dead give-away. Donna knows exactly what I’m reading, and the reason I know this, is she’s the one who dropped the stuff on my desk not thirty minutes ago.</div> <div>  I give her a look that says ‘I’m on to your game, but - what the hell- I’ll play’.</div> <div>   " The stuff on the child care funding initiative", I reply. </div> <div>   " Hmmm… now, that’s very interesting."</div> <div>   " Important? Yes. Interesting? Not so much", I remark with honesty. Briefing memos are informative, and sometimes extremely important, but they’re not exactly riveting reading. </div> <div>   " Well, I suppose that would depend on your point of view."</div> <div>   " I suppose." </div> <div>   " Say for instance if you had a vested interest in the outcome of the initiative- well, then it would probably be a little more interesting to you." </div> <div>   "Mmmm…like I said…I suppose, but for me , at this moment, it’s nothing but a necessary drudgery." </div> <div>   " Okay" , Donna sighs, and I hear this thing in her voice. She does it when she’s getting tired of being ignored. It’s nothing overt, and I really don’t think she does it on purpose. It’s just part of her Donna-ness. I have learned to pay attention to it though. It makes for a more harmonious marriage. Not to mention, I’ve learned a little about not taking the things I cherish for granted. </div> <div>  So I push the boring memos aside for the  moment and focus my attention on my adorable and complex wife.</div> <div>   " I have a feeling that you have just come upon a most compelling tidbit of information and you’re just dying to share it with me." </div> <div>   " Sussed that out, did you?" my smug wife replies. </div> <div>   " Yeah…so, what’s today’s tidbit of arcane, yet essential information?" I ask, getting her back a little for the smugness. </div> <div>   "Keep up that kind of talk and I won’t share." </div> <div>   " Yeah right…so, what is it? What’s the fact of the day ?"</div> <div>   " I’m not telling. You’re mocking my valuable ability to pass on useful and interesting information" , Donna says, and proceeds to pull off the most staged and calculated pout in the history of our relationship. Being the good political operative I am, I immediately do damage control.</div> <div>   " No. You mistook interest for mocking. There was absolutely no mocking. I have only interest for whatever information you choose to share with me."</div> <div>   " You know there’s a reason people think all politicians are slick, silver-tongue liars, and I think you just illustrated it." </div> <div>   " No. Not at all- besides, those are Republicans you’re thinking of. I am nothing but sincere in my interest." </div> <div>   " We’ll see." </div> <div>   " So, did you have something to share regarding the childcare stuff?" I ask, clearly trying to get the ball rolling, and further demonstrate my interest. </div> <div>   " In a way." </div> <div>   " Okay…in what way?" </div> <div>  Donna looks at me for a minute, that Mona Lisa smile of hers taking on blatantly smug overtones. She knows she’s got me hooked now, and she’s enjoying the way she’s getting to reel me in slowly. Did I mention my wife is slightly diabolical at times? </div> <div>   " Do you remember those statistics I told you about the failure rate of birth control?" </div> <div>   " Kind of…", I reply, trying very hard to make a connection between childcare and birth control failure. Well, except for the fact that people who experience failed birth control tend to need childcare at some point. </div> <div>   " Kind of? Does that mean that you remember or not?" </div> <div>   " Well…it means that I recall a conversation like that occurring, but-"</div> <div>   " You weren’t really listening." </div> <div>   " I may have been distracted." </div> <div>   " Or you were just not listening." </div> <div>   " That’s a remote possibility." </div> <div>   " More than remote. You really should have been listening." </div> <div>   " I should have?" </div> <div>   " Yep. If you had listened then you would know that no plan is fool-proof." </div> <div>   " Which plan would that be?" I ask, although I have a pretty clear idea which plan she’s referring to. </div> <div>   " The schedule. The one that states very clearly that we won’t think about having kids until President Bartlet has finished his second term." </div> <div>   " Oh…that plan." </div> <div>   " Yeah. Somebody didn’t get the memo on that one."</div> <div>   " Memo? What are you talking about?" </div> <div>   " The birth control pill company- they didn’t get the memo." </div> <div>   " So you’re saying…." </div> <div>   " Yeah. Looks like the schedule just got revised."</div> <div>   I look at her and see that mysterious and alluring smile, and know without a doubt that Donna’s already adjusted to the idea, and she’s just waiting to see how I’ll react. Oddly, I’m not as terrified as I thought I’d be, but I just know that if I look very carefully, I’ll see Fate sitting in the corner- laughing his ass off. </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>   Donna watched me as this information penetrated my brain at an agonizingly slow rate. I’m not totally sure what the expression on my face looked like, but later, when we were able to laugh about it, Donna gave me a hint. She said the only other time she had seen a look like that on my face was the day I had to fill in for CJ at the press briefing. For any of you with a murky recollection of that event, I need only say five words. Secret Plan To Fight Inflation. Yeah, that’s the look- the ‘Oh my God! What have I done?’ look. </div> <div>   " Josh, you’re not freaking out -are you?" my wife asks me, a hesitant and slightly worried look on her face.</div> <div>   " Uhhhmm…no...not at all. I’m just…I’m not freaking out", I reply, sounding very much like someone who is in the process of doing the thing I just denied.</div> <div>   " Okay- but you sound kind of…" </div> <div>   " Really- I’m… Are you sure?" I was about to say I was okay, but I knew she would see right through that lie. </div> <div>   " I’m sure. You remember when you asked me to meet you for lunch today, and I said I couldn’t because I had made plans with Bonnie, Margaret and Ginger?"</div> <div>   " Yeah."</div> <div>   " Well, I really didn’t. I had a doctor’s appointment." </div> <div>   " You lied?" </div> <div>   " Yes, Josh- you really need to follow along with the conversation. I misled you into thinking I had lunch plans so that I could go to the doctor without having to unnecessarily freak you out." </div> <div>   " Okay", I replied dumbly. I think it was at this point that Donna started to get a little worried. </div> <div>   " Josh?"</div> <div>   " Yeah?" </div> <div>   " Are you unhappy about this?" </div> <div>   Well, that was certainly a fair question. Was I unhappy? No- not really. I was shocked- surprised- maybe even a little stunned. But unhappy? No…not unhappy.</div> <div>   " I’m not unhappy. I’m just…We had this schedule, and now it’s… I’m surprised- that’s all. </div> <div>   " Yeah- I know. We really should have known better than to put that timeline down in stone. We were just tempting fate", Donna said with a sigh. </div> <div>   I sat there mulling over what she said and then I thought about that look on her face when she came into my office. It was like she had just gotten the punch line to the universe’s biggest joke- and I think at that moment I got it too. The secret of Donna and I is that we are victims- or rather the product- of fate. From the very beginning, we had been going along thinking that we were the ones making the decisions about our lives. What fools we had been. It had all been fate. It had been fate that brought Leo to me that day with what I thought was a wasted trip to Nashua. It had been fate that made Donna get in her beat up old car and come to New Hampshire to join the Bartlet for America campaign. It had been fate that landed her in my office rather than Toby’s or CJ’s or Sam’s. It had been fate that had her watching over me as the doctors fought to save my life. It was all so clear now. We were having this child at this point in time for a reason. I wasn’t sure what the reason was - but I knew that if I was patient it would all be explained to me.</div> <div>   When I looked back at Donna, I saw my unborn child in her eyes, and I knew it wasn’t the first time- it was only the first time I realized it. The first time had really been that moment in New Hampshire when I handed her my campaign ID, and we started our journey together. Right then, at that moment, Donna knew I had come to realize what she already knew- that this was meant to be. </div> <div>   I walked around my desk and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. Our eyes met and held, and I had this terrific glimpse of the future. Donna and I…and our child. A perfect mixture of the both of us. Everything that made up who we were individually all bundled together into one fantastic human being. </div> <div>   " You know what?"</div> <div>   " What?" </div> <div>   " We’re going to be parents. Is that cool, or what?" I knew I had this ridiculous grin on my face when I said it, but it was okay. Donna had a similar grin on her face.</div> <div>   " Josh?" </div> <div>   " Yeah?" </div> <div>   " You are such a goof." </div> <div>   " Yeah, but you love me anyway." </div> <div>   " I think that’s one of the reasons I love you- so what does that say for me?" Donna said wrapping her arms around my neck. </div> <div>   " That you have exceptional taste?" I venture. </div> <div>   " Yeah. That must be it." </div> <bR> <div>  We told everyone the next day. They weren’t really surprised that our carefully thought out timetable had been blown to hell. We were nothing if not unconventional. Schedules and timetables belonged to other people. We’re just too unique for that. Then there is also the fate element. </div> <bR> <div> ******************************************************************</div> <div>   </div> <bR> <bR> <div> For two people who had spent the last few years immersed in their professional lives, making the adjustment to impending parenthood was no easy feat for Donna and me. Now, first let me say that Donna makes everything look easy. From acquiring mountains of detailed research on any subject at the drop of a virtual hat, to juggling my always demanding, and at times impossible schedule without pissing anyone off, or making them feel ignored, slighted or unhappy. This is a feat in and of itself. Donna does everything in her job description with flair, panache and style- and I’m not just saying that because she’s my wife. I’m saying it because she told me it’s true… and well,  it is. </div> <div>   Anyway, to get back to the point, we were trying to get used to the thought that we would become parents in a few months, and we hadn’t quite adapted to the idea yet. Well- maybe it was really me more than Donna that was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept. I was having  kind of a hard time getting into the reality of it. Donna was, as she so aptly put it one morning while in the midst of a particularly ugly bout of morning sickness, up to her eyeballs in ‘the reality of  pregnancy’. Did I mention that nausea brought out the