The Moment of Truth

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fc8c00erkjxk.jpg"> <div> <B> Specualtion fic based on spoilers for "Gaza", and the long ago posed  idea that Josh and Donna have been engaging in an 'under the radar' relationship. The events of "Gaza" bring such secrecy to an abrupt end. </B></div> <div> <B>*(a Work in Progress)</B></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#0066CC" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CCFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>Smiles, Tears, & Happy Endings</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFF99" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT>  |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Smiles, Tears, Happy Endings"><U>home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Brandys Stories"><U>Brandy's Stories</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Other Side"><U>The Other Side</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getaway"><U>Getaway</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Deserved Recognition"><U>Deserved Recognition</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The End of These Days"><U>The End of These Days</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Moving On"><U>Moving On</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lessons Learned Shared"><U>Lessons- Learned & Shared</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="So, I Had This Dream..."><U>So, I Had This Dream...</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id214.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Perfect Plan"><U>The Perfect Plan</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id215.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell"><U>The Incredibly Campy Road Trip From Hell</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id216.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Whole New Story"><U>A Whole New Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id217.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Are Friends For? 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HREF="id199.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Last Call of the Night"><U>Last Call of the Night</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id206.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Fortuitous Visitor"><U>The Fortuitous Visitor</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id136.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Loose Ends"><U>Loose Ends</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id225.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TeaSympathy Under the Mistletoe"><U>Tea&Sympathy Under the Mistletoe</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id229.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good"><U>Not So Much Looking Good As Being Good</U></A>   |   <B>The Moment of Truth</B>   |   <A HREF="id231.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Control Choices"><U>Control & Choices</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Anniversaries AdoAnnie"><U>Anniversaries & Ado-Annie</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The NonOccasion Occasion"><U>The Non-Occasion Occasion</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interlude"><U>Interlude</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Misdirection Understatement"><U>Misdirection & Understatement</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Meeting, Damn Depositions Rules"><U>Meeting, Damn Depositions & Rules</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Realizations Revelations"><U>Realizations &Revelations</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id207.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Liberating Quality"><U>A Liberating Quality</U></A></div> <div> The Moment of Truth</div> <div> by Brandy</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> He hadn't been wild about her going in the first place. </div> <bR> <div> Of course, it had been for somewhat selfish reasons that had nothing to do with her professional qualifications for making such a trip.</div> <bR> <div> She was immanently qualified.</div> <bR> <div> And it would be an incredible experience for her, both personally and professionally.</div> <bR> <div> Not that any of that mattered when it came to his gut reaction to Donna roaming around that part of the world- no matter how great the security procedures that accompanied a Congressional Delegation were. </div> <bR> <div> He read the State Department briefings on that area. He knew how tenuous the idea of safety and security were. Hell- anyone who read a newspaper or watched CNN on occasion knew the score on that issue. </div> <bR> <div> So, given all that, who would want the woman they were in love with to be traipsing around an area that wildly volatile? Perfectly reasonable reservations, right? </div> <bR> <div> Not according to Donna. In fact she had been very firm in her reply when he voiced his well thought out, rationally presented objections. Okay... they hadn't been that well thought out or rational. What it had boiled down to was six words...</div> <bR> <div> <I>" I don't want you to go." </I></div> <div> <I>She had arched a brow at his statement and quietly asked, " Why not?"