Sanctuary

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B>The third installment in the 'Transitions' series. </B></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? "><U>What Are Friends For? </U></A>   |   <A HREF="id218.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking The Wire"><U>Walking The Wire</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id219.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Foreshadowing, Omens Evidence of Other "><U>Foreshadowing, Omens & Evidence of Other Things in the Wind</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id222.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Up Against the Wall"><U>Up Against the Wall</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id223.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sum Of My Fears"><U>The Sum Of My Fears</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id220.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Dance"><U>Our Dance</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id221.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shes Got a Way"><U>She's Got a Way</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Take My Hand"><U>Take My Hand</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="May Perspective"><U>May Perspective</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="How Bad Can It Get"><U>How Bad Can It Get</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id181.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Mistakes"><U>Small Mistakes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id182.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nightcaps"><U>Nightcaps</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Crazy Boys"><U>Crazy Boys</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id184.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Need For Comfort"><U>A Need For Comfort</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id81.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Looking Back"><U>Looking Back</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id109.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Nature of Family"><U>The Nature of Family</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id210.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night"><U>Wistful Thoughts On A Snowy Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id212.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Good Brother/Son/Friend"><U>A Good Brother/Son/Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="When All Else Fails"><U>When All Else Fails</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Someone Like You"><U>Someone Like You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id213.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Wish For My Friend"><U>A Wish For My Friend</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id188.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unspoken"><U>Unspoken</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id189.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Brief Glimpse"><U>A Brief Glimpse</U></A>   |   <B>Sanctuary</B>   |   <A HREF="id191.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contemplation"><U>Contemplation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id192.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dirty Work"><U>Dirty Work</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id193.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Precious Moments"><U>Precious Moments</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id194.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Almost Normal"><U>Almost Normal</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id195.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Never Enough"><U>Never Enough</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The World According To Mark..."><U>The World According To Mark...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id135.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Heart Cards, Flowers Sweet Stuff"><U>Heart Cards, Flowers & Sweet Stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id185.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Amazed"><U>Amazed</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id230.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Moment of Truth"><U>The Moment of Truth</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> Sanctuary</div> <bR> <bR> <div>    It was late that Thursday afternoon and, as Donna sat at her desk working out Josh’s schedule for the next day, she thought of just how much could change in twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours ago she was standing  in CJ’s office, absolutely green with envy as CJ showed her the beautiful Vera Wang she had bought to wear to the play. Thinking back on that conversation was so bittersweet…</div> <bR> <div> **************************************</div> <div>     "God, CJ- it’s gorgeous!" Donna exclaimed. </div> <div>    " I know. I just couldn’t resist it. I was supposed to be helping  Hogan pick out a dress for her junior prom and it just called out to me", CJ replied, sounding almost as giddy as a schoolgirl herself. </div> <div>    " I know what you mean. I just wish I could answer those kind of calls", Donna said, and CJ couldn’t help but hear the wistful note in her voice.