snippiness in Donna? Well, it did. Not that I wasn’t totally sympathetic- but at moments like that, sympathy tends to fall on deaf ears. </div> <div>   Fortunately, the morning sickness eventually passed, but in it’s wake came the mood swings. Now, Donna is known to have the occasional moment of girly emotion. That is, she gets all sentimental about the occasional sweet things I do, and she’s known to cry at the sad parts of movies- but when it comes to dealing with my occasional outbursts at work, she’s like the Rock of Gibraltar. She just smiles and keeps going. At work, everything was still status quo- but at home- well, things were a bit different. For one, I insisted (without a lot of arm twisting, mind you) that Donna work shorter days. Not a lot shorter at first, but  I wanted to ease her into it- and let’s be honest, myself as well. Because of this arrangement, Donna was usually home before I was. I learned very quickly, in early days of  Donna’s pregnancy, to take the emotional temperature before making plans for the evening. There were nights when I was the comforting shoulder for this gorgeous woman who was no longer the svelte figure she had been at our wedding. Rational Donna knew this was a natural, and temporary, occurrence. The other part of her, the one that was occasionally controlled by roller-coaster hormones, considered this a tragedy of epic proportions. She would get pouty and depressed, declaring that she would never again be able to wear those slinky little dresses that I loved to see her in. I would assure her that was nonsense. She would be back to her pre-baby figure before she knew it. Usually, after a little reassurance, she would be right back to her regular self, even laughing off her behavior as being ‘typically pregnant’ . Those moments were the low end of the roller coaster. The high end of the roller coaster manifested itself in an entirely different way. Those were the times I refer to as ‘the honeymoon-part2’ . Did I mention my wife can be quite a voracious, seductive woman? Well, she can - trust me on that.</div> <div>  We were still in our ‘adjustment phase’  when Donna came into the office one afternoon with this particular look on her face. I’ve become very well acquainted with this look- it has a very defined purpose. It’s a look my loving, yet conniving, wife uses when she wants me to do something that I’m probably not going to want to do. She sat down in the visitor’s chair and gazed at me with a sweet smile and an aura of absolute innocence. I set aside the papers I was reading and leaned back in my chair,  waiting for the hook. </div> <div>   " Taking a break?" I asked. </div> <div>   " Yeah- a short one." </div> <div>   " That’s good." </div> <div>   " Anything going on I should know about?" I asked, giving her the opening I knew she was waiting for. </div> <div>   " No…not really. Well, actually there is kind of a thing…" </div> <div>   " What would that be?" </div> <div>   " Well, do you remember my friend Emma?"</div> <div>   " Was she the one who broke up with her boyfriend at our wedding reception?" </div> <div>   " No, that was Trudy. Emma was there with her husband." </div> <div>   " Was she the one who kept turning green every time she got near the salmon?" </div> <div>   " Yes- you have the oddest ways of remembering people", Donna observed, giving me a curious look.</div> <div>   " The woman practically heaved on me. I tend to remember things like that." </div> <div>   " Well, she had a very good reason. She was pregnant. If you’ll remember, I used to have a similar reaction to your incinerated hamburgers." </div> <div>   " Well, yeah- I suppose you’re right." </div> <div>   " I thought you’d see it my way. Well, I talked to her yesterday- she congratulated us on the baby, by the way." </div> <div>   " That was nice." </div> <div>   " Yeah- she was offering me all this advice. Their little girl is three months old now. She’s their first… anyway, she and Billy have been planning this overnight trip to Baltimore. You know, stay at one of those pretty little bed & breakfast places on the waterfront. Romantic dinner- the whole thing." </div> <div>   " That sounds nice. We should do that one weekend", I respond, thinking that this was what she was fishing for.</div> <div>   " Yeah, that would be really nice, Josh, but the thing is- Emma and Billy have been planning this for a few weeks, and Emma’s mother just came down with the flu and can’t watch the baby." </div> <div>   " That’s too bad" I sympathized- then I felt that uncomfortable sensation in the corner of my mouth. You know- the feeling of the hook catching. </div> <div>   " Donna…no…no way." </div> <div>   " Aww, come on, Josh. It’s one night. Late Saturday afternoon they’ll drop her off at our place, and pick her up Sunday at noon." </div> <div>   " Donna…", I protested.</div> <div>   " Josh, this would be a really nice thing to do. Emma’s mother is the only person she’s felt comfortable leaving the baby with, and today when I offered-" </div> <div>   " You offered? Without saying anything to me ?" </div> <div>   " Yes, Josh, I offered. It’s really not that big of a deal. One of theses days we could be in the same boat. Plus, there’s a practical side to this." </div> <div>   " Practical? Please explain." </div> <div>   " We are, after all, having a baby. This is something we have to get used to. You can consider this weekend as a trial run. You know, like getting our feet wet in the parenthood pool." </div> <div>   I sat there for a moment, trying to figure a way out of it. I thought of every counter-argument Donna would raise to every argument I could make, and finally decided that I’d lost this particular battle when she reminded me we’d be doing this for real pretty soon. I mean- how do you argue with that?</div> <div>   "Okay. I guess you’re right. I just hope you know what you’re doing, because I don’t have a clue." </div> <div>   " Well, I guess it’s a good idea that you’re getting some practical training then", Donna said, rising from her chair, a mixture of triumph and superiority on her face. </div> <div>   Right as she was about to leave, Sam walked into my office. </div> <div>   " Hey- I’m getting everyone together for poker at my place Saturday night. You guys want to come?" </div> <div>   " We can’t. We’ve got plans", I responded somewhat dejectedly. </div> <div>   " That’s right- Josh and I are babysitting this weekend", my wife added helpfully. I immediately noticed this irritatingly amused grin on Sam’s face. He looked to Donna , then to me , and back to Donna. Then he chuckled.</div> <div>   " Josh? Babysitting? You’re kidding, right?" </div> <div> I was about to respond to my friend’s oh-so-funny comment, when my wife beat me to it. </div> <div>   " Yes, Sam. Babysitting. You have a problem with that?" Donna asked, giving Sam a look like she’d like to skewer him with the pencil behind her ear. </div> <div>   " Uhhh- no. No problem at all. I think it’s a great idea." </div> <div>   " Good. I thought so too." </div> <div>   " Okey-dokey - well I guess we can get together some other time. You guys have fun this weekend." </div> <div>   With that, Sam beat a hasty retreat back to his own office. My darling wife, having achieved her goal, left in a haze of triumphant glory to return to her desk. As for me- well, I sat at my desk wondering just what in the hell we had gotten ourselves into. </div> <bR> <div>    Saturday arrived, and Donna worked like a demon all morning long to make sure she got home very early and I got home reasonably early. She left two hours before I did, but not without warning me that nothing short of a direct request from the President would qualify as a good excuse for being late. Like a dutiful husband, who makes a point of not pissing off his wife, I left at the appointed time. </div> <div>   As it worked out, I got home just after our miniature houseguest had arrived. Her parents had also departed by the time I got there. The first thing I noticed as I walked in the door, was the mountain of baby stuff piled on the sofa. How could one small child require so much stuff? I didn’t pack that much stuff for a two week vacation.</div> <div>   " Donna?" I yelled, not seeing her amidst the baby paraphernalia. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen. No Donna.</div> <div>   " Donna? Where are you? What’s with all this stuff? Is the kid staying for the duration?" I asked as I made my way to the bedroom. I pushed open the door and I was about to ask why she didn’t answer me, when suddenly I was robbed of the power of speech. What I saw in front of me was just…words defied. I looked into our darkened bedroom and saw Donna lying on the bed asleep. She had the pillows propped up behind her, her hair fanned out across them, and on her stomach, sleeping the totally peaceful sleep that only babies sleep, was our weekend houseguest. That image- that moment was what finally brought it all together for me. It was a sneak preview of the future. At that moment, in my mind, the child sleeping with Donna wasn’t her friend’s child, but ours. It was really real- not just an idea. I know it sounds stupid- it’s not like I just realized that Donna being pregnant meant that we were having a child. I guess the best way to explain it would be to know the difference between understanding something, and feeling it. I understood it before- now I felt it. </div> <div>   As I stood there watching Donna and this sweet baby sleep, I could feel myself beginning to anxiously anticipate the moment when I would see our child in her arms. From that moment on, I stopped feeling nervous about the idea of parenthood. That moment- that glimpse of the future- put everything into focus. When Donna opened her eyes, she saw me standing there with that crazy smile on my face, and knew that I had gotten it. That the last piece of the puzzle had fallen into place, and I knew. I felt it now- just like she did. </div> <div>   I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t play poker that weekend. Sam’s right- I have a lousy poker face. </div> <div>    </div> <div> ****************************************************************</div> <div>   </div> <div>     Donna officially started her maternity leave one week before her due date. I wanted her to start it earlier but she was immoveable on the subject. She had only slotted out a certain number of weeks for maternity leave and, as she put it, she wanted to spend it with the baby rather than waiting for the baby. </div> <div>   I, with Donna’s help, had managed to find a temp that I could live with. She wasn’t afraid to work long hours, didn’t jump when I yelled requests from my office, and seemed faintly amused by my growing distraction. This distraction grew proportionately as Donna’s due date got closer. Caroline, the temp, and Donna got along very well right from the beginning. Due to Donna’s gradual scaling back of her schedule, Caroline and I had been able to get used to each other in small doses. While she certainly wasn’t Donna, she was a good temporary replacement, and whoever got her on a permanent basis would have a valuable assistant.</div> <div>   Another source of amusement in the west wing in those days was the baby pool, which had started with CJ. I personally think it was her way of teasing me about a decision that Donna had made early in her pregnancy.