</I></div> <div> <I>" It's dangerous," he stated after a moment of hesitation. </I></div> <div> <I>Donna didn't say anything for a long moment. She wasn't hesitant about her decision, but she wanted to choose her words carefully and take into account the genuine fear Josh had revealed for her safety. </I></div> <div> <I>" Lots of things are dangerous, Josh. That doesn't mean you run away from the things you need to do." </I></div> <div> <I>" Why do you need to do this?" </I></div> <div> <I>He felt her frustration start to build as she formulated her answer. He knew she wanted him to just understand- and part of him did. It didn't make him any less afraid for her though. </I></div> <div> <I>" It's important, Josh. That's why. I need to go. I need to be part of this. I need to see what's there so I can understand it better. Not from someone else's perspective, but through my own experience. I need you to understand that .... Just they way I would understand if our situations were reversed." </I></div> <div> <I>" It's not the same-" he started to argue, but didn't get very far. </I></div> <div> <I>" Yes it is! I need to go. If you needed to go, I would have to understand, and it wouldn't matter a whole lot if I liked it or not." </I></div> <div> <I>" You're right... I guess." he replied grudgingly. He knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear- or at least not the way she wanted to hear it.He knew she was disappointed, but they had an agreement about telling the truth to each other, and this situation was no different. </I></div> <div> <I>Several minutes passed without either of them saying a word, when finally Donna mentioned that she needed to leave soon and finish her packing for the trip. The flight the delegation was leaving on was departing rather early. </I></div> <div> <I>" Will you come over when you're done?" he asked hopefully. </I></div> <div> <I>" Are we going to do this again?" Donna asked, referring to Josh's objections to the trip. </I></div> <div> <I>" No... I know your mind is made up. I just want... I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you leave," he confessed in a low voice. </I></div> <div> <I>She saw the hint of a shy smile turn the corners of his mouth and knew he was trying to apologize and be quietly charming at the same time. She wanted the same thing, but she couldn't resist teasing him just a little. </I></div> <div> <I>" It's only going to be four days. Hardly any time at all." </I></div> <div> <I>" But I'll miss you." </I></div> <div> <I>" Really? When will you miss me the most?" she asked, remembering their little joke - and of course the moose meat. </I></div> <div> <I>" All the time... but mostly at night" </I></div> <div> Four days. Just four days for the world, as he knew it, to turn into a numbing hell of the great unknown. Four days for his worst fears to become reality. And where was he? Half a world away, with a hell of a lot more than a few red lights separating him from the most important person in his life. All of those thoughts were whirling through his head, along with an agonizing replay of every wasted chance, every fear-inspired delay that had made the time they had spent together far so terribly brief, as he made his way to Leo's office. </div> <div> Margaret wordlessly gave him permission to enter, the anxiety over the news of the bombing and those involved clearly apparent in her features. </div> <div> Leo was on the phone when Josh walked in and waved his deputy in as he spoke to the person on the other end of the line. </div> <div> " Yes... I understand that. Fine.... I want updates the moment anything changes and every hour on the hour irregardless. Fine." Leo finished the call and turned his attention to Josh. </div> <div> " Leo, I can't find out anything. I don't know where she is- what her condition is. Nothing! Please tell me you know something." </div> <div> " Everyone involved is on their way to Ramstein. Those not requiring medical attention will be immediately transported back here." Leo replied, feeling more worn and despondent than he could ever remember. He was beginning to think they were all immersed in some bizarre Greek tragedy. </div> <div> " And Donna?" Josh asked, his voice choked with trepidation.</div> <div> " She'll be staying there for right now," Leo replied, grimacing as he saw the color leave Josh's face. He was relieved when Josh slid into the chair next to where he stood. Leo had been afraid for a moment that the younger man would keel over in front of him. </div> <div> " How bad ?" Josh choked out, unable to look directly at his boss. </div> <div> " I don't know yet. All the reports are pretty sketchy right now. I'll know something soon, I'm sure." </div> <div> " I need to get there, Leo. I need to see her...I need to be with her." </div> <div> " Josh, I understand you two are close- but the President is going to need you."