A Brief Glimpse

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>The second installment  in the 'Transitions' series. </B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <B>A Brief Glimpse</B>   |   <A HREF="id190.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sanctuary"><U>Sanctuary</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> A Brief Glimpse</div> <div> Josh watched, for perhaps the third time that day, the statement that CJ had given to the press the morning after they returned  from New York. Josh had been shocked that she intended to do it, and when he had asked Leo why she was being allowed to put herself through it, Leo had merely shrugged. </div> <div>   " CJ’s tough. Tough people get up- they go on. You know her as well as I do. Would you expect anything else from her?" </div> <div>   " Still, Leo… she can’t just… It wasn’t just some guy. There was something … I just think she should have taken some time", Josh tried to explain to Leo what he meant without saying too much. Even with Simon gone- whatever had been between them, no matter how brief, was private. If he hadn’t gone to her last night he would never have known how deeply Simon’s death had affected her. If Donna hadn’t urged him to go…</div> <div>   " Josh, I understand what you’re saying", Leo said, breaking into his reverie, " but you have to understand that CJ’s dealing with this in her own way, and we have to respect that. Until I think that she’s endangering herself, or this administration, she’s calling the plays on this." </div> <div>   " I just wish we could make it easier on her." </div> <div>   "Yeah- well, life’s not easy. If it was  I don’t think we’d savor it quite as much. Then again… we don’t have to go out of our way to make it harder either", he said with a rather pointed look at Josh.</div> <div>   " What’s that supposed to mean?" </div> <div>   " I’ll leave that to you to figure out." </div> <div>   With that, Leo picked up the memo in front of him and proceeded to give it his full attention, effectively putting an end to the conversation. </div> <div>   Josh returned to his office and proceeded to immerse himself in work. Donna came in and out, dropping files and messages on the corner of his desk. She was oddly quiet throughout the day.  Josh wasn’t sure if it was because she was as exhausted as he was, or if she had picked up on his uncommunicative mood. He eventually decided that it was probably the latter. Of all the people in his life, she always seemed to be the most sensitive to his moods and needs. Some part of his mind wondered why the person who should  do that seemed either unwilling or unable to while Donna could and did so effortlessly. </div> <div>   It was at that particular moment that Donna breezed back into his office and deposited a bag and a phone message slip in the middle of his desk and then breezed right back out again. With a wry smile, Josh peered into the bag. It contained the extremely well-done hamburger that she knew he would eat, and the garden salad that she hoped he would eat. The funny thing was, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was  until she’d put the food in front of him. She had said once, in her typically off-handed way, that she was ‘tuned’ to him. It really was true- she always seemed to know what he needed. It made him wish he could return the favor , but she was much harder to read. Only occasionally had she ever allowed him to see her needs. So he couldn’t help but wonder who cared for her when she needed it- if anyone. </div> <div>   That thought reminded him of something she had said to him the night before as he was driving her back to pick up her car. She was trying to persuade him to go see CJ- to not let her be alone. </div> <div>   " Donna, if she had wanted me to stay with her she would have said so", he had declared, only halfway believing it himself. </div> <div>   " No she wouldn’t, and you know that. Even if she wanted company, she would never have thought of it when we saw her", Donna stated, her voice firm with conviction.</div> <div>   " What makes you say that?"  Josh asked as he pulled into the space next to where her car was parked.</div> <div>   " Because I know."</div> <div>   Josh looked at her sharply when she said that, wondering what she meant, until slowly his weary mind connected the mental dots. Uncomfortable with his silent scrutiny, Donna continued in a more impersonal way. </div> <div>   " When something like that happens, you don’t feel it right away. You wait- in this sort of numb limbo until it hits you. Even then, you fight it- you fight it because there are things you have to do, and get through. It’s not until it settles in your mind-later, when you’re all alone, and everything that has to be done is done, that it hits you. That’s when that nice, anesthetizing shock wears off and you need someone. Someone that will let you scream and cry and curse. Someone who won’t let you get washed away in the emotional storm you find yourself in the middle of." </div> <div>   The more Josh listened the more he wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight. He wanted to comfort her, and be there for her- but there was something in the way. A barrier of some kind that he just couldn’t cross or break down. Not yet. Someday maybe, but not yet. </div> <div>   When she finished her quiet yet earnest argument, she looked down at her hands, either unable or unwillingly to look him in the eyes. </div> <div>   Finally he asked, " Who was there for you that night?" </div> <div>  She looked up quickly at his soft question, a sad and haunted look in her eyes before she shook