</div> <bR> <div>   Almost as soon as we found out we were going to have a baby, we started discussing the possibilities for our child’s future. This inevitably led to speculation of whether the baby was a boy or a girl. When I mentioned how we would be able to find out a lot sooner than couples in my parents time, Donna told me something that surprised me a little. She said that she didn’t want to know the sex of the baby ahead of time- that it robbed the moment of a certain magic. She went on to inform me that if I wanted to know, that was perfectly alright with her. As soon as she said it, I knew it was one of those traps that some men fall into. You know, the questions or statements to which there is either no right response, or just one very carefully worded one, and you better be very circumspect when choosing your words.  So, when she said it was ‘perfectly alright’ for me to know the sex of our child when she didn’t, I knew I better proceed with caution. Eventually, in my quest to be a good and supportive husband and father-to-be, I told her that I couldn’t know something that significant and keep it from her, so it was best that neither of us knew. When CJ found out about this interesting little tidbit of information, the baby pool got its start. </div> <div>   Now, Donna thinks I’m silly for thinking this, but I’ve always been of the opinion that the baby pool was CJ’s clever tool of temptation. In other words, it was her way of seeing if I could be tempted to back off my decision not to know the baby’s sex. My biggest clue was when she pulled me aside one day and said that if I was willing to share a little inside information regarding the pool, she would help me get a jump start on the kid’s college fund. When I responded that I was neither willing nor able to share any information, she gave me this measuring look and then shrugged. She ended the conversation by saying that if I changed my mind, I knew where to find her. Later, I noticed CJ and Donna sharing this look- like they knew something amusing that no one else did. I realized then that all women are diabolical in a way men will never understand.</div> <div>   When Donna went on maternity leave, I began wearing two pagers. One was my regular pager of course, the other was the ‘baby pager’. Just the presence of this pager put me in a state of constant high alert. It also enhanced my growing state of distraction- a source of amusement to all my co-workers and friends. Not everyone was amused by my little affliction though.</div> <div>    Donna was about three days into her maternity leave and I was sitting in Leo’s office for a senior staff meeting. We had been discussing the new health care package for the last thirty minutes or so when I began to feel the uncomfortable sensation one invariably feels when falling under the laser intensity of the McGarry glare. I looked at Leo then around me to the others, who were wearing expressions that ran from amusement to sympathy. I returned my attention to Leo, who was still glaring a hole through me. </div> <div>   " What?" I asked, for lack of anything better to say. </div> <div> Leo rolled his eyes, and sighed. </div> <div>   " Okay, that’s it for now, everybody. Get back to work", Leo grumbled, gesturing everyone out of his office. The others departed with a haste that can only be compared to rats fleeing a sinking ship. I rose from my chair to follow, only be halted by Leo. </div> <div>   " Not you, Josh. Sit."</div> <div>  I did as I was told, and prepared myself for the scolding I probably deserved. I was well aware that my lack of attention had been trying Leo’s patience lately. Leo didn’t say anything for a moment, but I was smart enough to know that this circumstance wouldn’t last long. </div> <div>   " Just out of curiosity, did you manage to keep up with anything that was said in the last twenty minutes?" Leo asked. </div> <div>   " Uhmmm…well- you see…" </div> <div>   " I didn’t think so." Leo leaned back in his chair and shook his head. "Josh, while I appreciate the ten minutes of your undivided attention I got at the beginning of the meeting, I actually do need that the whole time you’re in here. Now- would you mind telling me what exactly is the nature of your problem?" </div> <div>   " Leo… I … I’m sorry. It’s just that Donna’s due any day and…" I trailed off, thinking that while this was a perfectly good excuse in my world, I had a responsibility to Leo, and most importantly the President. My problem at that particular moment was that I was having a really hard time figuring out which responsibility had priority. As I was mulling this over, I noticed Leo’s expression soften a little and that a trace of a smile lurked at the corners of his mouth. </div> <div>   " Josh, let me give you some advice from the voice of experience. This baby is going to come, and no matter how vigilant you are, you’re still going to feel totally unprepared for the moment that child  decides to make his or her appearance. I know. I’ve been there. No amount of mental preparation can get you ready for what happens to you when your child is born." </div> <div>   " Where you there when Mallory was born?" I ask. </div> <div>   " Not in the way you mean- things were done different then. I think it’s better the way they are now. Both parents were there when it all got started, and they should both experience the whole thing. There’s one thing though… and this is really something that I can’t fully explain to you, you’ll have to find out for yourself- but when you’re there with Donna, and you’re watching it all happen, you’ll realize what we all do from time to time." </div> <div>   " What’s that?" </div> <div>   " That sometimes- usually during the most important events in our lives-  we’re nothing more than amazed and mystified spectators." </div> <div>   " Spectators? " </div> <div>   " Yeah- we’re just watching what unfolds. At God’s mercy and fate’s whim." </div> <div>   We sat there for a while, neither of us saying a word. I think Leo was trying to give me a moment to digest what he had said, and I have to tell you, it was a pretty big pill to swallow. Finally though, he smiled and said, " Until then, do me a favor and try to relax a little. There’s a certain freedom in realizing you’re basically just along for the ride." </div> <bR> <div>   I left Leo’s office that day still not fully understanding what he meant. I never mentioned that conversation to anyone. Not even Donna. Four days later I finally got what he meant. I finally understood what it meant to be a ‘mystified and amazed’ spectator as I watched Donna immerse herself in the awe-inspiring task of bringing our child into this world. I’ve seen some amazing things in my lifetime, but nothing could even come close in comparison. It wasn’t the pain she was enduring, although I have to say my respect for women and Donna in particular reached new heights that day. It was the singularity of purpose - the focus it required to deliver our child safely into this world. </div> <div>   I still can’t explain what it felt like the first time I looked into my daughter’s eyes, and felt that first tidal wave of complete love and adoration you have for your child. No feeling on earth is like it. It’s so overwhelming it completely defies words. When I looked at Donna, I knew she was the only person on earth who could understand how I felt at that precise moment, because I knew she was experiencing the exact same thing. </div> <div>   There was a moment, later that same day when Donna had fallen asleep, and I was sitting next to her, holding Sarah in my arms. It was the first time I had her completely to myself that day, and I was just watching as she slept. As I memorized every contour of her face, and marveled at her tiny fingernails, and tiny eyelashes, and delightful tilt of her nose, she opened her eyes and looked at me. It was at that moment, and with no great deal of surprise, that I realized the eyes looking back at me were the mirror image of those belonging to the woman who slept so peacefully in the bed next to me. As I said, it was no great surprise to me. After all, hadn’t I seen my unborn children in her eyes?  </div> <div> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</div> <div> Epilogue-</div> <div> (six years and a half years later)</div> <bR> <bR> <div>   When I look back on the day that Sarah was born, I see the day that my life changed forever. It was a wonderful change, but a change nonetheless. Even with all the discussions that Donna and I had about how having a child would change things, it still took us by surprise. We had read all the books, taken the classes on the practical aspects of parenting, and had received the advice of many well-meaning friends- but at the end of day, it was just the two of us. Just the two of us and this tiny, remarkable human being that was totally dependent on us. Can you imagine a more staggeringly awesome responsibility? </div> <div>   I, a rank novice, was understandably terrified. Donna, if she ever experienced fear, didn’t show it to me. I think, at times, she felt as overwhelmed as I did, but one of us had to look confident in their role, and she did her part with amazing grace and aplomb. Not that I was surprised- Donna has always been a constant source of amazement to me. </div> <div>   I managed to spend a great deal of time with Sarah the week after she was born, and that time remains among my most treasured memories. It was a time of tremendous discovery for me. I discovered that parenting was something I was going to love. Maybe because with all its inherent joys, it was also fraught with pitfalls and challenges, and as Donna has said, I enjoy most the things I have to work hardest at. I also discovered that there was a part of my heart that even Donna hadn’t touched - a part that had been unavailable for a very long time. It was the part that believed totally in miracles, and unadulterated, innocent joy. It was the part that we all lose in some way as we become adults. It was the part of my heart that had remained unreachable since Joanie had died. That evening that I held Sarah, and we made that first, unbreakable connection, she  broke through the pain and guilt and made her home in that corner of my heart, filling it as it never had been filled before. For the first time in many, many years, I felt that the impossible was possible- the proof was right there in my arms. </div> <div>   The fact that I recognized this reawakened part of me didn’t make everything magically easier. Don’t get me wrong- it was wonderful, but it added to the already awesome responsibility I felt. I suppose the best way to explain it would be to say that you never fully realize the importance of something until you’ve lost it. I lost it once- and I never wanted to lose it again. Mostly for Sarah and Donna’s sake, but in a small way for my own.</div> <div>   I began to look at the world in a different way from that point on. I saw all the pitfalls and dangers- all the things waiting out there to tarnish and break an innocent heart and I tried to think of all the ways I could  protect Sarah. In the end, I came to the pitiful realization that short of encasing her in a protective bubble, there was no way I could shield her from everything. With that in mind, I began to read how to be a nurturing, pro-active parent.  