</div> <div> " Leo, you and I both know that right now I wouldn't be any damn good to him. Foreign policy's not my thing. Besides, my head wouldn't be here. I'm being honest with you. If that costs me, then ... that's the way it is." Josh said, his voice and features displaying nothing but icy determination. </div> <div> On one level Leo wanted to give him the 'duty first' speech, but another level- a more instinctive level- he knew that Josh was right. Also, while the situation wasn't only a foreign policy thing, it wasn't really imperative that Josh stay- especially when his head and heart would be elsewhere. </div> <div> " It's like that, huh?" </div> <div> Leo was well aware that Josh understood his veiled question and felt the tiniest measure of satisfaction growing inside of him. At least there were a few good and pure things out there, and some happiness to be had for the lucky few. </div> <div> " Yeah, it's like that." </div> <div> " Okay. Go tell Margaret I said to make your flight arrangements. I'll square it with the President. I'm sure he'll understand." </div> <div> Josh hesitated for a second, as if unable to believe the ease which with Leo had granted his request. Finally, he decided to just accept it and after thanking Leo, Josh turned to leave. Leo caught him just as he was about to close the door. </div> <div> " Josh-" </div> <div> " Yeah?" </div> <div> " Tell her we're all thinking about her and to take care." </div> <div> " I will. Thanks, Leo." </div> <div> Three hours later Josh was on a Lufthansa flight bound for Germany. Despite the fact that the flight had left on time and there were no projected delays- which in itself was something of a minor miracle- he felt like the journey to get to Donna's side was taking forever. There was also the fact that Josh hated commercial air travel. He couldn't move around as much as he liked, and at a time like this, when he was one step away from jumping out of his skin with fear and anxiety, that was a problem. Noting his agitation, the flight attendant made a pass by his seat and inquired if he would like something. He was half a second away from a snotty comment about speeding up the plane when the little 'Donna-voice' in his head chirped in - 'Settle down. Be nice and order a ginger-ale." </div> <div> With only minor difficulty, he obeyed the voice in his head and asked for a ginger-ale. He even managed a stilted half-smile for the woman. While he waited for the attendant to return, he pulled his laptop out of his bag and decided to check his e-mail. For the last two days he had been so swamped in his office, he'd barely had a chance to return urgent calls, much less check his e-mail, so he was hardly surprised to see a fairly large backlog of unread mail. Scrolling down, he weeded through the out of date and nuisance crap until he came to three separate unread e-mails from Donna. The first one was from mid-morning on the day before. </div> <div> Josh, </div> <div> I'm trying to keep an open mind about these meetings but it's hard to when you see how vigorously everyone defends their position. It's difficult to imagine any kind of give and take happening. One of the Fatah officials rationalized the actions of the suicide bombers by saying they consider themselves martyrs. When he said that, I realized that kind of attitude isn't exclusive to this region of the world. I couldn't help but remember a time a few years ago when a few young men were all too eager to sacrifice their lives to their own brand of fanaticism in our own backyard. Maybe one part of the world isn't so very different from the other after all...</div> <div> A photo- journalist that's following the delegation introduced himself to me during the meeting this morning. He sat down next to me sing-songing old Aerosmith lyrics- his own way of editorializing that the meeting was more of 'the same old story' . He asserted that I wouldn't get any kind of feel for what was actually going on here by listening to politicians ramble. Not that I was able to follow much of the meeting with his humming and opining....</div> <div> Anyway- he's offered to show me the 'real Gaza' and I'm thinking of taking him up on it. </div> <div> Now before you let your 'Gomer-radar' slip into overdrive, remember two things:</div> <div> 1) he may have his own agenda, complete with ulterior motives, BUT I have my own agenda for being here. One I have no intention of deviating from. </div> <div> and </div> <div> 2) one smug, opinionated, Aerosmith fan in my life is quite enough- thank you. </div> <div> I'll write more later. Take care and don't mess up our office too badly. </div> <div> Donnatella</div> <div> He couldn't help but smile at those last few lines. It was 'their' office. In fact, in some ways it was more hers than it was his. There wasn't an inch of that office that didn't have the unmistakable 'Donnatella Moss touch' to it. The same could be said for much of his life- both in and out of the office- these days. As that thought bounced around his overwrought mind, he thought of the very sketchy details he'd received about Donna's condition before he'd left for his flight. Details that told him, on one hand that she was alive- others hadn't been so lucky- and on the other hand said that her injuries were not exactly superficial. That left a hell of a lot of unknown territory... too damn much when he was this far away and she needed him. He hoped she still needed him, because God knows he needed her. </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> ~~~~~~~~</div> <bR> <bR> <div>   After getting an update from the flight attendant about how much longer it would be until they landed- because the reality of  time had suddenly become an alien concept- Josh opened the next e-mail from Donna. He was a little curious when he noticed that the time/date stamps on the e-mails were less than thirty minutes apart. The first few lines of the