it off , her chin lifting in defiance. </div> <div>    " I never said we were talking about me", Donna said with practiced innocence. </div> <div>   When she saw that Josh was about to call her on such a transparent lie, she forestalled him by opening her door, and before getting out of the car, touching his arm in a brief caress, she said, " Go to CJ, Josh. She needs you- even if she doesn’t know it yet." </div> <div>   With that, she quickly slipped out of his car, shutting the door firmly behind her. Josh just sat there for a moment, watching her walk away without a backward glance. As soon as she was inside her car  he put his into gear and turned it in the direction of CJ’s apartment. He would do as she asked- if not for CJ, then for Donna. He owed her that. </div> <bR> <div>    Out of the corner of his eye, he saw CJ’s statement running again on CNN. He couldn’t help but be drawn to her words, and the courage and dignity with which she spoke them. She talked about Simon Donovan and his act of courage with reverence and respect, never once giving into her own sadness and grief. Never letting it show how much Simon had come to mean to her. Josh knew- but only because he had been there last night. He had held her when she had finally let it all go. He had listened when she told him the things Simon had said to her, the things they had told each other. He had listened to her curse the unfairness  and stupidity of it all. Then he held her again as she cried out the worst of her tears. They had fallen asleep like that, sitting next to each other, CJ’s head resting on his shoulder. </div> <div>   A few hours later, as the sun was peeking through the big picture window in her living room, Josh woke to  see CJ looking at him with a gentle smile. </div> <div>    " Thanks mi’ amore. Thanks for being here for me." </div> <div>    " Anytime, Claudia Jean." </div> <bR> <div>   The CNN segment finished and Josh’s attention wandered back to the bag on his desk, then to the phone message lying next to it. It was on a pink  message slip- pink for personal. Everything else went on the yellow slips. It was one of Donna’s little organizational quirks that he had become used to over the years. Picking it up with decided reluctance, he saw that his suspicions were correct- it was from Amy. He held it in his hand for a moment, as if he was weighing his options, then finally reaching a decision, he tossed  it in the wastebasket. As he had been trying to decide, he remembered  something that his father had said to him once. He had said that, quite often, the worst mistakes made in a courtroom happened when a lawyer or witness spoke when they should have maintained their silence. </div> <div>   " If you reach a moment when you are unsure of what to say, or how to proceed, silence is always the most prudent course." </div> <div>   For now, on that particular front, silence was the way to go.</div> <div>  Looking once again at the salad next to his burger, he made another decision. </div> <div>     " Donna!" </div> <div>  A moment later she appeared at his door.</div> <div>   " You bellowed?" </div> <div>   " Why do you bring me food that you know  I have no intention of eating?" </div> <div>   " It’s my oh so clever way of trying to maintain my control over you?" she suggested with a smirk.</div> <div>   " Well, it’s not working this time. You’re eating the salad." </div> <div>   " I am?" she asked, her brow arched in amusement. </div> <div>    " Well, I’m not and somebody should. Besides, you can’t turn down everything I offer you to eat. It’s unsociable- and not nice." </div> <div>    " Okay, Josh- once again, it was moose meat. Moose meat with no prize at the end." </div> <div>   " Fair enough- but this is a salad. You like salads", Josh pointed out reasonably.</div> <div> At that Donna shrugged and took a seat in his visitor’s chair, promptly propping her feet on the edge of his desk.</div> <div>  As she reached for the salad, Josh picked up his burger, then took another look inside the bag.</div> <div>   "Hey- they forgot the fries. We always get fries." </div> <div>   " They didn’t forget", Donna replied, not bothering to explain further.</div> <div> In response, Josh picked up the bag and turned it upside down. </div> <div>   " See- no fries." </div> <div>  " They’re not in the bag", Donna stated, again without further explanation.</div> <div> " Really? No kidding, Donna- so, where are they?" </div> <div>  " I ate them." </div> <div>  " You ate them?" </div> <div>  " Why? I mean… they were mine", Josh said, sounding remarkably like a petulant and disappointed child.</div> <div>   " I gave you the salad, didn’t I?" Donna said with a shrug and a little smile.</div> <div>   " But we always share the fries." </div> <div>   " Always is a long time. You should embrace the idea that change is good sometimes." </div> <div>   " But now I don’t have the fries or the salad", he pointed out with an oddly endearing pout.</div> <div>   " That’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes." </div> <div>   " We have cookies?" Josh asked, with a teasing grin.</div> <div>  In response , Donna rolled her eyes and laughing, threw a cherry tomato at him. He caught it, to her amused surprise,and said, " Well, it‘s not fries- but thanks for sharing." </div> <div>   </div> <div>   As they sat there, eating and chatting about any number of things, Josh thought that Leo wasn’t totally right. Life wasn’t always hard. Sometimes there were glimpses of just how good it could be. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> The End </div> <div>  </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>