I even called Millicent Griffith and asked her to recommend the best experts in childhood development. She congratulated me on the baby, gave me a few names, (which I had already consulted) , and said the best thing I could do for my child and myself was to relax and remember how much fun it was to be a kid. </div> <div> "Get down on the floor and play with blocks- walk barefoot in the grass. Do all that neat kid stuff." </div> <div>   This was the advice I got on child rearing from the country’s highest ranking medical professional- be a kid. </div> <div>   I was still obsessing over this particular subject when Caroline informed me the First Lady was on her way over to see me, so I should get my nose out of the baby books, and try to look like I was doing something that resembled work. Have I mentioned that Caroline, my temporary assistant, took lessons in sassing the boss from my wife?  I was flipping through some files when the First Lady entered my office. I barely had time to stand up before she took a seat. </div> <div>   " Hello Josh- how’s fatherhood agreeing with you?" </div> <div>   " Just fine, Ma’am. Sarah’s amazing." </div> <div>   " I wouldn’t imagine you’d feel any other way", she replied with an indulgent grin. " So, when are you are bringing this amazing child around to see Jed and I?" </div> <div>   " Uhhh- well, I hadn’t thought about it… I could ask Donna." </div> <div>   " Why don’t I give her a call? We can work out all the details between us. How does that sound?" </div> <div>   " That sounds fine, Ma’am." </div> <div>   " Good…you look tired, Josh. Has Sarah been keeping you up at night?" </div> <div>   " Well, I like to get up with her when Donna does. Sometimes, it’s the only time I get to spend with her", I admitted.</div> <div>   " I can see she’s already got you wrapped around her finger", she teased, noticing the blush coloring my features. </div> <div>   " Well… I’m not sure…." </div> <div>   " Don’t bother, Josh. I know the signs all too well. I have three daughters, remember? I’m just glad to see you’re taking your responsibilities as a father seriously." </div> <div>   " I am, Ma’am, you can trust me on that." </div> <div>   Abbey just nodded and looked around the corner of my desk where my ever growing stack of childhood research sat. </div> <div>   " So, I see… I don’t remember seeing this much research material when Jed was working on his PhD dissertation. Are you hoping to become some sort of overnight expert?" </div> <div>   " Well, no- not exactly Ma’am. It’s just that I want to be a good parent." </div> <div>   Abbey Bartlet looked at me, and with an indulgent smile, she gave me the best advice I had received up to that point, or possibly ever could. </div> <div>   " I’m going to tell you something, Josh, and you may not believe me, but I swear it’s true." </div> <div>   " Okay…" </div> <div>   " Throw away all the books, ignore all the opinions, and just follow your instincts." </div> <div>   " But-" </div> <div>   " No buts. Do you love Sarah?" </div> <div>   " Yes-" </div> <div>   " Then that’s all that really matters. Because if you really love her, then she’ll always come first in your heart, her best interests will be your main concern- your top priority. In the end, that’s the best you can ever do for her."</div> <div>   </div> <div>   Abbey got up then and got ready to leave, but before she walked out the door, she turned back, and with an impish grin said in parting, " Besides, if you screw up too bad, Donna will know what to do… Don’t forget to tell her I’ll be calling." </div> <bR> <div>   I sat there after she had left, and suddenly the absurdity of it all hit me, and I just began to laugh. It was all so simple. All the research, all the books, all the opinions, none of it could compare to the simple power of love. Love and Donna’s common sense. They really should put that kind of information in a book…</div> <bR> <bR> <div>   The one decision regarding Sarah that Donna and I really struggled with was the choice of godparents. Because of the fact that Donna and I don’t share the same faith, and neither of us are what you would call active participants, it was a more complex decision than it normally would be.  We both wanted people who shared the same ideals we had, people we respected. People that could teach our child things that we believed she could be the better for learning. Amazingly, quite a few people landed  in that category. The Bartlets, of course, were the first to land on that list. In fact, when we were making our original list, Donna and I both had the same thought at the same moment. We also dismissed it at almost the same time, for the same reason. Although we both respected and admired them, we didn’t feel personally close enough to approach them with such an awesome responsibility. Possibly a dozen people were added to the list, and we discussed each of them in detail- never really reaching a decision. Then one day something happened, and I got another glimpse of fate intervening in my life. </div> <div>   Donna was supposed to come back to work the following week, and since she had been receiving fervent requests from almost everyone to bring Sarah by for a visit, she decided to drop by on what was supposed to be a very slow, uncomplicated Friday afternoon. The President and the First Lady were both out of town, and most of the business that could be accomplished had already been taken care of. It should have been a nice little visit where our friends and co-workers could admire our magnificent and beautiful daughter, and we could bask in the glory of producing her. No muss, no fuss. Only one problem with that. It was the White House- the largest known monument to Murphy’s Law : if it can go wrong, it will go wrong- and it will happen here. </div> <div>   Many months before, I had worked with Senator Harris of Oregon on a very important element of the health care initiative we were trying to get pushed through. The portion that needed his support had to do with child health care. This was something that had become more important than ever to me over the last few months. Now, at the eleventh hour, he was starting to buckle under to pressure from the insurance lobbies. His support was wavering, and on a day that should have been pleasant and uncomplicated- a day when I should have been able to bask in the glory of new fatherhood- I faced the unpleasant task of smacking a wishy-washy senator back in line. </div> <div>   When Donna arrived in the west wing, the moment was heralded by copious ohh’s and ahh’s from everyone in the general vicinity of the bullpen. I would have loved to have been out there with her to enjoy everyone’s obvious and understandable enchantment with the wonder of Sarah Lyman, but I was trapped on the phone. Who could I have been speaking to that was important enough to prevent me from celebrating the glory of my daughter’s social debut? You guessed it- Senator Harris. The more he rationalized his lame ass position, the more irritated I became. At some point this may have resulted in me losing my temper and suggesting he do something which is perhaps physically impossible. It was at this moment  that my wife and daughter walked into my office. </div> <div>   " Is that the sort of language you want your daughter learning from you?" my unflappable wife asked me, a hint of a grin turning the corners of her mouth as she leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. </div> <div>   " If she has to deal with people like that one day, it may prove useful", I replied, mostly kidding- I think. </div> <div>   " Josh!" </div> <div>   " Hey, I’m just saying…" </div> <div>   " I heard what you were saying. Would you like to tell me who you were verbally vivisecting this time?" </div> <div>  "Harris." </div> <div>  "Harris? As in Senator Harris from Oregon?" my wife asked, somewhat incredulously. </div> <div>   " That’s the one." </div> <div>   " But Josh- we need him on the child health care thing. You’ve been working him for a few months now. What am I saying-*we’ve* been working him for a few months. What happened?" </div> <div>   " He fell off the fence. On the wrong side." </div> <div>   " Are you sure? Completely off? Could he be dragged back over?" </div> <div>   " I kind of doubt it." </div> <div>   " Doubt? Doubt enters into this? You just told that man, in a very loud voice by the way, to do something anatomically impossible, and you have doubts?" </div> <div>   " Well, when you put it that way…" </div> <div>   " Oh, Josh!"</div> <div>   " I’m not feeling a lot of support from my wife here, Donna." </div> <div>   " Gee… I wonder why? Josh, this is just bad." </div> <div>   At that particular moment, and totally in keeping with my luck that day, Leo walked into my office. </div> <div>   " Hi Donna- what’s bad?" Leo asked at Donna. </div> <div>   " Josh can tell you. Sarah and I are going to go make the rounds. Is Margaret at her desk?" </div> <div>   " Yeah, she heard Sarah was in the building. You better get over there before she sends out a search party", Leo replied with a grin. </div> <div>   " On my way. Say bye to Daddy, Sarah, and wish him luck." </div> <div>   I managed to brush a kiss across my daughter’s forehead before my loving wife beat her hasty retreat. As soon as they were gone, Leo turned to me, the smile gone. </div> <div>   " What happened?" </div> <bR> <div>   I filled Leo in on the situation with Senator Harris. I decided-wisely I think-  to leave out my parting suggestion to the Senator. It really didn’t seem quite prudent at the time. Leo listened, and at the end uttered the two words to which there is no rebuttal, no reply, and no argument- "Fix it." With those two words echoing in my head, I went in search of the only person I could think of who could possibly aid me in this endeavor- my wife. </div> <div>    Now, while it’s certainly true that Toby has cultivated a reputation as a pain in the ass, I have a certain claim to fame in that area as well. Senator Harris, especially at this particular juncture in time, would have been the first to agree with that assessment. When it came to Donna, however, he had a totally different opinion. Senator Harris considered Donna to be charming and witty, and a veritable font of resourcefulness. He had also tried, on several occasions, to steal her out from under my nose. Of course he was unsuccessful, but the fact remained that if anyone could drag his ass back over the fence it was Donna. </div> <div>   By the time I located my charming wife and daughter, they were happily ensconced in CJ’s office, where CJ was in the process of introducing Sarah to Gail, the fish. </div> <div>   " I’m not quite sure she’s old enough to be impressed by your fish yet, CJ." </div> <div>   " Oh look, Sarah- there’s Daddy. Uncle Leo didn’t decapitate him after all." </div> <div>   Have I ever mentioned how much joy CJ derives from mocking me? Quite a lot, actually. </div> <div>   " That’s funny, CJ. Do you think you could entertain Sarah a little longer so I could speak to my wife in private?" </div> <div>   " Go away. We’ll get along swimmingly without you. Won’t we, Sarah?" </div> <bR> <div> I hesitated for a moment as I watched CJ with Sarah. I always loved to see the effect she has on people, especially people who aren’t around kids a lot. Sarah was working her magic, as usual. Donna walked out of CJ’s office and stood in front of me, reading the landscape of my face as if it were words on a page, trying to decipher what was on my mind before I said it.