message satisfied his curiosity. </div> <bR> <div>   <I>Josh, </I></div> <bR> <div> <I>  I just realized that the last message I wrote was still sitting in my 'outbox' unsent. I think this laptop is having some sort of unpleasant reaction to the heat and is being purposely sluggish. </I></div> <div> <I>In any case, it's sent now, and you won't have to spend very long worrying about the attentions of our friend the photo-journalist & Aerosmith fan, Goran Malik. He's as transparent and harmless as a pane of glass. </I></div> <div> <I>His offer to show me the 'real Gaza' clearly meant a detour by way of his hotel room, but I quickly redirected his attentions. So, there's no need for you to worry that I'm being led astray. Years of exposure to you and a city full of political types has given me a wonderful education in how to handle naughty little boys in grown men's clothing. </I></div> <div> <I>  By the time we left the hotel bar- (and I have to take a moment to express my ongoing concern over my understanding of the rate of exchange here. I'm either grossly over-tipping or under-tipping for services here. I'm still not sure which it is...) Anyway, by the time we left the bar, Goran was clear that I actually did want to take him up on his literal offer. Oddly enough, our first stop was right outside the hotel where Goran pointed out a man working in the laundry room of the hotel. The man is an electrician by trade, but because of the situation here, he's forced to take any job available or face the possibility of nothing at all. His isn't a unique situation. Displacement and poverty are rife here, but that's hardly the worst of it...</I></div> <div> <I> During the afternoon break we visited with an Israeli family living in one of the settlements. Yoav and Eilat Itzaki and their five children- their five remaining children. Just days before a mortar round had exploded in their kitchen. If it had happened just ninety minutes later they would have all been gathered there for breakfast. </I></div> <div> <I> It broke my heart to see what these poor children have had to endure. Two of them  were on crutches- one having lost a foot, and the other a leg. </I></div> <div> <I> </I></div> <div> <I>It's very easy to understand the fear this family has over the danger they endure in the settlement camp, but I marvel at the resolve they have to carry on and the strength of their faith after what they've endured.</I></div> <div> <I>I'm going to close this for now. Writing this to you has been a little like reliving it, which- in a way- is what I wanted to do. I told you I wanted to come here to see and experience all this for myself, not have it filtered through anyone else... but part of me- a large part of me would love it if I could come back to you at the end of the day so that we could try to make sense of it together. </I></div> <div> <I>In some ways I'm glad I haven't been able to learn to keep things at arm's length, but that inability comes with its own cost. That truth was brought home to me again this afternoon.</I></div> <div> <I>Love, Donna</I></div> <bR> <div>   Josh looked away from the screen and felt the sting of tears in his eyes. He couldn't help but cringe at the prophetic quality of that next to last sentence. Cost, indeed! At this point he would be happy to settle for Donna enduring emotional pain alone. He was trying his level best not to engage in worst case scenarios involving her condition, but her description of what the Itzaki's had endured was provoking the worst kind of speculation.  Mortar rounds, bombs, missing limbs, dead children... and to think that mere bullets had once been the source of his nightmares.</div> <div>   He was so immersed in this grisly, nightmare imagery that he practically jumped out of his skin when the flight attendant approached and touched his shoulder. </div> <bR> <div>   " Pardon me, Mr. Lyman, but you asked me to let you know when we were coming up on final approach."  </div> <bR> <div>   Josh noticed the wary once-over she gave him, probably sharing his desire that the flight end soon so that they could go their seperate ways. </div> <div>   " Yeah... sorry. Are we?" </div> <bR> <div>   " Yes sir. I need you to close your laptop. We should be landing in about twenty minutes." </div> <bR> <div>   " Okay... thanks," he replied, not quite meeting her eyes. He closed his laptop and busied himself with slipping it into his backpack. That and a small carry-on were all he had brought with him. He wouldn't even have had the carry-on if Margaret hadn't sent someone to his place to grab a change of clothes for him. </div> <div>   As anxious as he was to reach Donna's side, now that the time was close, his anxiety was reaching new heights. Soon his worst fears would either be verified or put to rest. He now had an idea of the hell Donna had endured during those long hours of his surgery. The gaping agony of the great unknown. </div> <div>   He checked his watch, which was still on Eastern Standard Time, and tried to do a quick calculation of the time difference. After a moment he gave up, realizing that he didn't really care that much. Time, in the broader sense, had ceased to have much meaning for him. The only thing that mattered now was Donna. </div> <div>   As thoughts of her rolled over and over in his mind, he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a picture