</div> <div>   " I bet you could carry it beautifully. You’re almost as tall as I am", CJ remarked, and Donna heard the unspoken offer in her words. </div> <div>   " Maybe - but not like you will. That dress was made for you- just for you", Donna replied, with only a hint of regret. Knowing that CJ would probably insist that the offer was standing, Donna decided to divert her attention. </div> <div>   " So, what did Simon think of it?" </div> <div>   " What do you mean? I mean, why would he have anything to say about it?" CJ asked, trying to brush off the question. Donna wasn’t fooled though.</div> <div>   " Come on, CJ- this is me. I’ve seen those looks you two share when you don’t think anyone is watching. So, did he like it?" Donna asked, undeterred.</div> <div>   CJ pretended for a moment longer that she didn’t know what Donna was talking about, but then a satisfied smile curled the corners of her mouth and she shrugged a little. </div> <div>   " He may have expressed a certain amount of appreciation in my appearance", CJ replied nonchalantly.</div> <div>   In response, Donna rolled her eyes and laughed. </div> <div>    " I’ll bet. It was probably one of those ‘I could eat you up, and lick my fingers afterward’ looks." </div> <div>   " Donna! What a thing to say!" </div> <div>   " Hah! I’m right, aren’t I? It was just like that." </div> <div>    CJ acted shocked for a second longer before she laughed and shrugged, " It may have been something like that." </div> <div>   " I knew it! He’s got a thing for you, and you feel the same way." Donna said, almost daring CJ to deny it. </div> <div>   CJ sighed and walked over to her desk and sat down.  " It doesn’t matter. There are rules- he can’t date a protectee. He’s not even supposed to call me by my first name. I mean, how silly is that?" </div> <div>   Donna walked over and perched on the edge of CJ’s desk. She understood what CJ was feeling- perhaps better than she knew. Her circumstances were a little different though. </div> <div>   " CJ, you won’t always be his protectee. It’ll all work out. So, don’t give up- okay?" </div> <div>   " Yeah… I suppose you’re right…. He was there that night. Did you know that?" CJ asked, not bothering to explain what night she was referring to. They both knew. </div> <div>   " Yeah, I did. He was the agent that escorted me to the waiting room", Donna replied quietly, then added, "He’s  a good guy." </div> <div>   " I know", CJ replied with a small, yet very telling smile. </div> <bR> <div> *******************************************************</div> <bR> <div>    Donna sighed heavily as the memory of that conversation brought tears to her eyes. She couldn’t do this. Not here. Not now. If CJ could be strong in front of a room full of press and cameras, the least she could do was not fall apart at her desk. Just then, she heard Josh call out from behind her. </div> <div>   " Donna, I’m going out for a bit. I should be back in about an hour or so."</div> <div>   " Okay",  she replied without turning around.</div> <div>   " You want anything while I’m out?" he asked, and she could tell he was walking closer to her.</div> <div>   " No, I’m fine", she replied, again without turning. </div> <div>    She felt him stand there, hesitating for just a moment, then with relief she heard his resigned, " Okay, see you later", as he walked away. </div> <bR> <div>   Donna sat there for several minutes, not doing anything but trying to tamp down her turbulent emotions, when suddenly she saw a shadow fall across her desk. She felt a moment of anxiety, thinking that perhaps Josh had returned, but then she heard Toby’s quiet voice.</div> <div>    " You’re still pretty good at that." </div> <div>   Donna looked up, confusion clearly apparent in her eyes- eyes that were moist with unshed tears, Toby noticed. </div> <div>   " Good at what?" she asked.</div> <div>   " Hiding from Josh how you feel."</div> <div>   " I don’t know what you’re talking about, Toby. I’m just tired", she said, busying herself with whatever she could find, and denying that she was feeling any particular way, or hiding it from anyone. She had a feeling, however, that Toby wasn’t going to buy her evasion as easily as Josh appeared to.</div> <div>   " Okay…but…" </div> <div>   " But what?" she looked up in frustration.</div> <div>   " But- I’ve seen you tired before. I’ve seen you exhausted. This is something else."</div> <div>   They held each others gaze for a moment, and she could see the quiet offer in Toby’s eyes as well as he could see the vulnerability in hers. She knew the offer was heartfelt and genuine. He had been the sanctuary in her emotional storm once before. It was odd the things she did and didn’t remember about that night- but one thing she would never forget was how Toby had held her, and listened to her, when she finally let her emotional dam break.</div> <bR> <div> **************************************</div> <div>   They had just taken Josh to the recovery room, the operating room was empty- only the blood- stained remnants of a fourteen hour surgery remained. Still, she couldn’t seem to move from her place of vigil. She couldn’t move or even expend the breath she had been holding as she prayed and waited. She thought of all the pleas, promises and bargains she had made with God, if only he would save Josh. If he would save him, she would watch over him. No matter what it took. As long as he was alive. That was all that mattered. </div> <div>   As she stood there and silently reaffirmed each and every promise to God, she felt a hand settle on her shoulder. She jumped in surprise, not having noticed anyone come into the room. Her surprise was apparent to Toby, but he didn’t comment on it. He just looked at her, a gentle smile softening his normally gruff features, and his comforting hand still on her shoulder, he said, " Josh is in recovery?"  </div> <div>   Of course, Donna knew the question wasn’t really a question. She was sure that he already knew where Josh was. As she was reaching this conclusion, some part of her weary mind observed that Toby had changed his shirt. He wasn’t wearing the one he was wearing earlier, when he broke the news about Josh. For some idiotic reason, she latched onto this minor detail, pondering it’s significance. Finally, it hit her. His other shirt had been stained with Josh’s blood.</div> <div>  With that realization leaping around in her mind, she turned away from Toby to look  once more into the operating room. All that blood- Josh’s blood. How could a person lose so much blood and still survive?  Transfusions, of course. He had been found and brought to the hospital, and received transfusions. He had been found- Toby had found him. That’s why Josh’s blood was on his shirt. Then, in one of those mad and irrational leaps that a person’s mind makes in times like that, she wondered what would have happened if Toby hadn’t found him. She remembered someone saying that they hadn’t known right away that he had been shot. It was only after those first crucial minutes… If Toby hadn’t found him, Josh would have simply bled to death. All alone. He would have died all alone, because of a stupid, senseless act, committed by someone with nothing but ignorance and hate in their heart. </div> <div>    Toby watched as Donna looked from him, to the operating room, then back again, and could see in her eyes, with almost uncanny clarity, the wild speculation going on in her mind. Knowing he had to do something to snap her out of it, he put his hand on her other shoulder and shook her a little, forcing her to look at him and hear what he was saying. </div> <div>   " Donna. Josh is going to be okay. You know that-right?" </div> <div>   His voice was firm with conviction when he said those words to her, and he held her gaze until he was sure that she understood them, and believed them. Toby watched as the belief took root in her mind, and she let out one deep, tense breath, and with that breath came the tears she had been holding in with it. </div> <div>   Without any further words, Toby gathered her into his arms and held on to her as the first violent storm of tears shook her body. He continued to hold her when the tears gave way to anger as she gave voice to the very thoughts he had had himself. Anger at such an obscene act, driven by ignorance and hate. Anger at the near tragic whim of fate that put Josh and the President in the line of fire at that particular moment. He held her when the anger melted into fear that Josh still might die, despite her rather arrogant bargains with God that if he saw Josh through his surgery,  she would care for him and watch over him without fail. He held her and listened to her until there was nothing left to say and her well of tears had run dry. He did all of that with a patience that Donna had never known he possessed, and when she was done he led her to the place he knew she needed and wanted to be. Josh’s side. He did everything possible to ease her way, so that she could fulfill her part of the bargain. He did it all without fanfare or fuss, just the quiet determination that she now knew was such a part of him. </div> <div>   Later, when things were calmer, Donna thanked him for what he had done for her, although it was clear that Toby wasn’t entirely comfortable with any display of gratitude.  When she finished saying what she wanted to say to him, he nodded somewhat shyly, and they never spoke of it again. However, Donna never forgot, nor would she ever, the sanctuary that Toby had offered her that night.</div> <bR> <div> *********************************************************</div> <div>    Donna looked at Toby, and a trace of a smile curved her mouth when she told him, this time with more conviction, " I’m okay, Toby. Really. Just old ghosts…" </div> <div>   " Yeah- well, I’m here- just in case. You know… if you decide you need to talk or whatever", he replied, meeting her gaze briefly before quickly looking away. </div> <div>   " I know, Toby. Believe me, I know", she said, taking his hand briefly, then letting it go. She , more than anyone, knew exactly how hard it was for Toby to show the deep well of caring he had for his friends. With that, Toby went on his way, and Donna was certain that before the day was out he would be looking in on CJ, offering her that same strength , friendship, and caring that he hid so well beneath the bluster. </div> <div>   Once more, Donna thought of what she had said to Josh about the sacrifices they made, and it was true- but there were also wonderful elements of this life. Friendship, caring, loyalty, and love. No matter what it’s form- the deep and abiding love they had for each other. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> The End  </div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>