</div> <div>   "What’s up?" she asked, although I had a sneaking suspicion that she had more than a clue. </div> <div>   " Well, I talked to Leo…"</div> <div>   " And?" </div> <div>   " He told me to fix it."</div> <div>   " Okay….and?" </div> <div>   " And… I need you." </div> <div>   " Why?" </div> <div>   " He likes you."</div> <div>   " Leo?" </div> <div>   " Senator Harris." </div> <div>   " He might like you too, if you didn’t swear at him like a sailor." </div> <div>   " I kinda’ doubt that. Besides, he’ll listen to you. He thinks you’re charming and witty and …" </div> <div>   " I used to think you were charming and witty", Donna rejoined, smirking at me. </div> <div>   " But you still love me anyway. Come on, Donna- this is as important to you as it is to me." </div> <div>   " I hate it when you’re right." </div> <div>   " But still, you acknowledge that I am right?"</div> <div>   " Do you want my help or not?" </div> <div>   " Absolutely." </div> <div>   " What about Sarah?" Donna asked. </div> <div>   " We really shouldn’t bring her…although-" </div> <div>  " Don’t finish that thought, Josh Lyman. You are not using our daughter to score political points." </div> <div>   " I would never even suggest something like that! Really, Donna- that thought never even entered my mind." </div> <div>   I will admit to a trace of guilt at that particular moment. The thought did, in fact, enter my mind. I’d been a politician longer than I’d been a father, after all. I wouldn’t actually do it. But the thought did sneak in, I’ll admit. </div> <div>   " Uh-huh", my wife replied a tad skeptically, " Just make sure it never does." </div> <div>   " So, you’ll go with me and smooth Harris’s ruffled feathers?"</div> <div>   " I said I would, didn’t I? We still haven’t figured out what to do with Sarah." </div> <div>   " How about CJ?" I suggested.</div> <div>   " Josh- CJ’s working… and I don’t know. You think she would?" </div> <div>   " I tell you what- you go call Senator Harris’s office and I’ll talk to CJ", I offered. Donna went back to my office to make the call, and I returned to CJ. </div> <bR> <div>   </div> <div>   I can be a very persuasive man. It’s only one of my many attributes. Of course, there are some people out there who are immune to my persuasive charm. Go figure. CJ usually falls in that category. She usually lets me stand there and exercise my full measure of charm, then she rolls her eyes and calls me an idiot, or laughs out loud. It’s a very humbling experience, and not one I usually go out of my way to have. This time, however, I had a secret weapon. My darling and enchanting daughter, Sarah. </div> <div>   I walked into CJ’s office and saw that Sarah was still casting her spell over my normally immune friend. I presented my request, and with barely any fuss at all, got what I wanted. CJ agreed to watch Sarah, as long as we didn’t take too long. After a quick run through of the baby paraphernalia, I gave my daughter a kiss, and departed before CJ could change her mind. Donna was slightly amazed that I had been able to get CJ to agree, but then she remembered that Sarah’s powers of persuasion and charm were far superior to my own. </div> <div>   The choice to have Donna accompany me was a wise one. I knew that she would be able to make Senator Harris see the light of day, and she did. When faced with the compassion and conviction of a new mother, speaking about an issue that she cared a great deal, the Senator didn’t have a chance. He practically hopped back over the fence by the time Donna was done with him. As I’ve said before, Donna is a constant source of amazement to me. </div> <bR> <div>   When we returned triumphantly to the White House that evening, we immediately went in search of our daughter. Let’s face it, the glory belonged to her as well, since she was at least partial incentive for our victory. We went directly to CJ’s office, only to find it dark and empty. Donna and I shared a look, a glimmer of fleeting panic. Where on earth was our daughter? </div> <div>  A short search soon produced results. Oddly amusing, and somewhat surprising results. CJ and Sarah were in Toby’s office. When we found them, CJ and Toby were sitting on opposite ends of his sofa, Sarah between them, and they were discussing Sarah’s possibilities for higher education. They were both smiling, and their tones were pleasant enough, but the conversation itself was clearly argumentative. Toby was expounding on the merits of eastern, ivy league schools, while CJ was arguing the merits of Berkley. I could only thank my lucky stars that the President wasn’t there to throw Notre Dame into the mix. For her part, Sarah seemed to be following the conversation with a great deal of amusement. Not that I could blame her- here she was, barely over a month old, and these two adults were arguing over which college she should attend. It was really kind of hilarious. I turned to Donna to see if she was finding it as amusing as I did, and I saw this look in her eyes. She turned to me and smiled, but the smile wasn’t because she was amused- it was because she had seen something there, and a second later I saw it too. In that moment, we made our decision about the perfect godparents for Sarah. Actually, I’m not entirely sure we made that decision on our own. I think fate and Sarah had a lot more to do with the choosing. </div> <bR> <div> The first two years of Sarah’s life were ones of huge transition and adjustment for Donna and I. It was an incredibly busy time, and we were trying to get so much accomplished that, at times, the days just ran into each other. But as wild and frantic and exhausting as it was- I wouldn’t trade those days for anything. Having not just Donna, but Donna and Sarah to share all that with, made everything we were trying to accomplish that much more important. I remember worrying that we would never have the time to do everything we wanted to do, and out of that worry grew frustration. I’ll be the first to admit that when I’m frustrated and impatient I’m not the easiest person in the world to get along with. Over the years, Donna has learned to  either overlook or dispel my impatient and fretful moods, but one day she reached the end of her considerable patience. </div> <div>   After her maternity leave, Donna returned on an amended schedule. Three to four days at work and the rest at home with Sarah. At first this worked out pretty well, until Caroline, who had filled in wonderfully in Donna’s absence, got offered a full time position that she couldn’t afford to turn down. Caroline put off starting the other position as long as she could, in an effort to help Donna and I find a suitable replacement, but when she left we still hadn’t found  anyone. For two weeks we did the temp pool shuffle, and then finally Donna found just the right person. Her name was Sandy Allen , and she had a son not much older than Sarah. She wanted the same sort of arrangement that Donna wanted, in order to spend more time with her child. It all ended up working out perfectly, and I got my first real experience in the benefits of job sharing.</div> <div>   In her defense, I must say that Sandy worked out great, but I never relied on her the same way I relied on Donna. So, on the days that Donna wasn’t at work, I knew she was only a phone call away if I really needed her. Sometimes this worked out fine. Donna never felt she was out of the loop with things that were going on. At other times, I’m sure she got the feeling that she was juggling gorillas. The reason I know she felt this way was because she told me so- in those exact words. On the days when I was experiencing a total lack of patience with the world, and Sarah was having one of her less than happy days, Donna had the dubious pleasure of juggling two cranky gorillas. It was on one of those days that Donna lost her patience with me, and let me know it in no uncertain terms. </div> <div>   For the month prior to the aforementioned incident, we had been working on a education package that would provide major funding for increased teachers salaries, incentives for teaching in areas that were understaffed, special programs- basically the ideal education package. Sam had taken to calling it ‘the silver bullet plan’. I had personally courted so many congressmen and senators that my dance card, not to mention my ability to lay on the charm, was wearing thin. No one saw evidence of this more than my loving and forgiving wife. </div> <div>   We had finally reached the point where it looked as though we had everything we wanted in our grasp, when two senators, (who will forever be on my list- yeah, *that* list) decided to attach a totally unrelated and self-serving rider to the package. The rider was something so outrageous, so ridiculous, that it would almost guarantee the bill would be dead in the water before it even got a chance. Of course, all of this occurred on a day that Donna was at home. So what did I do? Yeah, you guessed it. I called my wife. My wife, who had barely been able to get any sleep for the last forty-eight hours because our darling, normally angelic daughter was in the process of cutting two teeth simultaneously. Neither my wife nor my daughter was in the best of moods. That would cause the average man to rethink disturbing his wife at home with work problems. I ask you, though - do I look like an average man to you? </div> <bR> <div>   By the time Donna picked up the phone, I was beginning to wonder if she was even at home. Of course when she finally answered I was starting to have my first glimmer of doubt over the wisdom of calling her in the first place. </div> <div>   " This had better be important." </div> <div>   " Hello to you too, Donna", I said, trying for charm. I’m not quite sure she noticed the effort.