he had retrieved from his desk that afternoon. It was of Donna and him at the last Inaugural Ball. They had barely had a chance to dance that night with everything going on in Kundu, but a photographer had managed to catch them on the dance floor anyway. It was a great picture. Josh had just told her a really dumb joke, but she had laughed all the same. It was at that moment the guy took the picture. They were facing each other, he had a happy grin- happy because he had made her laugh- and she had that great, wide smile on her face, her eyes crinkling in amusement at him. It was a great moment. </div> <div>   Josh knew the happiness they were sharing in that picture had little to do with an admittedly lame joke and everything to do with them finding their way back to each other. It had been a great start. Unfortunately, he'd let fear rule his brain for far too long after that, and had almost lost his way to her again. Once again he cursed all that wasted time, but this time he also prayed for the chance to make it up. </div> <div>   To make it up with Donna by his side. </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> ~~~~~~~~~~</div> <bR> <bR> <div> When Josh arrived in Germany, he was met at the arrival gate by a tall, very serious looking, Air Force Lieutenant. He approached Josh, apparently knowing exactly who he was looking for and introduced himself. </div> <div> " Mr. Lyman- I'm Lt.Anderson. I'll be escorting you to the base."</div> <div> " Good... thank you," Josh replied, feeling just slightly like a kid lost in a crowd. </div> <div> " Colonel Walker is waiting in the car. Mr. McGarry asked him to bring you up to speed on the situation," Anderson informed him as they made their way through the airport to the car waiting outside. </div> <div> " Fine. Do you have any news on Ms.Moss's condition?" </div> <div> " No sir, I'm afraid not. I believe Major Lowenstein is in charge of that case and should be able to update you as soon as we get there." </div> <div> At this, Josh nodded and they continued on their way. A military staff car was waiting by the curb as soon as they stepped outside. Lt. Anderson opened the door for Josh who climbed inside, and took a seat next to Col. Walker. He offered his hand to Josh in introduction. </div> <div> " Mr. Lyman- Dell Walker. Good to meet you. Damn sorry about the circumstances." </div> <div> " Yes, sir. I understand Leo McGarry asked you to bring me up to speed," Josh replied, not wishing to be abrupt, but not wanting to engage in chit-chat either. For the time being he had to focus on being professional, because he knew once they reached their destination, he wouldn't have room in his head for anything but Donna. </div> <div> " Well, at this point I can give you the bare facts but not a lot more. We're still trying to confirm responsibility." </div> <div> " I thought all the intelligence pointed to the Palestinians," Josh stated, looking somewhat surprised. </div> <div> " That's the consensus- but there's also talk of a splinter group.Possibly someone from the outside. Not at all related to the Palestinian Authority, but rather someone who wasn't interested in the cooperative tone of the Delegation meeting." </div> <div> " Cooperative tone?" Josh asked, raising a disbelieving brow. </div> <div> " The perceived cooperative tone, then. At any rate, the only thing that can be said with any certainty is that there was someone working within the group, or attached in some way to the movements of the delegation, that leaked information to whoever perpetrated the attack." </div> <div> " And that's based on...?" </div> <div> " The delegation was taking a tour of the border area today and they ran over. They were scheduled to return an hour earlier. As it turned out they were cutting it pretty close, but whoever hit them was prepared for that. Now it could have been luck... but as it happens, I don't believe in luck- good or bad." </div> <div> " Wait a minute... from inside? Surely you don't mean..." </div> <div> " No, Mr. Lyman. I'm not talking about our people. We're looking at the press contingent that was following the delegation's movements. We're looking at aides in the Palestinian contingent, anyone involved in planning the event- but, so far nothing. At least nothing I've been made privy to." </div> <div> Josh thought about this for a moment, then asked if there was anything else. When Col. Walker replied in the negative, Josh asked about the doctor in charge of Donna's case. </div> <div> " Major Lowenstein? Top notch. The best trauma specialist we've got. Ms. Moss is in excellent hands. You shouldn't worry." </div> <div> " Do you know what her condition is? " Josh asked impatiently.</div> <div> " Actually... no," the Colonel replied, a little surprised by Josh's tone.</div> <div> " Well, then you'll forgive me if I choose to be worried about someone close to me, who was just involved in a bomb attack." </div> <div> With that, Josh leaned back against the seat, closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. He knew it wasn't the Colonel's fault. He had made a purely benign comment, meant to reassure, and Josh had unloaded on him. He really needed to get it together. If Donna's condition was bad, he owed it to her not to fall apart. She hadn't when it was her turn, and neither would he. </div> <div> " Sorry about that," Josh said, glancing briefly at Col. Walker. </div> <div> " Don't worry about it. It's been a rough day all around.