</div> <div>   " I’m not kidding, Josh. Canada better be invading Michigan or an alien spaceship better be hovering over the Capitol. You better have an excellent reason for disturbing the first sleep I’ve managed to get in….I’m not exactly sure how long." </div> <div>   " You were asleep? Why didn’t you turn the machine on?" </div> <div>   " Hmmm… let’s see? Maybe because I relished the thought of being startled out of the blissful sleep I had managed to fall into, or maybe- just maybe, it’s because after two days of virtually no sleep, work, and a cranky, inconsolable child, my brain has turned into fried oatmeal, and I forgot!" </div> <div>   It was really fortunate for my hearing that I had begun to hold the phone away from ear about halfway through that little recitation. For a woman as obviously exhausted as she was, she had amazing vocal energy. </div> <div>   " Donna?" </div> <div>  " Yes", she ground out, and even over the phone I could tell that her jaws were clenched in frustration. </div> <div>   " You got kind of loud at the end there." </div> <div>    " You have exactly five seconds to tell me why you called. One more inane comment, and I’m hanging up, putting the machine on, and seriously considering not speaking to you for a really long time." </div> <div>    As soon as Donna was finished speaking, I realized two things. One, that I had all but forgotten my earlier frustration and anger over the education bill, and two, Donna apparently needed a break in the worst way. </div> <div>   " Josh?" Donna prompted, her jaw only slightly less clenched. </div> <div>   " Listen, never mind about why I was calling. It was… it’ll keep. Are you as tired as you sound?" </div> <div>   " More than you could possibly imagine. The campaign trail was a veritable day at the beach compared to a teething child. I mean, really Josh- she had to cut two teeth at the exact same time?" </div> <div>   " Lyman’s never do anything halfway", I responded, unable to keep the ridiculous pride out of my voice, as though Sarah’s teething habits were an indication of future impressive deeds. </div> <div>   " So I can lay the blame solely at your feet for this." </div> <div>   I really had no response to that, so I changed the subject.</div> <div>   "What can I do to help?" </div> <div>   " Make teething painless, and return our daughter to her normally sunny disposition." </div> <div>   " Is she really that bad? I mean, maybe we should take her to the pediatrician? Is she running a fever again?" I was immediately on concerned father alert. I mean, my daughter was in pain- what could possibly be more important than that?   </div> <div>   " No- actually I think she’s over the worst of it, so calm down. No fever, and she’s actually sleeping pretty soundly. It’s just that we’re both so exhausted from her teething, I think we’re making each other cranky." </div> <div>   " Okay, listen- put the machine on, and take a nice long nap- well, as long as Sarah will let you. I’m going to do some stuff and try to get out of here early tonight. When I get home, I’ll have a nice surprise for you. Okay?" </div> <div>   " That’s a deal- and just to show you how tired I really am, I’m not even going to wrangle a hint out of you about the surprise. I’m just going to do what you say." </div> <div>   " You are?" I asked, unable to keep the disbelief out of my voice.</div> <div>   " I’m really tired, Josh. One thing though…" </div> <div>   " Yeah?" </div> <div>   " Don’t get used to it." </div> <div>   " Used to what?" </div> <div>   " This whole doing what you say thing- don’t get used to it." </div> <div>   " Okay", I said, unable to keep from laughing. </div> <div>   " I’m hanging up now." </div> <div>   " Okay- kiss Sarah for me. I love you." </div> <div>   </div> <div>    After I hung up, I left my office to look for CJ or Toby. Luckily, I found them both together, in CJ’s office. Walking in, I took a seat and looked from one to the other and asked, " So who wants to play Fairy Godparent tonight?"</div> <bR> <div>   It turned out that they both volunteered. I was actually shocked to get both of them, but Toby explained it in his own no-nonsense way.</div> <div>   " CJ may get called away, and that will certainly put in a crimp in your plans. If she does, I’ll be there. All I have on my plate tonight is making sure Sam gets his part of the speech done." </div> <div>   " How are you going to do that if you’re at my place babysitting?" I asked. </div> <div>   " Well, there are these things called phones. You dial a number and speak into it- you may have heard of them." </div> <div>   " You can console yourself with haranguing Sam over the phone? I thought you usually liked to do that in person",  I said, choosing to ignore his mockery. </div> <div>   " I can make the sacrifice for my goddaughter. Besides, if he really gets out of hand, I can make him come over and help." </div> <div>   I had to laugh at that, and something in the way Toby said it made me think that he would probably decide to do it just for the hell of it. When I caught CJ’s eye, I could tell by the look on her face that she was thinking the same thing. </div> <div>   "So what have you got planned to make this outing really special?" CJ asked. Trust her to grill me for details. </div> <div>   " I hadn’t really thought it all out. I just had the basic plan worked out and came to see you two. Why? Did you have something in mind?" </div> <div>   CJ got this wistful smile on her face and said, " Let me make a few calls. I’ll set up something really special. Just get her to the Regency tonight, and don’t whine when you see your credit card bill." </div> <div>   I got this awful premonition of impending bankruptcy when she said that, but decided to brave it out. I did add one last thing that I hoped would restrain her just a little bit. </div> <div>   " CJ, just remember, I have a daughter to put through college someday. Harvard isn’t cheap." </div> <div>   Picking up her phone, she shot me a look and said, " What makes you think my goddaughter won’t be able to get a full scholarship to wherever she wants to go?  Even if she settles for Harvard." </div> <div>   " I’m sure she will- but I still have to feed her until then", I said with a grin. </div> <div>   " Go away." </div> <bR> <div>   My plan to rejuvenate my poor, overtired, overworked wife worked brilliantly. When I went home that Friday evening, I was accompanied by CJ and Toby. Donna was more than a little surprised to see them, and practically dropped from shock when I informed her that they were there to stay with Sarah while we ran away from home. After a little cajoling and the reassurance that we would be back the next day, Donna went upstairs to throw a few things in a bag. </div> <div>   When we checked into the Regency, I got my first taste of the kind of advance work CJ was capable of. The room we were escorted to was actually a suite with a beautiful view of the Capitol. There was a bottle of champagne chilling next to a table set for two. There was a huge basket of gourmet goodies ranging from smoked oysters and pate` to Godiva chocolates. Next to the basket was a note. While Donna was looking around the room, I went over to the table and picked up the note. It was from CJ. </div> <div>    Josh, </div> <div>       I hope you and Donna enjoy your mini-vacation. The basket was Toby’s idea. Tell Donna that she has a ten AM appointment with Sasha, the Regency’s best masseuse. Tell her I said not to be late, and enjoy it. When Sasha’s done with her she’ll feel like a new woman. After that, she’s to go to the salon and get a manicure and a pedicure. As for tonight- order room service and have a nice evening. </div> <div>   Remember- you owe me. </div> <div>                                             CJ  </div> <bR> <div> If the surroundings were any indication, she wasn’t the only one I would be owing. But, all things considered, it was worth it. Donna needed it- hell, we both needed it. </div> <div>   I was still standing there, the note in my hand when Donna came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me.</div> <div>   " This is the best idea you’ve had since you married me." </div> <div>   " Well, I will admit, I am prone to moments of brilliance", I said and turned around to face her.  " But I can’t take full credit for this. It seems that CJ excels in the role of Fairy Godmother", I added, showing her the note.  She took it from me and read it, her smile growing as she read. </div> <div>   " CJ excels at many things, not the least of which is being a good friend." </div> <div>   " Very true. Now, what would you like to do first?"  I asked.</div> <div>   Donna tilted her head in the direction of the bathroom, and with a saucy grin said, " There’s a tub in there. A big, wide deep lovely tub. Care to share a long, luxurious bubble bath with your wife?" </div> <div>   " Hmmmm… it appears that I’m not the only one in the family prone to moments of brilliance." </div> <div>   " You got that right. Come on", Donna said and grabbing my hand, led me into the next room to begin our evening. </div> <bR> <div>    It was much later that evening, and Donna and I were lying relaxed and sated in bed, when I felt her stir. I had been watching her sleep for some time, and was just about to drift off myself when Donna sat up in bed. I forced my eyes open and looked over to where she was sitting. After a few minutes of watching her just sit there, I finally reached out and took her hand. </div> <div>   " What’s the matter?" </div> <div>   " Nothing… it’s okay. Go back to sleep", she said, but her voice sounded a little funny. I sat up in bed and pulled her into my arms.</div> <div>   " Come on, Donna. Something’s up- what is it?" </div> <div>   " It’s silly", she said finally.</div> <div>   " What’s silly?" </div> <div>   " It’s just…I woke up, and… well, I always get up in the middle of the night- usually for no reason- and go check on Sarah. Sometimes I just stand there and watch her sleeping." </div> <div>   " I know." </div> <div>   " You know I do that? I’m always so careful not to wake you." </div> <div>   " I still know when you’re not there", I said simply, not bothering to explain exactly how I knew. I just did. I knew she understood, because she turned to look at me then, and there was this wonderful tenderness in her eyes. </div> <div>   " Yeah… well, when I woke up just now- I guess I forgot where I was for a minute, because I was all ready to walk down the hall to her room. Then I…" </div> <div>   " You remembered that she wasn’t here." </div> <div>   " Yeah- and , I don’t know… it just felt funny." </div> <div>   " Yeah- I understand how you feel", I said, and I did. </div> <div>   Donna looked at me, not sure I really understood exactly how she felt. </div> <div>   " I do, Donna. It really makes perfect sense, if you think about it. She’s part of us- both of us- and we’re a part of each other. It feels odd to be…incomplete. Without each other." </div> <div>   " You really do understand", Donna exclaimed softly, and I saw tears welling in her eyes. </div> <div>   " Yeah, I do. You want to know something else?" </div> <div>   " What?" </div> <div>   " I go into her room at night and watch her sleep too." </div> <div>  Donna smiled through her tear-filled eyes, and kissing me tenderly on the cheek said, " I already knew that." </div> <div>   Laughing, I pulled her back into the bed, and once we were lying face to face, holding each other, I kissed her and said, " Sleep well tonight. Tomorrow we go home to our daughter." </div> <div>   She curled a little closer to me, and with a sigh of contentment drifted off to sleep. </div> <bR> <div>   The next morning, I woke up, and after ordering breakfast for Donna, and kissing her awake, I went to check in at my office. Before leaving, I told Donna to enjoy her morning of pampering, and that, barring any unforeseen problems, I would be home early in the afternoon. </div> <div>   Everything worked out well at work, even the problems of the day before seemed to have smoothed out to a certain degree. I arrived home just after one in the afternoon, and not finding either my wife or daughter anywhere downstairs, I made my way upstairs to Sarah’s room. I found them both in her room, sitting on the floor playing with Sarah’s blocks. When I walked into the room, both Donna and Sarah looked up at the same time- their blonde hair and blue eyes never looking more alike than at that moment- and smiled at me. I was home. </div> <div>   ******************************************************************</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>   It was during the last few months of President Bartlet’s second term that Donna and I decided that we needed to make some decisions about life after the White House. We had actually been discussing it for some time, but it was during those last few months that we really started to get serious about it. </div> <div>   A few offers had started to trickle my way. Some attractive, some I discounted out of hand . I knew Donna had received a few offers as well, but at that time, she wasn’t seriously considering any of them. Adding to this, was the recent conclusion that my apartment, which had become our apartment, was growing too small for us. Along with the addition of a small child, and all her accompanying accoutrements, we were about to add all the-for lack of a better word- stuff, which we had accumulated in my office over the last several years. We were in my office discussing our options over lunch one day when the subject of house hunting came up again. Donna addressed the subject with her customary tact and subtlety. </div> <div>   " Josh, we need a bigger place." </div> <div>  I set aside my carton of chicken lo mien and looked at Donna with a heavy sigh. </div> <div>   " Why now? Why can’t we wait and see what direction we’re going in? I mean, come on- don’t we have enough on our plate right now?" </div> <div>   " We do. Which is exactly why we need to start formulating plans, and gearing up for the changes we’re going to be making, and…" </div> <div>   Donna looked at me in exasperation when she noticed my eyes getting that glazed over look.</div> <div>   " You really do detest change more than any man I know." </div> <div>   " I like things…the way I like things", I countered. </div> <div>   " Nicely organized thought there, Josh." </div> <div>   " I don’t see you making any decisions about what you’re going to be doing when we leave here." </div> <div>   " I actually have." </div> <div>   " You have? Since when?" </div> <div>   " Since about an hour ago." </div> <div>   " So… what did you decide?" </div> <div>   " I’m going back to school. I’m going to get my degree." </div> <div>   " Really?" Although, I could tell from her expression that she wasn’t just spit-balling- she meant it. </div> <div>   " Yeah. I think it’s time." </div> <div>   " You don’t feel like you’d be taking a step back. I mean, with the experience you’ve gained working here-" </div> <div>   " That’s great for now, Josh. The thing is, I can’t trade on that forever. You remember when my friend Casey offered me that job?" </div> <div>   " Of course I do- I almost lost you to some college buddy waving a fat salary-"</div> <div>   " Stop exaggerating. I was never seriously considering the job. I mean, at the time, it was awfully tempting. Especially the ‘fat salary’ part. But I was never actually planning on taking it." </div> <div>   " So why are you bringing that up?" I asked, still unable to keep the churlishness out of my voice. </div> <div>   " Because, my darling - yet paranoid- husband, he said something that night, and it kind of stuck with me." </div> <div>  " What’d he say?" </div> <div>  " I was telling him I didn’t think I was qualified for the position he was offering me, and in trying to prove his point, he said that working for you was like getting an M.A in power-brokering." </div> <div>   " He did, huh?" I replied, possibly looking a tad too smug. Donna predictably rolled her eyes at my expression.</div> <div>   " He was referring to the skill and finesse that I exhibited in my job performance, rather than the dubious pleasure of being your hard working assistant- so get that look off your face." </div> <div>   " Whatever… so what’s your point?" </div> <div>   " I realized that I need to broaden my horizons a little . I need my accomplishments to be more diversified than just being your ‘traffic cop’, as Casey put it. Since then I’ve just been waiting for the right time. Now is the right time." </div> <div>   " Okay- have you decided where?" </div> <div>   " Georgetown, maybe. I’m still kind of waiting to see what you’re going to do." </div> <div>   " Okay." </div> <div>   "Are you thinking of taking that position with Hoynes?" she asked, taking me by surprise. I didn’t think she knew about it.</div> <div>   "Hoynes doesn’t have a position to offer yet. Election Day’s still a couple of weeks off. Besides- how’d you hear about that." </div> <div>   " I hear everything- and I think the question of the day is more along the lines of why didn’t I hear about it from you?" Donna said, giving me a rather pointed look. At that moment, I was thinking that I should have stuck with the subject of finding a bigger place, rather than trying to redirect her attention. That tactic, while working fine with other people, usually ended up biting me in the ass when I used it on Donna. </div> <div>   " I didn’t mention it because I’m not going to take it." </div> <div>   " Why not?" </div> <div>   " Because, I’ve been playing first string for too long to sit on the bench now, just so I can still say I’m on the team." </div> <div>   " Although I understand that, can I just say that it bugs me a little whenever you trot out the jock metaphors." </div> <div>   " Funny girl- but you know what I mean. Hoynes has his own guys. He doesn’t need, or want, me." </div> <div>   " Then why offer it to you?" </div> <div>   " Hell if I know- maybe he’s hedging his bets. Maybe he’d rather have me where he can keep his eye on me. Whatever the reason is, I’m not taking it." </div> <div>   " Okay", Donna replied with a smile.</div> <div>   " Okay?" </div> <div>   " Yeah. Okay. I wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of you working for Hoynes anyway." </div> <div>   " Then why did you grill me about it?" </div> <div>   " Because I wanted to hear you say that you weren’t going to take it- and because I had to hear about it from somebody else." She added the last part with a little grin. </div> <div>   " You’re kind of wicked- you know that?"</div> <div>   " It’s part of my allure…So, you haven’t made any decisions?" </div> <div>   " No, not yet. I will soon", I replied, although I wasn’t exactly sure how soon. </div> <div>   " Well, in that case- we need to discuss our living conditions." </div> <bR> <div> It turned out that we ended up staying in Georgetown, just not in the same apartment. We found a place a few blocks away, with a lot more space, and a room that we could both use as an office. Donna even found this great partners desk at some  flea market and had it restored. By the time we were all saying our goodbyes to each other in January, Donna and I had our particular house in order. She had already registered for classes at Georgetown University for the spring session, and I had decided to take some time off. I was going to do some lectures, and had even been approached about writing a book, but for the most part I was going to spend time with Sarah, and be supportive of Donna’s endeavors for a while. God knows she had been doing it for me long enough.</div> <div>   It was hard to say goodbye to the Bartlets, and to everyone that we had worked so closely with over the years. The kind of intense loyalty and commitment we all shared through the years of President Bartlet’s administration created the kind of bond that came second only to the one I shared with my family. </div> <div>   Sam had decided to stay in the area as well. He was toying with the idea of writing a book himself. A task he was much better suited to than I was. He kicked the idea around for a good long while, until he laughingly admitted to me that he doubted he could write without Toby hanging over his shoulder bitching about his apparent dislike for punctuation. He told me that if he could ever convince Toby to collaborate on it with him, then he might give it a whirl. In the meantime he was doing some consulting work for the DNC. </div> <div>   CJ had decided to return to California. This was especially hard for Donna and I- not to mention Sarah. CJ told us that she doubted it would be a permanent move, but she felt the need to spend some time with her father while she still had the chance. Toby had, surprisingly- or not, depending on how you read their relationship- decided to go with her. When Donna asked him( in her own remarkably subtle way) what had prompted his decision to ‘go west, young man’, he had grumbled something about looking into a few job offers on the west coast. Donna, of  course, didn’t buy that lame dodge for one second. She had been dropping hints for some time that it was their turn to wake up and smell the coffee. It seemed that they decided to follow her advice- albeit discreetly. </div> <div>   Leo decided to buy a small house in McLean, Virginia. It afforded him the chance to be close to Mallory, without being directly in her pocket. It also gave him the chance to play honorary grandfather to Sarah, and keep his thumb on the pulse of the DC political scene. He also spent a great deal of time at the Bartlet’s home in Manchester, and I can only imagine the topic of conversation that usually occurred during those visits. If I were to speculate, I would imagine they were both surveying the political landscape for the next ‘real thing’, and then getting together to compare notes. I guess it’s true- you can take the man out of politics, but never the politics out of the man. </div> <div>   Those years that Donna was working on her degree were very different for me. It was the first time in my adult life that my career wasn’t the all-consuming focus of my attention. But, if my little flirtation with death had taught me anything, it was that none of us are guaranteed an unlimited supply of tomorrows. So I embraced the chance I had to really get to know my daughter, and not just be that guy she saw flying out the door every morning. It was a wonderful time, and one that, no matter what happens, I know that Sarah will always have those memories in her heart. </div> <bR> <div>   After Donna got her degree- political science with a minor in communications, she got a job with a group that was working on a huge women’s history project. Donna informed me that this was exactly the kind of project she could really sink her teeth into. With Donna settled into something she loved,  I started to ease my way back into the political whirl.</div> <div>  Just as I imagined that Leo and President Bartlet were on the lookout for the next real thing, so was I. I thought I’d found it with Governor Altman of Virginia, but there was something missing. Don’t get me wrong, he was a good guy, a smart and capable man, but in the long run he wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t heard before, he had just found a better way to say it. There was also the matter that, if I was going to jump into the fray again, I wasn’t doing it for anything less than the real thing. Anything else would be a waste of time. </div> <div>    Our daughter was six years old when Donna surprised me with the news that we were going to make Sarah a big sister. Predictably enough, she told me the news in February, right before Valentine’s day and the anniversary of both our engagement, and when she started working for me.  