</div> <div> Josh remembered then that Donna wasn't the only victim of the day's events.Fitzwallace had died at the scene. Josh felt horrible for forgetting about him. Not really, though... he hadn't forgotten. He just didn't have the energy for anything but Donna right now. Still... Percy Fitzwallace had been a good guy- the kind of man you instantly liked and respected.That fact had been true throughout the military community and on both sides of the political spectrum. It wasn't just the position or the rank, he was just that kind of person. The President had taken it exceptionally hard, especially since he had asked Fitzwallace personally to make the trip. And now the man was gone... killed. For what? It really made you wonder what kind of screwed up diety was running the universe.</div> <div> Josh and the Colonel rode the rest of the way in a somewhat tense silence until they reached the hospital building at Ramstein Air Base. </div> <div> " I'm going to have my aide, Lt. Anderson show you in. I've got one more briefing I have to make tonight before I can turn in. Please accept my best wishes for your friend's recovery, Mr. Lyman," he said, offering Josh his hand. </div> <div> " It's Josh, Col. Walker, and I appreciate it," he replied as he shook the older man's hand, grabbing his bag with the other hand. </div> <div> Josh turned toward the door of the hospital as Col. Walker's car drove away. </div> <div> " This way, Mr. Lyman." Anderson said, opening the door to lead the way. Josh took a deep, steadying breath and followed. </div> <div> A few minutes later Josh was escorted into a private waiting room to await Major Lowenstein, who had, just minutes before, been informed of his arrival. He was shocked to walk into the room and find someone unexpected waiting for him. Andrea Wyatt. The moment he walked in, Andi was out of her chair and across the room to where he stood.She wrapped him in a quick, firm embrace, then just as quickly stepped back. It was then he noticed that her arm was in a sling. </div> <div> " God, Andi... I thought you'd left with the others. What are you still doing here? Are you okay?" </div> <div> " I called Toby and told him I was staying until you got here." She looked down at the sling and with a shrug and a half-smile said, " I'm fine. It's just a sprain. Nothing at all when you think...." she trailed off, tears pooling in her eyes. Since Josh had first received Andi's call earlier that day, he had been trying to keep his fear for Donna at bay- but seeing Andrea Wyatt lose her composure- something he could never remember seeing- brought all that fear rushing in with a vengeance. </div> <div> " Andi... is Donna... is it bad?" he choked out. </div> <div> " Oh Josh! No... I mean, I don't think so. Not based on what I've been told. It's just... we were talking and laughing and then we got in the cars and....For a minute I thought..." she stopped then and took a deep shuddering breath. " I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." </div> <div> " Please... don't worry about that. I'm just glad I was finally able to get here. Glad that you're okay. I know this has been awful for you. " </div> <div> " For all of us," she quietly replied. She didn't say anything else for a moment. She and Josh moved over to a circle of chairs and sat down. Finally Andi looked at Josh and said, " I can stay... until Donna's ready to go back. I can stay with you, if you'd like." </div> <div> Josh smiled at her. His first genuine smile for more hours than he cared to think of, and shook his head. " I truly appreciate the offer- really. But I know how badly you want to get home to Huck and Molly. I also know Toby's probably crawling the walls- even though he knows you're okay. He needs to see that you are. I understand that too." </div> <div> " I'll admit it. Ever since this happened they're all I can think about.... I just hate to leave you all alone. " </div> <div> Josh covered her hand with his and with a little half smile said, "I'm not alone. Donna's here."</div> <div> Giving his hand a little squeeze, Andi nodded and replied. " Of course. You're right." </div> <div> At that moment the door opened, and a woman in her mid thirties, dressed in surgical scrubs, walked over to where Josh and Andi sat. She stopped next to Josh and with a quizzical lift to her brow said, </div> <div> "Mr. Lyman? I'm Dr. Joan Lowenstein. I've been handling Ms. Moss's care since she arrived." </div> <div> " You're Major Lowenstein?" Josh asked, unable to hide his surprise. He'd just assumed... well, that's what he got for assuming, he thought. He could almost see the look Abbey Bartlet would be giving him for making such an assumption- not to mention Donna. </div> <div> " Afraid so. You were expecting someone different?" she asked, with a hint of a grin to show she bore no hard feelings. She was obviously used to that sort of thing- especially in the military. </div> <div> " No... I'm sorry. Please, sit down. How's Donna?" he asked, dispensing with any further chit-chat. </div> <div> " Well, she's in stable condition. She has a concussion, a compound fracture of her left arm, two fractured ribs, and a smorgasbord of cuts and bruises, but in time she should be fine. She was really quite lucky, all things considered." </div> <div> " No... I believe I take that honor, Dr. Lowenstein," Andi stated quietly, lifting her bandaged arm slightly as proof. Josh noticed she looked almost embarrassed by good fortune. </div> <div> " That's true ma'am. You both were." Dr. Lowenstein agreed, with an understanding look. </div> <div> " How much longer will she have to stay before I can take her home?" Josh asked. </div> <div> " I'd like her to stay for at least the next forty-eight hours before we even consider flying her home. I'm sure she'd rather be in familiar surroundings right about now, but that kind of flight can be pretty taxing for someone who's been through what she has." </div> <div> " Can I see her?" </div> <div> " She's sleeping right now, but you can go in and sit with her for a bit, if you'd like," the doctor replied, standing up to lead the way. " Come on. I'll walk you down to her room." </div> <div> Josh jumped up like he was on springs and started to follow her out. He was almost out the door when he turned back to call out to Andi. </div> <div> " Andi... did you want to come with me?" </div> <div> She shook her head with a slight smile and said, " No, that's okay. You go ahead. I'm going to see about getting a flight out and then call home. I'll poke my head in before I leave. I promise." </div> <div> " Okay." he said, and started to walk out the door, but turned back again, " Andi-" </div> <div> " Yeah?" </div> <div> " Thanks for staying with her," Josh said, then slipped out the door to catch up with Major Lowenstein. </div> <div> After giving Josh strict instructions to not wake Donna or stay too long, Major Lowenstein left him at the door to her room. </div> <div> He pushed the door open slowly, just barely making out her form in the dim light of the room. He was almost at her bedside when she turned in his direction and her eyes fluttered open. She seemed to focus on him for a second before they fell shut and she drifted back to sleep. He also noticed the hint of a smile on her lips. It was as if she saw him, but wasn't quite sure whether he was part of a dream or really there. </div> <div> He had stopped where he was when her eyes opened, but now that she had drifted off again, he moved closer. He stopped at the edge of her hospital bed and took a long look at what had happened to the woman he loved in four short days.</div> <div> Her left arm was encased in a cast, propped carefully on a pillow next to her, possibly to further protect her injured ribs. There was an ugly bruise along her jawline and a bandage on her forehead. She looked so small and fragile lying there, and it tore at his heart to see her that way. He felt tears burn in his eyes with such intensity that he simply couldn't hold them back anymore. Gulping back a sob, he carefully took her right hand in both of his and stood there, holding onto her, letting both the grief and relief of the day's events wash over him.</div> <div> Josh wasn't sure how long he had been standing there when he heard Andi calling him softly from the doorway. He gestured her in, remaining where he was. Andi joined him at Donna's bedside, placing her hand gently on his shoulder</div> <div> " She's going to be fine,Josh." </div> <div> " I know." </div> <div> " She's an incredibly strong young woman." </div> <div> " I know. She really is." </div> <div> " She has an amazing empathy for people. She's very intuitive and understanding when it comes to seeing all sides of an issue." </div> <div> " Yeah... she told me once- not too long ago- that she wished she could learn to be more objective...keep things at arm's length. I told her that I hoped she didn't. That her compassion was part of what made her who she is. Now... I almost wish I had agreed with her. Maybe she wouldn't have wanted to make this trip so badly. She wanted to see for herself... I don't know. I don't know what to think anymore..." </div> <div> " That doesn't sound like the Josh Lyman I know, " Andi replied with gentle reproach in her tone, " This has been awful for both of you... for everyone. Give yourself time to absorb it all." </div> <div> " Yeah... you're probably right," Josh sighed. </div> <div> " I am. I came by to tell you that I'm heading off. They've arranged a flight back to D.C for me. I just got off the phone with Toby and gave him the news about Donna, that we had talked, and that I was on my way home." </div> <div> " I'll bet he was very relieved to hear that." Josh replied with a hint of a grin. </div> <div> " You have no idea." Andi sighed.</div> <div> " Oh... I think I do."</div> <div> " He gave me a message to pass on to you... He said, 'Keep your mind on what's important, and take care of Donna. They've got you covered'." </div> <div> That surprised a little laugh out of Josh. </div> <div> " That's Toby for you- always trying to keep me on the path." </div> <div> " He's always been better at giving advice than taking it," Andi replied with a grin. </div> <div> " He's getting better at that," Josh replied, thinking of all that Toby had done in his effort to get Andi to marry him again.</div> <div> " Yeah... well, I'm going to get going. You take care of yourself and her, okay?" </div> <div> " I will. You take care too." Josh replied. </div> <div> With a last comforting touch, Andi slipped out of the room, leaving Josh with Donna.