We waited about three weeks to tell the others, and after we had called my mother, Donna’s parents, CJ, Toby, (who were unofficially living together) and Leo, I put in a call to Sam. He had recently bought a house in Stafford, Virginia- close enough to DC to be convenient, but right on the Potomac, so that he could indulge his passion for sailing when he had the time. I was gambling on the chance of catching him at home on a fair day with a good wind, but it turned out I was lucky that time. He picked up on the second ring. </div> <bR> <div>   " Sam, Sam- the sea-faring man. How ya’ doing?" </div> <div>   " Good, Josh- actually though, the Potomac’s a river. I do get out on the Bay fairly often, but…"</div> <div>   " Sam?" </div> <div>   " Yeah?" </div> <div>   " You’re kind of getting stuck on a fairly unimportant detail there." </div> <div>   " Yeah, I guess so. So, what’s up?" </div> <div>   " Well, I called to tell you two things actually." </div> <div>   " Okay…" </div> <div>   " One is that I won’t be going to work for Altman after all." </div> <div>   " Didn’t work out, huh?" </div> <div>   " No, not really. He’s an okay guy- he just not…"</div> <div>   " Yeah, I know. So, what are you going to do now?" </div> <div>   " I don’t know- keep my eye out, but I don’t want to settle. I want it to matter. In the meantime, I can always do some lecture gigs, a little consulting here and there. Oh… and wait around until Donna has the baby." </div> <div>   " What?!" </div> <div>   " Oh, didn’t I mention that Donna was pregnant? Gee… how could I have overlooked that."</div> <div>   " Oh man! That’s fantastic. I bet Sarah’s doing cartwheels at the thought of being a big sister." </div> <div>   " Yeah, she’s pretty psyched." </div> <div>   " I’ll bet. How’s Donna?" </div> <div>   " She’s good. The doctor wants her to take it a little easy- but she’s good." </div> <div>   " That’s good. You tell her I said to take care. Listen, you know it’s funny you called when you did. I was actually going to call you tonight." </div> <div>   " Oh yeah, what about?" </div> <div>   " Well.. It’s especially funny, I mean since you told me about not going with Altman." </div> <div>   " Sam, are you going to clue me in on the joke?" </div> <div>   " Well… it’s just that…did you know there’s a senate seat opening up down here?"</div> <div>   " Yeah, sure…hey, wait a minute. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?" </div> <div>   " Well… yeah. I mean- what do you think?" </div> <div>   " I think I just found my next job, that’s what I think." </div> <div>   " Wait a minute, Josh. I haven’t made any decisions yet. Really- I’m just playing around with the idea. You know- like thinking out loud", Sam replied, suddenly sounding very nervous. I, on the other hand, was grinning like an idiot. </div> <div>   " Well, stop playing around, and come up here this weekend so we can start getting serious." </div> <div>   There was a long moment on Sam’s end when he didn’t say anything, and just as I was about to ask if he was still there, I heard him say something in a quiet, hesitant voice. </div> <div>   " You really think I could do it?" </div> <div>   " Sam, my man, not only could you do it- you’d be great at it." </div> <div>   " You really think so?" </div> <div>   " I know so. Now, get your ass up here so we can start strategizing." </div> <div>   " I’ll be there", Sam assured me, and I could almost see the smile on his face as he spoke.</div> <bR> <div>   Donna was thrilled at the news that Sam was running for the Senate, and promised to help anyway she could. This was no small promise, and the only worry I had was that she would wear herself out to get Sam elected. </div> <div>   About a week after I talked to Sam, I got a call from Toby. He had heard from CJ, who had heard from Donna, about Sam’s intentions. At first he was fairly pissed that I hadn’t called him myself.</div> <div>   " Toby, I swear- if I’d had a spare two minutes in the last week, I would have." </div> <div>   " Well, fine- but one of you should have called. Have you decided on a speechwriter yet?" Toby asked.</div> <div>   " Not really. You offering your services?" </div> <div>   " I’m calling, aren’t I ?" </div> <div>   " Still cultivating that reputation as a pain in the ass, I see", I observed, the laughter in my voice clear.</div> <div>   " No- merely keeping my skills sharp. So, are we coming out there, or what?" </div> <div>   " You and CJ? You’re both coming out? What about her dad?" </div> <div>   " CJ will probably be going back and forth, but I can stay for as long as you need me", Toby replied, not answering my question about CJ’s father. That, in itself, told me a lot about how much his condition had deteriorated. </div> <div>  " Damn, Toby, it’ll be just like old times."</div> <div>  " Even better." </div> <div>  " You think? Really?" </div> <div>  " Yeah- Sam already knows all our names", Toby said, referring to President (then Governor) Bartlet’s apparent inability to remember any of our names during the first campaign. On my end, I was grinning from ear to ear, and it wasn’t just from Toby’s dry humor, it was the memory of that first campaign, and how charged up we all were- how well we worked together. </div> <div>   " How soon can you be here?" I asked, finally.</div> <div>   " As soon as I can get off the phone with you and pack." </div> <div>   " Go. We’ll talk more when you get here", I said, hanging up and going to tell Donna the news. </div> <bR> <div>   That following November, my friend, Samuel Norman Seaborn was elected the newest Senator from Virginia. As I watched him take the podium to give his victory speech, I looked around me and saw all the old friends mixed in with the new ones we had made along the way. I pulled my very pregnant wife into my arms and, giving her a kiss, I thought how very rich my life was, and how much was still out there to savor. </div> <bR> <div>   That thought hit me again, a week and half later, as I watched with renewed awe as our son was born. Once again, I felt that deep and abiding love that only a parent can feel for his child. Gabriel Noah Lyman entered the world a week early and full of energy. My mother took one look at him, with his mop of brown curls and eyes that seemed to absorb everything and everyone around him, and chuckling said, " Oh my- another Joshua." </div> <div>   " No", I replied. " He’s all Gabriel- a wonder all on his own." </div> <div>   " As are you, my son." </div> <div>  </div> <div> The day after Gabriel was born, the newly elected freshman senator from Virginia came to the hospital to pay us a visit. Donna had just fallen asleep, Gabriel nestled next to her. I was just about to return him to his bassinet, when Sam poked his head in the door. Cautioning him to be quiet, I motioned him into the room. He walked over to where I stood by Donna and Gabriel, and looked down at them with a tender and wistful smile. </div> <div>  " I can’t believe it, Josh. He’s just beautiful- even if he does look a little like you", Sam said, adding the last part with a teasing grin. </div> <div>   " Yeah, I know. Poor kid- maybe he’ll grow out of it", I said , returning his smile. Hey- if you can’t beat them -join them. </div> <div>   " You know- even with what I just accomplished- I still can’t help but envy the hell out of you. Sarah- and now Gabriel. What you and Donna have. That’s the stuff that makes everything we’ve ever done worthwhile. You know?"</div> <div>   I watched him for a moment, taking note of the deep sincerity in his words, and the wistful look in his eyes as he watched Gabriel sleep. </div> <div>   " Yeah, I know. Every day of my life I’m amazed at how much I have. You’ll have it too someday." </div> <div>   " You really think so?" </div> <div>   " Yeah. I know it. You just have to keep your eyes open and trust in fate a little", I told him. He looked at me , a little surprised at first, then he smiled as he looked from me to Donna and Gabriel, then back again. He nodded and I knew he understood. It was then that I wished for my friend to be standing in my shoes one day, experiencing what I had, what I was again, and did every day of my life. The absolute amazement at the joy my life had become. Donna. Sarah. Gabriel. My mother. My friends and my work. Everything life had given me and everything that was still ahead. I was truly blessed. </div> <bR> <div> The End  </div> <div>   </div> <div>   </div> <div>     </div> <div>         </div> <div> A final note: I had never really listened to the words to this song, or knew the actual title, before I began writing ‘Amazed’. (Even though I had heard the song before) As I was working on the final chapter, I heard the song mentioned on the radio and, I decided to really listen to the lyrics. It turns out, for the purposes of this story, they couldn’t have been more appropriate. So in the interest of sharing, and for anyone who hasn’t heard this song, I’m including the lyrics. It really is a great song and I recommend it. </div> <div>   Also- Check out the National Women’s History Project at:</div> <div>   http://www.nwhp.org</div> <bR> <bR> <div>  Amazed</div> <div> (Marv Green/Aimee Mayo/Chris Lindsey)</div> <div>  Performed by Lonestar</div> <bR> <div> Every time our eyes meet</div> <div> This feeling inside me</div> <div> Is almost more than I can take</div> <div> Baby when you touch me</div> <div> I can feel how much you love me</div> <div> And it just blows me away</div> <div> I've never been this close to anyone or anything</div> <div> I can hear your thoughts</div> <div> I can see your dreams</div> <bR> <div> I don't know how you do what you do</div> <div> I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better</div> <div> I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side</div> <div> Forever and ever</div> <div> Every little thing that you do</div> <div> Baby I'm amazed by you</div> <bR> <div> The smell of your skin</div> <div> The taste of your kiss</div> <div> The way you whisper in the dark</div> <div> Your hair all around me, baby you surround me</div> <div> You touch every place in my heart</div> <div> Oh, it feels like the first time every time</div> <div> I wanna spent the whole night in your eyes</div> <bR> <div> I don't know how you do what you do</div> <div> I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better</div> <div> I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side</div> <div> Forever and ever</div> <div> Every little thing that you do</div> <div> Baby I'm amazed by you</div> <bR> <div> Every little thing that you do</div> <div> I'm so in love with you</div> <div> It just keeps getting better</div> <div> I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side</div> <div> Forever and ever</div> <div> Every little thing that you do</div> <div> Oh, every little thing that you do</div> <div> Baby I'm amazed by you</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>   </div> <div>         </div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>