</div> <div> Josh watched the even rise and fall of Donna's breathing as she slept and suddenly felt the weight of the day's events more sharply than before. It was more than just a physical weariness, it was the emotional strain of wild fear and guarded relief. His relief was guarded because although he knew her physical injuries weren't too serious, he had no way of knowing what damage the events of the last twenty-four hours had wrought on her emotionally. Those injuries were always the hardest to discern. </div> <div> So weary, he was unable to remain standing any longer, he pulled the chair next to Donna's bed closer and tried to get comfortable. </div> <div> He continued to watch her, his eyes absorbing every line of her face, remembering the nuance of every expression he had ever seen expressed there... from teasing laughter to annoyance, frustration to celebration, sadness to joy. Love, passion, compassion, righteous indignation... she had always been such a feeling, loving, giving person. Would all that be the same when she opened her eyes? </div> <div> Realizing that he wouldn't be receiving any answers right away, he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. Then he remembered something. Something from when he was on the plane. That last e-mail from Donna. Maybe some of the answers to his questions were in that last e-mail from her. It was a long shot, but it was worth a try- and it would pass the time until either Donna woke up or he could find the peace of mind to rest. </div> <div> Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out his laptop. As he waited to open her e-mail, he glanced back at Donna. He was relieved to notice that she was still sleeping peacefully, and hoped that she would continue to feel that same peace once she woke. </div> <bR> <div> <I>Josh, </I></div> <div> <I>I don't know if I'll have another chance to write before we leave tomorrow, but I'll try. I really should be sleeping now, since tomorrow is going to be pretty full. We're scheduled to take a tour of the border area- the section the Israelis are trying to reinforce to put a halt to the suicide bombings. As you know, that's the current bone of contention- territorial considerations vs. security, etc... At any rate, it's going to be a long day, but I just can't sleep. My mind refuses to rest. </I></div> <div> <I>Last night we saw some video of a Palestinian suicide bomber- the coverage of her efforts combined with a video-taped suicide note. What I saw defies any sort of understanding-at least from me. </I></div> <div> <I>This woman walked onto a crowded bus with a bomb and blew herself, and thirty-six other human beings apart for the sake of a cause. A cause! I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs at such lunacy. A cause that was worth that kind of devastation. I know you understand how I feel, but I have to vent to someone or I feel like I'll go mad. </I></div> <div> <I>After we finished watching, I asked Goran if the woman had a family. He told me she had a husband and two small children. It was at that point I realized I had to meet these people. I thought that maybe it would help me to understand. Now I realize how naive that was...</I></div> <div> <I>Today Goran took me to meet the family of the woman on the tape. We talked - Goran acting as a translator- while the children played around us, and 'Yosemite Sam' grumbled in Arabic on an ancient black and white t.v in the background. Her husband tried to speak about his wife's commitment to her cause, her resignation to her martyrdom, but I had the feeling that he was mouthing words without feeling them. Possibly because his wife had sacrificed herself and thirty six others - men, women, children-  he had believed the platitudes he was giving voice to, but now, I'm not so sure. </I></div> <div> <I>Before we left, one of the children- his oldest- only three, came over to me and gave me one of the pieces of candy she had in her hand. I took it, thanking her and put it in my mouth so she would know I appreciated her kindness . I was a little surprised at her sharing what was obviously a precious treat, and mentioned this to Goran. He told me that it was customary to pass out candy at funerals. Suddenly the sweetness of the candy was galling, and I had to fight the urge not to spit it on the ground. Only the face of that sweet, shy child who had made a gesture of kindness toward a stranger stopped me. I can't help but think of these children - the youngest one is the same age as Huck and Molly- what kind of world will they grow into? Will they have any chance at all? I remember those poor children from the settlement camp yesterday. In a way, they all share the same fate. All this irrational, horrible violence. And it seems that there's no foreseeable end to it. Mothers killing the children of other mothers. I can't seem to make myself understand it. Whether that is a blessing or a curse, I don't know. </I></div> <div> <I>I came here to understand, to find answers with my own eyes- unaltered by the perspective of others. I think what I found were only more questions. </I></div> <div> <I>I miss you so badly right now. More than I ever thought possible- and I feel more weary than I ever thought imaginable. </I></div> <div> <I>I look forward to home.. and your arms. </I></div> <div> <I>All my love, Donna </I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I>TBC..........</I></div> </td> </tr></table></body>